5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Fifty One Through One Thousand

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Fifty One

She hated the back columns of the newspaper, it was personal.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Fifty Two

Thalia got as many letters denouncing her as a pagan whore as she did requests for pictures. Sometimes from the same return address.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Fifty Three

Rusty Johnson didn't realize he'd chased Megaton Minotaur into quicksand until he started to get a sinking feeling.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Fifty Four

At the brothel you could pay extra for 'the girlfriend experience' or half price for 'the ex-wife ordeal'.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Fifty Five

They tried to have sex while parachuting but were blown off course.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Fifty Six

The actual motorcycle accident didn't upset him, flying into the back end of an open manure truck did.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Fifty Seven

Crimefighting luchador Fuego loved to relax with a sauna after a long day; his costume off, his mask still on.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Fifty Eight

Jason Magwier explained, "It is easy enough to summon angels and demons, but it isn't easy getting the angels to leave."

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Fifty Nine

Jason Magwier explained, "It is easy enough to summon angels and demons, but it isn't easy getting the angels to leave."

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Sixty

The Invisible Handyman used a special lacquer to varnish from sight.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Sixty One

The best thing about robot hookers was using the inbuilt ATM to pay for some ATM.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Sixty Two

They tried to have a Quality Assurance department for assassins but anyone that gave a bad evaluation was dead within 24 hours.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Sixty Three

His habit of saying "I dare you" resulted in two failed marriages, an arrest and an unfortunate tattoo.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Sixty Five

Hero or villain, if you made a wisecrack with the phrase "Quoth the-" in it the Maven gave you a beating.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Sixty Four

Amazing Ed's nemesis Angry Dan hinted at his crimes with strongly worded letters to the editor.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Sixty Six

It was obvious that Cletus didn't know anything about Hip Hop music when he showed up at the concert with a pogo stick.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Sixty Seven

Once perverted time travelers started traveling back in time to have sex with Neanderthals things started to get hairy.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Sixty Eight

The Cheerleaders of the Apocolypse made their way across the desert jeep that was heavily armored, and gaily streamered.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Sixty Nine

No one realized just how mad a scientist Professor Lindquist was until he started trying to get body parts off cragislist.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Seventy

The shuttle successfully brought the first cross-dresser into space, but upon re-entry there were problems with the drag chute.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Seventy One

There are stationary stores in Hell with all kinds of personalized cards but none of them have sympathy for the Devil.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Seventy Two

Gwen loved him from the moment she saw him, but she never saw him again.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Seventy Three

He tore open his shirt with a cry of "This is a job for Amazing Ed!" Then he realized he was already in costume.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Seventy Four

"Then, once I'm hooked on meth I'll wait until I withered away to my target BMI then I go to rehab. It's so crazy it might work!"

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Seventy Five

Melvin didn't know a dead athlete was haunting him until he awoke to the sensation of a ghostly scrotum resting on his cheek.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Seventy Six

Psychotic Kid couldn't wait for this year's master ninja convention, last year there had only been twenty survivors.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Seventy Seven

She'd lost count of the number of times she'd become distracted.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Seventy Six

He brought his razor sharp wit to college where he made short work of one dull course after another.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Seventy Eight

"I'm trapped," Magwier said, "trapped between the man I'm going to become and the man I could be. They're fighting for my soul."

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Seventy Nine

"It's an unwritten rule," Captain Hero explained, "the longer your fight crime, the more padding you add to your costume."

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Eighty

No one suspected that Fuego constantly wore a mask to hide his shameful past as an actor in direct to video family comedies.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Eighty One

He came in to work each morning full of enthusiasm, eager to face the day's challenges- and that was why his co-workers killed him.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Eighty Three

At first she was disturbed by her lover's foot fetish, then she realized her toes had never been more lint free.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Eighty Four

Commander Infinity reminded the members of the team to use the official battle cry. It was all about branding these days.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Eighty Five

In the 1950's Abner Deggent's manly, two-fisted adventures thrilled a nation; sadly many of them were reclassified as hate crimes.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Eighty Six

They found a way to make diamonds out of human hair but no one wanted a pubic zirconia.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Eighty Seven

"No going sky-clad," Judy said, "how does my bare ass have anything to do with magic?"

