Friday, October 26, 2012

DR. SCREW?

From TOPLESS ROBOT

So apparently Britain had its own little porn parody renaissance back in 2006, if you can call a single porn parody of Doctor Who -- non-cleverly titled Doctor Screw -- as a renaissance. The gent they've got playing the Doctor ("He makes house calls!") is like a thinner, non-bleached Guy Fieri, which is better than Guy Fieri, but still pretty gross...

 

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Another song in honor of my birthday... SING IT Frank!



I mean sure I technically I did it the wrong way but  still...

And now a musical interlude inspired by today being my 45th birthday. SING IT Joe Walsh!


It should be noted that I don’t have a mansion or anything like that… but they do say I’m crazy and I did lose my liscense for a while…

Thursday, October 25, 2012

I don't know who Rich Ferguson is but this is a damn fine trick!

From i09

 

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Rejoice everyone! We will be getting extended cuts of Kubrick's THE SHINING and Troma's THE TOXIC AVENGER!

From 'The Lasting Impact Of Kubrick's THE SHINING at DEN OF GEEK

 

 

...With production finally wrapping on The Shining in April 1979, Kubrick then set to work with editor Ray Lovejoy on shaping the film for its US release the following summer. Settling on a 146 minute cut of the film, this version of the film was premiered to the press and went on general release in the US on May 23rd 1980. However, one week into its run, Kubrick chose to cut a scene from the film’s conclusion, which resulted in a run time of 144 minutes. 

While this truncated cut continued to play in US theatres, when the film was released in Europe during the autumn of 1980, Kubrick had again trimmed the film back to a lean 119 minutes.  This version completely excised characters played by actors Tony Burton and Anne Jackson from the film, but significantly tightened both the beginning and end of the picture...

...This fan obsession has not just been limited to websites, blogs and magazine retrospective pieces – later this year, Rodney Ascher and Tim Kirk’s eagerly awaited documentary Room 237 finally hits cinema screens. Taking an in-depth look at the numerous theories floating around about the movie’s various supposed hidden meanings, Room 237 is perhaps the ultimate expression of The Shining’s enduring appeal.

However, most highly anticipated of all is the BFI’s Halloween re-release of the US cut of The Shining. Finally coming to UK screens for a limited run to promote its release on DVD and Blu-ray, the extended cut is a stranger, darker and altogether more unsettling experience than the original European cut.

Adding a modicum of extra explanatory material, this extended cut manages the unenviable feat of obfuscating the truth about the Overlook Hotel even more, making the conclusion even more ambiguous and yet thoroughly satisfying...

 

And from ARROW IN THE HEAD

...I'm pleased to report the film may be about to get even better. Troma is finally releasing the film's Japanese cut onto DVD, adding a full four minutes of footage onto the director's cut. I'm guessing this footage will be extended gore scenes and perhaps a restored subplot involving the mayor that survived the German, but not North American, cut. Unfortunately, Troma isn't giving any specifics just yet on what is being called by many of my contemporaries a "sought after" cut of the film....
 

BUZZFEED shows off 'Terrible Knock Off Action Figures' (I think I had the STAR RADIERS one...)

View the entire gallery at BUZZFEED

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

The red band EVIL DEAD trailer kicks all kinds of ass but God help you if it chews bubble gum!

 

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Tuesday, October 23, 2012

(Recommended Hotness) The weaponized hotness that is London Andrews!

from her NSFW blog

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE CROW the sitcom? (Still better than FULL HOUSE though...)

From TOPLESS ROBOT

 

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Carla Laemmle the last surviving castmember of 1925's THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA and 1931's DRACULA turned 103 last weekend!

from FAMOUS MONSTERS

Over the weekend (on October 20th), Hollywood starlet Carla Laemmle turned 103. 103! How awesome is that? Carla Laemmle holds a special place in the hearts of the gang here at Famous Monsters, and undoubtedly does for any longtime horror fan. Laemmle is the last surviving cast member of THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA way back in 1925, as a prima ballerina. She also appeared as a coach passenger in DRACULA (1931) and in other small roles throughout the 1930s. She left an indelible imprint on Hollywood and horror forever as the epitome of the Hollywood dream girl. In 2001, she briefly returned to the limelight as a vampire in THE VAMPIRE HUNTER’S CLUB...

