Saturday, June 9, 2012

(Insane News) "Car thief who was high on drugs and masturbating when he plowed into Portland crime scene will not have to register as sex offender"

Found on




A man who was intoxicated and masturbating to pornography when he drove a stolen car through the crime scene tape surrounding the homicide of a teen-age boy last year will not have to register as a sex offender. 


Judge Michael McShane  said Friday that he thought mental illness -- not sexual motivations -- led Kevin Signalness  to a new low on April 18, 2011. 


That's the night several police officers saw Signalness, 41, plow into the area they had cordoned off to investigate the death of Shiloh Hampton,  14, who had been fatally wounded on a sidewalk in Northeast Portland's Holladay Park, just south of Lloyd Center shopping mall. When one of the officers confronted Signalness about his masturbation and the pornography on the front passenger seat, Signalness reportedly replied "You caught me red-handed..."

to read the rest of the article click here

And now the bestest, cutest, sweetest cartoon of all time!


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Friday, June 8, 2012

Because no one should steal your copy of COCK HANDLER

From fastcocreate

Advertising publication Lürzer’s Archive has made a (somewhat specious) claim that it’s the world’s most stolen magazine. Cut to "Untouchable Covers": an idea from creative Ben Gough of Leo Burnett to prevent the stickiest of fingers from making off with your copy of Lürzer’s Archive by placing quite possibly the most unappealing fake covers over the real thing. We’ve seen similar ideas before--Molson offered guys lady-impressing faux covers like "Trustfund"--but never employed as a prophylactic device.,,,

This was found via REDDIT


TALES FROM THE ODDSIDE now has its own heading in the table of contents.

PRICE BREAKS AND HEARTACHES and #FridayFlash update...

I am falling beind on these series a bit so in order to give myself breathing space I am putting PRICE BREAKS AND HEARTACHES on hold and am putting my #FridayFlash on repeats for the next four weeks (starting with this one.)


If all goes well my life story will be back up and running by then and my next Friday Flash story NOSLEEP will be ready for you to enjoy.

Are you ready for the bone chilling horror that is MRS. DOUBTFIRE?



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Feeling froggy? Check out Michael Bukowski's SERVITOR OF THE OUTER GODS!

The first officall image of the 11th Doctor and his new companion

Source: Pretty much everywhere on the net!


Thursday, June 7, 2012

Something Lost...

In Marnie’s Arms (An excerpt from the Mask Collector)

In Marnie’s Arms

(An excerpt from the Mask Collector)


Al Bruno III

Darren lay in the darkness listening to Marnie’s gentle snoring and cursing himself.

What have I done?

On Wednesday he’d found the nerve to chat up that pretty nursing student he’d been drooling over for months. She told him her name was Leiko. All it had taken Darren to win Leiko’s phone number and a date for Friday night was a few sly smiles and an expensive latte. Darren had spent the next two days preparing. He’d bought a new shirt, new cologne and fresh condoms. He spent hours mentally rehearsing and preparing for the conversations they might have.

When Friday came and he met her at the restaurant he never got a chance to make use of any of his prepared seductions. All she did was talk about herself for two hours only pausing in the conversation long enough to order and hardly eat the most expensive thing on the menu. She even took a pair of cell phone calls during the date and made plans for the rest of her evening.

Needless to say, after the date was over Darren got good and drunk and stayed that way. By Saturday afternoon he was feeling woozy, sick to his stomach and miserable.

Before dusk he was blubbering on the phone to Marnie and of course she rushed right over. Marnie made him take a hot shower to clear his head. When Darren left the bathroom he caught a whiff of her cooking, somehow she had managed to put together a kind of goulash out of his Ramon Noodles and leftovers. They ate and talked, mostly about the lack of success they were having in the dating scene.

They went to bed and Darren found comfort in the old rituals of their lovemaking, even though he couldn’t help but notice she’d put on weight again. He almost lost his excitement at the realization but when he closed his eyes and imagined Leiko he found it again.

But that was hours ago and now he was disgusted with himself. One bad date and he had crawled back into Marnie’s arms?

