Saturday, February 20, 2010

Werewolf vs Mummy SMACKDOWN! Courtesy of the late, great Paul Naschy!



I saw this on Saturday TV when I was a kid... I have great memories of it...

Topless Robot Gives Us A Glimpse Into The Amazing World Of Dolph Lundgren

Dolph... I hardly knew you...





Thank you TOPLESS ROBOT... I think...

(Recommended Article) The Lightning Bug's Lair: TNT Jackson (1974): She's Dynamite and She'll Win That Fight


The Lightning Bug's Lair: TNT Jackson (1974): She's Dynamite and She'll Win That Fight

THE NEW DOCTOR WHO TRAILER'S HERE! THE NEW DOCTOR WHO TRAILER'S HERE!!!!




This is gonna be AWESOME!!!!!

(Recommended Article) Bloofer Lady's Review of THE WICKER MAN


Sergeant Howie (Edward Woodward) is sent a mysterious letter from Summerisle telling him to go there to investigate the case of a missing girl. Once there he quickly learns that the residents of the island aren’t whom they seem to be, and that if he wants to save the girl he had better do so quickly!...

click here to read the rest

This is the stuff that slasfics are made of!




The following image is courtesy of A Celebration of Feminine Pulchritude

With Just One Picture MONSTER CRAZY can make your whole world come crashing down around you!




For even more madness stop by MONSTER CRAZY!

Friday, February 19, 2010

(Recommended Reads) "The Bonfire" by Jessica Rosen

The whispers in the darkness rose and fell with the flames.

“That’s gonna be one hell of a fire,” Doug laughed. Miranda smiled over her shoulder. What a smile and those eyes. He was one lucky fella. He watched her from the log. That long, tall body crouched by the firepit. Her red hair glowed like flames...


click here to read the rest

(Recommended Reads) "Within A Box" by Tim Remp

A breeze crawled through an alleyway, laced with decay and stirring old debris...

click here to read the rest

Is it time to show off my Dad to all you folks? Hell yes it is!

Yes this really is my old man...

....and yes he really is this awesome.








He offered me the chance for music lessons but all I wanted were those HP Lovecraft books...


(Recommended Reads) "The Strange Things In Me" by Jared Branch

Perhaps a trip to the mall wasn’t the best idea. Perhaps being friends wasn’t, either. But we were and we did. We got coffee and went to a bookstore pretending it was Business As Usual. But it was over, even if I didn’t want to admit it and he was too concerned about my feelings....

click here to read the rest

(Recommended Article) Adventures in Nerdliness: Nerd Girl of Note #50


Adventures in Nerdliness: Nerd Girl of Note #50


You know I had that poster back in the day...

TWITCH Give Us Another Red Band Trailer for KICK ASS



click here to see more

(and BTW this was pretty much the plotline for the novel I wrote in high school... except this is better...)

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Eighteen

Amazing Ed usually cracked jokes while fighting crime but lately he'd had a bad case of quipper's block.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Seventeen

“Are you kidding?” Agent Krump said, “The bureau's best hostage negotiator can't get his wife to let him go to a bachelor party?”

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Sixteen

By 2025 Social Networking had become so all-encompassing that global conflicts were settled via MAFIA WARS.
about 4 ho

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Fifteen

Once he got a job repossessing time machines the days just seemed to fly by.

(Recommended Reads) "Shepherd's Daughter" by Maria Protopapadaki-Smith

The wizard stared at the little girl in horror. She looked up at him with big blue eyes and a small shake of the blonde ringlets that cascaded down below her shoulders. A pair of plump, rosy cheeks dimpled as she smiled at him. It was all he could do to stop himself from shuddering; he had never been this terrified in his entire life...

click here to read the rest

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Fourteen

Zeth said, “There are two things you'll never beat me at- Russian roulette and poetry slams, I'm well rehearsed for both.”

