Saturday, January 9, 2010

5 Second Fiction Eight Hundred and Eleven

After the Prince dumped her Cinderella became a high class prostitute, her specialty was called 'the golden slipper'.

5 Second Fiction Eight Hundred and Ten

Zeth knew there were worse things than death, the fashions he wore in the 1970's were a prime example.

5 Second Fiction Eight Hundred and Nine

The only difference between a compulsive writer and a compulsive masturbator is that the latter empties his wastebasket more often.

5 Second Fiction Eight Hundred and Eight

Everyone on the team wanted Psychotic Kid to take his meds but he couldn't bear to change his crimfighting alias.

5 Second Fiction Eight Hundred and Seven

And Little Red Riding Hood never suspected her grandmother was deliberately trying to get her eaten by wolves.

5 Second Fiction Eight Hundred and Six

It made no damn sense to Judy, first the teach trans-location spells THEN they give her a curfew?

5 Second Fiction Eight Hundred and Five

All the wizards knew; if you were going to summon the Lord of the Donkeys you better have a major Ass fetish.

5 Second Fiction Eight Hundred and Four

The first of the three secrets Judy told her was that she didn't know how to keep a secret.

WHEN IS EVIL COOL has given me the ONE LOVELY BLOG award

The awesome blog WHEN IS EVIL COOL was kind enough to gift me with the ONE LOVELY BLOG award!

And as per the rules (and to spread the love) here are 15 blogs I think deserve the same award. Check 'em out!

1.) Monstercrazy

2.) Mad Utopia: The Official Home Page of J.M. Strother

3.) Lovecraft Is Missing

4.) Mad Mad Mad Mad Movies

5.) Suppertime Sonnets

6.) Adventures In Nerdliness

7.) My Supa Life

8.) DarcKnyt

9.) Random Acts Of Geekery

10.) Mazz In Leeds

11.) Monsterbrains

12.) Monsterland

13.) My Monster Memories

14.) Gone and Forgotten

15.) The Princess and The Giant

Now all you winners cut and paste the above award onto your lovely blogs and then pass the love on to 15 beloved blogs on your own!

(Recommended Reads) "Bits and Pieces" by Laura Eno

Ruth Mason walked into the dentist office fifteen minutes early, even though she dreaded the appointment. She was early for everything. Her husband joked that she’d be early for her own funeral, but Ruth liked to think that she was punctual...

click here to read the rest

5 Second Fiction Eight Hundred and Three

It took years but the giant's family finally managed to get Jack charged with a Hate Crime.

5 Second Fiction Eight Hundred and Two

It wasn't easy but Amazing Ed fought Statueman to a standstill.

Friday, January 8, 2010

5 Second Fiction Eight Hundred and One

While a busy day at work might make your day go by faster it also makes you feel like your life is passing you by.

5 Second Fiction Eight Hundred

As he reflected on the past 800 days Captain Hero wondered to himself if it had all been worth it. Should he have quit his day job?

5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Ninety Nine

“Kids grow up so darn fast.” he said with a tear in his eye. Maybe goat herding wasn't for him after all.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

The Nick Of Time (and other abrasions): Magwier A-Go-Go

The Nick Of Time
(and other abrasions)

Magwier A-Go-Go
Al Bruno III

Jason Magwier stirred, raised his head to inspect his surroundings and blinked. The room swam in and out of focus as he stood and he had to lean against the wall to keep steady. He was still in the empty basement of the cafe on Nooker Street, the windows were still boarded up, filthy mattresses and hooka pipes still crowded the floor. These were all familiar but there was still something wrong, everything seemed to have been twisted ever so slightly out true, like a reflection in a warped mirror. He inhaled deeply, a thick, cold odor filled his nostrils and then he remembered.

“Black Sunshine...” he whispered the name as he crossed the room. There were shards of shattered glass in the corner, all that remained of a sudden confrontation and a thrown phial; smoky remnants smoldered and clung to the tips of the broken glass. Magwier cursed his luck, he had come here to buy some of the damned stuff, not to inhale it.

He cocked his head and looked around suspiciously, “Time I was leaving I think.”

But the room had begun to confound him, the walls pressed in, the floor pitched, the ceiling drooped down low. The furniture melted away or perhaps it had never been there. He closed his eyes and tried to find his way with his other senses but they had been rendered equally useless. The hallucinations brought about by the Black Sunshine were as complete as they were malevolent and under the right circumstances they could kill their victim.

Just like the clumsy-fingered dealer had promised. The thought of being left to the mercy of his own nightmares left Jason Magwier trembling and afraid.

“I'm not afraid,” he opened his eyes and looked around the room. Everything had changed again, the patterns on the wallpaper fell and twisted on every side making his stomach twist with the illusion of free fall. He blundered around again, searching for the way out of the basement and back into the alleyway but for all he knew he was already out of the cafe, for all he knew he was about to walk out into the clutches of one of his many adversaries or, worse yet, into oncoming traffic.

