Friday, December 3, 2010
Naked Capitalism. Clothed Writer.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
CORPSE WARS: Attack Of The Crones episode five
Attack of the Crones
Al Bruno III
Mark Bradford crept into the cramped little army surplus tent that his family had called home for almost two months. His parents were dozing fitfully and Mark knew they must be exhausted after all that prayer and malnutrition.
There was a duffel bag in his corner of the tent. Soon it would be all he would have to remind him of his old life. Everything else had been lost to the almost daily ‘cleansing bonfires’.
It was hours later but the acrid smell of melted plastic, burnt books and things far worse still hung in his nostrils. His father shifted and Mark froze in place. If one of them awoke what would he say? What could he say? That he had gotten up to use one of the overflowing toilets? That he had been praying for forgiveness?
Or would he just run, hoping that they wouldn’t raise the alarm?
He grabbed his duffel bag and crept back outside.
The patrols had dwindled in the wake of Miss Blackwood’s ascension but that just meant they were more random. Crouching down Mark made his way through the tide of filth and garbage that was overtaking the Watervliet Arsenal.
Zombies or no zombies we’re getting out of here tonight, Mark thought.
Near the thrice barricaded main gates a gibbet was being constructed from whatever supplies could be scavenged from the nearby buildings. The faithful and the terrified alike labored side by side, only stopping when exhaustion overcame them; but there was always someone else ready to take their place.
Nothing like a good gallows building to bring people together. Mark thought.
A pair of soldiers rounded the corner and headed Mark's way. Their uniforms were in disarray and they were unshaven, their rifles however gleamed in the half-light. Mark froze, gripping the duffel bag to his chest. People had been killed for nothing less than acting suspicious during Miss Blackwood’s reign. He tried to act casual, tried to project an aura of “These aren't the droids you want, move along.”
The soldiers stopped just a few feet away from him, their weapons and posture at ease, “Where are you going?”
Mark tried to hold his voice steady and failed miserably, “I – I was looking for a place to piss. The bathrooms are kinda gross now.”
One of the soldiers laughed, “You said it kid.”
The other soldier rapped on the duffel bag, his eyebrows raising at the dull hollow sound. “What have you got there?”
“Muh- my grandma's ashes.” Mark blurted out and then winced.
“You take your grandma's ashes with you when you piss?”
“I'm afraid to leave them, I don't want anything to happen to them.”
The second soldier frowned, “Do you really think there will be any more breaking of commandments after tonight?”
The memories of fire and familiar voices screaming flooded Mark's mind. He felt tears well up and decided to run with them. “I don't know!” He sobbed, “I don't know anything anymore!”
Both soldiers stepped back, “Woah there kid. Didn't mean to get you riled up.”
“Just do what you have to do and get back to your quarters and you won't get in trouble,” The second soldier mustered a smile.
Mark nodded and slunk away, wiping his nose on the back of his sleeve. Snivel and cry and they leave you be. He thought, It's like high school all over again.
The rest of his journey went unnoticed and Mark found his way to the motor pool. The others were there already. He found Alec chatting with Harry and Pete while Tony and Ken packed supplies into the Hummer H1 they were going to use to make their escape.
“You should put the sleeping bags beside the M.R.E’s not on top of them. Whatever are you thinking?” Tony said, “This isn’t some kind of a camping excursion you realize.”
Ken shook his fist, “It’s my life.” He said, “Don’t you forget.”
Tony was still grousing, “I have a back injury received during a student protest so physical exertion is not really an option for me. But I think you all undervalue my organizational skills.”
“It’s a big enough umbrella but it’s always me that ends up getting wet.”
“Hey Ken!” Harry looked up from the maps he, Pete and Alec were studying, “Don’t let that hippie get to you.”
Tony bristled, “For your information I am not unaware of the irony that while I once protested the culture of American Military Fascism I now find myself living under its protection.”
“You were always living under its protection.” Harry replied.
Pete grunted and tried to turn Harry’s attention back to the maps. Like Harry, Pete was planning to desert his post and leave the fortified security of the Watervliet Arsenal behind.
Better the zombies than Miss Blackwood’s faithful flock.
“Ok,” Harry cast a glance at Mark’s duffel bag, “what is that?”
Mark shrugged, “Clothes?”
Harry rapped on the canvas bag, “Clothes? Clothes don’t sound like this.”
“It’s my stormtrooper costume.”
“Sheesh” Pete shook his head.
“Well, we might need it.”
Tony waved his arms, “Oh yes, you never know when a sci-fi convention might break out in the middle of this Hell. You’re insane!”
Ken muttered under his breath, “On the ice-build iron sanity is a place most never see.”
Harry shook his head, “Sorry kid. Your toys stay here.”
“But…” Mark sputtered, “But…”
“Did you ever find the codpiece?” Alec asked.
“No... but it’s almost a complete costume.”
“Ugh.” Pete buried his face in his hands.
They worked in silence for a time. Suddenly Alec stopped, “What was that?”
“What was what?” Harry didn’t even look up from giving the Hummer’s engine a final once over.
