It was a cool autumn day in the Lands of Night, with a gentle breeze blowing on the Plains of Dread. A pale white banner flew from the ramparts of Castle Terribel, the great fortress of House Cthonique which dominated the area.
There were many banners that could be flying there, and they all meant something different. A red one meant the castle was under attack. A blue one meant all was well. A green one meant to be on watch. A black one meant that it was a time of celebration.
A white banner meant it was time for a troop review.
Lord Mansemat Cthonique looked over the rows upon rows of soldiers, all standing at attention before his podium. Many were Erls of the Dread Plains and the Accursed Marsh, of course, but some were Ogres from the Mountains of Sorrows , others Goblins from the Shadow Woods, and a few even belonged to the Ghouls of the Blasted Heath--and they all served him and the cause of House Cthonique. Ten years ago, when his father died, it looked as if House Cthonique would collapse--yet now it was more powerful than ever. A smile spread over Mansemat’s lean, pale face. To think--he had not only equaled his father--but surpassed him. Even Mansemat was surprised.
His troops were gazing at him eagerly. It was time to speak. Raising a gauntlet-clad hand, the Dark Lord of Castle Terribel motioned for silence. “Soldiers of House Cthonique! The day of our ultimate triumph draws ever NEARER! The day when the hordes of Darkness cast down the proud denizens of the Lands of Light, and usher in a new age of TERROR! The day when--”
Suddenly, his hand went to his forehead, a distracted expression playing across his face. “Ummm--pardon me, gentlemen--it’s my wife. This will just be a moment, so--well, hold on.” His eyes shut tightly. “Ahh. Hello, dear.” ...
The father stared down at his boy who sat there in a comfy over-stuffed chair, eyes fixed on the television screen, playing some game, doing this for hours, and the father wondered, What am I going to do with this boy?
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Sergeant Burton made some hand signals in the darkness that were unintelligible to the untrained eye. His soldiers saw and nodded. He gave the signal to go and two soldiers went past him around the corner. He came next, followed by the rest of his squad. They shuffled silently down the street, keeping close to the building on their right. They reached a wooden door and the two in front of Burton posted up on either side of it. A soldier behind Burton squared himself up with the door and kicked it in where the knob met the jamb. Burton shuffled into the darkness...
The CEO tried to explain to his wife that he wasn't cheating with hookers, he was just outsourcing his orgasms.
The Cheerleaders of the Wasteland built a bridge across the waterway using wrecked cars, effectively Fording the river.
Someone stole the mules carrying Lord Caruthers' and Sir Smythe's clothes and supplies, leaving them just a pair of assless chaps.
Amazing Ed didn't want anyone to know the location of his secret base, mostly because it was in his parents' basement.
Scrimm's Funeral Parlor offered a refreshing breakfast before the wake began; there was fruit, toast and, of course, Mourn Flakes.
The mad scientist held an egg that was the result of gene splicing an ax and a condor. Now all he had to do was hatchet.
They tried to create a plus-sized clothing shop with a comedy club but the results were side-splitting.
The Mad Scientist created a species of rabbits without any fur on their bodies save for their groins, he called them Pubic Hares.
All the greatest secrets of the Porn Industry were revealed at the website Stickyleaks.
The dog like creature roared, “I am the Night Hound, the soul of the Dog Star!” Lorelei groaned, “You can't be Sirius.”
In Toledo, Ohio, four women were charged with disorderly conduct after a melee erupted at a Chuck E. Cheese's there last year. According to police reports, it started when parents complained to the restaurant manager that children were loitering at the drawing machine. The children were Barbie Clifton's daughters, then 14 and 10 years old. Ms. Clifton had come out of the bathroom when she saw a woman yelling at her daughters and her friend.
"I thought, 'Oh my God, what's happening here?'" says the 42-year-old stay-at-home mom. "Instead of [the woman] going to the parent or going to the manager, she was calling my friend and daughters all of those names."
That touched off a fight between more than 10 people, in which participants punched and screamed at each other. One woman removed the red rope that marks the entrance queue and handed it to another woman, who swung the metal clip attached to it at others involved in the incident.
"I thought they were going to start attacking me," says Sheri Kellar-Raab, the first officer who responded...
I worked at a traveling circus. They weren’t famous for clowns, so I had to try very hard. Fire spitting. Juggling unicycles. I could empty a six shooter into a spinning wheel with a woman tied to it, and I only ever nicked her once, and that was the night after she broke up with me. Some nights I even helped the ringmaster with his lion. I don’t want to credit my outlook to some big cat, but sticking my head in its mouth a couple hundred times definitely loosened me up...
“I hate the winter,” Dolores said one day. “I need a vacation at the beach, but we have no money.” Larry had gone into hibernation mode and he was asleep in the corner of the TV room in the form of an 800 pound male grizzly bear...
Friday Flash predates the Collector by several months. Friday Flash started out small, there was just a handful of us, and I collated the list by hand, doing a Twitter search for the hashtag and then doing a series of copy-and-paste operations to collect the title, author, and link for the listing. That worked fine for the five or six of us at first. It got a little tedious by the time we grew to around twenty-or-so, and downright unworkable once we passed the thirty-plus mark. Sheer exhaustion moved me to ask my friend, Susan, if she could put together some sort of data collection system so I did not have to do so much manual labor. Voila – the Collector was born. Personally, I’m petitioning for her canonization!
It was originally released under the name The Forgotten as the 2nd act of a drive-in double feature featuring Last House on the Left, directed by someone guy called Wes Craven. The original name for this film directed by S.F. Brownrigg seems quite apropos. ..
I was curious to see it of course judging from all the praise it received in the acting department. There were muffled whispers about some crazy ending--and being the really smart person that I think I am, I thought I guessed it but was of course, way off. It turns out that The Last Exorcism is vastly different than your typical exorcism film. It in many ways is actually an anti-exorcism film but we'll get to that...
The first short film from Blue Goblin Studio, The Freak Gate and The Shadows Keeper is a delightfully weird 12-minute piece that combines Lovecraftian horror with fantasy role-players and a giant monster in an underground parking garage...