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Thirteen

Until carpal tunnel prematurely ended her career she was the best Fluffer in the business, making money hand over fist.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

The Nick Of Time (and other abrasions): Tombs Of The Blonde Dead part three- Caged Exotics

The Nick Of Time

(and other Abrasions)

Tombs Of The Blonde Dead

part three

Caged Exotics

by

Al Bruno III




It was dark now and the sculpted brasiers filled the Garden of Duchesses with flickering yellow light. The grunge band Severe Tire Damage were well into their first set; she sound of cheers and the squeal of distorted guitar riffs filled the night. Judy Bauer was giggling. She had her high heeled shoes in one hand and a plastic margarita glass in the other; she glanced behind her to make sure the man with the leather jacket and the silk necktie was still following her.

But of course he was.

She led him off the winding pathway to the shadowy borders of the elegantly sculpted treeline. Judy’s eyes adjusted quickly to the loss of light- but the darkness rarely held any surprises for her. She didn’t even spill her drink. Her admirer Grady Smith wasn’t so lucky, he blundered through sweet smelling blooms and tried to make his cursing sound good-natured.

The passed close to a brass cage where an exotic bird made irritated sounds. Judy wondered momentarily at the cruelty of keeping the creature caged, alone and far from human sight. Who cared for it? Who took pleasure in its beauty? Did millionaire publisher Larry Gurlich even remember it was there?

Well that was the difference of the sexes wasn’t it? Given unlimited energy and resources male energy would horde and build monument after monument to itself- female energy on the other hand would be caught in a cycle of creation and destruction.

“Julie?” Grady Smith’s voice was somewhere behind her.

“Judy,” she corrected and kept walking.

“Where are you?” He sounded confused and frustrated, and that was just the way Dame Bauer’s youngest daughter liked them.

She finished her drink and tossed the plastic cup aside, she felt a twinge of guilt at that but she was sure there were far worse things found littering the grounds of this place in the morning. Grady Smith headed in the direction of the glass, giggling Judy called back, “I’m over here.”

For a record producer he had a lousy sense of hearing but that was assuming he really was who he said he was. Who knew how many faux producers and directors were out there trolling for bimbos?

There was a building up ahead, for a moment Judy thought it might be some kind of lover’s cottage or an elaborate storage shed but then she saw it was one of the eight burial vaults that had been scattered throughout the gardens.

Actually, she realized, there are nine of them now.

Nine beauties, nine almost celebrities, nine women who died with their dreams and their lives half realized.

Slowing her pace Judy ran her the palm of her hand along the smooth granite wall of the tomb. It was a pitiful thing really, especially when compared to some of the sights offered by the city of Olathoe.

Of course that was to be expected when you considered how much male energy was running rampant around there.

Turning she pressed her back against the stone wall and waited for her pursuer to find her. When he did he pressed close, one hand on the wall the other on her hip. He filled her face with his stale panting breaths and pick-up lines that were staler still.

Why was it the really handsome ones never knew when to shut up?

Finally he had convinced himself that she wanted to be kissed and his head darted forward. She turned at the last moment letting him plant his lips on her cheek. Then she giggled again. She could almost feel his face going crimson, and let him stew for a few minutes before she pressed her lips to his.

Then she slipped out of his embrace and ran to the other side of the burial vault.

And he was hot at her heels asking her “Hey baby, where are you going?” but there was an edge of danger to that
Hey baby.

She knew it was wrong to be a tease- wrong and dangerous but this was how she liked men best- frustrated and impatient, right on the verge of becoming beasts.

Judy also knew she wasn’t the only woman to play this game but unlike most she knew how to take care of herself; if record producer Grady Smith didn’t know how to take no for an answer he would find choice parts of his anatomy melting away.

The sound of a familiar guitar riff filled the darkness, it was Severe Tire Damage playing their only top twenty hit ‘Lady Snakeskin’. Judy let Grady Smith find her and they were kissing again. He was more insistent now, pressing himself against her, his hands were everywhere.

They lay down on the ground, loosening their clothes in all the necessary places. Judy pushed him flat on his back and she was nibbling here and licking there. He called her ‘Julie’ again but before she could think to scold or correct him the door of the burial vault fell open with a muffled crash.

“What was that?” Grady Smith hissed in what would be one of his final breaths.

A slender shape in a silk shroud stepped out onto the warm grass, it was a shape that dozens of young men had lulled themselves into sleep by dreaming of, it was shape that had even caught the eye of a middle aged Elvis Presley, it was the 1967
Girly Magazine. Duchess of the year Betty Cunningham.

