Saturday, August 8, 2009

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Twenty Four

Captain Hero might have respected Amazing Ed more if his costume had been more than khakis, sandals and a cape.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Twenty Three

He caught his breath as he ran his hands over her bared breasts- those weren't pasties, those weren't pasties at all.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Twenty Two

It turned out Satan had only been a cosmic temp- when the real guy showed up all Hell- literaly-broke loose.

DON'T LOOK UP - oh sweet holy crap!

Thanks to I have just seen the trailer for DON"T LOOK UP and should to too.

It is not safe for work, but be sure to watch it with someone y0u love.

Friday, August 7, 2009

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Twenty One

There is a rift between our reality and the Porniverse. Ironicly that rift does not go both ways.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Twenty

In the end she left him because he was a slob. She took the kids but left him the ants.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Nineteen

Mario Krump's childhood heroes were slowly dying off, he was determined not to join them no matter what the cost.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighteen

Unlike most dads Brian didn't care how many sleepovers his daughters had, after all that was how he had met his third wife.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventeen

“You must understand that the only difference between a reality show and religion is that in the end we all get voted off.”

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixteen

One of Dracula's ancestors worked in adult films- he too was called 'Vlad the Impaler'

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Fifteen

The disease left her flesh peeling away in little strips. They were delicious.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Fourteen

He volunteered for a vasectomy and a lobotomy, it was the best choice for this economy.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Thirteen

Windshield shattered, chassis torn to bits, he had been in such a hurry but not any more. Now he would wait alone.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Twelve

They met on the field of honor but the cows had been through there. It was the messiest duel ever.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eleven

The vampires needed antidepressants, the werewolves Valium, all the zombies needed was deodorant, lots of deodorant.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Ten

“Who was that masked man?” Beverly wondered as she pulled she bedsheets up over her sweaty, sated flesh.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Nine

Given the choice between monsters and witty people Zeth preferred monsters, they were less dangerous.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eight

Audra knew that Studying Quantum Theologics was just a double major in blasphemy.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seven

Production on 'Mummies on Motorcycles' was shut down after the 3rd cast fatality.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Six

And on that day Otto and Bob formed Task Force Palindrome. Wow.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Five

It was the kind of order no police officer wanted to hear- “Arrest that dragon.”

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Four

Since he was allergic to pleasure he went through a lot of tissues.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Three

Every craft of the galactic fleet had a doomsday button that would instantly kill any officer crazy enough to use it.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Two

Bad enough he had been turned into a pillar of salt- worse yet someone had written on him 'I FOUGHT THE LORD AND THE LORD WON'

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and One

No superhero was sure if Doomsday Girl was wearing a risqué new costume or publicly flossing her labia.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

5 Second Fiction From Friends and a Little Noise To Boot

For those of you following my 5 Second Fictions on Twitter via #5secfic and the old school you should see some new faces that have thrown down the gauntlet, picked up the mantle and whistled past the graveyard.

They are

My online Bromance Darcknyt aka J Dane Tyler aka MileyCyrusFan001 (actually I may have been kidding about the last one)

The pulpishly inclined ByrceBeattie

The mysterious and selective Kreestee

Be sure to give them a follow and enjoy their work!

Also the amazingly prolific and appallingly hot Kate Sherrod of Supptertime Sonnetts wrote an intriguing bit of fiction called Noise Complaint. It is well worth a read.

5 Second Fiction TWO HUNDRED!

The dark bikini offset Erin's pale skin perfectly, but it was still the weirdest open casket funeral anyone had seen.

This 5 Second Fiction Dedicated to
Erin Brown aka Misty Mundae

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Ninety Nine

David stayed close to the girls and they were glad of his company- even more so because he had taken a vow of silence.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Ninety Eight

The shadows twisted with shapes familiar and unreal, she kept the covers drawn up to her chin praying for dawn.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Ninety Seven

A sickly few vampires had pledged to never feed but like all abstinence pledges it only led to frustration and bloodshed.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Ninety Six

If it was going to be just a standard employee meeting then why was the room soundproofed? And why was there plastic on the walls?

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Ninety Five

Sam could sleep through anything, the was a clear case on his nightstand that read 'IN CASE OF RAPTURE BREAK GLASS'

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Ninety Four

Sam could sleep through anything, the was a clear case on his nightstand that read 'IN CASE OF RAPTURE BREAK GLASS'

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Ninety Three

Stirring gently he reached across the bed his hand settling on soft warmth. The dog had pooped on the bed again.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Ninety Two

“I don't care what Amazing Ed thinks.” Captain Hero said, “Excessive nose hair is not a super power.”

