"In My Mind" Music Video from Amanda Palmer on Vimeo.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Acthon Packed
(An excerpt from Price Breaks And Heartaches)
by
Al Bruno III
It was my day off and I was at Adrian's parent's house, the grid map and cardboard counters were spread out on the floor before us, there were dice and rulebooks within easy reach and of course we had plenty of scrap paper.
By the way, you ever notice some people call it scratch paper? I don't get that at all... you're not scratching it at all, you're scribbling on it.
I guess it's a semantics thing.
Semantics aside we had everything we needed to pretend we were super heroes without having to wear spandex in public.
I believe you kids call it ‘Cosplaying’ now- in our day it was called 'inviting arrests and beatings’.
Semantics again.
"Boy," Daniel said, "I hope this week's game is as cool as last weeks. Spider-Lad really kicked ass."
"I have to agree with you," I said, "it was fun fighting giant robot Presidents. The Frost's ice blasts really came in handy."
"Bah," Gordon frowned, "Patient Zero's powers were utterly ineffective against opponents without an immune system."
For those of you getting confused, as part of the role playing game experience we all made up our own super heroes- I was the Frost a crimefighter with ice powers, Gordon played Patient Zero an man whose power was he had all known diseases and Daniel was playing Spider-Lad.
Not very original I know but Spider-Lad was a marked improvement over his Superguy character.
"Well," Adrian said, "your heroes will be glad to learn that you've gotten a lot of positive publicty from saving the city."
"Awesome!" I said.
"Of course Spider-Lad and the Frost are less than happy to discover they have herpes."
Daniel dropped his dice, "Wha-what?"
Gordon said, "Sorry guys, it turns that Patient Zero's Venereal Blast had a bit of an area effect. I guess I made it too moist."
"Herpes?" I couldn't believe my ears, "Super heroes don't get herpes! James Bond maybe..."
Adrian tried to hide his smirk, "Sorry guys."
This was the thing about role playing games, to a certain level you were at the mercy of the story being created by the game master and it seemed like Adrian didn't enjoy seeing his players having more fun than he was.
So why did I keep playing?
I still ask myself that question.
Once Spider-Lad and the Frost had added some medicated lotions to their utility belts the game got started.
"This is so lame," Gordon said, "what super team patrols the streets on ten speed bikes?"
"We do," Daniel said.
"Well," I said, "if we had pooled out character points like I said we could have gotten that battle van I picked out but you insisted your character had to have jaundice vision and don't get my started on Spider-Lad's super special power!"
Adrian shouted, "Hey! He had to spend all his points on being able to communicate telepathically with spiders! It's totally in character for him!"
"Just you wait," Daniel said, "that power is going to come in handy some day."
"Back to the game please," Adrian said.
Soon enough our terrific trio bicycled right into danger when we heard a bank alarm go off. We carefully locked our bikes up and headed to investigate. Adrian set the scene.
"You find the bank in a shambles, there is a morbidly obese man heading for the doorway- he's moving at speeds approaching sixty miles an hour!"
"Oh no!" Gordon said, "It's Speedload!"
*
That's right, Speedload, a 300 pound man that can run at roughly the speed of sound. he made fast work of our heroes by charging into us, causing earthquakes with his high speed stomping and in one case blinding Spider-Lad with a well timed flick of his brow sweat.
Once we had been thoroughly humiliated it was time for a pizza break. Since we were gaming at Adrian's house he refused to pay for any of it but probably ate about half of our order when all was said and done.
I wanted to talk about the game and keep my thoughts as far away from reality as possible.
No such luck.
*
"I've got an interview at the arcade next week," Gordon said, "I've been practicing counting change all week."
"You really want this job don't you?" I asked.
"I have two long term goals for my life, one is managing an arcade the other is meeting Peter Mayhew. Now if I could manage an arcade owned by Peter Mayhew..."
Daniel said, "College has been awesome so far, you can ditch class anytime you want."
"I wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life," was all I could say.
Having burned his mouth scarfing down pizza Adrian spoke last, "My Dad'th going to thend me to buithneth thchool next year but firtht he wanth me to work with him in hith T-Thirt Thop."
"I still can't believe your Dad makes so much money off t-shirts with dirty sayings on them." I said casting another glance around the glamorous looking parlor.
"It'th not jutht the dirty thayings, it'th the merchandithing- TV thows and rock bandth."
Gordon smirked, "Didn't you guys get in trouble for selling unlicensed tie ins?"
"Hey man everyone doth that, ethpethially after contherth. Do you know how much they charge for the offithal t-thirtth? We offer a viable alternative. It'th capatialithm at itth finetht."
"Hey Al," Daniel asked, "you still chasing after Lilly?"
"I'm not chasing her, I'm courting her," I explained, "chasing makes me sound desperate."
"I don't know what you thee in her," Adrian sneered, "the's thuch a bitth."
"So, she wouldn't go out with you either huh?"
Thursday, November 17, 2011
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Eighty Six
The local potato farmers sought publicity by posing naked with their produce, but no one was interested in their little tubers.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Eighty Five
Time Travelers with kids have an easier to settling those “He started it” - “No she started it” arguments than ordinary parents do.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Eighty Four
Katie was so excited when her car was towed from a ditch by dromedary beasts, but no one wanted to hear about her camel tow.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Eighty Three
The Democrat Dominatrix always gave her liberal bondage fetishists a fifty cent discoount so they could have Rope and Change.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Eighty Two
Superheroes know that the only things that come from rebooting the universe are dead sidekicks and skimpier costumes
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Eighty One
He didn't mind his girlfriend popping the zits on his back, it was when she started using her teeth that he got upset.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Eighty
The documentary would have featured footage showing how telephone poles are made but there were problems with post production.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Seventy Nine
Mario stopped by the bakery the day after Thanksgiving so he could stock up on day old pastries. He called it 'Snack Friday.'
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Seventy Eight
Abner Deggent caught the thief on an abandoned yacht. His wife said it was one of the rare times he had found the man in the boat.
Footage of how a woman's mind reacts to meeting me for the first time!
Watch The World’s First Footage Of A Female Brain During Orgasm
Friends, what we have here is the "world's first movie of the female brain as it approaches, experiences and recovers from an orgasm." Watch as the body's most complex organ goes from a quiet red to a scorching hot yellow-white, as synapses fire and oxygen levels change...
Monday, November 14, 2011
Sorry friends and readers, no new PRICE BREAKS AND HEARTACHES this week...
Don't worry though we are still on track for the Wensday and Friday postings...
You could always go back and read one of your favorite installments...
Or share this link with your friends...
The somewhat true story of how I barely lost my virginity, almost missed out on true love and nearly lost my mind!
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Portrait of the Writer as a Young Idiot by George Vasilakos |
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
The story that explains how I went from this-
to THIS!
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