“Don't be so melodramatic,” he sneered.

It was in that moment of overwhelming helplessness and fear that he first felt the presence of something-

“Stop doing that!”

-the presence of another. It was there-

“I know you can hear me!” Magwier glared.

- was there behind him-

“There is nothing behind me,” he spat. “You're just trying to scare me now.”

Jason Magwier told himself that it was all just an illusion brought upon him by the Black Sunshine but it was there, a shape he could just glimpse out of the corner of his eye. It was bent and spindly and seethed with malevolence. What would it look like when he turned? Would it be bestial or nearly human? Would it’s eyes flicker with cruel recognition or would there be no eyes at all? Reaching into his pocket Magwier pulled out his trusty mirror-

“Check again.”

-and dropped it back into his pocket in favor of a crumpled pack of cigarettes. He lit one and exhaled smoke but he didn't turn around because for all his bravado he knew the creature was still there.

“I'm hallucinating all this, especially your narration,” Magwier stared at his cigarette, “Maybe even this. It isn't really my brand.”

But he would not turn around because he knew that to do so would invite death. He felt the presence draw closer, looming over him and Magwier knew that pretending he was a character in a story would not protect him for long.

“Pretending? We're all fictional characters,” Magwier laughed, “Everyone has stories told about them and no matter who does the telling they're embellished or patently false. After we're dead all we are is memories and what is a memory but a lie you tell yourself. There is no monster.”

The words rang hollow because he still wouldn't turn around.

“Fine I will.”

Jason Magwier turned the expression on his face-

“See? What did I tell you?” he said smugly, “No monster, no monster at all.”

The room was empty, suddenly empty, where had the monster gone? Had the presence been just that? A presence? An illusion brought on by the dread narcotic Midnight Sunshine? Magwier stubbed his cigarette out on the bottom of his shoe and looked around again. Was the room fading away or was it him?

“Feels like someone is slapping me awake,” he said. “I wonder who it is.”

“And here's something for you to ponder,” Magwier was almost gone, his smile hung in the air Chesire-like, “If there was a monster, maybe it's behind you. Maybe it was behind you all along.”

And with that Magwier was gone, and the room was gone, all that was left was the emptiness of a fading dream. His final taunt echoed in the void;
“Or worse yet maybe it’s behind whatever poor sap is reading this...”

(NSFW) The Onion News: Vh1 Slut-Spill

VH1 Reality Show Bus Crashes In California Causing Major Slut Spill

Shilling In The New Year! (also: keep circulating the blog!)

IN THIS TWILIGHT tales of lost gods and fragile transformations

This collection of 13 stories transports you to a world where both dreams and monsters lurk in the shadows, where love and forgotten rituals fight for control of the human heart, and where the madness of eternity can be glimpsed in a single segmented eye. This anthology collects some of the best stories from Al Bruno III's website and includes the novellas 'Chad's Oracles', 'Fully Vested' and 'The Mask Collector', available for the first time anywhere. Support independent publishing: Buy this book on Lulu.

IN THE MIDNIGHT OF HIS HEART a novel of horror and obsession

To all outward appearances John Sig is just an old man living a quietly in an empty old house. His one pleasure is when he heads down to the local diner and visits with his favorite waitress Angie. When Angie disappears, John sets out to find her. For an ordinary old man that might seem like a foolish idea but John Sig isn't human, he's a monster living in the shadow of a nightmare thirty -five years old.