Twenty five years of decay had run riot over that famous figure reducing it to sinew and gristle, her beauty mark was long gone now, along with most of the face that had held it, the only thing that still seemed to have retained its luster was her long blonde hair.

Betty Cunningham’s rot-blinded eyes glared down at the couple sprawled on the grass.


Wednesday, February 17, 2010

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Twelve

Corpses had been left on front lawns every morning, Special Agent Krump wasn't shocked to discover the killer's name was Dewy.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Eleven

The Grackle and Pinkeye were two very different kinds of super-villains but both had powers that were unnervingly moist.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Another 11th Doctor Promo Image. How can I wait until the spring?

In The Shadow Of His Nemesis chapter fifty one

In The Shadow Of His Nemesis

Chapter Fifty One

BY AL BRUNO III




Wednsday November 20th 1996






“How many times are we going to have this argument?” Galen’s voice rang with exasperation as he walked outside.

Jason Magwier was hot on his heels, “As many times as it takes.”

It was a subdued evening at Laurel House; Zeth and Bodivar were playing a game of chess in the library, Jack and Roxanne were drinking in front of the fireplace, Isobel, Hao and Warren were talking and laughing in the solarium. Galen would have been content to join any of them but Magwier wouldn’t let things be.

“Why do you think the Monarchs want the Torwegs?” Magwier asked. The air was dry and bitter, the sky heavy with stars.

“They want to cut off all means of escape for my people,” Galen said. “It isn’t enough that we’re broken, they want us wiped out.”

Magwier tsked under his breath, “Not even close. Once they're done with this world they’ll use the Torwegs to move on to the next.”

“The next?” There was a gazebo up ahead, Galen made his way through the ankle deep snow towards it.

Magwier followed Galen’s trail,“What do you think the Shard Worlds are? They’re wreckage.”

The wooden structure was encrusted in white, the gazebo’s windchimes were coated with ice, “There’s a lot of life on the Shard Worlds.”

“There was a band playing on the Titanic, it still sank.”

Galen leaned against the wooden structure and looked back to the burning lights of Laurel House, “I’m not eager to be on the losing side of another war.”

“War’s over, this is the Cause- and not just my Cause. The Monarchs must be stopped,” Magwier paused. “What a melodramatic thing to say.”

“I don’t understand what you need the Torwegs for. You have the Splinter...”

“...not today I don’t. Maybe I never did.”

“You can see the future.”

“Actually I remember things that might happen. Very different and much more nerve wracking. And absolutely no help when you can’t find your car keys.”

Galen started heading for the treeline, he needed go be away from this man, he needed to clear his head, “You’re crazier than Sig said you were.”

“Crazy enough to beat the Monarchs?” Jason Magwier jogged after him.

“The Torwegs are all I have left...”

“All you have left? Do you mean as a legacy or a bargaining chip?”

“Shut up.”

“Or maybe an escape route?” Magwier grabbed the other man’s shoulder and turned him around, “It’s not just about you Galen, or your sins for that mater. Your people are still out there fighting to survive, common-born and the half-breeds.”

“I don’t owe them or you anything.”

“What about Isobel? She’s given you her heart, she needs your protection. Are you the man she thinks you are? Do you think you could be?”

With a shout of rage Galen shoved Magwier sending him tumbling back into the snow. He said “I’m not a hero!” and stormed off into the shadows.

“And neither am I,” Magwier said, not caring if he was heard. “Neither am I.”



Read The First 5 Chapter Of Joe Hill's "HORNS" and you'll probably want to buy a copy too...

click here to read the first 5 chapters

Thanks to i09 for hooking me up...

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Ten

Two figures of pure evil rose up from the pentagram. A voice said, “I am Farnak the Soul-Render!... and this is my trainee.”

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Nine

Some commented that he better not quit his day job but as a blogger he did his best work while he was at his day job.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Eight

The super-powerful, super-obese superhero named Thunder had one weakness, and to no one's surprise it was diabetes.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Seven

She sat in the bathroom and tried to imagine the noise from the stall beside her was just a wildly malfunctioning coffeemaker.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Five

"It was me that nailed horseshoes to that lawman," he confessed, "I shod the sheriff."

