Thursday, August 12, 2010

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred And Fifty One Through One Thousand Five Hundred


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Fifty One


Of all the super heroes in the world the powers of Dismembro were considered the most disgusting.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Fifty Two


Abner Deggent believed that you should speak softly and carry a big stick. And a handgun. And some dynamite. And condoms.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Fifty Three


"I died and went to Valhalla," Hrothgar explained, "but it was like a popularity contest with broadswords."


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Fifty Four


His wife just didn't understand him anymore, mostly because he refused to speak anything but Klingon.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Fifty Five


The specialized moves in the sport of Extreme Nerd Cagefighting are 'the Windmill', 'the Kick and Run' and 'the Slappy Shatner'.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Fifty Six


As he watched another one of his airships crash and burn Professor Lindquist realized that blimpin' ain't easy.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Fifty Seven


The cannibal spies left Abner Deggent battered.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Fifty Eight


Karl liked to brag that he made ladies' panties wet for a living. He didn't mention he worked in a Laundromat.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Fifty Nine


"Wizard birthday parties always suck," Audra said, "I mean what to you get for the man who can spontaneously generate anything?"


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Sixty


The Legion Of Protectors had battled aliens, vampires and supervillains galore but they thought twice about pissing off 4chan.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Sixty One


She left taking her clothes, her make-up and all his shoes. He awoke to find her gone and his toenails bright red.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Sixty Two


The STAR WARS cosplayer liked to have sex 'Corellian Style' but that was because he was always going Solo.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Sixty Three


Captain Renault's grandson became a crazed cannibal, by the time they caught him he had ground up the usual suspects.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Sixty Four


The rejection slip said Alfred's prose style was 'too feminine'. Alfred vowed to track the editor down scratch his eyes out.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Sixty Five


The strain of managing a comic book store drove him mad, you might say he had issues.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Sixty Six


"Your joke was like my sex life," he said, "I don't get it."


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Sixty Seven


The witch doctor promised to curse the mercenaries with the Living Death. Abner Deggent just laughed, he had already been married.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Sixty Eight


After she lost both of her arms on the job she was laid off with severance pay.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Sixty Nine


Talking in his sleep had ruined George's marriage but at least he didn't have to be awake to run a kickass Dungeons & Dragons game.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Seventy


Amazing Ed spent twenty minutes trying to diffuse the bomb before someone told him it was pinata


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Seventy One


He spent years as a door to door sponge salesman but then the market dried up.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Seventy Two


Professor Olam and the Silver League vowed to forge the future with steam power and dreams. Neither stayed in fashion long enough.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Seventy Three


A 3rd version of the Time Police had to be created to fix time paradoxes created by the other Time Police repairing time paradoxes.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Seventy Four


It was a shop that specialized in products for women with oversized vaginas but it just couldn't compete with the Big Box Stores.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Seventy Five


He tried to cure nerds of their long-standing fears of gymnasiums by making them smell used sports equipment. It was Jock Therapy.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Seventy Six


With no more lotion to enhance female arousal they tried Vics Vapor Rub. There was a lot of screaming in the bedroom that night.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Seventy Seven


The Legion of Protectors had defended Earth from alien cyborgs nine times before but where they ready for the Deus Machina X?


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Seventy Eight


"I hated being a super hero in the 90's. It was all about image and we were always getting foiled. No one had any perspective."


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Seventy Nine


It started out as the first All-Gay Flea Market but it kinda turned into a swap meat.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Eighty


Since in their later years many of the members became professional haberdashers 4chan came to be known as the Internet Hat Machine.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Eighty One


The only thing Mad Scientists love more than a lightning storm was a sale at Radio Shack.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Eighty Two


Amazing Ed was working on a book about his life was a crimefighter. He was called it, "AUGH! MY SPLEEN!"


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Eighty Three


She observed that a great many movies rated 'For Mature Audiences Only' frequently featured girls that looked like teenagers.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Eighty Four


How could Magwier explain the a war between amphibians had broken out? He said, "I have some good newts and some bad newts..."


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Eighty Five


The congressman spent so much time working to protect the institution of marriage that his wife left him.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Eighty Six


The time machine's computer system worked via Microsoft Word so you really had to know how to cut and past.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Eighty Seven


The worst part about being an atheist was the lack of good cursewords to use when you stubbed your toe.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Eighty Eight


Scientists discovered that Polyester was transmitting the Zombie Virus- so it turned out Disco really would live forever.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Eighty Nine


It surprised some people to learn that Hell had an excellent training department, it was called law school.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Ninety


Dismembro was the only super hero with detachable body parts- there was nothing worse than when he gave you the finger.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Ninety One


He was the first mad scientist to invent a frog condom. The secret was you had to ribbit.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Ninety Two


Karl was a hunka-hunka burnin' love. He really should have worn a condom.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Ninety Three


She's got a ticket to ride but she couldn't get past the damn TSA screeners.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Ninety Four


Abner Deggent renamed his boat- 'The Bitch Got Everything Else In The Divorce' but he insisted he wasn't bitter.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Ninety Five


He wasn't the first guy to brag that he was 'bigger than Jesus' but at a weight of 350 pounds he was probably right.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Ninety Six


The worst part about being a sidekick was having to sit at the little table during meetings in the Justice Hall.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Ninety Seven


It was worrying enough when the goblin hordes began massing along the border- it was even more so when they started doing The Wave.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Ninety Eight


Her first play was about menopausal and pubescent women in the 18th century. It was a period piece.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Four Hundred and Ninety Nine


After the second time he whined "Are we there yet?" She realized he had no patience with foreplay.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred


It was an honest mistake and he was in a rush but Captain Hero never forgave himself for the day he wore his spandex inside out.


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