Saturday, May 5, 2012

(Recommended Reads) 'Skinwalkers' by ahman505

As a young man, my father spent some time living on the Navajo Indian Reservation in the Four Corners area. He and his buddy lived alone in a trailer that overlooked a ravine several miles away from Navajo Mountain. It wasn’t uncommon for he and his friend to hear drums coming from the mountain at night. The locals told them not to go out after dark when the drums were playing because the witches were on the mountain and would try to harm them. My father broke his leg and soon found himself confined to the lonely trailer...

 

click here to read the rest

(Recommended Reads) "Talent Show" by Left-Hand-Path

"Very good, Blanco," I said, praising my subject. I held up another card, this one with a picture of a Bengal tiger on it. He leaned closer, and I could hear his eyes focus more precisely on the card. He seemed to be processing it, and then said, "It is an image of a tiger."

"Very good," I repeated. I continued to hold it up. "Can you tell me what kind?"

"I do not understand the question," Blanco replied.

"What specific type of tiger is this?"

Blanco blinked twice, then sat back to think, his eyes cutting from the card to me and then back again. "It would appear to be a Bengal tiger," he said, and then elaborated, probably quoting Wikipedia as he is wont to do, "The Bengal tiger (Panthera tigris tigris) is a tiger subspecies native to the Indian subcontinent that in 2010 has been classified as endangered by IUCN. The total population is estimated at fewer than twenty-five hundred individuals with a decreasing trend, and none of the Tiger Conservation Landscapes within the Bengal tiger's range is large enough to support an effective population size of 250 adult individuals..."

click here to read the rest 

Who would win in a fight? The Doctor's Army from A Good Man Goes To War or the Planet Express Crew?


Who would win in a fight?

The Doctor's Army



OR

The Planet Express Crew



Your opinion counts!
(as much another does on the Internet)
Cast your vote to the left

(Recommended Reads) 'Doppelgänger' by Kathryn Eastman

“Don’t I know you?”

She’d heard him perfectly well but looked up and said, “I’m sorry?”

He shifted in his seat. “I was just saying, I thought I knew you. You look familiar. I’m sure I’ve met you or seen you somewhere before…”

She half-smiled, dipping her head down a fraction. “We have? You know, I can’t place you, sorry.
It’s possible but I don’t think so...”

to read the rest click here

Friday, May 4, 2012

Nice Peace... I think this will haunt me on my deathbed I really do...

And now the trailer for JERSEY SHORE SHARK ATTACK also know as JAWS GETS HERPES

No comments:

(Insane Yet Heartwarming News) Woman changes her name to... to... Wow... just wow...

From BBC news



Dawn McManus, 41, promised to change her name to encourage fundraising for her charity, Red Dreams, which was set up after the death of her son.

She believes her new name - including the charity's name and people it has helped - could be the world's longest...

...The former Mrs McManus is now called Red Wacky League Antlez Broke the Stereo Neon Tide Bring Back Honesty Coalition Feedback Hand of Aces Keep Going Captain Let's Pretend Lost State of Dance Paper Taxis Lunar Road Up Down Strange All and I Neon Sheep Eve Hornby Faye Bradley AJ Wilde Michael Rice Dion Watts Matthew Appleyard John Ashurst Lauren Swales Zoe Angus Jaspreet Singh Emma Matthews Nicola Brown Leanne Pickering Victoria Davies Rachel Burnside Gil Parker Freya Watson Alisha Watts James Pearson Jacob Sotheran Darley Beth Lowery Jasmine Hewitt Chloe Gibson Molly Farquhar Lewis Murphy Abbie Coulson Nick Davies Harvey Parker Kyran Williamson Michael Anderson Bethany Murray Sophie Hamilton Amy Wilkins Emma Simpson Liam Wales Jacob Bartram Alex Hooks Rebecca Miller Caitlin Miller Sean McCloskey Dominic Parker Abbey Sharpe Elena Larkin Rebecca Simpson Nick Dixon Abbie Farrelly Liam Grieves Casey Smith Liam Downing Ben Wignall Elizabeth Hann Danielle Walker Lauren Glen James Johnson Ben Ervine Kate Burton James Hudson Daniel Mayes Matthew Kitching Josh Bennett Evolution Dreams...

In honor of STAR WARS day here are 2 chicks in wet t-shirts fighting over who gets to wash Chewbacca's junk...

Seth Green is livin the dream I tells ya...

