Sunday, September 18, 2011

Al And Tallulah’s Wild Ride part twelve

Price Breaks And Heartaches
A journal of retail and failed romance
Chapter Seven
Al And Tallulah’s Wild Ride
part twelve

I had taken that particular Monday off because that night Tallulah and I would use the last of our concert tickets. It was Def Leopard at SPAC with Cheap Trick as the opening act, we had lawn seats again but this time we wouldn’t forget to bring marshmallows.

I was sleeping in, partially because I was trying to preserve my energy and partly because I was exhausted. I had been up all night working on the latest in a series of poorly proofread and utterly unpublishable stories.

This latest story was about a man a conjoined twin brother attached to the end of his penis. And no I don’t know what the Hell I was thinking when I thought of it.

With that latest story done I had decided it was time to try my hand at a novel. What was that novel about you may wonder? Imagine if you will a mundane city invaded by monsters, demons and multi-legged coconuts. Imagine a group of misfits banding together to save the day. Imagine a plot I never managed to write myself out of. Thankfully however the manuscript was completely free of chain-smoking talking penises.

Suddenly there was a knock at my door. My Mom let Tallulah in and I saw my girlfriend was was crying.

“What’s wrong babe?” I asked.

“I had a fight with my Dad.” She sniffled, “Why does he have to be such a… Dad?”

“What was it about?”

“My grades, he thinks I should be doing better.”

“That’s good isn’t it? It means he cares about you.”

Anger crept into her voice, “He shouldn’t have brought it up in front of everyone else. It was so humiliating.”

My Mom left us alone to go back to puttering around the house. My stepfather was at work, my other siblings were gone- either for the day or permanently depending on which sibling you were thinking about.

“Come here,” I said, “lay down with me.”

Tallulah joined me in the bed. We spooned and slowly she relaxed. We traded stories about work and family, just small talk the kind couples always engage in.

The conversation dwindled as our hormones began to realize we were alone in my room and in bed together. I kissed the back of her neck and pressed close to her. Still spooning we stripped to the waist. It didn’t take us long to begin moving as one, we took our time setting a gentle tempo until I felt myself beginning to lose control.

I remember thinking to myself, Maybe there is something to the rhythm method the Catholic Church is always talking about.

My second thought was, Did I lock the door to my room?


It turned out I hadn’t and in a few seconds my Mom came in to give us the most uncomfortable breakfast invitation ever.

Thankfully Mom didn’t notice what Tallulah were up to because we had frozen in place the moment we heard the doorknob begin to turn. Tallulah declined breakfast for the both of us. I kept silent, pretending to be groggily awakening but all the while I was blushing crimson and suffering from blue balls.

Once my Mom had left us alone again Tallulah and I burst into mischievous laughter.


That day is symbolic to me and not because of the sex or the concert.

You see Tallulah had called in to work that day to be with me and that was all the provocation the management of Paper Shredder needed to fire her.

It didn’t seem like a big deal at the time but now I see it was the beginning of the end.

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