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Ninety One

Grandpa died as he lived- screaming at Grandma to shut up.

Back To Frank Black

A recent issue of Rue Morgue magazine had a nice little write up for the website BackToFrankBlack

If you haven't guessed already BlackToFrankBlack is a website not only devoted to the great and highly underrated series Millennium it is also trying to push for a revival for the series.

If you've never heard of
Millennium I can best explain it as the true spiritual and thematic successor to the original Kolchak The Night Stalker TV series.

A lot of people dismissed the show as being serial killer of the week or an
X-Files clone but it was never that. It was thoughtful, clever and 5 times as scary as the Hostel and Saw movies. I think it had a lot of influence on the shows you are seeing now, especially the CSI franchise.

If you've never seen the show it is getting a lot of airplay on the horror-centric Chiller channel and the DVDs are worth the price.

I for one would love to see the series come back but considering how badly
The Night Stalker remake was botched I have nightmare visions of Frank Black being played by Spencer Pratt.

The horror... the horror

This has been a lazy week so far...

Sure sure I'm keeping up on the old serial novel but I have been trying to put together a video blog to share and the latest installment of Price Breaks and Heartaches is in my head just waiting to be written.

I haven't even been keeping up with the work of my fellow bloggers- like I said lazy lazy lazy.

Still though I hope you have all been enjoying the material found here and don't forget to keep circulating the blog!

In The Shadow Of His Nemesis chapter twenty three


Thursday November 14th 1996

Warren had worked up a good sweat in spite of the thin air and November chill. Was it the exercise? Or the pleasant company? Or was it the fur-lined nightmare of a coat he had been given to wear?

It was probably all of the above but Warren was enjoying himself too much to care.

The countryside was like something out of a postcard, the green of the pine trees, the white of the snow and blue of the sky. Hao had already pointed out a dozen interesting things- frozen streams, deer cautiously making their through the trees- even a cave he’d been dared to peer in. It made Warren think regretfully about how little time he spent in nature; his was a life lived indoors where the only landscapes to been seen were on the television or in his Dungeons and Dragons books. There had been no camping trips, no nature hikes, the untamed wilderness was just something to be glimpsed from a car window.

“You ok back there?” Hao called to him as she scrambled further uphill.

The going was a slippery and steep but Warren had a walking stick in his good hand to keep him from falling on his face, or worse. “I’m great …great. Hey how long have you lived at Laurel House?”

She said, “Come on, almost there.”

“I’m just…” He paused to catch his breath, “… just pacing myself.”

“We’ve only been at this an hour.” She laughed.

“Really? Feels like longer.” Warren momentarily imagined what it would have been like to have Tim and Colin along with him. Tim would probably be keeping up with Hao so he could try and put the moves on her and Colin would be unconscious at the base of the hill. Warren started to smile but suddenly their deaths were playing out in front of his eyes all over again. His pace slowed.

“Warren?” she called back to him, “Are you all right?”

“Yeah.” He made himself catch up top her; both of his pals would have wanted him to keep pace with the pretty girl.

She pointed, “That’s Spruce Creek.”

Spruce Creek looked more like a river to Warren’s tenderfoot sensibilities. It reminded him of the kinds of places you would see fishermen wading into with high priced rods and ugly hook-laden hats. The sound of the water was peaceful. Of course he couldn’t appreciate it fully until he had caught his breath.

“This is where I come,” Hao said, “when the memories are too much.”

“Memories?” Warren asked.

“You think you’re the only one that Monarchs have hurt? They’re like feuding giants, stomping around and not caring who they trample.” She moved closer to him, her face sympathetic and sad.

“I tell you Hao, I still don’t get what they’re about. Or what they want.”

“I know it sounds like a cliché but what they want is the world.” She found a handful of stones and gave half of them to Warren, “Then again I suppose we all do in a way but we learn to accept with less.”

“I never knew what I wanted, except maybe to get out of high school alive.” Warren watched her skim a few stones before trying himself. His stone landed in the water with a depressing Ker-splunk! “Now I think I’d just like to stay alive.”

“You could always stay here.” Her next throw skipped all the way to the other shore, “Unless of course the need for cable TV is worth the risk.”

“Well at least I could catch up with my reading.”

“See what I mean about learning to accept less?”

"I saw my two of my best friends murdered in front of my eyes for reasons I don’t think will never make sense to me.” He was surprised by the anger in his voice, “How can I accept that?”

