Saturday, July 11, 2009

The Cutest Evil Dead Girl



Well just try the trailer out and see what you think...

Clive Barker's BOOK OF BLOOD

They're trying to make each of the Books Of Blood stories into movies?

I liked MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN well enough, lets see what they can do with this one.

CTHULHU the movie

I have GOT to get around to seeing this.

Then again I have a whole shelf of DVDs I have GOT to get to don't I?

5 Second Fiction One Hundred

The hot date ended when maggot-ridden zombies surrounded the car. They could see parasites by the dashboard light.

5 Second Fiction Ninety Nine

He knew dozens of ways to take down an enemy, unfortunately none of them involved those little Styrofoam packing noodles.

5 Second Fiction Ninety Eight

For Matrim revenge was easy, knowing when to stop wasn't a skill he ever bothered to learn.

5 Second Fiction Ninety Seven

Psychotic Kid defended patriotism in a ninja costume made from an actual flag. If you mentioned the irony you got punched.

Friday, July 10, 2009

5 Second Fiction Ninety Six

At first he hadn't been sure about wearing a cape but after his first spandex malfunction Captain Hero was glad of it

5 Second Fiction Ninety Five

Of all his wife's birthmarks it was the one that resembled Elvis that disturbed Cliff the most. It seemed to stare at him.

5 Second Fiction Ninety Four

She left him overcome with passion. He left her wondering if she'd made a mistake.

5 Second Fiction Ninety Three

Possessed of an apocalyptic vision he built an ark in record time. When it started to snow his screams scared the animals.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

5 Second Fiction Ninety Two

The question that haunted Agent Krump was why would gunfights erupt between gangs of Cryptozoologists and Furries?

5 Second Fiction Ninety One

He learned that not only was pro wrestling real but it was also how the nations of the world secretly resolved disputes.

5 Second Fiction Ninety

They had the makings of a great super hero team but sadly all the good names were already under copyright.

5 Second Fiction Eighty Eight

Lord Evernight dropped onto his prey, leaving them wide-eyed. These were the moments he wished would last forever.

5 Second Fiction Eighty Nine

The Denny's manager had a real problem with the way Brett cleaned the ladies room. Mostly because he didn't work there.

5 Second Fiction Eighty Seven

Over the course of her freshman year Audra made enemies among students, faculty and, surprisingly enough, the Chinese mafia.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

A painful memory...

The excellent blog Plaid Stallions caused me to have a junior high flashback with this picture.

no wonder I failed 9th grade...

5 Second Fiction Eighty Six

Magwier didn't want to dignify his execution with a final statement but he hated not getting in the last word.

5 Second Fiction Eighty Five

He had two options- he could shoot his way out or hide in a time-share seminar. Zeth was glad he brought extra ammo.

5 Second Fiction Eighty Four

He said goodbye but she didn't listen, that had been the problem all along.

5 Second Fiction Eighty Three

There was no stopping Fuego but then he heard the phrase every superhero dreaded, "Ninjas with bulldozers."

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Jason Thompson's Comic Adaption of Lovecraft's STRANGE HIGH HOUSE IN THE MIST

The art is fantastic, the adaption clever.

Check it out.


I would like to thank and curse for bringing this film to my attention.

What is the plot you may ask?

"Internationally respected Siamese twin surgeon Dr. Josef Heiter has a demented vision for mankind’s future existence. He wants to remove human beings’ kneecaps so they have to exist on all fours and then surgically graft them mouth-to-anus to form a centipede chain. When two stranded female Americans arrive at his luxury home-cum-hospital looking for help, his long-gestating plan swiftly moves into chilling action with a shocking force. Kidnapping a third Japanese male tourist he begins the tissue matches, teeth removal and buttock moulding to create his triplet creature."

The link above has a link to some NSFW pictures from the film.

Folks, I think this film is so far beyond screwed up it will take the light from screwed up 10,000 years to reach it.

I wonder if I can trick my wife into seeing it with me...

In The Shadow Of His Nemesis chapter nineteen


Thursday November 14th 1996

The air was still crisp with the aftermath of the morning's frost. Galen had left the trail used by hikers an hour ago. He navigated his way down the slope of North Mountain, slipping like a shadow between the sycamores and pine trees. Dirty and grass gave way to jutting roots and exposed rock. He had taken his shoes off, tied the laces together and hung them around his neck. It felt good to feel the Earth under his bare feet, to breathe chilly air and feel the sun at his back.

And the silence! There were no growling engines, or chattering voices here; just the wind whispering through the trees and the calls of birds. To Galen it was like returning home after a long journey.

But he couldn't enjoy it, not when the home in question had been tainted by treachery, not when he felt more like an intruder with every footstep.

His route brought him to a break in the trees that gave him a view of the peak of Stoppel Point. This entire region of the Catskills had once been called the Great Wall of Mantiou and it had been teeming with mystery and wonder, now it was called an escarpment, an empty pointless name.

And ruins. Galen thought, So many ruins.

For a time this entire region of the Catskills had been home to dozens of resorts and campgrounds, whole economies built up around the ebb and flow of vacationers. Changing tastes and the affordability of travel to more exotic destinations brought an end to all that and by the 1980's the entire region became dotted with abandoned lodges and retreats that were slowly being consumed by the elements and decay.

Of course there were other remains as well, remains that hinted at a whole other world.

