Saturday, May 2, 2009

INSIDE (2007)

Well that was intense... in fact it was almost a little too intense for me...

Wow. Did I really say that? I must getting old.

I ended up seeing Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho at a young age (on PBS of all places!) and that put me in a place where stories about rampaging nutcases wielding sharp things don't usually do much for me. Oh there will always be exceptions to the rule like Silence of the Lambs, the original Halloween, Curtains and Audition but most of the time I could care less what Leatherface and Jason are up to.

And just to show you how much of a hypocrite I am my favorite horror film is still Phantasm and the Tall Man has plenty of stabby moments in that film to say the least. (And don't get me started on those balls of his!)

So I guess if your garden variety slasher reveals he did it all because he was possessed by the spirit of Cthulhu's sweatsock I might be more interested but otherwise give me the weird stuff, give me The Masque of the Red Death instead of The Fall of the House of Usher.

So what does Inside have to do with all this?

Inside is the story of a pregnant woman alone on Christmas eve finding herself stalked by a madwoman determined to take the baby from her. And did I mention said madwoman is carrying scissors?

Well I have heard a lot about the movie over the last year or so but I can't say I was in a rush to see it. Luck and a rare bit of free time gave me a chance to watch the film and let me just say that, if you have the stomach for it, this is one HELL of a movie. I literally squirmed in my seat- remember that intense, mad and stomach-turning final 20 minutes of Takashi Miike's Audition?

Well Inside is like that for over an hour.

The performances from the two lead actresses will keep you riveted, Béatrice Dalle especially. She creates an antagonist as pathetic as she is terrifying. If I have one complaint about the film, I think it could have gone with out one less set piece. They almost overdo it.

But the images, and questions, this film leaves you with will stay with you a while.

Inside is a keeper... I just don't know how long it will be before I have the nerve to watch it again.

And... in a final creepy postscript... doesn't the film's villainess Béatrice Dalle look a little like the Octomom?


Friday, May 1, 2009

Friday Best of My Blogroll

Well here were are again... I have no best website of the week this time because they were all pretty cool.

Kindertrauma forced me to remember the most disturbing episode of Little House On The Prairie ever! And after I had worked so hard to suppress it! (Still not as bad as that The Waltons one with the poltergeist though...)

Do you suffer from the disorder known as Elf Rage? Read this thought-provoking piece from Burning Zeppelin Experience and decide for yourself.

DarcKnyt mused about horror films that moved or disappointed him. He also looked for suggestions for some other horror movies to try out. Always a subject I like to barge in on.

Gone and Forgotten thrilled us with tales of the Justice League fighting their own uniforms!

Monster Crazy showed me a cast photo from The Comedy of Terrors that I had never seen.

Once again Mad Mad Mad Mad Movies makes intrigues me with a movie I had never heard of before. This one is called The Night God Screamed, the title alone is gold I tells ya. GOLD!

The Haunted Closet had scans from a graphic novel adaption of Dracula by artist Fernando Fernandez. It looks like its off to the used bookstore so I can try to score a copy.

The Lighning Bug's Lair posted a nice review of Let's Scare Jessca To Death- a horror film more people should know about.

Monster Brains just has some great art from just about everywhere to look at.

Francis Hogan added a new page to My Supa Life and the world rejoiced!

Meanwhile I have the latest installment of In The Shadow Of His Nemesis ready for Wednesday and I may have broken through the mental logjam keeping me stuck around chapter 50 or so... (Yes it is going to go on that long... at least!) I also found the lost pages and notes for part three of my Star Wars fans vs Zombies saga, I may have something new to show you on that front sometime soon.

Also I still haven't had any visitors from Montana or North Dakota yet... what's it gonna take?

Thursday, April 30, 2009

I don't think there could possibly be an image more viral...

Ok kids... I am sure most of you have seen this already but just in case you missed it...


Wednesday, April 29, 2009

CHUD.COM has a nice interview with Sid and Marty Kroft...


It talks about the old series and the new movie.

I have been a fan of the original series since I was a kid. I consider the first season a perfect self-contained story and it blew my tiny little mind. LOST was never this cool because LOST doesn't have sleestacs.

It was was almost as though HP LOVECRAFT and RE HOWARD got together to write a kids show.

Some folks may not like the idea of the film being half comedy and half adventure but I have hopes for the project.

I mean ch3eck this out fellow nerds!

I can't wait!


As you can see on the left there I now have 41 subscribers- the same number as my age! I want to thank each of your for making the decision to subscribe and if I wasn't broke I would give you all free tote bags.

