Friday, July 15, 2011

An Interview And Trailer For ARKHAM SANITARIUM

This looks to be an old school Amicus style anthology film. If they get it right it will gonna rock!

It adapts THE THING ON THE DOORSTEP, THE SHUNNED HOUSE, and THE HAUNTER OF THE DARK.

Twitchfilm has the exclusive trailer and an interview with the director check it out.

 

Look, I don't know how your day is going but I could use a song by Kate Bush right now.

 

More mind-blasting artwork from Michael Bukowski!

ZOMBIES ARE MAGIC reminds us that TITUS kicks ass in iambic pentameter.

Sometimes you get an itch you just need to scratch and this week my itch was Julie Taymor's version of Will Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus. Titus is a full fledged horror film. In Shake's day it was called a "tragedy" but trust me, this is full on Goth horror. I saw this when it was released, well before we all knew Julie Taymor as the person who was fired from Spiderman: Turn of the Dark. I remember being deeply disturbed by it and thinking that Shakespeare was one fucked up individual. Seeing it again I am more convinced than ever that this is true...

click here to read the rest

The trailer for HUGO fills me with questions!

Can Martin Scorsese Pull Off A 3-D Family Movie?

Does this count as Steampunk?

Is Chloe Grace Moretz going to steal the show again?

 

No I haven't gone crazy...

...just doing a little experimenting with the layouts.

LOVE AND TREASON ON THE VERGE a novel in seven days


LOVE AND TREASON ON THE VERGE

a novel in seven days


The Outpost was a squat stone structure that was ringed on all sides by high thick walls that were honeycombed with stairways, arrow loops and topped with crenellations festooned with ancient barbed wire. There were dozens of Outposts scattered along the Verge, marking the point of demarcation between the nurturing safety of the Protectorate and the madness of the Barrens. Each Outpost was similar in design but always ended up being different in execution.


The vagaries of the land made improvisation a key to survival and the proximity to the Barrens meant that many of these strongholds were never completed at all. This Outpost had taken six seasons and four Dukes to complete. The blood of over a hundred sentinels had stained the ground before the walls were completed and the great metal portcullis closed...


Thursday, July 14, 2011

Today the Internet was a smorgasbord of boner fuel.

First we have Hellen Mirren...

Then we have Alison Brie and Gillian Jacobs

Truly we live in the best of times

AWFUL LIBRARY BOOKS presents 'Kiddie Disco'

be sure to check out AWFUL LIBRARY BOOKS

(WTF) Can you make it all the way through this video without having your spirit broken?

Everything Must Go (a true story)

Everything Must Go
(a true story)
by
Al Bruno


It was not a physical decay that had rotted Mohawk Mall away from the inside but an economic one. The stores had bled away bit by bit. Some had been small businesses that never stood a chance, like the store that sold nothing but products made in Switzerland. Others had been casualties to changing tastes and fashions.

Losses like that could be dealt with but when the mall's McDonalds closed down it was the beginning of the end. I was there for a liquidation sale for a big box electronics store that had been placed there in hopes of reviving customer traffic. The plan had failed and now this store was the only business left. Everything else was just empty windows and boarded up doorways. I wasn't there to buy anything but I was going to bring something away with me none the less.


Bargain hunters like me entered the mostly-defunct electronics store through the front door but there was another door to be found. It was at the back, near the nearly empty video department. All that was left there now was a handful of Playboy features and a cheaply produced Disney direct to video movies. I doubt if anyone would have the nerve to bring either type of video cassette to the sour-looking woman at the register. That second door was kept open to cool down the store, better that than pay for air conditioning.

It was easy enough for me to slip through that doors and wander into The mall's darkened interior. I could see the empty spaces that had been a Woolworth's, a restaurant and a Spencer's gifts. When I was a teenager I had frittered so many hours and dollars away in this place.


The mall's fountain had dried up long ago, the water turned off, the pennies and nickels snatched away. There was dirt and dust everywhere as well as scraps of old paper and rat droppings some dried and some fresh. The newspapers said that as soon as the electronics store was emptied this mall would be knocked down and a much more eye-pleasing shopping plaza would rise up from the ruins. There were even hushed and reverent whispers that a Target or Wal Mart would be there.

I wondered when that would be. I was thirty six and so many of my life's landmarks had disappeared or changed into something unrecognizable. I wondered how much longer it would be before the wrecking ball came for this place. I didn't know but I knew this would be my last chance to get what I had left behind.

Despite the shadows and the grime I found the spot easily. It was just an ordinary bench, I remember it faced a women's clothing store. The bench was chipped and lopsided. It creaked threateningly as I sat down. When I closed my eyes I could remember the girl that had been sitting beside me. The strawberry blonde, my first love.


The sounds came first, the murmur of voices, the empty din of the piped-in music. I saw myself at sixteen years old, so awkward and forever feeling like I would never measure up to the world's expectations of me.

I could tell you that my first love was as cute as a button but that would be a lie because there wasn't a button made that could have held a candle to her. I remembered the white winter jacket she wore and the scent of her perfume. It was soft, gentle and unique like her and I never smelled its like again. That day we had been sitting side by side, joking and talking. That first kiss, my first kiss, happened so fast and after that nothing was ever the same again.