The sound of a patch of ice cracking cut the silence, Galen paused, listening. He told himself he was worrying over nothing. No one knew where they were and even if their pursuers suspected they could never find Laurel House, it was hidden and protected. Some said by love. He wasn’t so naive as too believe that of course, but it was a comforting sentiment.

Galen waited and listened for a minute more before he started moving again. His path took him further down slope, the trees closed back in over his view of the skyline.

Galen spotted the first marking that showed he was heading the right way. To the normal eye they seemed like nothing more than large stones scratched and worn away by the elements or wildlife. He veered left heading towards the place where the shadows of North Mountain and Stoppel Point met. The sloping, half frozen ground made his footing more and more precarious, he thought to himself that this would be a bad place for him to be cornered.

But cornered by whom?

The possibilities were endless. He’d been making enemies for as long as he'd been running.

Sometimes it left him so weary, the subterfuge, the never feeling safe and no matter where he ran, no matter what he did other lives were destroyed in the aftermath, conspirators and innocents alike. Isobel and her brother were just the latest victims.

Another marker, this one a trio of short blunt cuts across the top of an old boulder, he was getting closer now. Part of him wanted to give in to the callings of instinct and tradition but there was no point to it. Traditions didn't matter when your culture was in ashes and following your instincts, like following your heart, could only lead to disaster.

Galen didn't know what surprised him more, that he had become physical with Isobel so easily or that she had become so infatuated with him. In truth he hadn't come back to her apartment that night looking to play Romeo or rescuer but that was exactly what he had found himself doing. After she had fled he had felt obligated to search for her and protect her.

Then she had strong-armed him into that fool-headed rescue attempt. Galen had known that the Monarchs couldn't be bluffed or stared down. He had tried, and look what it had gotten them.

There was a darkening in the treeline up ahead, he could see the outlines of the Culann manse. It was made from wood the color of smoke, the gambrel roof was a shamble of scattered shingles. Dormer windows marked the first and second floor of the building, were all gaping and glassless. Galen stood there for a time, imagining with the last moments for the Culann family must have been like, wondering what face their doom had worn.

Galen drew closer, his hair standing on edge, his nerves jittery with anticipation. The door had been splintered long ago and dirt had slowly worked its way into the house, tiny pawprints made their way this way and that. They were cat-prints, Galen was sure of it.

The elegant furniture of the antechamber was rotted and stained; the walls were scarred and dented with bullet fire. He absentmindedly ran a hand along the dents and pits.

Down the hallway past the receiving room led to the great hall. The great hall was wide and windowless, taking up and entire wing of the house. The bare wood floor creaked with his passing, there was more furniture here but it had been reduced to scraps and kindling.

There had once been grand gatherings here- marriages, funerals and rites of passage. These walls had contained the echoes of small talk and religious ecstasies, the hardwood floor had known the stains from full course banquets and rutting orgies.

A mural stretched across the far wall of the chamber, that was what Galen had come to see. Neglect and time had done nothing to weaken the strange power the painting held. An ordinary man seeing the gruesome chaos of Bosch-like imagery would take it to be a work of surrealism or fantasy but Galen knew better. There was one of these in each of the Great Houses.

The leftmost side of the mural depicted shapes spilling out of the shadows, most bestial, some man-like and a small handful were spindly with flesh the color of moonlight. All these creatures that had been born from this primal darkness shared single trait- silver eyes.

The shapes moved together as one for a time but then began to split into packs. The pale pearlescent figures made their way to the upper regions of the mural, the man-like creatures headed down towards the floor but their numbers dwindled by the inch. The beast-like forms roared across the center of the landscape, their eyes soulless, their teeth flashing.

And such a landscape! From mud huts to cities, from standing stones to swamps, beneath the stars, beneath the sun, the creatures ran riot over whatever they found; the beasts devouring, the moon-skinned taking slaves and the man-like creatures assuming postures of capitulation and defeat.

There was a map hidden among the allegories and legends but the trick of finding it was not for mundane sensibilities. Hidden symbols and subtle shadings marked a trail no less obscured than the one that had brought Galen here.

And there it was, a Torweg and not too far away at all. Relatively speaking.

He wondered to himself how many more were left in the world now, how many had been corrupted.

There was no way to know but this one was undiscovered, Galen was certain of that. With it he might have a way to escape the Monarchs or bargain with them. It pained him to realize that the legacy of his kind had been reduced to something that could be possessed, something that could be squabbled over.

It pained him even more to know he was responsible for it.

'A Study In Emerald' By Neil Gaiman

If you haven't read this story you should. Great stuff and it would be a fantastic RPG setting.

You can get the PDF here. They did a really neat job on the layout.

5 Second Fiction Eighty Two

And once again Captain Hero had to explain to his sidekick it was their duty to capture villians not strip search them.

5 Second Fiction Eighty One

Joe vowed to get a new agent when he landed a role in a groin punching fetish video. If only he had read the script first...

5 Second Fiction Eighty

Renovations on the old house were going smoothly; walls knocked out, flooring pulled up. That night the shadmocks escaped...

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Fourth of July fireworks are like sex-

There's a lot of anticipation but even if you've got the right match it all seems to be over too soon.

5 Second Fiction Seventy Nine

By the time he was close enough for her to see he was covered with tics it was already too late.