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Six

Magwier considered the plate of food he held, “Why is it evil masterminds always have the best buffets?”

Monday, February 15, 2010

Darth Vader on the Toilet: Fantasy Photo Series




I don't know much about art but I know Wonder Woman in dominatrix mode counts!

(Recommended Reads) "…the Home of the Brave" by Alan W. Davidson

“I just don’t get it,” Sharon said to her sister. “Why anybody would drive 3 hours to eat a sheep’s stomach filled with…nasty stuff… is beyond me.”

Mary Wallace looked through her digital camera, zooming into the lighthouse perched on a rocky outcrop. She snapped a photo. “The Robbie Burns supper helps Tom get in touch with his inner Scottish child. I think the 18 year old scotch is also bit of a lure,” she said, chuckling. “It makes the haggis more palatable...


click here to read the rest

Amanda Palmer sets the stage for Evelyn Evelyn




the press has recently announced the release of my new project with jason webley, “Evelyn Evelyn”, a mysterious record created by two conjoined twin sisters from a small town near Seattle, WA...


This is going to epic kids... click here to visit Amanda's blog

Drew Daywalt's horror short films continue to entertain



As always a big thanks the THE SCREAMSTRESS for bringing these to my attention.

MY SUPA LIFE celebrates Valentine's Day with the tears of a squid!


You know if Scarlett Squid isn't feeling appreciated I know a certain team in River City that would love to have him join up...

click here to follow the strip!

THE PRINCESS AND THE GIANT continues to kick webcomic ass!






click here to read the story

And now for no relevant reason.... pictures of Christina Hendricks in lingerie




Take THAT low blog hit count!

Welcome To Hell, Here's Your Smock part three

Price Breaks and Heartaches
a journal of retail and failed romance
Chapter One
Welcome To Hell, Here's Your Smock
part three


Please don't think that it was all about work for me at this point in my life, in fact I still spent as much time as I could avoiding work- be it via faked illnesses or inordinately long breaks. Most of my energies during those days was focused on my last year of high school. Not my studies mind you, my focus was on the increasingly pitiful soap opera that was my social life. It was a senior year and I was still smarting from having loved and lost the girl of my very moistest dreams. Let this next tortured paragraph tell you the story of our tortured romance.

Her name was Lily- well not really but I call her Lily in these stories so her husband doesn't track me down and kill me with his thumbs. I loved her with the intensity that only a teenager or a full blown psychopath could feel. I spent most of 9th grade just following her around like a lovesick puppy until finally she asked me who the Hell I was and why I kept showing up in her study hall. By my Sophomore year I had become one of her best friends. Then one of my best friends asked her out behind my back. Then I stole Lily away from his attention the night of the dance- my best friend and I never really forgave each other for that debacle. Of course at the time I didn't care because I had gotten my first kiss and I found myself in a strange on again/off again relationship. Lily and I frequently made out but we rarely went out. Most of my guy friends told me they didn't know what I saw in her but then they hit on her behind my back. I am pretty sure Lily's Dad thought I was having sex with her but I didn't even have the nerve to French kiss her. Once it was Junior year the on again/off again relationship was just off and I found other girls to date. Wendy taught me what it was to be a man- not in the 'getting laid' way but in the 'quiet desperation' way; still though she let me get to first base with her so that's something. Sue went with me to the Junior Prom and at least waited until after the Prom before trying to nail all my friends. I'm still not sure why I didn't try and nail her, I think a part of me still wanted to save myself for Lily; although I had begin to worry I might have more luck saving myself for the day the Earth crashed into the sun. That leaves us here in the twilight of my senior year. Neither Lily or I were seriously dating anyone. For Lily not seriously dating anyone meant that meant she occasionally went out with one guy or another but no one got to lay claim to her; for me not seriously dating anyone meant that whenever I asked girl out she would say- “You can’t be serious!”

But even during that dark time Lily and I could still talk and share a laugh...

*

Lily was laughing so hard that years were in her eyes, “That was so funny the way you came back from the bathroom with that little eraser hanging out of your jeans!”

“Yeah...” I said as I vowed to never let her find out that hadn’t been an eraser. Stupid button-fly jeans...