 

 

THE COLD INSIDE (a serial novel) Fifth Interlude


THE COLD INSIDE
Fifth Interlude
by AL BRUNO III

Thursday May 13, 1993


“I can't believe I let you talk me into this,” John Sig growled.

Pausing in the doorway to the rest home, Phil looked to his friend. He was emaciated and his face had a dreary cast to it. He had long silver hair and a thick handlebar moustache. He walked with the aid of a brass handled cherrywood cane.

“This'll do you a world of good.”

“I don't see how.”

Phil took him by the arm and half-led, half-dragged him through the doorway of the Carvale Home For the Elderly and Infirm. They paused before the visitor sign-in book. “It's something the kids these days call a reality check.” Phil scribbled a false name on one of the lines near the bottom and then jammed the pen in John's hand, “Better give them your autograph or they might try to keep you here.” 

“I'd like to see them try,” he replied as he carefully signed the name John Sig.

The other man did a double take, “Did you just make a joke?”

“Shut-up.”

“I mean it wasn't a good one but still-” he shrugged, “I guess Zara was right, all you needed was a little fresh air.”

“The air here is not fresh.”

“You got a point there my friend.”

They walked through the halls of the rest home. It was a labyrinth of drably painted walls and florescent lights. On either side of them were the doors to the administrative offices. They passed through the cafeteria, there was a bingo game in progress and every table was crowded with residents. Attendants and orderlies flitted between them, like bees in a garden. Phil caught sight of one of the women working nearby and gave John's arm a little nudge, “Maybe this place ain't so bad after all. Check out the nursie over there.”

“Phil, please-”

“Just lookit them titties!” He whispered conspiratorially, “Oh, I'd love to bury my pecker between those.”

John gave him an incredulous glare, “What's wrong with you?”

“Oh that's right,” his smile deepened, “You don't like'em with big tits do ya?”

“I swear...”

“Well all right.” Phil clapped him on the back, “We're gettin' some color back into your cheeks.”

“What?”

“Come on.” he led him down the hall, “If you're a good boy we'll cruise on by the junior high for some girls that are more your type.”

They passed a woman mumbling to herself as she rolled her wheelchair down the halls. Further along a lone man made his way towards the bingo game, he needed two canes to walk and every footstep was minuscule and palsied. Thanks to the game Phil and John found the residents' wing relatively empty. The only patients here were the ones too far gone or too sickly to enjoy the day's activities.

“Shouldn’t we move him again soon?” John said, “He’s been here almost seven years.”

“Nah, one way or another he stays here.”

“Aren’t you worried that someone is going to find him?”

“You’re starting to sound like Zara.”

“The man’s been in a coma for thirty-five years, but aside from that he’s perfectly healthy. I’m surprised nobody has put two and two together yet.”

Phil chuckled, “It’s like that building in downtown Troy you had your little tantrum in- ordinary people don’t see it because they don’t want to. Some part of their brains blinds them to the preternatural.”

“Lucky them.” John paused to examine one of the oil paintings that hung on the wall. It was a landscape, replete with rocks and crashing surf and gulls, “This place isn't so bad.”

Phil snorted at the painting, “They probably got it at a garage sale.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean?”

“I meant that knowing you, I figured you'd have put him in a real snake pit.”

“It was a real snake pit when I put him here but the Goddamn State came in and made them clean up their act.”

A member of the janitorial staff rolled his cart of cleaning supplies from room to room, observing them warily. He looked like he might be about to say something but Phil stared him down as they walked past. His gait was purposeful, his chin held high, it was what he referred to as his I-Have-Every-Damn-Right-To-Be-Here walk and it never failed.

Scowling John trailed behind.

They entered a room near the end of the hall. Phil closed the door behind them.

“Who are you?” the wizened figure in the bed by the door shouted. He held the TV remote control in a gnarled hand “You can't come in here! This is a private room!”

Phil approached him; “Oh I forgot to mention, this is Victor’s roommate. John Sig, Mr. Richardson. Mr. Richardson, John Sig.”

“Get out or I'll call the police!” Mr. Richardson began pressing the buttons of the remote control. The TV exploded to life, the volume at maximum. The intruders flinched at the sudden noise. Emboldened by this he began shouting into the remote control, “Hello police? I'm being robbed! They're everywhere!”