Of course the thing with FEEDBURNER is that the subscriber count seems to bounce up and down a lot... I'm not really sure how that works.

I remember that the day after I posted the story GRANNY PANTIES the subscriber count dropped by ten... it came back again but it did make me wonder if the world was ready for underwear themed horror tales...

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Somehow we made it to chapter ten!

Not too bad... and I'm still 30 weeks ahead of schedule... more or less...

Hope you're reading and enjoying.

Keep circulating the blog!

In The Shadow Of His Nemesis chapter ten


Thursday November 7th 1996

"TIM! PUT THAT GOD-DAMNED CAT DOWN!" Warren Talbot shouted to be heard above the Cream CD thundering from the stereo.

"I'm just playin' with her!" Tim replied, pitching Princess from his rough grip, "Hey! I thought cats always landed on their feet."

Collin held his sides, quaking with laugher. Isobel had only been gone for an hour and a half but already the house was degenerating into chaos; two empty six packs worth of beer cans were stacked on top of the television, empty Burger Clown wrappers lay on the floor and the Lazy-Boy had been upended in Tim's attempts to 'pet' Princess.

"Guys." Warren said, "We just got done cleaning the place."

"So?" Tim asked as he went to the refrigerator for his eighth beer.

"So? I think one surprise inspection from my sister is enough!"

"She can inspect me anytime." Collin said.

"Shut up. I don't need her coming here and finding the place a mess again."

Tim sat back down on the couch, "Do you have a point?"

"No!" Warren shook his head, "I mean yes! Yes I do have a point. She could fink on me to my parents."


"So? So, they'll rag my ass out from here to kingdom come!"

"Don't mean nothin' to me."

Warren gave up and got himself a beer. Tim and Collin were his best buddies and thankfully old enough to buy alcohol but it seemed like all they wanted to do was get on his nerves at every opportunity.

"Why don't you guys sit down and watch the movie?" Collin said over the stereo's blare "It's fuckin' awesome and you're missin' it."

Tim squinted at the bodies writhing on the screen, "What one is this?"

"The Pink Lagoon."

Warren sipped his beer carefully, "Why don't we go out someplace?"

"Like where?"

"I dunno. A nightclub maybe."

Collin rolled his eyes, “Oh please."

"What's the problem?" Warren asked.

"Even if we could get you in, we can’t have a good time with you along. You just sit at the bar and sulk."

Tim laughed evilly.

"I do not sulk!"

"Oh yes you do." Tim cackled.

"I just like to check out the ladies."

"Too bad none of 'em ever wanna check you out."

"You'll see, one of these nights the right one will come along."

Collin put the video on pause, "Warren, you can't go to a bar loaded with college girls getting drunk on their parents' money and expect to find love. It's like going to Burger Clown in search of a nutritious meal."

"Maybe I'm not as cynical as you are."

"Maybe you just haven't gotten burned enough times." Tim tossed the now empty beer at the pile on the TV, toppling them.

"I still believe in love." Warren said.

"I'll believe it when I see it."

"You're just not looking."

"Yeah. Right. Give me one example."

"Okay." Warren stared into space for a few moments and then turned his attention back to his two best friends, "There was this guy, I guess it was back around World War One, he was a lawyer, he had a girl waiting for him back home- the standard American dream stuff. He got hit with that poison gas the Germans were using, and somehow it gave him something like the Elephant Man's disease."

"Oh really?" Collin said, "And what color are the clouds on your world?"

"Shut up. So he comes back from the war and starts getting all deformed. Not gross like the real Elephant Man, he just turns all big and ugly. So his life falls apart, nobody wants to go to some freak lawyer and his girl dumps him for somebody normal."

"Translation," Tim snickered, "Nobody in the Talbot family."

Princess poked her head out from behind the couch, her whiskers quivering, her body low to the ground.

"So do you know what this guy does? He goes to Hollywood and becomes an actor. He does monster movies as 'the Creeper'. They bill him as the only actor in horror movies that doesn't need make-up. So while he's doin' these movies he meets this gorgeous actress and she falls for him. They end up getting married, the end."

"That's it?" Collin asked.


"What a stupid story!" Tim buried his face in his hands, "Of course this Creeper guy got a girl, he was a movie star!"

"Oh come on!"

"You said it yourself she was an actress. The bitch probably thought it was a good career move, maybe she wanted a part in his next movie."

Warren shook his finger, "You know you have a serious mental problem."

"Hey, I'm not the one who can't face reality."

"And what reality is that?"

