Saturday, April 3, 2010

(Recommended Reads) "The Lady With The Dog" by By Dan Powell

A lady with a bull terrier moved into the repossessed house at the end of the terrace. Each morning Sebastian sat in his chair, just to the side of his front room window, and watched the houses opposite his, their lights flashing on just long enough for the gulping down of cereal and slurping of tea. Banging front doors and the footsteps of working adults and school age children sound-tracked the emptying street, leaving just the very old, the very young and their carers behind...

click here to read the rest

The trailers for SPLICE and HUMAN CENTIPEDE = Science Is Bad!

These come to us via Hey Look Behind you!




(Recommended Reads) "Puck's Surprise" by Ganymeder

Fairies were neither prudish nor temperate by nature, but when Puck's pranks graduated from tipping old ladies to strategically placing whoopee cushions, he crossed a line. Something needed to be done...

click here to read the rest

5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and One Through Seven Hundred and Fifty

5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and One


Fuego's conversation about grooming with Amazing Ed became an argument about whether or not excessive nose hair was a superpower.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Two


For Magwier there was no WHEN, there was no SOON; there was only a never ending chaos of NOW and IF.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Four


She tried to shake it like a Polaroid picture but nothing had developed yet...



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Five


Captain Hero turned to Amazing Ed, “What the Hell kind of a power is 'Sonic Vision'?”



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Six


All the super villains wanted to team up with Laserface- The Man With The Hologram Head because his name was so damn cool.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Seven


The waters of the grotto in the Playboy Mansion spawned the first Shoggoth in 10,000 years- and it had herpes.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Eight


It wasn't that he was a bad comedian, he just needed the vegetables.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Nine


He promised her he would wait for her until she came back; he didn't promise her he would wait alone.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Ten


Christmas was his favorite time of the year to go door to door telling kids there was no Santa Claus.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Eleven


She only spoke perfect French when she was orgasming, these days all her husband could do was give her a slight accent.



5 Second Ficton Seven Hundred and Twelve


"Can we play CSI?" my kid asked.


I said "Sure"


And now my keyboard is covered with flour.



5 Second Ficton Seven Hundred and Thirteen


A TV show was created that instilled good feelings and world peace. Since it was on FOX it was canceled immediately.


5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twelve


It was a classic online romance; their emails were elaborate, their tweets were ribald and their webcams were soft focus only.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirteen


It was tradition that Fuego never remove his sacred luchador mask, it made undercover work nearly impossible.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Fourteen


The gym teacher could fly, the guidance councilor was an alien and the truant officer was a ninja; super hero academy was tough.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Fifteen


After repelling one invasion after another Rusty Johnson finally figured out why the aliens kept attacking - they were assholes.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Sixteen


12/01/2019 was the day that real light sabers were made available to the buying public. "Begun the Nerd Wars have."



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Seventeen


Erato stopped being a muse in favor of being a crimefighter - no more hours of listening to demo tapes for her!



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Eighteen


Amazing Ed's quest to capture the villain called Sandstorm during a blackout was his darkest and grittiest adventure.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Nineteen


He was a stunt pilot that had been left standing at the altar twice, you could say he had a history of near Mrs.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twenty


As the network failed Corporate tried to get through to IT but Dave from IT was busy Twitterng about how quiet things were today.


5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twenty One


“The World Eater is coming,” Captain Hero said. “He's already eaten a planet and it didn't agree with him. This could get messy.”



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twenty Two


Struggling to escape the nerhu straitjacket Psychotic Kid realized that Fadman was using CB radios to control his army of Furbies.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twenty Three


For Major Kurthers the worst thing about being in the trenches was Private Jenkins farts; they smelled just like mashed potatoes.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twenty Four


In his struggle to not become the kind of man his father was he ended up as something for worse.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twenty Five


All his siblings and cousins had bowel disorders, it brought a new meaning to the phrase "Runs in the family."



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twenty Six


The low point of Dr. Posideion's career was mistaking the sound of a porn star with laryngitis for the cry of a wounded porpoise.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twenty Seven


Special Agent Krump spent days searching for a cross dressing albino before he realized the sketch artist had it in for him.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twenty Eight


Writing slashfic during his lunch hour didn't get Dave fired, accidentally emailing 'Red Shirts and Pink Parts' to the CEO did.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twenty Nine


Years ago she had told him he was all that and a bag of chips, now she realized she should have told him to lay off the chips



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirty


Like all great men he had a great women behind him- to find him find his keys, his wallet, his glasses...



