Saturday, March 10, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
If you enjoy the stories and other madness you find at THE WIT AND WEIRDNESS OF AL BRUNO IIIor the nerdliness and sweet sweet booty juice on display at the semi-naughty NOT ANOTHER AL BRUNO III WEBSITE why not make a donation? I could sure use it I have to admit. We recently took in a family friend that sufferened a disablity, lost her job, medical insurance and then her home. She's like a sister to me but taking care of her medical bills has left us with trouble making ends meet.
If you can send any cash my way it would be really appreciated. If you can't that's OK too.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Johnny Depp has played Ed Wood, Ichabod Crane, Jack Sparrow, Willie Wonka, Sweeney Todd and the Mad Hatter. But now he's TONTO?
TONTO? I dig Mr. Depp and am eagerly awaiting his DARK SHADOWS adaption but he's not exactly the person I imagine making me forget about Jay Silverheels... I guess we will wait and see...
This totally works for me because I think FACRSCAPE is the closest we Americans ever came to creating a show as wonderful and crazy as DOCTOR WHO. You gotta admit that the Sixth Doctor and Peri would have fit right in with Moya's mad bickering crew.
...As reported in the new issue of Doctor Who Magazine, Farscape's Ben Browder is the latest addition to the cast. He's going to appear in the third episode of the new run, which is the story written by Toby Whithouse.
And when Whithouse mentioned the other week that he'd been given a genre nobody had given him before, it seems he wasn't kidding: the story is set to take place in the wild west. Look out for Doc Brown and the DeLorean, we say...
THE COLD INSIDE
By AL BRUNO III
Tuesday November 8, 1994
No Elvis on the drive home, no music at all. Tristam knew what that meant- a Serious Talk was looming on the horizon. Great. He thought. Please let her not have called the Headmaster. That’s all I need. Of course it could be that she wanted to find out how his session had gone, she always seemed a little insecure after his weekly visits to Dr. Butterfield. Maybe she was afraid he was going to blame all his problems on her.
But isn’t that what parents are for?
His mother began, “Your father called me at work this afternoon.”
Tristam’s heart sank, “He’s not coming is he?”
“He’s stuck at work, he can’t get away.” The car paused at the intersection, up ahead there was roadwork throwing everything into a snarl, “I’m sorry. I know you’ve been wanting to see him.”
Tristam slunk down in his seat, his knees resting against the dashboard. How much more crap could happen to him in one day? With my luck the ground is just going to cave in around us, swallow me, Mom and the car up just like that. He toyed with the mental image. At least with death there would be some consistency. “I guess he’s writing me off too.”
“Don’t talk that way.” Carol said. At the first opportunity she peeled off down a side street, “He’s always been this way about his work. It’s one of the reasons why we didn’t stay together. It isn’t that he doesn’t care-”
“It’s just that he cares about his damn job more.”
“Language. I’m your mother not one of your buddies.”
“Sorry. But this stinks.”
“That’s a fact of life when you work in law enforcement, your job comes first. You should be mature enough understand that by now.”
“The world would be so much better without me.” Tristam scowled, “That’s what I understand, I’m as big a mistake as your marriage to my Dad.”
“Oh can it. You screwed up and now you’re paying for it, no one’s out to get you, the world doesn’t hate you. And you were meant to be here.”
“OK Mom I was just kinda spouting...”
“I know you. I knew who you were before you were even born, before I even knew your father’s name. You are my dream of a son and I know you’re better than this. When they took you out of me and said you weren’t breathing I prayed to God, Yahweh, Buddha, any god that might be listening to save you.”
“Hey Mom! Hey Mom!” Tristam raised his hands in mock surrender. “Woah! We are taking this from Hallmark to creepy in record time here.”
“And he’s going to call you later so you can talk all this over with him.”
“Yeah, right.” Tristam pressed his face against the window, feeling the cool spread across his flattened cheek and forehead. “He won’t call and then a few weeks from now he’ll show up with a gift and an apology. You think I don’t know by now?”
“I made him promise, he gave me his word.” Carol frowned. Her series of twists and turns had led them straight into another traffic jam. This time the problem was a double-parked delivery truck blocking the lane ahead. “I’m sure if there was a way he could clear out his schedule for you he would.”
“Whatever.” He said with a wave of his hand.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
... and I must admit I am spending a lot of time in the strange place known as Skyrim.