How did she do it to me? How did she get me to cave in like that? He glanced over at her, She’s just like her food, not healthy, not particularly good for me. Just easy and comforting.

The murmuring started again, sibilant and gurgling. Darren closed his eyes and tried to make out the words but Marnie’s snores made it impossible to understand out more than the occasional syllable.

Glaring at her in the dark, Darren kicked off the sheets and walked over to the wall, it was cool to the touch, cooler than the rest of the room. He put his ear to it and shivered.

There was a sound like a windstorm, constant and shifting. The voice was faint, “…ancient …their kind …Beings from Outside”

“… Ahtu… infinity… gods… served…”

The voice, Darren realized, sounded nothing like Chad. He wondered if he was hearing Crazy Agnes through some trick of the acoustics.

What am I doing here? Darren wondered, What am I trying to prove by living in this dump?

“Baby?” Marnie’s voice was slurred with sleep, “What’s the matter? Come back to bed.”

A realization settled on him, a realization that this was his last chance to put everything back the way it was before. Darren pulled his ear from the wall and rested his back against the cool plaster surface, “This was a mistake.”

“What?” Marnie’s voice was a yelp.

“You need to get dressed and go. Now.” Darren stared down at his bare feet, his hands clutched over his heart.

YOG-BLOGSOTH envisions S’ngac...

Ray Bradbury 1920-2012

What can I say? He was a terrific writer, October Country is one of my favorite books, 'The Homecoming' is one of my favorite stories.


All OUR VAULED CUSTOMERS were kung-fu fighting!

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

THE COLD INSIDE (a serial novel) Chapter Twelve part three


Chapter Twelve

part three


Friday November 11, 1994

Monique sat on the edge of her bed, peering into her bureau mirror. Her chestnut hair was pulled back from her face, she wore only a pair of shorts and a bra. Her clock radio showed the time was 6:53 as it blared the newest song by Madonna. Monique sang tunelessly along with it. A small pile of plush toys and dolls were arranged in one corner of the room, most of them were collector’s items- special editions and expensive rarities. One particular teddy bear near the bottom was made of mink. Her rings and necklaces were all arranged on the bureau beside her; she was such a slob when it came to her jewelry. She was always losing an earring here, a chain there. It didn’t matter much to her, she knew her Daddy would always buy more. There was no sign of the armoire Tristam had given Monique and as he hovered near the ceiling of her room he wondered if she still had it or if she’d thrown it away when she’d thrown him away.

Would Evan ever give a gift like that? Tristam thought. He drifted upwards, the ceiling fan sliced through him again and again. Hah. Evan probably bought her some piece of lingerie he’s dying to see her in. And when he’s done with her he’ll probably ask for it back. The creep has probably been circulating the same set of crotchless panties for years...

She reached behind her, arms akimbo and unfastened her bra, then she let her arms fall forward, taking the scrap of lace and elastic with it. She examined herself in the mirror, lifting an arm and running a hand first over one breast, then another. There was a look of absent-minded concentration in her eyes.

I can’t believe I’m getting off on a breast exam.

But he was getting off on it. More than he had on any of his visits to the Booby Hatch. Maybe it was the fact that this girl was more real to him then the stripper called Ariel. Maybe it was because he knew this body and its curves.

Maybe its because she doesn’t know I’m watching her. She thinks she can shut me out of her life but it’s not that easy-

A familiar tug caught him off guard, painful in its abruptness. It dragged him through the walls of the Leromenos house and across the dark landscape. Lights blurred as he moved faster and faster, falling through houses, lampposts and cars. It was all he could do to keep from colliding with people. He didn’t need that kind of pain, not after the day he’d had today.

As he zeroed in on his body he began to hear his mother’s voice. “Honey? Honey wake-”


Tristam sat up with a weary groan. Returning to his body always made him feel ponderous, “I’m up. I’m up.”

“Why are you asleep? It’s only seven,” his mother switched on the lights before continuing inside. She sat on the edge of Tristam’s bed, her back to him.

