5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and One Through One Thousand One Hundred and Fifty

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and One

"Time transforms from teenagers desperately trying to get laid into adults desperately trying to keep teenagers from having sex."

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Two

As a young man Louie didn't have the patience for hobbies. Once erectile dysfunction set in he filled a room with ships in bottles.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Three

Amazing Ed vowed to keep frighting crime until he got a little respect, or at least until they made an action figure based on him.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Four

When you joined the Holy Order you either got a Doctorate or became the priest of a small town. It was publish or parish.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Five

Binge drinking, fights and impromptu wet t-shirt contests- it was the weirdest call center she had ever worked in.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Six

Prince Reynart lived in an enchanted castle where all the furniture had come to life. It was impossible to masturbate in private.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Seven

Gary was constantly crossing the line between a successful first date and taking a hostage.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Eight

Professor Apocalypse wore his battle armor to meetings of the Earthwide Crime League so he could nap and no one would notice.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Nine

Abner Deggent was surprised to find a tarantula on the pillow beside him. Most of his one night stands just left a thank you note.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Ten

Magwier grinned, "Nothing pisses off the dark spirits more than using a tarot deck to build a house of cards atop a Ouija board."

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Eleven

The Cannibal Congressman looked up from his eyeball stew and said, "Waiter! There's a stye in my soup."

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twelve

They drummed him out of the army because he kept getting venereal diseases, it brought a new meaning to 'Dishonorable Discharge.'

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirteen

It wasn't until later that the Greater Regional Organization of Super Stars realized their unfortunate acronym.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Fourteen

Lorelei said, "Just because I call him my lover that doesn't mean I'm in love with him. What's so hard to understand about that?"

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Fifteen

He watched the crimson haired nurse drawing his blood and thought to himself this was always the way it went for him with redheads.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Sixteen

It wasn't until Gary tried to become the world's tallest midget wrestler that he truly began to understand the nature of prejudice.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Seventeen

She spent about an hour a day listening to her iPod, and about a two hours trying to untangle the wires for her earbuds.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Eighteen

The worst part about becoming one with the cosmos is the paperwork.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Nineteen

She declared "The party don't start till I walk in." but that's how it is when you're a birthday clown.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty

Hrothgar was conceived in the fires of passion and forged in the heat of battle- is it any wonder that he hated cold toilet seats?

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty One

Silver Siren's battle with a misogynistic villain at an atomic test site started the "Nuking Women In Refrigerators" controversy.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Two

As far as Karl was concerned if God hadn't wanted us to make out with your cousins he wouldn't have made it so damn easy to do.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Three

There was urine all over the baby grand, someone had been tinkling the ivories.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Four

Say what you will but Domatrixes always have the most interesting garage sales.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Five

Most great loves last far longer than the relationships they create.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Six

His only superpower was that he could make soft rock hits of the 70's play through your head. He was hated and feared by all.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Seven

One anti-government militia group is composed entirely of drag queens, insurgency has never looked so fabulous.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Eight

"I knew a woman that wrote stories about Death and Time," Magwier said, "but she just liked to play God."

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Nine

Yeats tried his hand at childrens' songs but nobody wants to sing about Peter Cottontail slouching towards Bethlehem.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty

Agents of the government ordered Amazing Ed to register. He didn't understand why, he wasn't even engaged.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty One

Her bosses didn't like her using the internet at work for her personal business, especially since she put on erotic webcam shows.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Two

Dancing sluts, performing geeks and the deformed can no longer be found in sideshows, now they have programs on basic cable.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Three

These days superheroes don't wear masks to protect their loved ones, they do it to protect their health insurance.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Four

No one wanted a bible in Choose Your Own Adventure format.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Five

When the corporate discussed 'encouraging a sales culture' everyone knew what they really meant was 'act like a bunch of pricks'.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Six

That night Captain Hero and the Maven learned the Crime Countess' dark secret- she was really from Weehawken, New Jersey.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Seven

Visits to Grandma's just weren't the same after she gave up canning preserves for cooking meth.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Eight

The entire football team tested negative for steroids, the mascot on the other hand was all shrunken testicles and rage.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Nine

Karl told everyone he was having sex on the beach, no one knew he was letting sea anemones crawl along the underside of his penis.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Forty

The tornado was coming, there was nowhere for Lorelei to run. She was either going to die or end up with a fancy new pair of shoes.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Forty One

Whenever he got a rejection slip he made love to his wife to ease the pain. By the time he sold his novel he had eleven kids.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Forty Two

As she sat in the bathroom stall typing away on her Blackberry she wonder if she was the only one to Twitter on the shitter.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Forty Three

She didn't like the idea of being in the same place as all her ex-boyfriends but it was the only cemetery in town.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Forty Four

Supervillainess 'The Hairdresser' liked to wear short short skirts. What a tease.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Forty Five

They didn't have to put Rover down after all. This is the way the dog ends, not with a bang but with distemper.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Forty Six

When Thalia agreed to with Rusty Johnson to the tractor pulls she had assumed they would be in the audience. She assumed wrong.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Forty Seven

It was a story of a young girl with a messiah complex- they called it 'Little Miss Martyr'.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Forty Eight

"Everyone talks about the Necromonicon's many blasphemies. No one ever mentions Abul AlHazred's recipe for Tuna Wiggle."

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Forty Nine

It was his love of fast motorcycles and fast food that earned him the nickname 'Cheesy Rider'.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Fifty

Once again Abner Deggent felt the call to the open sea and to adventure- plus that waitress from Spokane might be pregnant...

