5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifty One
All she wanted was a man with crazy eyes, a dirty mouth and grab-able ears.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifty Two
Abner Deggent overheard the girls at the brothel talk about how he kept going and going. He didn't know they meant his bragging.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifty Three
She awoke to find a vengeful long haired Japanese ghost sucking her nipples- talk about nursing a Grudge.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifty Four
One his parents named him Christian Diablo he was pretty much guaranteed to become a supervillain.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifty Five
The met via Facebook, flirted via email and broke up via Twitter.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifty Six
Abner Deggent crashed in the door with guns blazing but due to a mis-remembered address little Terry's birthday party was ruined.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifty Seven
While in the future many time travelers are stunned to learn the Vatican made Charlie Sheen the patron saint of bachelor parties.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifty Eight
When you have a sexual fetish for breakfast cereals it isn't easy to sow your oats.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifty Nine
Audra smiled, "Mom said that the first time casting a spell is like the first time doing anything else. You get stains everywhere."
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixty
Slim believed most gunfighters were suffering from trauma related to their potty training. When said this aloud he got shot.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixty One
He said to his wife, "I can explain everything." Even though the midget prostitute was still hanging from the ceiling fan.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixty Two
"Commander Infinity prefers to fight crime from 50 feet in the air," Amazing Ed said, "aloof doesn't even begin to describe him."
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixty Three
The son of Dr. Moreau brought Abner Deggent to the House of Pain- he started screaming as soon as he saw the color scheme
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixty Four
Karl had a fetish for red hair and he had an ass fetish; sometimes we worried he might develop a fetish for hairy red asses.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixty Five
For her part of the joy of FACEBOOK was making sure all her exes were still miserable.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixty Six
One was a meter maid, the other a well dressed sissy- they were FINE and DANDY Detectives At Large!
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixty Seven
Abner Deggent shot a man in Reno because the guy startled him.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixty Eight
She was wild in bed but that's night terrors for you.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixty Nine
Amazing Ed tried to concoct an escape device out of ordinary household items but only managed to create a macaroni sculpture.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventy
No one thought he could do it but Psychotic Kid managed to single- handedly capture the madman stealing gas station restroom keys.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventy One
It was his resentment and loathing of young people that led him to become a Guidance Counselor.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventy Two
For what must have been the thousandth time she told Randy to stop repeating himself.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventy Three
No one saw the harm in Jim's imaginary girlfriend until she had a phantom pregnancy.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventy Four
Lorelei hadn't encountered a problem yet that couldn't be solved by a slingshot and a Molotov cocktail.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventy Five
The Detonating Man had only one adventure but it left the citizens of River City were cleaning their windows for weeks.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventy Six
Some vampires are in terrible pain because they're glucose intolerant.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventy Seven
For his theater class final he performed a Shakespearean soliloquy in the nude but no one was impressed with his iambic pentameter.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventy Eight
Someday musical instruments will be sentient but will only be sold in pairs because no one wants to be the owner of a lonely harp.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventy Nine
All Abner Deggent knew was these guys weren't American and that was a good enough reason to come out shooting.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighty
The incident with the bar code machine had been a freak accident but it still left him on the run with a price on his head.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighty One
Abner Deggent hid aboard the truck in a box of knives, the ride was rougher than expected and the nearby crate of iodine was leaky.
Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighty Two
She didn't know the webcam was on when she wet herself, it was a harsh lesson in streaming video.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighty Three
Fuego had left Mexico and the Brotherhood of Luchadores due to long standing questions about his birth certificate.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighty Four
For a moment Captain Hero gloried in the sensation of flight, then he wondered where the Hell that catapult came from.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighty Five
Like all fans of a long running Sci-Fi franchise he loved everything about it save for the writing, directing and production team.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighty Six
The time travelers almost met Catherine The Great, but they couldn't agree over who would get the back half of the horse costume.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighty Seven
"She prefers to proofread and make love by candlelight- if you've ever seen her poetry or her boyfriend you'll understand why."
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighty Eight
Technically he wasn't breaking the law but security kept a close eye on the man wearing the dildo bandolier.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighty Nine
The tech support line for time travelers had long hold times but they always knew what your question was before they answered.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ninety
Rescuing people from burning buildings was easy for Captain Hero, their pets not so much thanks to his allergies
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ninety One
Save the native girl or escape with the treasure? Abner Deggent didn't hesitate, there were plenty of other girls on the island.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ninety Two
Amazing Ed realized the scientist's "Power Pills" were just Estrogen tablets when his breasts began to feel more tender than usual.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ninety Three
It wasn't so much a broad consensus as a consensus of broads.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ninety Four
"The Constables brag about the low murder rate, they don't mention the disappearances. If you mention them you might disappear."
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ninety Five
It was bad enough Megaton Minotaur broke Fuego's leg but did he have to say "Oh snap!" afterward?
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ninety Six
Meetings were just another way to stare off into space on company time.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ninety Seven
The choice was take impotence causing heart pills or die. In his final moments he somehow managed to clear his browser cache.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ninety Eight
Their quest took them deep under the Earth. Walking close together, they choked on the foul air. No one knew where they had parked.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ninety Nine
"I've never been with a man." she said.
"Well that makes two of us." he answered.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred
Her husband was very territorial when it came to the bathroom, either that or he had terrible aim.