“I’m grounded Mom, my options are limited.” He shifted the covers to conceal his aching hard-on. He didn’t want her thinking he was spending his evenings that way. It might merit him another lecture like the one he’d gotten he was thirteen and she’d caught him pounding away in the bathroom to a Victoria’s Secret catalogue.

The ‘Its OK To Explore Yourself But For God’s Sake Give It A Rest’ Lecture... I think I’d rather do jail time than suffer through that again.

“I just got off the phone with your friend Greg.”

“What?” There was an edge of worry in his voice. The shooting four years ago had left Greg Fletcher without a spleen and with only half a liver, it made it hard for him to shake off an illness, “Is he OK?”

“He’s fine. He’s fine. He just wanted to tell me that you were at the assembly, that he was sitting behind you. He said you couldn’t have snuck out because you fell asleep.”

“He called you to say that?”

“It didn’t even occur to me-” her shoulders slumped, “It didn’t even occur to me that you might be telling the truth.”

Part of him wanted the jump up and down on the bed shouting, I goddamn told you so! Another part of him didn’t want to see his mother like this. The conflict left him unable to do anything other than sit there and stare groggily at her.

“I just don’t know what I’m doing any more. I don’t know what to do with myself I don’t know what to do with my kids... You must hate me.”

“I can understand why you didn’t believe me... All the trouble lately. I might have not believed me.”

“I didn’t even listen! What kind of a mother am I?”

“You’re cool,” he made his way over to her and gave her a hug, “you’re a lot cooler than some of my other friends’ parents.”

“Oh and just wait until I get my hands on your sister.” She turned to look at him, her features becoming a snarl, “She’s gonna get twice your grounding.”



“Mom, let’s just call this one even. We were all a little unreasonable. I’m sure Pam saw somebody. A lot of the guys like to watch the girls work out.”

“OK OK. You know the people that judge you Tristam, they don’t know how good a kid you are.”


“You going to your friend’s house tomorrow?”

“You don’t mind?”

“Why would I mind? You need some spending cash?”

“A little, for pizza.”

“I love you Tristam.”

“I love you Mom.”

Click Here To Continue

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

(Recommended Hotness) BBW pole dancer Lulu was on AMERICA'S GOT TALENT!




and the lovely lady's facebook fan page


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The world ended on new years eve in 1979- then things got weird. 'Apocalypse Jones And The Race Against Time' a free ebook by Al Bruno III

Monday, June 4, 2012

PLAID STALLIONS has made the realize my wife and I must start dressing like this!

The Five Doctors Redux?

And Mark Hamill as Pepe?



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(Insane News) "Artist turns his dead pet into flying helicopter after it is killed by a car."

Found via




Many animal lovers find it hard to part with their pets when they die.


So when cat Orville, named after the famous aviator Orville Wright, was run over by a car, his artist owner decided to turn him into a permanent piece of artwork as the ultimate tribute by transforming him into a flying helicopter.



Dutch artist Bart Jansen first stuffed Orville before teaming up with radio control helicopter flyer Arjen Beltman to build a specially-designed flying mechanism to attach to the cat...



for more visit THE DAILY MAIL


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Sunday, June 3, 2012

(Recommended Reads) 'Addiction' by dr_vonhugenstein


Like any addiction, it began slowly but surely. A smoker has that first cigarette and thinks it is fine. They don’t think about that last cigarette smoked on their deathbed as the cancer overtakes and ends their lives. With that initial puff of the cigarette, they are not aware of that insatiable urge, activating the voracious nature inside that will envelop their being and become who they are.

What’s one more going to hurt?

I sure wasn’t aware of the monster I was awakening inside my first time either...


click here to read the rest at /r/NoSleep

'The Ventriloquist' a short film starring the always awesome Kevin Spacey

For more visit BLEEDING COOL

Try as I might I will never be as cool as this guy...



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Suddenly the Sixth Doctor, THE SIXTH DOCTOR EVERYWHERE!!!

sourch F*ck yeah the Sixth Doctor