Alec looked around, “I heard something.”
Tony began to wave his arms in panic, “I knew it! We’re doomed!”...
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Ninety Eight
For Christmas he gave containers of sauce made from egg yolk, butter and lemon juice, then wished everyone Happy Hollandaise.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Ninety Five
The first restaurant in virtual reality had a lot of problems with its servers.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Ninety Seven
The barbarian general Logar rode ahead of his army into battle, because of his leaky bowels they insisted.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Ninety Six
Ghoulia, Queen of the vampires knew her subjects had expected her to resist the lesbian werewolves but admitted she was licked.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Ninety Five
Not only did the Society of Evil Princess capture and unmask Amoeba-Man, they also gave him a complete makeover.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Ninety Four
Reverend Smith gained more parishioners once he stopped faith healing their illnesses and healed their broken computers instead.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Ninety Three
The tech support line changed its focus from “Customer Service” to “Tricking the Customers Into Burning Their House Down”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Ninety Two
When being arrested by cannibal policemen it is a good idea to wave your right to remain Soylent.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Ninety One
As the battle with Col. Screame spilled over from the drawing room to the aviary Abner Deggent flipped him the bird.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Ninety
First the The monster was too small to be scary-looking. Then it grew some.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Eighty Nine
“In a world where politicians are news pundits and star in reality shows the reign of President Snooki is almost inevitable.”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Eighty Eight
Some other naval men might have gotten bitter about the ship not stopping but Sailor Dan knew better than to look back in anchor.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Eighty Seven
There was considerable scandal and outrage after Buck Rodgers' darkest secrets were revealed to the public by Twiki leaks.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Eighty Six
If Abner Deggent had paid more attention to the tribal elders he could have avoided The Ordeal of the Cuttlefish Jockstrap.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Eighty Five
There was something about that amputee she found completely disarming.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Eighty Four
Abner Deggent kicked in the door, his guns blazing. By the time he realized it was the wrong room the Miler bat mitzvah was ruined.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Eighty Three
The war of the time travelers was over before it even got started
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Eighty Two
Abner Deggent made it past the trained lions only to knock himself out by walking into the low hanging doorway of the golden tomb.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Eighty One
Captain Hero didn't like teaming up with Miniature-Man, he kept getting underfoot and he frequently got short with him.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Eighty
Observers began to describe Karl as a loose cannon but that's what happens when you wear boxers instead of briefs.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Seventy Nine
In the city of Lehman Heights is a superhero who calls himself 'The Acrobatic Flea' because all the other insects are trademarked.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Seventy Eight
Supervillan chef Julia Infant wanted henchmen to manage her apple pastry factory of doom but there was simply too much turnover.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
The HEROPRESS blog fills my heart with nostalgia and my neither regions with a strange tingling
I have started visiting the HEROPRESS blog for information on all things VILLAINS AND VIGILANTES and DOCTOR WHO. And they also have Geek Pin Ups of notable hotties like Lynda Carter!
Stop by and say 'Hi' to the blogmaster and potential member of 'The Local Heroes' THE ACROBATIC FLEA
(Recommended Reads) 'Sugar' by Dan Powell
She gave her love away like jelly tots to sticky fingered boys with sugar smiles. Her parents had told her it was good to share though they hadn't meant like that. I watched as other boys grabbed a handful to fill their appetite and were gone as soon as they swallowed. Stood outside the youth club, her nail chewed fingers squeezed the once-more empty plastic wrapper of her heart...
Monday, November 29, 2010
(Insane News) X-Ray Nation | TSA Glass Box Mother Over Stored Breast Milk
I am the brunette in black getting my items ready for screening (you will see me about 45 seconds into the video). I travel every week and bring home breast milk with me through Phoenix Sky Harbor.
TSA rules allow for alternate screening (no x-ray) for breast milk and I almost never had a problem…until the week before this screening. I was held for 30 minutes that week while the TSA manager called to find out the rules. I was told to “pump and dump,” and asked why the milk wasn’t clear, also asked where my baby was and if it was really milk (uh traveling, working mom pumping doesn’t usually have the baby with her).
After begging him to figure it out, they finally let me through. I called and complained to TSA and was instructed to travel with the TSA breast milk rules printed out and present them whenever there is a problem.
As my items come through security this time, I notice immediately that I was dealing with the same people from the week before. The woman tells me right away that my milk might have to go through the x-ray, and then I tell her I printed the rules. I go to grab the rules on top of my bag and she freaks out and pushes my arm away. Another guy comes over and calls for “back up” and they put in me back in the glass cage. Standing 50 ft away are the same manager and supervisor I had dealt with the previous week...
(Insane News) Woman Claims Ownership Of The Sun
"Angeles Duran, 49, told the online edition of daily El Mundo she took the step in September after reading about an American man who had registered himself as the owner of the moon and most planets in our solar system. There is an international agreement which states that no country may claim ownership of a planet or star, but it says nothing about individuals, she added. "There was no snag, I backed my claim legally, I am not stupid, I know the law. I did it but anyone else could have done it, it simply occurred to me first."