Saturday, March 19, 2011

(Recommended Reads) 'Real Fake Woman' by Peggy McFarland

Diane smashed the portrait she'd painted of Tim and herself against her knee. She pulled drawers, swept the night stand, got rid of every memento and gift that reminded her of him. The anger still boiled. I'm just not attracted to you anymore.

She yanked clothes he bought for her from her closet, ripped each into rags. No loss on those; he still bought her clothes from two sizes ago. For when you get back to yourself, he'd said. She slid the wedding gown from the back, but stopped herself in the nick of time. Mom's wedding gown. Diane's first fitting was supposed to be Saturday. I'm just not attracted to you anymore...

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Friday, March 18, 2011

TV's New Wonder Woman has a costume eerily similar to what I'm wearing as I make this blog post!



"...I dig the hell out of this costume. Pants! No inexplicable stars on her groin! And it's still totally recognizable as Wonder Woman! The top is a little corset-y, but certainly no more so than the Lynda Carter version in the '70s TV show. And yeah, the blue boots are weird, but I'll take it in return for the pants. Frankly, I still think the show will suck, but I'm 100% for this costume...."

Thursday, March 17, 2011

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Twenty Seven

The performance of 'Harry Potter Live' in MacArthur Park was cancled due to bad weather, but someone left a Snape out in the rain.

GEEKS OF DOOM made me laugh my considerable ass off!


Kevin David Anderson, author of Night Of The Living Trekkies, sent us a fun greeting for St. Patrick’s Day which mashes up the evil Leprechaun from the Leprechaun horror movies, with Star Trek‘s beloved Captain James T. Kirk in “Leprekhhhaaaaaan!!!”


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5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Twenty Six

Captain Hero didn't like teaming up with Sanchez the crimefighting sailor, he had a dirty reputation.

The Nick Of Time (and other abrasions): Linger

The Nick of Time (and other abrasions)
Al Bruno III
Amplifiers squawked to life, the feedback underscored the deep voice of Vincent Padre, “Each of us has been drawn here by a greater power. Let us submit ourselves to that divine wisdom.”
Padre had gathered his flock of Apocalypse-hungry followers to the remains of a burnt out mansion on Kliftin Hill. This was a direct defiance of the laws of the city of Olathoe. Audra DiMico climbed in through the gaping, scorched remains of a first floor window and wondered how long it would be before the Constables found this little hideout.
She found herself in what had once been an opulent lavatory but time and fire damage had left it looking no better than the cruddiest of gas station restrooms. The cracked mirror reflected the streetlights’ illumination and cast strange shapes on the walls. Audra eyed her reflection for a moment, just a teenage girl with tangled black hair and overdone makeup dressed in a plaid man’s shirt, dark slacks and old sneakers. She didn’t think she was as pretty as either of her dorm-mates but there were plenty of boys that disagreed.
I tell you now that I have had a vision. A holy vision of burning skies and cities made of song.” Padre paused so his followers could get a chorus of hallelujahs out of their system.
Audra moved on, it didn’t do for a girl like her to think about love and besides she had a mission. Her dorm-mate Lorelei Miller had called in a favor, and that meant she was in trouble again.
Creeping towards the basement door Audra thought to herself that Lorelei was always in trouble, she seemed drawn to it like other girls were drawn to fancy shoes.
The speakers hanging on the walls of the makeshift chapel Vincent Padre had built on the upper floor went silent and then suddenly hissed to life again, “...The fires of Damocles will sweep aside the old world, the old faiths. But the heretics will not die, oh no. They will be drawn down to the Great Below and they will live as worms. They will linger.”
Audra paused to whisper an incantation and then made her way down the basement stairs. Not a single board squealed under her feet, the old burglars' spell had seen to that. She had a few other spells on hand as well, spells that could call down well-meaning monsters for defense and escape but at a cost. A cost Audra knew all too well. Better to get this done without being seen.
Halfway down to the basement the air became humid and stinking, it smelled like one of the outhouses at her Uncle’s farm.
She thought of cracked sewer mains and backed up septic tank and cursed herself for wearing her good sneakers. She told herself to breathe through her mouth, to forget her nose was even there.
The basement was dark save for the dull glow of the Xenon Splinter. It was lying on a table, a length of crystal, sharp on one end and rounded on the other. It glowed weakly making Audra think of fairy lights and Christmas pranks.
Audra stepped off the lowest step and felt the basement floor squelch under her feet. She wished she had worn socks.
“We will be reborn in smoke and billow towards heaven!”
Drawing close she marveled at the object on the table. The Xenon Splinter! The stuff of legends and bad poetry. It was in the care of Lorelei's boyfriend Jason Magwier but he was forever losing it. That only further reinforced Audra’s suspicion he was a dangerous loon. Still though, he and Lorelei were waiting for her in a safehouse on Route d'Abbaye. Best not to keep them waiting.
When Audra put her hand on the length of red crystal it began to glow more brightly illuminating the room and confirming she was standing in a layer of shit two inches deep. Her stomach heaved and she threw up on her sneakers. So much for them. By the time she got her retching under control she realized she was hearing a thick slithering sound.
And whining groans.
The Xenon Splinter brightened again revealing the shapes making their way to her from the four corners of the basement. Audra screamed.
The shapes had been human once. They crawled. They were naked but the coating of filth, both dry and wet, had rendered them sexless and almost featureless. But still Audra could see enough, she could see the gouged faces, empty eye sockets, toothless mouths, the rotted holes where noses should have been. Their hands and feet had been hacked away as well. Each wound had been brutally cauterized. Audra thought of Vincent Padre's words
“...the unfaithful will not die, oh no. They well be drawn down to the Great Below and they will live as worms.”
The miserable creatures drew closer, drawn by the sound of her screams. What did they want from her? Mercy? Revenge? Audra didn't know, all she knew was that if one touched her she would go mad. She backpedaled to the stairs but Padre was waiting for her. He was nauseatingly handsome.
One of his acolytes peered out from behind him, “How did she get in here?”
Padre smiled knowingly, “She came in through the bathroom window. Didn’t you girl?”
“What happened to these people?” Audra asked, “What did you do to them?”
“Do they disgust you?” he plucked the Xenon Splinter from her hands, “I hope not for you will be joining them. Oh how you shall linger.”
With that her courage broke, she spoke the most difficult of the burglar's spells without even thinking about the consequences. One of the things that dwelt in the Spaces Between heard her plea and plucked her out of angled space. The dweller was not quite and an angel and not quite a nightmare but Audra knew not the be afraid. She knew where the real monsters were.