 

 

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(Sad News) Rest In Peace Adam "MCA" Yauch of the Beastie Boys.

You know if you had told me in 1986 I would shed a tear for one of the Beastie Boys I would not have believed you but these guys were a great group and they made some fantastic and unforgettable music.

Here is what CNN had to report...

Adam "MCA" Yauch, a member of the legendary New York rap trio Beastie Boys, has died, Rolling Stone magazine reported Friday afternoon. Yauch (pictured) revealed in July 2009 that he had surgery for a cancer in a salivary gland and a lymph node. Information on the cause of Yauch's death wasn't immediately available. Yauch's death would come less than a month after the Beastie Boys were inducted in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland. Because of his fight with cancer, Yauch did not attend...

5 Second Fiction Two Thousand and Seventy Nine

After being struck by lightning Count Dracula had a near-life experience.

5 Second Fiction Two Thousand and Seventy Nine

After being struck by lightning Count Dracula had a near-life experience.

5 Second Fiction Two Thousand and Seventy Eight

Joe's new sports car was bluetooth enabled so he could call his friends to tell them he was coming by to show off his new car.

5 Second Fiction Two Thousand and Seventy Seven

They added an adult video kiosk to the mens big and tall shop because after buying XXX sized pants you might need a XXX rated film.

5 Second Fiction Two Thousand and Seventy Six

Teddy was the first DJ to use a kitten on his turntable but soon enough everyone had cat scratch fever.

5 Second Fiction Two Thousand and Seventy Five

When faced with the choice between Jesus or a British Sci-Fi show Derrick knew what choice to make. After all DOCTOR WHO came back.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Previously on Route d'abbaye


RETROSPACE takes a look back to an era when cartoons were only on Saturday mornings!

from RETROSPACE

 

One recollection I am grateful for, however, are those wonderful Saturday mornings.  Unlike today, where children's cartoons literally play all day long seven days a week.... on multiple channels.  It's hard to imagine that, once upon a time, there were just a few hours a week on TV that were reserved for kids. For those brief moments, it was just you in your footie pajamas, a bowl of Count Chocula, and Speed Buggy. It simply didn't get much better than that...

 

 

 

The Nick Of Time (and other abrasions): Route d'abbaye Track Thirteen - She Came In Through The Bathroom Window

The Nick Of Time (and other abrasions)

Route d'abbaye

Track Thirteen

She Came In Through The Bathroom Window

by

Al Bruno III



Pam, out of uniform and in manacles, rolled down the stairway into the Sallow Sultan's parlor. Mustard got out of the way moments before she collided with his tea table sending scalding water and priceless china flying everywhere. His polythene and rubber dressed whores went scrambling for safety. His six crash helmeted and leather diapered security guards rushed to shield him with their shaven bodies.


“What is ...this?” Mustard shouted at the trussed up girl, “What ...have you done?”


“Mmmmph mmmmph mmmmph!” was her only reply.


The old pimp retrieved his wooden cane from the floor and shouldered past his bodyguards. He pulled the ball gag away from her mouth, stretching its elastic straps out as far as they would go, “Who did this ...to you?”


“Some crazy girl!” Pam said, “She knocked me out!”


“Crazy? Girl? Of ...course!” Mustard’s eyes narrowed, “How did ...she get in here?”


“I think-” Pam paused to catch her breath. “She came in through the bathroom window.”


A scream echoed from upstairs. Then four gunshots. Mustard released the ball gag letting it snap back into the bound woman’s face. She yelped with pain.


The bodyguards surrounded him again as another girl came barreling down the stairs. She was wearing a stolen uniform with no mask.


“Get her!” Mustard ordered.


Two of the guards charged the intruder. She tried to kick them only to have the stiletto heel of her boot break. She slipped to the floor, landing an arm's length from Pam.


“Fucker!” Jack Diamond blundered down to the landing. He was wearing his boxer shorts, the jacket for his seersucker suit and nothing else. His eyes were watering and swollen, his tears smelled like after dinner mints. He was brandishing a huge pistol. Everyone dove for cover at the sight of it.


The Desert Eagle thundered. One of the guards went down, his face reduced to a pulp, his helmet cracking in all directions like a hatching egg.


The gun thundered again, the bullet leaving a crater of gristle where Pam’s chest had been. Her heart was visible and it shivered momentarily like a dying animal.