“We have to if we want to survive and I think living happily ever after is the best revenge.”

“Some real revenge sounds nice but I wouldn’t even know where to start.” Two skips that time, he was getting better, and with his left hand no less, “I’d just like my old life back but that’s never going to happen is it?”

“Nope.” Hao threw her last rock and started walking again, “When you become aware of the...for lack of a better word, the 'preternatural' you can never divorce yourself from it."

"What do you mean?" Warren walked beside her and intended to keep doing so, so long as they didn’t go uphill any more.

"You can never regain your innocence, you can never go back. You've become aware of an aspect of the world that most human beings can't see and don't believe in."


"It's a two way street Warren, that aspect of the world has also become aware of you." She offered him a melancholy smile. "It's like that depressing little freak Nietzsche said, 'When you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.'"

“You mean the Monarchs are eventually going to get me? And the whole world to boot?” Warren started to feel that familiar claustrophobia, not the kind that was triggered by hemmed in physically but the kind that came from feeling trapped by his own life.

"It's not so bad. There are other places like this, although they are slowly dying out and being replaced by mini-malls and cheap housing. And there are other forces at work in the world, some worse than the likes of the Monarchs and Galen’s people, others better than angels.”

“Whoa. I guess I should have stayed in Sunday school.” They were starting to head slightly uphill again but the incline was gentle.

Hao laughed a little at his quip, “None of this is as simple as I'm making it sound, most of us just tread the gray borderline between the two polarities and try to keep alive."

They walked in silence for a time, the sound of rushing water was growing louder until is sounded like a roar of hoofbeats. Hao smiled and led him further along and suddenly they were at their goal.

“Wow.” Warren said, “It’s beautiful.”

“Welcome to Kaaterskil Falls.”

The green forest gave way to cliff that sent the waters of Spruce Creek foaming down over a hundred feet to a second drop of nearly equal height to a basin where the water churned and sent up spumes of mist. “It is really beautiful.” Warren said again, “That you for this.”

She gave his arm a friendly squeeze, “Anytime you need to come out here you just say the word.”

A troubled look crossed Warren’s features, “Hao, what did you mean by Galen’s people? I have a funny feeling you didn’t mean the Irish.”

“Warren…” Hao said, “We’re friends right?”

“Totally.” This was one of those moments where Warren didn’t know what news he was going to get, but he knew he wasn’t going to like it. The roar of the falls seemed to fade into the background in favor of her voice.

“I don’t want you to be afraid, and I don’t want you to be angry.”

“Ok…” Now he was really worried.

“Galen isn’t human.” She said, “A lot of us here aren’t.”

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Ninety

All Gary wanted for his birthday was a lap dance- to his horror Aunt Gladys found out and was more than willing to comply.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Eighty Nine

Fuego cornered Megaton Minotaur in a china shop. This, he realized, was going to get very ugly very fast.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Eighty Eight

He understood that the female contortionist had the hots for him but he still couldn't wrap his head around it.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Eighty Seven

Then he realized that for men the childbirth was like warfare- long periods of boredom punctuated by moments of terror.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Eighty Six

Future archaeologists would find Disneyland to be a complex tomb filled with deathtraps and shoddy souvenirs.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Eighty Five

No one wants to hear fiendish laughter in the dentists' office.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Eighty Four

Zuntar came to Earth to end all strife, 100 years later war broke out over whether he had been left handed or right handed.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Eighty Three

Jim found that while being a lobbyist didn't give instant access to coke and whores it did offer a substantial discount.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Eighty Two

Stan create his very own cult of followers but an error at the printers ended up encouraging people to worship Satan instead.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Eighty One

It was a world where the 1970's never ended and Cleopatra Apocalypse was its savior.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Eighty

That night at the drive in, he fumbled for her breast only to catch her nipple in his watchband. There was no second feature.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Seventy Nine

“I've got too much on my mind right now.” he said.

Zeth pointed a pistol at his temple, “Then maybe this will clear your head.”

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Seventy Eight

Alone in the restroom Psychotic Kid fashioned crude armor out of duct tape and feminine napkins. The element of surprise was his.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Seventy Seven

He'd been through the desert on a horse with no name- it was a rental.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Seventy Six

By combining time machine technology with her snooze alarm she overslept every day but was never late for work again.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Seventy Five

His youth was an endless summer but middle age became a perpetual fall.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Seventy Four

In a bold move Hollywood studios began to remake movies that were still in post production.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Seventy Three

Professor Lindquist only became a mad scientist because he had a thing for hunchbacked women.

Monday, August 3, 2009