In The Pit
This is the comic book I wrote, that sadly it never made it past the first issue. Too bad I had envisioned a fantastic tale of serial killers, Canadian pro wrestlers and exploding toilets. Still though I think you might enjoying reading the first issue, it is still available as a PDF file. There are also some preview pages at the sight below.
Order away and weep for what might have been. Some of my best work is available from the fine folks at Eden Studios. My contribution to their game lines has been mainly in the area of fiction. The rules and setting information was written by other very capable folks like Richard Dakan, CJ Carella, Jack Emmert, George Vasilakos and M. Alexander Jurkat. Believe me, they did all the hard work. If you are a fan of role-playing games or a fan of zombie movies then the books below are going to be right up your alley.
Enter the dark world of survival horror. The Dead walk among us. This role-playing game allows you to play in a world infested by the walking dead. The main rulebook includes rules for character creation, combat and everything else you need to play in a world of survival horror. Also detailed are the multiple campaign settings so you can customize the type of "deadworld" you wish to explore.232 pages.Hardcover.Cover Art by Christopher Shy. Click here for ordering information
A must-have reference for All Flesh Must Be Eaten, the Zombie Master's Screen is filled with charts and tables. From fear to weapons to outcomes, every reference that a prepared Zombie Master needs is packed onto a four-panel screen. The flip side of the screen scares and delights the players with full-color zombie images. The Screen is packed with a 48-page booklet, including a ready-to-run adventure introducing the Cast Member to the horrors of a zombie plague, and pregenerated characters with complete bios, statistics and resource information. Cover Art by Christopher Shy and George Vasilakos. Click here for ordering information
Written by Richard DakanThe first supplement to All Flesh Must Be Eaten opens whole new vistas for a walking dead campaign. This tome brings together the thrills of Hong Kong action films and the excitement of flesh-craving horror. The match of these two genres may not have seemed obvious at first, but the pleasures that arise from it are undeniable. After all, zombies and Hong Kong style action make a perfect fit. What better match is there for a relentless series of lightning kicks and a hurricane of bullets than a target that can’t die? The pulse-pounding danger just never stops. Besides, what martial arts master worth his salt doesn't ache for the ability to use his own intestines as a deadly whip? For the undead, no problem!Softcover.Cover Art by Christopher Shy. Click here for ordering information
Written by Al Bruno III, CJ Carella, David F. Chapman, Patrick SweenyBased on the original concept by George Vasilakos and Ross IsaacsEdited by M. Alexander Jurkat, David F. ChapmanCover art by Jeff ReitzInterior Art by Storn Cook, Thomas Denmark, Talon Dunning, DW Gross, Jon Hodgson, Chris Keefe, Jason Millet, Matt Morrow, James Powers, Gregory Price, George Vasilakos From the creators of All Flesh Must Be Eaten, similar in style but this time . . . with apes! Terra Primate has no specific setting. The only constant is the concept of intelligent apes. Planet of the Apes is a movie about intelligent apes, but then again so is Congo. As long as the characters are interacting with intelligent apes -- or are intelligent apes themselves! -- the game could be set in the pulp era of adventure, on a post-apocalyptic Earth, on a faraway alien planet, or downtown on Main Street. The main rulebook includes rules for character creation, combat and everything else you need to play in a world where man is the missing link! Also detailed are the multiple campaign settings so you can customize the type of "Apeworld" you wish to explore. Click here for ordering information

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

And now the most homo-erotic pool game EVER!

PLAID STALLIONS always brings the flashbacks!

Amanda Palmer performs Hurt by Nine Inch Nails (as if I wasn't smitten enough)

5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Ninety Eight

The Internet made DragonCon obsolete save as a place for nerds to gather and breed like a pack of lust-frenzied cosplaying salmon.

5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Ninety Seven

He unleashed a torrent of obscenities and then demanded to speak to a supervisor. St. Peter just stared in amazement.

5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Ninety Six

Jason Magwier didn't consider what he did cheating death, it was more like a drawn out game of Three Card Monte with destiny.

5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Ninety Five

Sure every guy wants two chicks at once, unless he's getting a full body cavity search from TSA screeners.

5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Ninety Four

The terrorists emailed their demands but misuse of the spell-check feature led to confusion and tragedy.

5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Ninety Three

Super-villain Midnight Chicken rarely stayed in jail for long because all he ever managed to steal was a few bucks.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

(Recommended Reads) "I Weep Not for Thee" by Tony Noland

Summer had stopped her involuntary sobbing a few minutes ago; the tendons in her neck stood as she worked her jaws, clenching hard. As each lamp went by on the shoulder of the highway, the blue-white light through the passenger window slashed at her, casting misshapen shadows across her distorted face. Flash, flash, flash... she cycled from smooth, silhouetted beauty to clenched, glare-lit fury and back again...

click here to read the rest

(Recommended Reads) " First Foot" by Sam aka FutureNostalgic

In the village where I grew up there is a custom associated with this time of year, the custom of the First Foot.

This custom at least partially explains why I’m ruining a £300 pair of hand-stitched brogues wading through the ankle-deep snow in the lane outside my parents’ cottage. It also partially explains the lump of coal and packet of salt in the pockets of my Armani overcoat, and why I’m clutching a £50 bottle of Glenfarclas 105 cask strength single malt whisky in my calfskin-gloved hands...

click here to read the rest

(Recommended Reads) " Two Things I Did Not Know" by Michael Solender

The workmanship displayed on the apparatus was shoddy and certainly nothing to feel proud about. Yet there it was on display for the gathering of notables.

The cuts made in the flooring were jagged and showed burn marks from where the unsharpened blades of the circular saw had dragged in their failing. Such inferior work was never exhibited in my shop. Yes, my medium of choice was a much softer material, but still I showed respect for the craft...

click here to continue

(Recommended Reads) "Assassin's Future" by Maria Protopapadaki-Smith

Loki Treize had traveled a long way in both space and time to fullfil his mission - from his home planet millions of light years away to Old Earth, at a time a few centuries before he had been born. ..

Click here to continue