Phil leaned in close to the man, and whispered in a long forgotten dialect.

Victor’s roommate collapsed, his breathing heavy and relaxed. Phil gently pried the remote control from his hands and switched off the TV. John stared at him, “How old do you think he is?”

“Almost as old as you probably.”

“Ha. Ha.”

“He's not why we're here.” Phil walked over to the bed by the window, “Come on.”

The shape on the bed looked nothing like the Victor Kovach they remembered. The proud features had eroded away, leaving an emaciated ruin. He breathed on his own but IV's kept the fluids going in and catheters kept the fluids going out. His arms were skeletal, with blotchy skin stretched tight over thick veins. The dry lips of his mouth hung open, revealing yellowed teeth and dark gums. Their former mentor's eyes were runny and vacant, John stared into them for a long time searching for some spark of sentience.

Roughly drawing the bedsheets back Phil exposed Victor's bony legs.

“What are you-” John said.

“Looks like somethin' from a concentration camp doesn't he?” Phil pulled a Swiss army knife from his inner jacket pocket. He opened one of the blades and gave the catatonic man a quick jab in the side of the knee.

“Phil!”

The wound bled but there was no reaction. “You see that John?” Phil said, “We’re in the home stretch now. We won.”

“Did we?”

“He's got no power over you anymore. He's got no power over any of us anymore...”

“He's still got power over me.” John pushed Phil away and returned the sheets to their proper position, “He took away my family, my culture…”

“You can live without that!”

“Every blind man hungers for sight.” John glowered.

Blood continued to run from Victor's knee, staining the sheets with a slow-spreading dark blossom. “It’s not the same.”

“You only know what you see. It's more than that…” He indicated the figure on the bed between them, “I'm no better than this piece of meat here.”

“Bullshit…”

He shook his head, “No… I’ll always be different.”

“Listen to me,” Phil's hands were shaking with frustration, “don't go nuts on me now. The only thing wrong with you is you got hung up on that waitress.”

“That waitress was the only thing keeping me sane. Those are your words not mine.” John walked away, “This was a mistake, there isn't any reality check in here- just two old failures and a corpse that breathes.”

Phil called after him, “I'm not a failure!”



Since every other blog and website has it THE IRON MAN 3 TRAILER!

I enjoyed IRON MAN 2 BTW but I hope this one is better, perhaps closer to THE AVENGERS in tone and spirit. How is it DC comics can't even get close to pulling off things like this with their lesser known characters?

 

 

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Gimmie that old time religion!

from this uplifting message from BOING BOING

 

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Monday, October 22, 2012

And now THE GOOFIEST VILLAINS IN HORROR MOVIE HISTORY...

From BUZZFEED. It is appalling how many of these films I have seen...

 

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SOUTH OF SANITY is the first horror film shot entirely in Antarctica and this is the trailer...


from i09


Judging by the trailer, South of Sanity is your typical no-budget horror movie, in which a bunch of spirited amateurs have a go at their very own The Thing ripoff. A bit of fun for all involved, but nothing too special.
Except those amateurs just happen be from the British Antarctic Survey (BAS), which means their film features the most unique locations in cinema history. While documentaries have previously been shot exclusively in Antarctica, this is the first fictional film known to be shot entirely on location on Earth's coldest, southernmost continent. The movie is the brainchild of longtime BAS team member, documentary filmmaker, and mountaineering expert Kirk Watson, whose duties typically include helping the scientists navigate Antarctica's tricky terrain.
The film's cast and crew is entirely made up of BAS members, including marine biologists, geologists, and mechanics. In an interview with BBC News, Watson shared some of the awesome details of the movie's production — at the risk of giving away an entirely obviously spoiler, hypothermia was heavily involved in the making of South of Sanity...

The short film DRAINED is disturbing, heartbreaking and oh so NSFW.

From i09

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Two minutes of CAT-astrophes!

From BUZZFEED

 

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MONSTER ROLL could become the definitive sushi-themed horror film!

From TWITCH

 

 

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Sunday, October 21, 2012

She's pretty and she's in syndication... Suddenly Kaley Cuoco... SUDDENLY KALEY CUOCO EVERYWHERE!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And just to be fair I emailed Ms. Cuoco a picture of me in Speedos!