It looks cool to me but I am not sure how it will do with mainstream audiences.
And speaking of the girls...
Did you watch Doctor Who’s mid-series finale “A Good Man Goes To War” and sense some serious spin-off potential in Victorian lady-lizard Madame Vastra and her katana-twirling maidservant Jenny? You weren’t alone. “I instantly pitched it to Ben Stephenson [Controller, Drama Commissioning],” showrunner Steven Moffat exclusively tells SFX. “He just said ‘…Yes!’. And then I said ‘I obviously don’t have time to do this…’ [laughs].”...
Premarital Sex And Other Sticky Situations
(An excerpt from Price Breaks And Heartaches)
Al Bruno III
Her parents were out of town. What more could a pair of young adults need?
I will always remember stirring that one Saturday morning, that morning I had woken to see Tallulah had been watching me sleep. Her eyes positively sparkled. We were naked under the covers of her bed. As far as I was concerned this was already shaping up to be a memorable day.
If I only knew how memorable it was going to be.
The previous night we had watched the Headbangers’ Ball and she had learned I was a closet metalhead. Then I learned that she was a closet sci-fi fan and considered reading the DUNE novels to be one of the most important events of her adolescence.
Then the time for conversation had ended and we moved to the bedroom. My lovemaking was still as clumsy as it was sweet but I somehow managed work past my weirding way so I could rock her like a hurricane. Two spent condoms later we had drifted off to sleep.
The only bad point about that night had been the family dog, an elderly poodle named Puff that had gotten into the habit of sneaking into the room so he could stare blankly at us or worse yet steal an article of my clothing to gnaw on.
“Good morning,” she grinned at me.
I grinned back, “It sure is.”
“What do you want for breakfast?”
“You,” I said as I moved closer.
Ah, the energy and virility of nineteen. How I miss it now when I’m in my forties and every other lovemaking session ends in what can only be referred to as a taffy pull.
Once we had finished it was off to the shower, which we shared, giggling at the mischief of it. Then we dressed regretfully and Tallulah made me pancakes. I watched her, my heart brimming over. Nothing else mattered, it was though we were the last people on Earth.
Suddenly there was a knock at the door.
We exchanged panicked glances. “Who’s that?”
She switched off the stove, “Quick! Go make the bed!”
I blundered from the kitchen table, ran to her room, stumbled over the dog and tipped over the bedside wastebasket.
“Oh Hi Uncle Bill!” I heard her say.
I threw the covers up over the bed, then zipped across the hall and after tripping over the dog again made a show of walking out the bathroom.
“Uncle Bill,” Tallulah gave me a panicked smile, “this is Al... my boyfriend.”
This was the first time she had ever referred to me as her boyfriend but I was too busy marveling at her Uncle Bill’s height and shoulder width to enjoy it.
“Good to meet you,” I said.
Uncle Bill eyed me suspiciously, “You’re here early.”
“Yes... yes I am.”
“I am on my way to work, I thought we could have breakfast together.”
Tallulah said, “Exactly!”
Uncle Bill turned to her, “Your Dad wanted me to check up on you. He was worried.”
We all stood there for a moment looking uncomfortably at each other. Puff walked past us with a friendly, “Furph.”
“Would you like to join us?” Tallulah said.
“Yes, I would,” Uncle Bill replied. We led him to the kitchen. He and I sat down at the table and Tallulah got back to the business of making pancakes.
Funny isn’t it? On one hand my girlfriend and I were consenting adults, on the other hand we were worried about getting grounded for life.
Uncle Bill leaned back in his chair, “Al, I hear you want to be a writer.”
“Yes,” I said, “if I live long enough.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Furph.” Puff called from the parlor.
Tallulah and I made small talk with Uncle Bill over breakfast. I tried not to look guilty or like an idiot but idiot is pretty much my default in situations like this.
Puff’s Furph-ings had become an almost gagging sound. “He better not be barfing on the carpet again,” Tallulah’s voice moved from panic to aggravation.
“I’ll take care of it,” I got up from the table, “my Mom is a dog breeder. I’m an old hand at cleaning up messes. You two keep talking.”
“Thank you!” Tallulah called after me.
In truth I was desperate to get out of there. All through my second helping of pigs in a blanket I had been envisioning Uncle Bill’s meaty hands around my throat. I found Puff in the living room.