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirty One


By the time Ken learned the warranty on his hip replacement didn't cover booty shaking related damage it was far too late...



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirty Two


There were many bills introduced to outlaw time machines but each one ended with legislator's parents never having met.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirty Three


Techno-Pimp spent long hours perfecting his iWhore app but it was always one bug or virus after another.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirty Four


No one ever suspected Mrs. Butterworth's scandalous past as Lady Marmalade.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirty Five


In retrospect Colin realized he should have mentioned his priapism to the people hiring department store Santas.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirty Six


They called her 'Lady Napalm' because she had a way of inflaming your privates.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirty Seven


Many superheroes cheated death but no superhero ever came back after a public beatdown from the Legion Of Evil Ballerinas.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirty Eight


Mom wrapped the Christmas gifts with the zeal of a pissed off dominatrix.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirty Nine


Every year hundreds of teenage werewolves are killed while trying to light their farts.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Forty


Scientists eventually realized that never ending arguments about global warming significantly increased global warming.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Forty One


A lifetime ago he broke her heart, a lifetime later he was heartbroken with regrets.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Forty Two


Zack immersed himself in all aspects of social networking until he finally confirmed people just didn't like him.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Forty Three


His friends and his pornography had trained him to expect that part of a woman’s body to be shaved clean, or at least artistically.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Forty Four


A serial killer had left Agent Quinn claustrophobic, Agent Krump's gunfight at Krispy Kreme left him with a fear of sprinkles.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Forty Five


Their 5 year mission at an end the crew of the Starship Persea returned home brimming with tales of adventure and alien parasites.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Forty Six


It wasn't the first time Karl had spent all night buying drinks for women of loose morals and questionable dentistry.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Forty Seven


Enticed by our television transmissions the horny aliens came to Earth only to learn they had been watching all the wrong channels.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Forty Eight


Kid-friendly super hero Mr. Nice Guy's team up with Viking superhero Hrothgar was a storm of bloodshed and hugging and bloodshed.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Forty Nine


He held the Necromonicon above his head and with a cry of horror told the world, “It's a scrapbook! A scrapbook!”



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Fifty


Mike loudly announced, “I'm going to go tinkle.” and the rest of the biker bar fell silent.


5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Fifty One Through Eight Hundred

5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Fifty One


He came of age during the sexual revolution and was hit by shrapnel on several occasions.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Fifty One


He came of age during the sexual revolution and was hit by shrapnel on several occasions.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Fifty Two


The rivalry between the Dunwich and Innsmouth University football teams was aggravated by their non-Euclidean playbooks.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Fifty Three


She wanted their lovemaking to be a symphony of pleasure but all he wanted to do was get to the triangle solo.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Fifty Five


All the goth kids want to be visited by the ghost of Christmas future.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Fifty Six


No one was warned about the vampire uprising but they all knew that AN ATHLETE WAS CAUGHT CHEATING ON HIS WIFE!!!



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Fifty Seven


She thought a 'Sewage Smoothie' was just an ironic name for the drink, she realized later the bartender was a sick sick bastard.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Fifty Eight


You'll know if a time traveler didn't like your Christmas gift because he will already have the receipt.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Fifty Nine


The Corporate Safety Specialist died from complications of a paper cut received while hanging colorful and informative signs.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Sixty


“The main difference between a blogger and a terrorist is that people occasionally pay attention to what terrorists have to say.”



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Sixty One


A postal error sent many childrens' letters to Mexican wrestler Santo instead of Santa Claus, and a new Christmas special was born.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Sixty Two


Magwier sneered at the decorations, “Holiday sentiment to humanity is like sterilizing a blade before you slit someone's throat.”



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Sixty Three


History teacher Mr. Roberts had an unhealthy musk and a love of spicy colognes, when the students were bad he shut the windows.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Sixty Four


She converted to Atheism to Catholicism because a good dose of shame made sex all the better.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Sixty Five


“There's nothing worse than outliving someone you admire,” Zeth said. “That's why I don't believe in heroes.”



