5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and One
The starship Persea spent weeks in orbit around the Lodoarian Pleasure planet, finally someone found the captain.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Two
He'd always found humor in the most tragic of circumstances until he had a tragedy of his own.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Three
When you wish upon a star your dreams may come true but when you wish upon a porn star your chances are better.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Four
No branch of the armed forces wanted to be involved in 'Operation Silver Periwinkle'.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Five
The three women pushed him onto his back and tore at his clothes, it would have been damn sexy if they hadn't been hungry zombies.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Six
Doc Mullins was a steely eyed gunfighter with an unfortunate fear of horses, so he bicycled across the west dispensing justice.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Seven
By the time he noticed her she was already gone.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Eight
Carl had met many women via the Internet but she was the first one to try and kill him with real determination and enthusiasm.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Nine
Lorelei had to admit that her lover's precognitive abilities made him amazing at foreplay.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Ten
The cheerleaders of the wasteland soon learned that the best defense was often an UZI and a well executed basket toss.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Eleven
Mario Krump couldn't understand how he had gotten jock itch when he never exercised.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Twelve
Agent Krump knew that no craft store would be safe until the Macramaniac was stopped.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirteen
Amazing Ed, this utility belt of yours...” Captain Hero quaked with anger, “is full of cigarettes and condoms- some used.”
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fourteen
“The trick to skinning someone,” Reddeath explained, “is to start at the feet, that way you can enjoy their expressions longer.”
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifteen
“This is all just a bad dream,” he said over and over, but he really was at school in his underwear.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Sixteen
Every year one DragonCon attendee has a night of of pleasure with the cosplayer of their choice before they are sacrificed.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Seventeen
Despite everything Lorelei hoped she'd see her father again someday, because now she'd be ready for him.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Eighteen
Psychotic Kid found himself trapped in a building full of his deadliest enemies- it was a Shriners' Convention.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Nineteen
He unburdened himself completely, telling her all his secrets and dreams, there was no second date after that.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Twenty
No one told him that being the veteran of a thousand psychic wars would be such a headache.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Twenty One
His code name was “The Brazilian” and he had ways of making you talk, and baby smooth.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Twenty Two
Even crueler than the curse of lycanthropy was the fact that even as a werewolf he still had male pattern baldness.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Twenty Three
The suspect hissed and skittered up and over the wall. Agent Krump stared after him, dreading how this would look in the report.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Twenty Four
When you come right down to it, Egyptian mummies are proof that you can be too rich and too thin.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Twenty Five
Few time machines can survive the trip to the big bang and beyond and those that do for some reason come back filled with pasta.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Twenty Six
He turned the thermostat up, she turned it down. On and on it went until weather patterns developed in the living room.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Twenty Seven
His years as a washroom attendant had prepared him for a career in tech support. “Please hold.”
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Twenty Eight
The years may not have been kind to her but the people that loved her were and that was more important by far.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Twenty Nine
The albino mutants might have killed the Cheerleaders of the Wasteland if the girls hadn't offered up such great skin care tips.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirty
He vowed to leave town tonight before his dreams were pushed aside by the needs of the newborn son he was holding in his arms.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirty One
Amazing Ed insisted that he could talk to fish, it was just that the damn fish wouldn't listen.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirty Two
She explained to them that she refused to go to church until they put the jokes back in the bible. It was all downhill from there.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirty Three
There was no doubt in Captain Hero's mind that each of these crimes had been inspired by a one hit wonder from the 80's.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirty Four
At 12:15 PM the entire defensive line of the varsity football team began spontaneously lactating.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirty Five
She was caught between the Devil and the deep blue sea... and soon discovered that Satan was surprisingly buoyant.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirty Six
The villainous Lord Pigman could have revealed Captain Hero's true identity but he knew no one likes a squealer.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirty Seven
Nobody expected the CEO visit to go well, but no one expected the division supervisors to feed him marijuana-laced brownies either.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirty Eight
After years of suppressing her sexual fantasies they call came bubbling to the surface, tragically she was driving at the time.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirty Nine
It looked like a massage parlor but it was really a den of sin and depravity, Karl had to go twice just to be sure.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty
Captain Eagle of the Galactic Patrol secretly liked breaking wind in his space suit.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty One
The Rolling d20s are the only known biker gang composed of D&D players.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty Two
Mario knew that suspenders were just a fat man's way of freeing himself from the tyranny of a belt.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty Three
They made love, his senses reeled, that made it all the worse when her cat rubbed its cold nose across his ass.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty Four
In order to increase employee self -esteem the call center had all headsets designed to look like tiaras.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty Five
Thirsting for revenge the Reddeath blew up Captain Hero's taxicab, Fuego's apartment and Psychotic Kid's Love Boat memorabilia.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty Six
It took a trip the US for ballerina Wanda Oliszewski to learn that Pole Dancing was very different from a Dancing Pole
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty Seven
There are many times when a spit take is appropriate, delivering a eulogy is not one of them.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty Eight
At last Captain Hero told Doomsday Girl he loved her, she still thew him down a well but she was blushing when she did it.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty Nine
As far as Agent Krump was concerned having your gout inflamed by bad takeout food was an injury in the line of duty.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifty
The unmanned deep space mission was really a plot to get rid of all the really sarcastic robots.