Did we look ridiculous sitting there making out in full view of the world? Probably and I suppose more than a few people didn't approve but no one tried to separate or shame us.

Which is good because you couldn't have pried her from my embrace with a crowbar. I didn't want those kisses to end, I wanted them to go on forever.


Impossible I know, but when you're sixteen time moves so slowly that forever seems easy.

But there was no forever, there was just that moment and that moment had ended as surely as Mohawk Mall had become a faux-deco tomb. I opened my eyes and I was thirty six- definitely older but only maybe a little wiser. I have a wife, daughter and an appalling number of pets waiting for me back home and for all my mooning over the past and smartass remarks I couldn't wait to see them.

I savored that memory and brought it with me, hiding it away in my mind and my heart. I was sure no one would mine one less ghost haunting a place like this.

The trailer for JOHN CARTER is better than sex!




Well bettter than sex with me anyway.


And the trailer is about as long as a bout with sex with me lasts too.


Now I feel sad...




Thanks to TOPLESS ROBOT

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

(Insane News) Owner of killer bear chokes to death on sex toy




An exotic-animal owner who made headlines last summer when one of his bears mauled a woman to death has died after apparently choking on a sex toy, authorities said.


Sam Mazzola, 49, was found dead in his Columbia Station home on Sunday, face down on a water bed. He was bound to the bed with handcuffs, chains and padlocks...


Get all the grizzly details at MSNBC.com




Article found via FARK.com

Further proof that DOCTOR WHO fans are awesome people.

The School Of French Kissing For Dogs is... is... WHAT THE HELL AM I WATCHING???????????

The Good, The Bad And The Zoog!

The only sane way to the movie trailer for Adam Sandler's JACK AND JILL

(Insane News) The fine line between INSANE NEWS and PENTHOUSE FORUM has been crossed

Robber who broke into hair salon is beaten by its black-belt owner and kept as a sex slave for three days... fed only Viagra...

 

The would-be robber was eventually released, with Zajak saying he had learned his lesson.

Jasinski went straight to the police and told them of his back-room ordeal, saying that he had been held hostage, handcuffed naked to a radiator, and fed nothing but Viagra. 

Both have now been arrested.

When police arrived to question Zahjac, she said: 'What a bastard. Yes, we had sex a couple of times. But I bought him new jeans, gave him food and even gave him 1,000 roubles when he left."...

 

for more of the story click here

article found via FARK.com

Badass? More like PLAIDass!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Michael Bukowski has a Fungus Among us!

FULLY VESTED (a serial novel) chapter seven

IN THIS TWILIGHT

Fully Vested


Chapter Seven


By AL BRUNO III




One year and three months in


Mike Carter had lived in the Albany region for most of his life and while he had driven past the Desmond Hotel countless times he had never been inside. To him it was just another local landmark, but now that he was inside he had to admit he was impressed. The interior was regal, with soft lighting and natural wood. The center courtyard was a collection of shops hidden inside faux colonial storefronts connected by real cobblestone walkways. Just off one of those walkways was a ballroom filled with circular tables. Banners bearing the Trinity Advance logo filled the walls, a jazz band churned out one soft, ghostly melody after another. The buffet table was impressive, the open bar was well stocked. Mike was lost in a sea of strangers, some faces he knew in passing, others he had never seen before.


Damnit Jimmy! He thought, Where are you?


Crowds had never really bothered Mike, but trying to find someone in a crowd? That bugged him. He wondered if Jimmy had already found a seat, he had said he was going to find Cosmos so they could have a kind of reunion. For a moment he made eye contact with Christine but he quickly turned his attention somewhere else.


Where is he? Where are they?

Eugene and several other disheveled looking men and women sat at a table, downing beer after beer and casting furtive glances around the room. Mike still didn’t know what EXECUTIVE SUPPORT did but it sure looked stressful. He almost wanted to go over and ask them about it, he wondered what they might say.

“You don’t look like you’re having fun.”

“Eh?” At first Mike didn’t recognize the woman addressing him, the new hairdo and tiny black dress threw him off his stride in more ways than one. Then he realized, “Helen? Helen Ginnmett?”

She put her arm around him- she smelled like jasmine “I knew you’d get it.”

“I was looking for my friends,” Mike explained.

“You should make new friends,” Helen led him to the bar, “lets get a drink.”

“Sure.” Mike said, “What are you having?”

“Whiskey sour please.”

Drinks in hand they sat down at an empty table, she watched Mike waiting for him to speak. “So,” he began, “how long have you been with the company?”

“All my adult life,” she beamed, “I say if you find something you like, stick with it.”

“I have to say that working here has been one of the best jobs I've ever had.”

“That's great. You know everyone thinks you're doing great work, and you really are a great team player.”

Mike was a bit taken aback, “Well thanks. I'm... I'm flattered, and surprised. Do you just work out of this division?”

“Oh heck no, my partner and I travel all over the world. We do orientations, head hunting and fact finding. We were in Hong Kong last week.”

“Wow. The furthest I've gotten is Florida.”