If the intruder girl noticed the gore that splashed down the left side of her body she didn’t react. Her hands moved like predatory birds cutting the Sign of Vulnavia into the air. A flash of light erupted from her palms knocking Jack Diamond over the balustrade.


Mustard had had enough. He swung his cane like a bat striking the girl on the back of the head. She crumpled.


The empty handgun clicked impotently. Jack Diamond clambered back to his feet, he was screaming and cursing wildly, it sounded like he was speaking in tongues.


“Stop!” the old pimp cried, “I’ve dealt... with her. Please calm down!”


There was a grunt as the intruder girl started to get up. Jack Diamond threw his Desert Eagle catching her on the side of the face, knocking her back out. Knees shaking he sat down on the lowest rung of the carpeted stairs and groaned, “Sweet fucking fuck.”


No one spoke. The odor of blood and gunpowder hung in the air. Everyone that was still alive and conscious felt their ears ringing.


“Who...” Mustard asked, “...who is this person?”


“Lorelei Miller.” Jack Diamond rubbed at his eyes, practically clawing at them, “Daughter of the Grand Pontiff of the Greater Eastern Council of Mystagogues.”


“Oh.”


“And she’s a fucking dead woman.”


“Ah,” Mustard looked around, trying to assess the damage; bullet holes, blood stains, a broken mirror, a one hundred year old tea set shattered beyond repair, his autographed picture of Frankie Howerd ruined. This is it. He decided, I quit.


He rounded on his surviving employees, “What are you all ...doing just sitting around? Get to your rooms and start ...packing! You’re ...all fired!”


No one reacted.


“Do you hear me?” His scream was more of a squawk, “Fired!”


The surviving girls ran and after a threatening snarl from Mustard the guards did too. Lorelei Miller stirred again, pulling herself up, trying to crawl. Mustard stamped a foot down on one of her hands and pressed.


“Sonofabitch!” Lorelei shouted.


“No more ...spells for you.” '


“Dead. You're dead,” Jack Diamond stood and started patting his jacket. “Where's my knife?”


“What'samatter Jack?” Lorelei's face was bloodied and bruised but her eyes mocked him, “Can't find your little prick?”


His hands closed around the switchblade and he pulled it free with such force it tore the pocket of his jacket apart. Spare change, a condom and the red phial dropped to the floor. “I'm gonna carve you like a fuckin' turkey! No! Worse than a turkey! They turkey’s are gonna thank their turkey gods they aren’t you!”


“Oh come now Jack,” a familiar voice rang out, “do you really think I’m going to let you do such a thing?”


Jason Magwier was sitting in the club chair beside the fireplace, he was covered with soot and dust. He fiddled with an ugly looking pocket watch.


“By the Monkey King’s ballsack...” Jack Diamond said.


“You must have heard by now,” Magwier put the watch away and flashed his Cheshire grin. The grime coating his face made his dark eyes glitter all the more, “Members of your family are being killed all across the city.”


“And I had nothing to do with it damn you!”


“Well I knew that.”


“Why... Why...” Mustard kept finding his voice and losing it again. He realized he had been set up, maybe they all had been set up by the man sitting in the plush antique chair, “What are you ...doing here?”


Magwier shrugged, “Oh, just waiting for the door to go flying off it's hinges.”


And a heartbeat later the front door of the Sallow Sultan came crashing down.






Click Here To Continue


More scenes from CHERNOBYL DIARIES

From FAMOUS MONSTERS

Project Rooftop brings us Ben Bates take on THE NEW CRUSADERS

From PROJECT ROOFTOP

 

Note: Last summer when Archie Comics announced it was retooling its superhero line after the lackluster outing over at DC, we here at Project: Rooftop were excited at the possiblities. And now as the launch date nears and art’s started to trickle out, we’re even more excited. The series writer Ian Flynn was interviewed last month on iFanboy, and in that post they shared the best look yet at Ben Bates‘ redesigns for the “Red Circle” heroes...

 

 

 

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

LOVECRAFT eZINE gives us color commentary on the film DIE FARBE!


Just in case you don’t “Sprechen sie Deutsche”, the title of this independent, feature length film translates into THE COLOUR. Can you guess what HPL story it is based on? That’s right, it’s “The Outsider.” Ha, just kidding, I’m talking about Lovecraft’s personal favorite of all his own stories; “The Colour Out Of Space.” You know, the most filmed of any of H.P. Lovecraft’s tales. What, you don’t believe that? Well there was 1965’s DIE MONSTER DIE staring Boris “don’t call me Frankenstein” Karloff. 1987 saw another telling of this tale called THE CURSE staring Wil “don’t call me Wesley” Wheaton. But wait, it doesn’t stop there. Last year we got an Italian version called COLOUR FROM THE DARK and now we get this German import. So how does this new film compare to all those other Colour flicks?
Simply put, it blows them all away...