Collin unpaused the video.

Tim spoke slowly, using the tone he reserved for slow witted children and officers, "The reality is that all this women's liberation stuff is crap. Women are only interested in one thing when it comes to long term relationships- money. They'll go for the best provider every time, just like they did in caveman days. And believe me that's the first thing they look for, they can sniff out cash like bloodhounds."

"Do you know how paranoid you sound?"

"That's why you can't get any! You gotta pretend you're rich, you gotta have rich attitude. They way you slouch and sulk, the chicks just know you're living with your parents."

Warren found himself trying not to slouch, "After hearing this I'm not in the least bit surprised that you've never been in a long term relationship."

"Maybe so." Tim stood and made his way back to the refrigerator, "But I've seen more pussy than you've dreamed about."

Ever on the lookout for unwanted hands, Princess crept beneath the endtable and laid down.

"Look, there was this lady who had the Elephant Man's disease too-"

"What the fuck is it with you and the Elephant Man? I think you've got Michael Jackson's disease." Tim pulled another beer from the last six pack.

"I'm just tryin' to prove a point here." Warren no longer knew how this argument had gotten started but he was determined to win it, "This lady, one whole side of her face had swollen up, she looked like some kind of giant deformed tomato."

"Where did you see this?"

"On Real People back when it was still on the air. Anyway she married this normal looking guy, he was her high school sweetheart and they had a bunch of normal looking kids. Now, that's gotta be love."

Tim popped the beer can and glared at him.

"I mean," Warren shrugged, "you know he didn't marry her for her looks."

"Guys are dogs, they'll screw anything, anytime, anyplace."

"Oh stop."

"You should see the beasts some of my fellow jarheads take home when its five minutes 'till closing."

Warren threw up his arms in resignation, "OK, you're right, all women are moneygrubbing slime, all men are dogs. I guess I'm just different, and maybe someday I'll find a girl who's different."

"You say that now but after a few more years of teasing the weasel you'll go for anything that moves."

The Pink Lagoon had reached its sticky conclusion, Collin turned to them, "OK, I say we go a nightclub but Warren has to ask a girl to dance."

Warren blanched slightly, "What?"

"Yeah." Tim said poking him with a meaty finger, "And if ya don't I'll beat the shit out of you."

"Fine!" Warren snapped back, "And if you don't ask a girl to dance I'll..."

"You'll what cheesedog?" Tim raised a fist.

"Never mind." Warren backed down, "Let's just go. I’ll get my coat."

Tim downed the last half of the beer and issued a belch that startled Princess and drove her back into hiding, "Since you're the only one sober Warren, you get to drive. Hey we should take that bitchin’ Continental your folks got parked in the garage."

"I told you already they took the keys with them.” Warren called from upstairs.

"Damn. Even his parents don’t want him get laid.”

Collin hit the power button on the stereo, the music died, "Tim?"


"You think we'll actually get him to ask a girl to dance?"

"Hope so. We got to make a man of him somehow."

Warren re-entered the room, jingling his car keys, "Let's go!"

Tim checked the Smith & Wesson 9mm automatic holstered to his ankle, "All aboard the crapbox express!"

"What's with the gun?" Collin asked as he turned the TV off and grabbed his own coat from behind the love seat, "You're on furlough."

"The world’s a dangerous place. Even here in Smallbany "

"Yeah but you're kinda drunk."

Tim clapped his friend on the back, "Shit! I do some of my best shooting when I'm blitzed”

Monday, April 27, 2009

Any Blog you haven't read is a new blog

I used to read the Gone and Forgotten web site all the time but I lost touch with it.

Imagine my joy at seeing it now available in blog format!

How can you not love a site that gives you images like this?

The longer articles are great too!

A quick update and a link to the greatest headline ever!

Hello faithful readers, just wanted to check in and mention that while you may have not seen a post, Facebook update or tweet from me that I am in fact still here.

My weekend was not exactly work intensive, in fact I spent most of my free time with my three great loves; my wife, my daughter and FABLE II.

A great game for a guy going through D&D withdrawal.

I am still working on the serial novel but oddly enough I have found myself stuck in the area between chapters 30-50. It isn't so much a quagmire in the plot as my own fretting over making sure a conversation between several characters goes as smoothly as possible.

I'm sure I'll get there soon enough...

Meanwhile let me share the greatest headline ever with you;

Sex-Doll Threesome Man Gets Off

George Bartusek, who got freaky with two blow-up sex dolls in a grocery store parking lot, won't do jail time, a judge has ruled...