Lorelei shrugged, "Maybe a fear spell?"

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Eighty Eight

At first Thalia got criminals to surrender by offering sex, it was effective but it wreaked havoc with the rate of recidivism.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Eighty Nine

He really got into impersonating different celebrities on Twitter, within a year he had begun producing a movie with himself.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Ninety

Cyrborg redneck Rusty Johnson added a flame thrower attachment just in time to be the torchbearer for the Monster Truck Olympics.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Ninety One

He crashed his crotch rocket while trying to use an ear candle and barely escaped by the skin of his teeth.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Ninety Two

Bad enough the Maven had escaped from their deathtrap but then to find out she finished the NY Times Crossword first? And in PEN?

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Ninety Three

The water was cool and inviting; the lampreys well fed and used to the screams of skinny-dippers.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Ninety Four

It was a bad idea to loot the temple and set the cannibals on the warpath. But what else was there to do on this miserable island?

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Ninety Five

She was tired of it of her husband spending every free hour searching for UFOs and then coming to her at night asking to be probed.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Ninety Six

Throughout the 70's the Midnight Marvels protected River City only to be brought down by an avalanche of lawsuits in the late 80's.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Ninety Seven

After another attempt on her life Nikola Preceptor of the Greater Eastern Council of Mystagogues rethought her open door policy.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Ninety Eight

Her room at the hospice was filled with family, friends and admirers at all hours of the day but she still died alone. We all do.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Ninety Nine

“It's terrible!” Thalia said, “Captain Hero got distracted by the sight of Doomsday Girl tying her bootlace and drove into a wall.”

5 Second Fiction One Thousand

Once upon a time there was an author that wrote 1000 Five Second Fictions that made people happy and that made him very happy.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand And One Through One Thousand And Fifty

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and One

"When 'The Bedwetter's Society' calls in for tech support with their web page, don't ask them about their IP."

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Two

"Life is not a dress rehearsal," Psychotic Kid said, "it's the training montage before the final battle with oblivion."

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Three

The Grim Reaper stopped by the pharmacy to try and find something to help with his 'not so fleshed' feeling.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Four

As per his final will and testament his ashes were mixed in with a batch of stripper glitter.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Five

Captain Hero shouted, “The formula left him half-man half tree!”

Amazing Ed winced, “The poor sap...”

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Six

Everyone knows the legend of how 'the Screaming Commandos' earned their name, but the truth is stranger, and it involves syphilis.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seven

Captain Hero wondered about his old team the River City Rangers, their breakup had been acrimonious and had involved giant robots.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eight

From atop a cathedral the Maven considered the crime-ridden streets below her, or as she liked to call it ' getting her brood on'.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Nine

When he made love to his wife he imagined he was with someone else, she imagined she was with ANYONE else.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ten

George Washington may have had wooden teeth but he was never one to burn his bridges.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eleven

Not content to just break the color barrier, superheroes Lightning and Thunder also broke the sound barrier and scales respectively.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twelve

"The afterlife should be like a good spouse," Audra said, "loving, forgiving and open minded enough for a little mischief."

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Thirteen

He accidentally brushed his teeth with fruity bubblegum toothpaste, it left him feeling like he had a mouthful of clown semen.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fourteen

Every time they tried to fire her she found a way to come back, it was the HR version of a horror film.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifteen

He didn't like the depressive side of manic-depression but at least when he was manic he caught up on the housework.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixteen

Bitter experience made the Lord decree that all angels must go into therapy to keep them from suffering delusions of godhood.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventeen

Magwier told her, "I don't want any more possibilities or plans I just want us- her -together-now." But it was already too late.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighteen

The Psychotic Kid had promised himself he wouldn't cry but the bastards were using tear gas.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Nineteen

She had only really been in love three times in her life and she had the Restraining Orders to prove it.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twenty

"Life is like being part of an avalanche," Zeth said, "you learn how to settle."