“Stick with the company, we'll take you places,” she slipped her pinky finger into her whiskey sour and swirled the ice cubes around.

“Is your partner here?” Mike scanned the room. Was it just his imagination or was everyone watching him?

“Piers?” Helen waved her hands with an exasperated expression, “He hates parties. He went to some local club that plays Techno music.”

“He likes Techno?”

“He lives for it.” Helen said, “But he never dances, he just stands there and listens. Can you imagine?”

“Wel,l I'm not much of a dancer myself so I can sort of understand,” Mike remembered being on the dance floor once in his twenties and happening to catch a glimpse of himself on one of the mirrored walls. At best he looked like he was jogging in place.

“No dancing? Seems like a waste of a cute little tush like yours.”

Mike's train of thought came crashing to a halt. He felt his mouth go dry. “I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say to that...”

“Say what you like,” she leaned across the table. “Say what you want.”

“I...”

“Are you blushing?”

“Probably yes.” He leaned closer to her, his voice conspiratorial, “Aren't there rules against this kind of fraternization?”

She shook her head, “No! Doesn't anyone read their employee handbooks?”

“I glanced through mine.”

The band had stopped playing, Brian Hayes stepped up to one of the microphones and started talking about productivity and team spirit. No one really seemed to be paying attention but Brian didn't seem to mind. Helen finished her drink and stood, Mike couldn't help but let his eyes roam up from her shoes to her eyes.

“You like?” She took his wrist and tugged him gently to his feet, “I've had upgrades.”

Am I going to do this? Mike wondered, Can I handle this? I mean its been... Years since I've...

They made their way out to the courtyard, down towards the elevators, “I take it you have a room?”

“A big one, with a fireplace,” she nibbled on the end of her room key, “am I making you nervous Michael?”

“Hell yes,” he followed her into the elevator, drawing close for a first tentative kiss. It was all coming back to him now, “But I think I like it.”

The elevator door whispered to a close as they giggled like teen-agers.



Click Here To Continue

Johnny Depp and Disney to remake THE NIGHT STALKER?

EXCLUSIVE: Disney and Johnny Depp's Infinitum Nihil are teaming up on two new projects: a feature version of the '70s TV movie The Night Stalker, and a drama about the Midnight Ride made by Paul Revere to warn Colonial militia of the impending British invasion. Depp is the potential star of both films, and he and his Infinitum Nihil partner Christi Dembrowski will produce.

Like many, Dembrowski and Depp had fond memories of the ABC telepic and series The Night Stalker, and they got Disney's Rich Ross and Sean Bailey sparked on a pitch for Depp to potentially play tabloid reporter Carl Kolchak. Originated by Darren McGavin, Kolchak was the dogged journalist first seen in the 1972 telepic (where he hunted a killer who was draining the blood of beautiful girls on the Las Vegas strip) and later in the ABC series Kolchak: The Night Stalker. Kolchak's investigations always seemed to lead him to the doorstep of vampires, zombies, werewolves and aliens. For its time, it was pretty scary stuff. The studio will go out to writers shortly. David Kennedy will be exec producer...

click here to read more at DEADLINE.com


Disney and Depp remaking THE NIGHT STALKER seems like a good fit. I saw the original television movie when I was 5 years old and let me tell you Carl Kolchak was one of my childhood heroes, way before I became a frothing at the mouth Whovian. I loved every episode of the series, now matter how cheesy, I loved the humor and the scares. In fact I still do.


I think a THE NIGHT STALKER remake could be terrific, a good does of PG/PG-13 scares just like the original. But the writers and producers will have to avoid the mistakes that were made by the failed NIGHT STALKER remake TV series of a few years ago;


1.) Carl Kolchak is not a badass. He is clever, tenacious and has the kind of bravery of a man with his back against the wall. He's a clumsier Fox Mulder or a more exasperating Frank Black. He gets the job done but nearly pees his pants every second of the way. Carl Kolchak is just like us.



2.) Any NIGHT STALKER film should have witty dialogue. Carl Kolchak should be funny, the kind of verbal slapstick you found in the dialogue of the original GHOSTBUSTERS film. Kolchak gets in arguments with everyone because he knows he's right, those arguments should be hysterical.



Then again I am a forty year old unpublished writer, what the Hell do I know?


Monday, July 11, 2011

BUZZFEED shows us things you can only see in Florida

More MIN/max madness!

I think they should make Human Centepede into a TV series...

It would be like HIGHWAY TO HEAVEN... they would travel from town to town solving problems and instilling good old fashioned American vaules.

(Insane News) Man accidentally shoots himself while firing point blank at a target.

THE TROLL HUNTER was a delight!

I have heard this referred to a horror film but I don't really think it is that. It really is more of a dark fairy tale. The kind of story Neil Gaiman might write in between bouts of making sweet sweet love to Amanda Palmer. (Lucky bastard!)

Anyway, this movie is a lot of fun, it is done in the style of CLOVERFIELD but this was just so much weirder that it appealed to me more.

Check it out if you can.

(Recommended Hotness) Faye Daniels has made learning about Photoshop filters hotter than ever!

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