“Furph. Furph. Furph!”
I realized in a flash of panic he was choking, I drew closer and suddenly the room began to swirl around me.
“Hey!” Uncle Bill called, “What's wrong in there?”
“Furph. Furph. Furph!”
All the pieces had fallen into place perfectly;
The overturned wastebasket...
The curious dog...
The three used condoms!
“Furph. Furph. Furph!” Puff choked and chewed. He might have looked like a mad dog but I knew that wasn't foam on his lips.
“Al?” Tallulah called, “Is Puff Ok?”
“We better check,” I could hear Uncle Bill standing up.
There was no time and I had no choice. I jammed my hand into the animal's mouth and retrieved the greasy handful of dog drool, latex and baby Brunos.
Uncle Bill's shadow fell across the room, I jammed the sticky mess into my pocket and suppressed a shudder. “What's wrong?” Uncle Bill asked again.
“I'm not sure,” I said trying to sound casual, “but I rubbed his tummy and he's fine now.”
“I guess you do have a way with dogs,” Uncle Bill smiled approvingly.
“Oh look!” Tallulah laughed with delight, “Puff is giving Al kisses!”
IN THIS TWILIGHT
By AL BRUNO III
One year and nine months in
There was an email from Helen Ginnmett sitting in his inbox, Mike had read over it at least a dozen times between calls all from thechatty greeting of “Just checking in...” to the emotionally ambiguous closing of “Thinking of you”
The body of the email itself was just a brief overview of where she was writing from- the west coast office, and where she had been- Xinjiang Province in China. Mike found it a little flattering that she thought enough of him to send him a message once in a while. When she was in London she had emailed him a picture of herself and her partner Piers Sauno standing on London Bridge, Helen had been all smiles, Piers had been glaring at something off camera.
“Thank you for calling Trinity Advance Corporation; I am Michael your Sales and Billing Technologist. How may I be of service to you today?”
Of course Mike had known that nothing real could ever come from his little tete a tete at the Christmas Party but it had been a wild ride. Helen Ginnmett had been like no other woman he'd ever been with. In the course of one night she had been both timid and adventurous, forever asking him how he thought she looked and how she was making him feel. Her body had been toned and soft all at once, her skin had been as perfect as a Playboy model. She had kept him awake all night, running her pinky nail through his graying chest hair as she asked him about his past and his dreams.
Mike smiled as he moved on to the next call.
Half an hour later Brian Hayes strode into the cubicle, a pair of security guards at either side of him, “Raymond,” he began, “I'm afraid that I am going to have to ask you to vacate the premises.”
“What?” Raymond looked up from his doodles.
One of the security guards was carrying a cardboard box, he set it down in front of Raymond. Mike tried not to react but it was hard not to at least smirk a little. This is what you get for trimming your toenails while taking calls, he thought.
Raymond went back to doodling, “You can't do this. You're not my superior. Not yet. Where is Alan Grant?”
“Alan Grant has nothing to do with this,” Brian explained, “You’ve violated the corporate non disclosure agreement.”
“No I did not.”
“We found your blog.”
Well that’s that. Mike thought, as he tried to concentrate on the call coming through.
Raymond stammered, “But what… What about my severance?”
“Your actions have voided that.” Brian Hayes said, “Sorry man.”
“You think I don’t know what you’re doing?” Raymond stood and advanced on Brian Hayes, the two security guards got in his way, “You think that I can’t reveal the really big secrets? Hey Jimmy? You ever wonder why you have trouble sleeping sometimes? And Mike? How did you like your little taste of Enlightenment? Just rearrange the letters and you can see how much of a fool they think you are.”
“You’re not helping anything,” Brian said, “You need to view this as a learning experience.”
“Fuck you. You owe me. After what I did up there? This fucking company owes me!” Raymond’s voice had become a hysterical shout. Everyone was standing up and peering over their cubicle walls at the scene, “I deserve better than this. I deserve-”
It was at that moment the security guards decided to wrestle Raymond to the ground. Keyboards and chairs flew everywhere, Raymond was still wearing his headset and it tore free from the phone as he fell. Jimmy and Mike barely had time to get clear before the tasers came out.
The duck had problems with money and self-esteem, so he called the plastic surgeon's office looking for an extension on his bill.