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Fifty Four


The Capslock Avenger was a noble hero, BUT SUBTLETY WAS NOT HIS STRONG POINT.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Sixty Six


Werewolves never tell anyone to have a Merry Christmas, some however will wish you Happy Howlidays.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Sixty Seven


Look,” Judy said. “I like the strong silent type but when we're screwing can you at least grunt or something?”



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Sixty Eight


The superhero known as Amoeba Man could divide into two Amoeba Men but they frequently argued about which of them was the sidekick.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Sixty Nine


Every year corporate served a lavish Christmas dinner to all the employees and just to keep them humble they served venison.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Seventy


Harry Balzak hated telling people his name.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Seventy One


And what to my wondering eyes should appear but a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer! Yep the acid had kicked in.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Seventy Two


It would have helped if the Voice of the Resistance hadn't been so squeaky and annoying.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Seventy Three


A December snowstorm stranded Karl far in a motel full of strippers with boundary issues. It was the best Christmas ever.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Seventy Four


Doomsday Girl was alive! Captain Hero found it darn unnerving how often things like that happened in the superhero world.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Seventy Five


Fighting in Harnett's Rebellion left Megan scarred and limping; the war left her a mercenary, her wounds left her cruel.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Seventy Six


No matter where he went he smelled gravy.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Seventy Seven


He never used hashtags because he wanted to live in a place where the Tweets have no name.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Seventy Eight


“No one gets everything they want for Christmas because most people don't know what they really want.”



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Seventy Nine


Disagreements about how to coordinate the non-violent protest resulted in a fistfight.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Eighty One

“Not many people can appreciate the subtle eroticism of wargaming, mostly because there isn't any.”



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Eighty One


Hrothgar the Viking had lost his sword in a card game, his heart to a mermaid and his virginity to a centaur. All on the same day.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Eighty Two


Not unlike small businesses most super hero teams fail within the first year.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Eighty Three


“One thing's for sure,” she thought as her soul reached the deepest pit of Hell, “I have nowhere to go but up.”



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Eighty Four


Most starships gained a unique odor during their 5-year missions, the Persea smelled like urine and sweetened breakfast cereal.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Eighty Five


Doomsday Girl returned from the dead with renewed strength, purpose and, much to Captain Hero's delight, improved muscle control.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Eighty Six


Judy had two talents magic and dirty limericks; she vowed someday to combine the two and conquer the world.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Eighty Seven


Many people gained super powers from accidents but only the Amazing Flambe got his from mistakes made while deep frying a turkey.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Eighty Eight


The Great Fashion Implosion was caused by someone wearing a Members Only Jacket and an Old Navy sweatshirt AT THE SAME TIME!



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Eighty Nine


Virtual reality technology allowed users to experience life as a large breasted woman and everyone loves First Person Hooters.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Ninety


It wasn't the first time MightyWoman visited River City, but it was the last time she parked her car on the street.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Ninety One


They were both ugly but when they made love it was a beautiful thing, unless you were watching.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Ninety Two


The Executioner's equipment was paid for by a fee levied on the peasants. In other words all his axes came from taxes.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Ninety Three


Super-villain Midnight Chicken rarely stayed in jail for long because all he ever managed to steal was a few bucks.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Ninety Four


The terrorists emailed their demands but misuse of the spell-check feature led to confusion and tragedy.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Ninety Five


Sure every guy wants two chicks at once, unless he's getting a full body cavity search from TSA screeners.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Ninety Six


Jason Magwier didn't consider what he did cheating death, it was more like a drawn out game of Three Card Monte with destiny.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Ninety Seven


He unleashed a torrent of obscenities and then demanded to speak to a supervisor. St. Peter just stared in amazement.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Ninety Eight


The Internet made DragonCon obsolete save as a place for nerds to gather and breed like a pack of lust-frenzied cosplaying salmon.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Ninety Nine


“Kids grow up so darn fast.” he said with a tear in his eye. Maybe goat herding wasn't for him after all.



5 Second Fiction Eight Hundred


As he reflected on the past 800 days Captain Hero wondered to himself if it had all been worth it. Should he have quit his day job?