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred And Fifty One Through One Thousand Two Hundred

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Fifty One

He explained that his quest to protect family values drove him to scour the Internet for pornography and save it to his hard drive.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Fifty Two

The Reddeath preferred to kill all witnesses, not because he had to but just to keep in practice.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Fifty Three

She had a fear of strangers and you couldn't much stranger than Gary.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Fifty Four

Her baby took the morning train, which was why the charged her with child abandonment.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Fifty Five

It was a battle between superheroes, vampires, pro wrestlers and stage magicians. The air was thick with capes.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Fifty Six

He spent hours online searching for spoilers and then complaining online that there was nothing new or surprising at the movies.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Fifty Seven

He thought having a computerized scrotum was be awesome but he had frequent testicle difficulties.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Fifty Eight

Years later he finally got into his high school sweetheart's pants. She was in the Wal Mart changing room when he stole them.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Fifty Nine

Bitter experience taught Karl that in reality naughty nurses didn't do much more than steal your shoes while you were sleeping.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Sixty

"And your instructor in Consonant Only education is Mr. Jhn Smth."

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Sixty One

Abner Deggent wasn't worried when his enemies conspired against him but it was another matter when his ex-wives got together.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Sixty Two

Apple created a special run of products just for Wiccans, that way you could go skyclad with your iPad.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Sixty Three

It wasn't until after he'd hung up the red phone that Commander Infinity realized he'd said "Bye bye." to the President.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Sixty Four

They were a superhero team composed entirely of people with skin disorders. Who watches the Blotchmen?

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Sixty Five

He was a traveling salesman. She was a farmer's daughter. Theirs was a love story that would inspire a generation.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Sixty Six

No one cared that the crimefighter's name was actually Splendidman -his insignia was a complete infringement of copyright.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Sixty Seven

They say that if you can't get what you want, you get what you need but Ray kept getting what he deserved.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Sixty Eight

Online voting was used to update the names of the month for the 21st century. We celebrate this change every 9th of Faptober.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Sixty Nine

"What is that thing where married couples start finishing each other's sentences?" Zeth puzzled, "Ah yes. The Stockholm Syndrome."

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Seventy

Corporate preferred a 'loose management style' which was just another way of saying 'plausible deniability'.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Seventy One

His deeply held religious views led him to name the tyranosaurus-filled island he was stranded on the Land The Dinosaur Rapture Forgot.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Seventy Two

"My Mom missed my tenth birthday party because somebody brought a rabid burro to a policy meeting," Lorelei said, "childhood huh?"

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Seventy Three

The Mathmagican could turn equations into physical objects, there was nothing worse than having her hit you with a pi in the face.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Seventy Four

The members of the Order of the Hidden Urinal greet each other with something a little more than a secret handshake.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Seventy Five

Megaton Minotaur loved to break things- cars, buildings, superheroes, it didn't matter.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Seventy Six

She said to him, "I'm not a little girl anymore."

And he agreed, "Not with those implants."

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Seventy Seven

He said, "I have no doubt that the Bible is the word of God but I am also sure he had the Devil for an editor. Most writers do."

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Seventy Eight

Adult film stars began to endorse breakfast cereals, it wasn't long before 'Sasha Grey's Frosted Mini Teats' became a best seller.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Seventy Nine

The worst part about suffering the death of a thousand screams was that the executioner kept losing count.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Eighty

It was just her luck that she was eating calamari by the seashore the day dream Cthulhu rose and stormed ashore.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Eighty One

Even though Abner Deggent escaped the two dozen naked men chasing him the flapping sounds would haunt him forever.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Eighty Two

The Maven and Psychotic Kid got into the Crime Countess' hideout with a combination of stealth and well-timed prank phone calls.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Eighty Three

She didn't so much measure her age in years as she did on the relevance of her pop culture references.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Eighty Four

The truth is that cats don't have nine lives, just lots of stunt doubles.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Eighty Five

He tried to bring sexy back but he'd lost the receipt.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Eighty Six

Abner Deggent awoke to find his room ablaze but soon he realized he'd gotten an equally scorching case of the crabs in Singapore.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Eighty Seven

Whenever he thought about her he touched himself and since he was a pirate with a hook for a hand injuries were abundant.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Eighty Eight

The Mathmagician knew she had to fight the evil clone of Albert Einstien but she was E=MC scared

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Eighty Nine

Trent never shut up, he was always talking and talking. That's why he had a closed casket funeral and the undertaker went mad.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Ninety

Audra learned that magic was like skipping to the end of a mystery novel to see whodunnit, and most of the time it was you-dunnit.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Ninety One

It wasn't easy get a hold of that much phlegm in so short a time but the neighbor kids never sneaked into his pool at night again.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Ninety Two

As she fed the last bits of her husband's body into the shredding gears she said, "Tell me to be more chipper will ya?"

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Ninety Three

Ninjas, mobsters and mutated psychopaths stormed the church, this kind of thing always happened when super heroes got married.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Ninety Four

He needed to be sure of the future so he dumped tea leaves onto the bumps on his head while he staring into a crystal ball.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Ninety Five

The new mission values statement told the employees they were held to the same standards as the CEO, the looting began at dawn.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Ninety Six

He died as he lived, smothered under plus-sized models. Lucky bastard.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Ninety Seven

The villain said, "They call me Killjoy because I enjoy killing!"

The Maven said, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Ninety Eight

They tore off each others clothes in the heat of passion. In the morning they saw the light of reason.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Ninety Nine

He won raves as a dancing spoon and a dancing chair but when it came to being dancing teapot he just couldn't get a handle on it.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred

Even though he had been around for years no one really knew much about Dr. Obscure.