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twenty One

He liked to say "Now that's what I'm talking about!" but no one really knew what the Hell he was talking about most of the time.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twenty Two

The bone-white van sped by, a nightmare in the driver's seat, Audra said, “A headless milkman? Now I have seen everything.”

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twenty Three

Not only do the vampires of the Jersey shore have to sleep in their native Earth they must re-apply their spray-on tan at midnight.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twenty Four

Pliers, a bungee cord and a bottle of vodka are all you need to enter into the exciting field of 'extreme dentistry'.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twenty Five

Back in the 70s a lot of superheroes were into wife swapping, it gave a new meaning to the term "swinging from rooftop to rooftop".

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twenty Six

Trying to get famous via the Internet is like waiting to be abducted by horny lingerie models. You better have a plan B.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twenty Seven

The submarine was deep in enemy waters when dysentery struck, leaving the crew with no option but to go to silent running.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twenty Eight

In a world awash with unfortunate names most agreed that Regeana Dentata got a raw deal.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twenty Nine

Tired of being henpecked, he told his wife exactly what he thought of her. In a letter. That he kept in his safety deposit box.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Thirty

Everyone wants to be the hero of their own story, and in doing so they inevitably make themselves of villain of someone else's."

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Thirty One

Abner Deggent claimed he was sent to break Nazi morale by seducing their women; he said it was a long hard mission.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Thirty Two

Brian was overjoyed to go to Heaven and become an angel, then he discovered he was allergic to feathers.

5 second Fiction One Thousand and Thirty Three

Sometimes Abner Deggent crossed paths with a mysterious character called 'the Scotsman' but then he got kilt.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Thirty Four

She met him via speed dating only to find out later he could only perform speed loving.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Thirty Five

The girls talked about their first times- they involved summer camp, a world cruse and 20 minutes before a bus crash respectively.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Thirty Six

Captain Hero's taxi skidded to a halt and he charged out tackling the jewel thieves. The meter was running- on Justice!

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Thirty Seven

Polidori Lord of the vampires perused the 'Paranormal Romance' section of the bookstore and then promptly killed himself.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Thirty Eight

"There's a madman in River City killing people with electrified shoes," Fuego said, "truly these are times that try mens' soles."

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Thirty Nine

Abner Deggent tried to establish dominance over the swarm of snapping turtles by waving his genitals at them. It didn't end well.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Forty

He had a thing for plus-sized mathematicians, the more full-figured the better.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Forty One

None of the Local Heroes knew why the Shriners hated Psychotic Kid but whenever they attacked there was free candy everywhere.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Forty Two

Karl had considered himself a breast man until that terrible day he found himself trapped in an elevator full of sumo wrestlers.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Forty Three

For him Heaven was spending eternity with the four girlfriends he had loved the most, oddly enough that was their version of Hell.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Forty Four

Anger the League of Time Traveling Dominatrices and you'll get a retro-active spanking which usually makes you a customer for life.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Forty Five

It wasn't the first time something in Captain Hero's utility belt had gone off accidentally but now he was banned from Denny's.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Forty Six

Held prisoner by a tribe of bloodthirsty cannibals Abner Deggent had only two goals; escape and scoring with one of their women.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Forty Seven

The first rule of Mime Club is you don't talk about Mime Club.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Forty Eight

"I have traveled in time! Fought gods and monsters!" Hrothgar the Viking roared, but it didn't help him qualify for a credit card.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Forty Nine

Abner Deggent knew that once the girls had exhausted him the fertility ritual would end and he would die. He stiffened his resolve.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifty

It isn't easy taking a shower when you're a cyborg but thankfully Rusty Johnson had paid extra for the undercoating.