Friday, June 10, 2011

Mike Makes An Impression

Mike Makes An Impression

(an excerpt from the serial novel FULLY VESTED)


Sunlight streamed in from the open window, it made Mike Carter have to squint to make out the stranger sitting behind the mahogany desk. The shiny nameplate on the front of that desk read Brian Hayes, and the man studying Mike’s resume was lean with dark neat hair. After five weeks of interviews all the faces had started to look the same. The individual features might change but those cool eyes and well trained plastic smiles never did. The Human Resources director at Mike’s old job had been just like that, he’d worn the same expression for the downsizing that he’d worn for the office Christmas party.

They’re all the same. Mike thought, It doesn’t matter if they’re corporate wonks just passing through or if they’re true believers, they’re all fakes.

Brian Hayes looked up from the resume, “Why the scowl?”

“Oh.” Mike tried to shift his expression, “The sun is in my eyes.”

“I’m sorry,” Brian flicked a switch on his desk and the blinds whispered to a close. He grinned, “Neat huh?”

Mike was blinking, waiting for his vision to adjust, “Very.”

“What did we do before technology?” Brian chuckled to himself, “So, Mike, what makes you think that the Trinity Advance Corporation is the next step in your career path?”

Career path? I’m just trying to survive.

“Well, I’ve heard a lot of great things about your company...” Mike began his well-rehearsed spiel.

There were framed butterflies mounted on both walls of the office, Mike tried to gauge his posture and deportment from the translucent reflections he cast on their panes.

The truth was Mike didn’t like what he saw, prematurely gray hair and a sloppy physique. He was in his forties but he looked ten years older. Mike knew he was the kind of person everyone overlooked, from women, to family to employers. How many times had he fought his way to middle management only to find himself let go when it was time to trim the fat? The first few times it happened he had tried to be good humored about it but this was downsizing number five and it was always right before he was about to claw his way out of debt.

I’m washed up. He thought glumly, Washed up at forty-eight. I deserve better than this.

“You like the butterflies?” Brian Hayes asked.

“Oh. Yes. They’re very eye catching,” Mike shrunk in his seat.

Great. Now he thinks I’m not paying attention.

Brian Hayes laced his fingers behind his head and leaned back, “I used to be really into the whole butterfly collecting thing but work rarely leaves me any time for it.”

“That’s too bad,” Mike said, but the truth was he thought butterfly collecting was a creepy-ass hobby.

“Funny isn’t it? We get jobs to make money so we can do what we want in our spare time and then we suddenly find we’ve got no time or energy left because of our jobs,” Brian Hayes smiled, “what are your hobbies Mike?”

“I Don’t have any.”

“Oh, well are you a family man? That’s a career in itself.”

“No wife, no kids.”

Brian Hayes leaned forward, “I see. Than I have to ask, Mike, what are your passions?”

For a moment Mike thought to lie, to say something like Work is my passion. But in the end he just shrugged and said, “I don’t have any.”

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Apparently he's drunk and he has a mutant super healing powers

Otherwise how the Hell is he still alive?

Insane video found via GEEKOLOGIE


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Fifty Seven

Jason knew success as a used car salesman didn't come from stretching the truth, it was crushing the lies down to manageable size.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Fifty Six

He kept all of his important papers in a castle carved from solid granite but everyone knew about his Rock Fort Files.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Fifty Five

Chip loved to answer every insult with a sneer of “That's what SHE said.” He barely survived boot camp.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Fifty Four

With all the recent political sex scandals voters finally knew what their elected officials real positions were.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Fifty Three

Then Captain Hero learned that the bank robbers were all eldrich beings from the distant past. It was a shadow out of crime.

What could be cooler than Robert E. Howard's "The Thing on the Roof"?

The new min/MAX is here!

(Insane News) Man killed playing Russian roulette with a dog.

Article found via

SOUTH BEND — A game of Russian roulette with a dog ended when a College Street man put a bullet in his own head. Russell Little was pronounced dead at Memorial Hospital late Tuesday following the self-inflicted gunshot wound in the backyard of his home in the 1600 block of North College Street....

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Tuesday, June 7, 2011

FULLY VESTED (a serial novel) chapter two


Fully Vested

Chapter Two


First Day

Two weeks later Mike Carter found himself sitting in a wide room in the Trinity Advance Corporation’s regional headquarters with twelve other newly hired employees. He was still a little stunned to find himself here after what he thought was the worst job interview of his life but he wasn’t going to argue about it.

“First off I want to welcome you all to the team,” the woman in the front of the room wore her hair in an elegant tangle of loose curls, her suit was finely tailored, her ears and wrists twinkled with jewelry. She looked to Mike like something from the cover of a magazine about the rich and famous, “My name is Helen Ginnmett and I’m here to let you all know what you can expect in your first few weeks…”

Mike already knew what to expect, it was back to school time; orientation, training and evaluation. The real trick to things like this was to try and separate the procedures they taught you about from the procedures that you actually needed to use on a daily basis. There were no windows in the room but Mike knew that they were just a stones’ throw from Exit 9 on I-890.

The Trinity Advance Corporation’s regional headquarters was a rectangular complex of steel and glass tucked away in Schenectady, New York. The city government had used all kinds of tax incentives and veiled bribes to get Trinity Advance to settle within their borders. Schenectady had once been a thriving company town, growing and evolving in symbiosis with the General Electric factory near the heart of the city. The modern era had brought setbacks as jobs moved overseas and decay started to set in. Property values dwindled as businesses and families migrated away. Now Schenectady was a place you were either exiled to by circumstance, or a place you were desperate to escape from. The city fathers had hoped that Trinity Advance would change that but it turned out that with its proximity to the interstate few of the people the company had brought to the area actually lived or shopped within the city limits. Every morning they commuted in and every evening they sped home.

For Mike it was different, he had been living in Schenectady for years. His home was a cramped studio apartment that sometimes seemed more like a jail cell.

“Now most of you will be working in our Billing and Sales, but a few of you will also be working with our Human Resources department and the technical support workgroup. All of the next few weeks apply to you as well because all our data and records are accessed via our proprietary software system called SIGIL,” Helen Ginnmett walked from one end of the room to the other; she seemed to be trying to make eye contact with everyone. “It’s really easy so don’t worry. If my cubicle-mate Piers can figure it out, anyone can.”

I couldn’t imagine sharing a cubicle with her. Mike thought, I’d never get anything done. Might be fun though. She looks about half my age though. Then again, I think I may be the only forty year old in the room. I must be the token old fart.

“The doors automatically lock both ways, so you will each be issued an identity card with your picture. You swipe in on one of the card readers by the doors and swipe out again at the end of the day,” she explained, “you also need to use the cards to get into the part of the building you work in. That way we don’t have any of the maniacs from Executive Support harassing you guys.”

Executive support? Mike wondered if that was some new way of saying secretarial pool.

“So anyway, the long and short of it is, if you forget your card you’re not getting in. If you lose your card they’re fifty bucks to replace. Ok?” She looked around the room and gave an impish little grin, “Ok. Let’s get this party started.”

Click Here To Continue

(Insane News) Naked Man At Governor Dick Park

Link found via

On Thursday, a man on a bike spotted a naked man running in Governor Dick Park in West Cornwall Township, Lebanon County.

A similar incident happened on Sunday afternoon in South Londonderry Township. Police said a man exposed himself to women along the Rails to Trails nature trail.

In Cumberland County on Friday, police said a naked jogger approached women at the Camp Hill Borough park...

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The Acrobatic Flea isn't just sharing a post about HEROCIL... he's also a client.

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