5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and One
Everyone admired Frogman's youthful ward, the little guy really toad the line.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Two
Arachnid-Kid's powers only allowed people to communicate telepathically with one spider at a time, then he got crawl waiting.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Three
Abner Deggent wore his scars with pride, except for the ping pong ball shaped one from an accident at a strip club in Singapore.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Four
Services at the Church Of Twitter are brief; the preacher posts 'OMG' and the congregation retweets it.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Five
“I'm no expert in demolitions,” Abner Deggent said, “but I've never heard any of the people I've blown up complain about it.”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Six
“I'm not too insecure to shower with the other men,” Deggent explained, “its that the sight of my body might make them insecure.”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Seven
Some thought it was a brilliant idea to make an erotic film based on the works of Ayn Rand but no one went to see ATLAS TUGGED.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Eight
It was the only full service car wash that allowed you to talk to the dead, the secret was their Squeegee Boards.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Nine
The Maven hadn't meant to kill that villain but now she had to deal with the legal consequences and the fan mail from Frank Miller.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Ten
She could write anywhere but she found that when she needed to be sitting on the toilet if she wanted her work to be really pithy.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Eleven
The candidate compared herself to a grizzly bear, which was ironic considering how often she mauled the English language.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Twelve
“If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with. But for God's sake ask permission first.”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Thirteen
It was his job to care for any women of ill repute that suffered broken limbs, it was all part of the Emergency Broad Cast System.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Fourteen
All he was saying was that a spit take from Jim Carey was a radically different thing than a spit take from Sasha Grey.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Fifteen
A temporal rift sent parts of his spice rack to the future creating a thyme paradox for Rosemary.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Sixteen
The senator explained that he was a culture warrior and his being in a rest stop bathroom wearing a ball gag was reconnaissance.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Seventeen
It was her dream to win the world's record for eating the most ice cream, and after a rocky road her dream came true.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Eighteen
He cried havoc several times but the dogs of war just kept sniffing each others butts.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Nineteen
He had enjoyed the thrill of driving in the nude, at least until his car broke down leaving him in public with an exposed manifold.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Twenty
“The Creationist has begun destroying natural history museums,” the Maven said, “once again his modus operandi has evolved.”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Twenty One
It wasn't until that first gulp that he realized his wife had found his Fleshlight and switched it with his thermos.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Twenty Two
Extensive online research resulted in the blockbuster film JUSTIN BIEBER VS PREDATOR.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Twenty Three
Stellar-Man had to stop wearing spandex because all the ladies on the team could tell when he was using his x-ray vision.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Twenty Four
The Muse had an affair with an ocean spirit. Talk about doing the wave.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Twenty Five
Some people spend their lives on the Road of Sanity, others veer onto the Psycho Path.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Twenty Six
She went from working in the animal husbandry field to a newsreader a FOX news specializing in artificial dissemination.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Twenty Seven
He defended himself against the charges of bestiality with chimpanzees by claiming he was just backwards compatible.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Twenty Eight
The choice was to be burned to death in a wicker man or be locked for 24 hours in a cinema playing the Wicker Man remake.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Twenty Nine
If you have a morbidly obese dog you're either a sloppy eater or a terrible enabler.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Thirty
He was so proud of his penis that he loved slipping it in, to conversations anyway.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Thirty One
The mad scientist didn't want anyone to know he was gay so he created a female clone and married it. Talk about growing a beard.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Thirty Two
Eventually the creators of TUMBLR realized the inevitable and started giving away coupons for hand lotion with each new account.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Thirty Three
The Reverend had no qualms about buying a mansion with church money. Did they expect a servant of the Lord to live in a stable?
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Thirty Four
Rob Zombie's latest film was set in a giant store that sold role-playing games. He called it HOUSE OF A 1,000 COREBOOKS.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Thirty Five
Captain Hero adjusted his cape and said, “We face our greatest challenge ever!”
“Yeah,” Psychotic Kid agreed, “until next month.”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Thirty Six
She said, “I hope you realize this is your last chance.”
He shrugged, “I guess we need to get a new Monopoly set.”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Thirty Seven
It was only later that Abner Deggent realized the cult had used a fake octopus to guard the treasure. He felt like such a sucker.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Thirty Eight
She asked her Guidance Councilor what he thought of her SAT scores, he gave her a thong and directions to the local strip club.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Thirty Nine
It didn't matter if you had to turn the clock ahead or back, when you worked in a barber shop it was always daylight shavings time.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Forty
He was excited about the Family Medical Leave Act until he realized it wasn't going to help him leave his family.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Forty One
The ogre wizard had evil appetites, he had unicorn meat stored in the freezer, elf bones in his bread and a gnome on the range.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Forty Two
She stood in the voting booth trying to decide which corporate-backed millionaire would protect the average citizen.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Forty Three
Once the sex toy manufacturer bought the puzzle game factory the creation of the 'Pubic's Cube' was inevitable.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Forty Four
“For the last time-” Captain Hero poked Amazing Ed in the chest for emphasis, “-there is no 'Casual Friday' for crimefighters!”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Forty Five
As a young man he wanted to become an action hero like in the movies, by 40 he was just a whacky neighbor like in a sitcom.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Forty Six
The on-call doctor stared at the man's lacerated groin in confusion until he realized what the EMT's had meant by a 'head injury'.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Forty Seven
Ralph's years of management experience taught him that fiendish laughter motivated employees far more than the occasional pep talk.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Forty Eight
1821: His ring-shaped bandages for bunions were ahead of their time. His calling them 'Corn Holes' was a critical mistake.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Forty Nine
Soon the penalty for pirating adult films was to work in the industry. There is no recidivism after a week as a donkey fluffer.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Fifty
Early to bed and early to rise but she still fell asleep at her desk most afternoons.
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