(Insane News) Things are getting really nuts.

article found on


Tuesday March 15, 2011

BENNINGTON -- An East Street man said he was minding his own business and shoveling snow away from the side of his house when he was attacked.

"All of a sudden I felt something on my back and shoulders, scratching," said Kevin McDonald, of 15 East St.

It was a gray squirrel, said McDonald. He threw the animal off, but twice it jumped back onto his arms, delivering more scratches. Finally, it ran up a tree and McDonald retreated to his house.

"The first thing that goes through your mind is ‘is it rabid?’" he said. After doing some research into the matter on the Internet, McDonald said he learned bites are the real concern with rabies infection, and squirrel attacks are quite rare.

Which is why he was surprised the next day, when his wife reported hearing yelling from across the street. He said he looked to see his neighbor with a blanket and a metal pole battling a gray squirrel not unlike the one that attacked him the day before. Later, he would learn that a woman on the same street had also been attacked.

While the incident is on the amusing side of the spectrum for him, McDonald said it was a bit eerie to have the squirrel not only jump him, but jump back onto him after being thrown off.

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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Twenty Five

 It wasn't until she saw her husband in his donkey costume that she realized the dangers of marrying a man with an ass fetish.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Twenty Four

No one liked to talk about Mack the Knife's idiot brother Ted the Spoon.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Twenty Three

The only drawback to the new computerized footwear was the constant rebooting.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Twenty Two

You're so vain, I bet you think this tweet is about you.

The new super heroine BUSTICE is well... uhm... my pants feel tight...

(Insane News) Bank Robber Gives Two Forms Of ID

Story via

DALLAS - A hapless bank robber who abided by a Dallas teller's request to provide two forms of identification before she could give him money is going to prison.

A judge sentenced 49-year-old Nathan Wayne Pugh of Sachse to more than eight years on Tuesday.

Pugh tried to hold up a Dallas Wells Fargo Bank in July. The teller stalled Pugh by telling him she needed to see two forms of ID. Pugh showed her his Wells Fargo debit card and a state ID card. He was captured as he tried to flee with $800...

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Sunday, March 13, 2011

GEEKOLOGIE brings important and terrible news!

(Recommended Hotness) Fay Daniels is having a bad week... but she is SO kyooot!

THE DRUNKEN SEVERED HEAD helps you to help Japan


To help Japan

Here are some highly rated charities working on disaster relief in Japan:

 (through Charity Navigator)

Red Cross (through Network for Good)

The Salvation Army
 (You can donate directly at the link, or text 'JAPAN' or 'QUAKE' to 80888 to make a $10 donation.)

DAY OF THE WOMAN talks about the Slender Man. (Who is not real but may be standing right behind you now!)

Enter: Slender Man. The Slender Man is a fake mythical creature completely created on the forums of SomethingAwful which has since grown to be a psuedo-meme and invaded more than it's original forum. He's become the target of numerous deviantART pages, youtube channels, and fanfictions. The brain child of Victor Surge, The Slender Man is usually shown as a tall and thin silhouette, wearing black pants, a black suit with a white shirt, and a black necktie underneath. He's normally depicted without a face and has the ability to stretch and shorten his arms as well as sport some crazy tentacle type things. Think if "The Tall Man" from Phantasm and Doc Ock from Spiderman had a baby...

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HORROR'S NOT DEAD gives us a review of the wonderful BRAIN DAMAGE


Brian is a terribly average guy. He lives in a passable New York City apartment with his brother and spends most of his free time with his loving girlfriend. Unfortunately for Brian, the neighbors in the apartment above him are neither average nor are they passable human beings. For years, they have been harboring an ancient parasitic brain worm named Aylmer who injects a highly potent narcotic directly into the cerebral cortex of those who in turn offer him delicious brains as tithes. Aylmer derives his strength from human brains but the neighbors have been feeding him animal brains to keep him weak enough to control but strong enough to get their fix from his venom. Unfortunately, for everyone, Aylmer escapes and finds his way onto the brain stem of poor Brian who instantly gets addicted to the venom. Will his craving drive him to commit murder to satisfy Aylmer’s hunger for human flesh?...


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Drew Daywalt reminds me to call my Mom!