(Insane News) Zoo caretaker licks monkey's butt to save its life!

Article found via BUZZFEED

 

 

"50-year-old Zhang Bangsheng used warm water to clean a small Francois’ Leaf Monkey’s buttocks, then began using his mouth to lick it, not stopping for over an hour, until the little monkey defecated a single peanut. Only after the peanut was defecated did Zhang Bangsheng laugh with satisfaction..."

 

To read more click here

 

Do you dare glimpse into F. Borja's LOVECRAFT'S SECRET ARCHIVES?

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

The bad news: We live in a cold uncaring universe. The good news: KATE UPTON DANCING IN A BIKINI!!!!!

It's like I'm 44 going on 13!

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And now here are some folks that had a worse month of April than I did.

THE COLD INSIDE (a serial novel) Chapter Eleven part one

THE COLD INSIDE

Chapter Eleven

part one

By AL BRUNO III


Thursday November 10, 1994




Sitting in his mother’s office Tristam stared at the same page in his history textbook that he had been staring at for almost half an hour. He still couldn’t believe that Rich and Yusuf had talked to him like that. It had been at his locker, after the assembly he’d used as a nap period.


A nerd shakedown, that’s what it was- a fucking nerd shakedown.


Rich had said, “We don’t want you to get Drew involved in your little feud with Evan.”


“Things are bad enough for her.” Yusuf had nodded in agreement, “You don’t need to make them worse.”


“Because if you do you won’t be welcome at our table, I don’t give a damn what Greg says.”


“We may not be the friends you want,” Yusuf had concluded, “but we are better than no friends at all.”


“Assholes,” Tristam whispered under his breath, his eyes returning to the top of the page of the thick ageworn book. He didn't feel like reading about the Industrial Revolution, he was in a Dark Ages kind of mood, “Stupid assholes.”


They didn’t understand that this wasn’t just about high school. If they didn’t stand up for themselves now they’d never stand up for themselves later. In the real world you couldn’t go running to the Headmaster or to Adelphos for protection.


Adelphos. Tristam thought, Now he understands the rules, he fights back regardless of the cost. He’s got some balls.


It wasn’t worth stressing himself out over, Drew probably didn’t know anything. She probably had a crush on Evan. No accounting for taste there.


But then again who am I to judge? My Mom made some bad choices when it came to the men in her life. If she hadn’t, I wouldn’t be here.


His mother had confessed that to him in a drunken stupor. It had been almost three years ago and she had been eager to share her maudlin state with him. Carol had kept her son awake till almost Four A.M. with story after story from her hard luck youth to the death of her first husband Joseph Rawson. The grand finale was her story about the night of his conception.


“... was drunker than I am now. The FBI agent investigating Joe’s murder saw me at the bar, brought me home... Your Grandma was taking care of Pam... I blacked out on the drive back... when I woke up it was hours later and you father was lying naked in the bed next to me... I didn’t even remember what happened... I didn’t feel a thing...” She’d laughed then, a strange, bitter laugh that still haunted him, “...just like a shot from the doctors’- didn’t feel a thing.”


A coughing sound made Tristam look up from his history textbook. It was Phil Dowd, there was a grin on his face “How many smokes your Mom got in her desk there?”


“I- I don’t know.”


The old man drew closer, his eyes positively glittered, “Well check. If there’s more than ten give me five, if there is less then five give me two.”


“I-don’t think I should-”


“Didn’t bother you before.”


“Look-”


“No, you look. I’m on my way to see your Mom, should I tell her that she needs to start investing in an iron lung for her baby boy?”


Tristam opened the upper drawer of his mother’s desk and retrieved the pack of cigarettes from her purse. There were ten exactly, he gave five to the old man. “I’m not a baby,” he spoke through gritted teeth.


“Then you should have called my bluff.” He pocketed the cigarettes and turned to go, “Another valuable lesson. Having pubes does not make you a man.”



Click Here To Continue

A metal version of the DOCTOR WHO theme song? HELL YEAH!!


Found on BUZZFEED



A new DARK KNIGHT RISES trailer...