But just for the fun of it here is a picture of me in the High School Talent Show way back in 1986!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Price Breaks and Heartaches
A journal of retail and failed romance
The Creep On The Borderlands
In the interest of moving things along Norm gave my character, Will’s new character and Orville’s pre-rolled new arrival one random magic item each and a S.A.P.E (Standard Adventurer’s Personal Equipment). After that the adventure was underway
Will was especially excited, “This new character of mine is much better then the old one. I’m glad you found him chained to the wall of the swastika shaped treasure room.”
I agreed, “Yeah and we found new weapons and armor better then the old ones.”
Orville looked up from scrutinizing his character sheet, “Who wants a plus one sword? My character already has one.”
“If it’s not a katana it’s not really a plus anything.” Daniel said with a snort.
I stole a glance at Orville’s character sheet, “How did your character start with a plus one sword when -MY GOD look at those stats!”
He nodded, “The dice were kind.”
Norm began to set the scene, “Your characters make your way out of the treasure room back into the dungeon. Can I have your marching order please?”
There was a set of miniatures on the table, Daniel started arranging them “The newbies go up front. I do my best work in the shadows.”
“I think that’s how you photograph best too,” I said.
Curtis mimed something unspeakable, “I keep both hands on my wand of wonder.”
“My wizard ties a rope to his familiar and begins to swing it around like a flail,” Buddy said.
Will frowned, “That poor kitty.”
A round or two of wandering later and our team of adventurers ran into a group of kobolds. The combat was savage, my dwarf fighter quickly found himself standing atop a mound of dead monsters his armor and weapons gleaming with blood. Orville waded into the heart of the horde, his claymore killing six at a time. Every once in a while Daniel’s ninja would leap out of the shadows, miss what he was aiming at and then retreat sneering into the darkness. Will scored several kills before his sword broke; the blade flew across the room, tumbling end over end until it severed the rope tied to the tail of Buddy’s cat. Then it was the cat’s turn to go flying through the air. It struck Curtis’s female human fighter in the back. This in turn caused ‘Deb Sonia’ to fumble with the wand of wonder and cast a large fireball into the wall that then rebounded back on all of us.
When it was over Will stared worriedly at his character sheet, “Wow that was a lot of damage. I have like one hit point left.”
I was feeling pretty demoralized myself, “All our treasure melted, all our equipment burned…”
“How could Von Badass be hurt?” Daniel argued, “He was in the shadows, you can’t touch a ninja in the shadows.”
Norm laughed at that, “Fireball spells in enclosed spaces are the great equalizer.”
Buddy was erasing things from his equipment list, “All my robes and spell books are gone. Does my character still have his hip flask of holding?”
“There is no God.”
Orville just grinned, “Well at least I and all my equipment made their saving throws,”
“Next combat,” I said, “I want to use your dice.”
Orville grabbed at them protectively “Not a chance. You’ll just jinx them. You know kind of like what you did with your whole life.”
“I’m sorry guys,” Curtis said, “I still can’t believe that ‘Deb Sonia’ would have allowed a wand to go off prematurely in her hand like that.”
That did it, I had to ask, “Do you have sex on the brain or something?”
“In my opinion if you don’t have sex on the brain then there is something wrong with you. Sex is the inspiration and end result of all of humanities’ efforts. Why do men seek fame and fortune? To get laid. Why do professional athletes risk their long term health? To get laid. Why is there any kind of art in the world at all? So doofy guys can get laid. Desire for sex, fear of sex and even failure to get sex is at the heart of everything.”
“That is a little goofy if you ask me.”
Daniel agreed, “Yeah if that’s true then why are any of us here playing role playing games? It’s not going to get any of us laid.”
“Ah.” Curtis licked at the edges of his mustache, “But the reason we’re here is because we can’t get laid. If we could get laid we wouldn’t be gaming.”
“I had a girlfriend,” I said. “I’ll probably have another one soon. There’s no reason I can’t game and have a love life.”
Orville was spinning his d20’s, “You didn’t have a girlfriend. Blind dates and mercy fucks don’t count.”
“I had a girlfriend and she was beautiful and she loved me.”
“I notice that you’re speaking in the past tense here.”
I frowned, “Tallulah and I went our separate ways, just like in that Journey song.”
“She kicked you to the curb didn’t she?”
“There was no kicking involved I assure you.”
Will said, “I’m just glad my character made it to second level. That’s almost as good as sex.”