 

Monday, April 30, 2012

(Insane News) Nympho kept victim captive for 36-hour forced sex session

 

Found on FARK.com

 

A GERMAN nymphomaniac arrested after forcing a man to have sex with her eight times has struck again - this time keeping her victim on the go for a staggering 36 HOURS.

 

The woman met her latest victim, a 31-year-old African man, on her way home from a sex addiction clinic in Munich.

 

She invited him back to her flat where she kept him hostage and forced him to satisfy her sexual demands.

 

The victim eventually managed to break out of the apartment after his attacker fell asleep. He was later found weeping on the street by police.

 

He fought back tears to tell them: “I met her on a bus. She invited me back here. It was hell. I can’t walk. Please help me.”...

 

To read the rest of this thrilling article click here.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Still Not Quite What They’re Looking For part six

Price Breaks and Heartaches
A journal of retail and failed romance
Chapter Ten
Still Not Quite What They’re Looking For
part six
That night I threw all my dirty magazines away and swore to myself I would never masturbate again.
That vow lasted less than fifteen hours but sadly by the time my resolve broke the trash collectors had already hauled away my bevy of top heavy trollops. I tried to use my imagination instead but my every impure thought and fantasy always gave way to memories of Tallulah.
And it may sound weird but I just couldn’t bring myself to get off while thinking of our sweet mumblings and hot fumblings. It felt to me that if I did that I would be admitting she was gone forever and part of me still expected her to come back.
So instead of wasting tissues I ended up wasting fuel, I drove by Tallulah’s house at three AM, then on thew way back stopped at a gas station so I could buy a copy of Penthouse magazine.
The next morning I awoke with a nice healthy dose of Catholic guilt and self-loathing. I threw the magazine away and swore never to play with myself again.
As you can imagine my second vow worked out as well as the first.
*
It was five days and four vows of celibacy later when my brother Phil walked into my room without knocking, “You still mad at me?”
“It’s more of a seething rage,” I said.
“OK then.” He sat down on my unmade bed, avoiding the crustier parts of my sheets more by luck than design, “I got an idea for you.”
I rolled my eyes, “For the last time, you cannot put one of my kidneys ‘on reserve’”
“No not that, this is something different,” my brother explained as he began to go through my record collection. A glimpse of the soundtrack to Howard The Duck stunned him into momentary silence, “I’m going to a party over a Dukie’s place tonight.”
“So?” I said.
“It’s gonna have beer, and girls and a live band,” Phil said.
“And?”
“And his parents are outta town so it could get pretty wild if you know what I mean,” he started flipping through my records again. If he noticed how crinkled the sleeve to my copy of Vanity’s solo album was he didn’t mention it, “You do understand what I mean right?”
“You want me to buy you condoms is that it?” I sighed with resignation, “No worries I’ve actually got a bit of a stockpile now.”
“You dumbass!” Phil punched my bed in frustration, “I want you. To. Come. To. The. Party.”
I couldn’t believe my ears, “With you?”
“With. Me,” Phil got up, “we’re gonna leave in about an hour.”
“Wait,” I said. The distrust I felt was a natural thing. My brother and I had been trying to destroy each other physically and psychologically since our teens, “If I wanted to be publicly humiliated I’d try stand up again.”
“Look, I just want you to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You know, go out there and get a little action.”
“Phil... I’m touched.”
“You need to ease up on the touching a little,” he put his arm around me, “come on man. These girls are all seniors in high school, or at least old enough to be seniors.”
Suddenly I began to feel uncomfortable, “Woah. Wait. I’m twenty-one years old. Won’t it be a little creepy for me to be there?”
“That’s the best part of it! You’re an older guy to these girls. You got a car and you’re going to college. They won’t know any better.”
“But...”
“If there’s grass on the field you can play. Hey remember when you were a senior in high school and I was a freshman? I banged like two of the girls you graduated with.”
“And there’s that seething hatred again...”
“Dude. Mom said you’re back playing Dungeons & Dragons. You were almost normal for a while there. You need to get back on the horse...”
“I understand.”
“And by horse I mean pussy.”
“I know!” I began to look around my room, wondering what I might have to wear. If I was going to do this right I would have to make sure I looked every inch the mature older man. “Do you know if Mom did my laundry yet?”
“I dunno...” my brother said, “let me check. HEY MA!!!!!!”
There was no denying that trolling for high school chicks was a pretty sleazy thing to do.
But it was so sleazy it just might work.