It was after school and we were in art club, she was working on a painting of flowers I was drawing incompetent superheroes. A few tables away rich ubergeek Adrian was holding court, somehow he had convinced the art teacher that wargaming was an art form and there was a pitched battle going on between poorly-painted orcs and unpainted knights, a mound of clay represented the Shire, or perhaps a lump of clay.

Her eyes caught mine, she asked, “So what are you doing for the Christmas talent show?”

“I wasn’t going to do anything for the talent show,” I replied. If I had learned anything in my five years of high school it was that very few people wanted to hear any of my jokes. (My blog stats could be used to support the theory that this is still the case but hey I’ve got you don’t I dear reader?)

“Oh come on!” she said. “This is our senior year, cut loose a little. I’m going to sing
Total Eclipse Of The Heart.”

“Why?”

“Because I love that song,” Lily said. “Now come on, why don’t you do some of that stand up routine of yours?”

“Well,” I ran my fingers through my hair, forgetting I was holding a blue magic marker, “my material isn’t what I would call... polished.”

“Then I can help you polish it one of these nights.”

I had waited years to hear her say that but I had been hoping for a completely different context. “I don’t know...” I said.

“Come on, you and I could hang out like the old times. It’ll be a blast.”

I smiled, “Ok, for you I’ll risk a few jokes and public humiliation.”

“Great!” Lily gave me a big hug, “and you can meet Tyler.”

“Tyler?”

“He’s in the AV-Club, we’re going out.”

sonofaBITCH!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

(Recommended Reads) "The Artist’s Heart" by P.J. Kaiser

The opening night reception for my first art exhibit yielded more than I could have imagined. I sold four of my paintings, each around $4,000. I also received my first commission: $8,000 for a painting of a human heart. Initially repulsed by the idea, I was persuaded when the gallery owner explained the patron was a famous heart surgeon. He wanted an oversized linen canvass for his doctor’s office and I could take as long as I wanted...

click here to read the rest

(Recommended Reads) "Totally Original Idea" by Dana Larose

Martin padded through the cool night. His rough, burlap peasant's shirt itched and the rifle he had slung across his back was far heavier than he was used to. He stumbled over a root that was growing across the dirt path. He cursed under his breath. He had an LED flashlight in his messenger bag but he figured it was best to stick to period. And there could be German soldiers nearby. The area would be crawling with them in a few days...

click here to read the rest

The trailer for the film EXQUISITE CORPSE



Learn more at Brutal As Hell

Take a peek into the Al Bruno III gift shop...AND FOR CHRIST'S SAKE BUY SOMETHING!!! This isn't a lending library you know... sheesh...

IN THIS TWILIGHT tales of lost gods and fragile transformations

This collection of 13 stories transports you to a world where both dreams and monsters lurk in the shadows, where love and forgotten rituals fight for control of the human heart, and where the madness of eternity can be glimpsed in a single segmented eye. This anthology collects some of the best stories from Al Bruno III's website and includes the novellas 'Chad's Oracles', 'Fully Vested' and 'The Mask Collector', available for the first time anywhere.

Support independent publishing: Buy this book on Lulu.


IN THE MIDNIGHT OF HIS HEART a novel of horror and obsession

To all outward appearances John Sig is just an old man living a quietly in an empty old house. His one pleasure is when he heads down to the local diner and visits with his favorite waitress Angie. When Angie disappears, John sets out to find her. For an ordinary old man that might seem like a foolish idea but John Sig isn't human, he's a monster living in the shadow of a nightmare thirty -five years old.

In The Pit
This is the comic book I wrote, that sadly it never made it past the first issue. Too bad I had envisioned a fantastic tale of serial killers, Canadian pro wrestlers and exploding toilets. Still though I think you might enjoying reading the first issue, it is still available as a PDF file. There are also some preview pages at the sight below.
Order away and weep for what might have been.

Some of my best work is available from the fine folks at Eden Studios. My contribution to their game lines has been mainly in the area of fiction. The rules and setting information was written by other very capable folks like Richard Dakan, CJ Carella, Jack Emmert, George Vasilakos and M. Alexander Jurkat. Believe me, they did all the hard work. If you are a fan of role-playing games or a fan of zombie movies then the books below are going to be right up your alley.

ALL FLESH MUST BE EATEN main rulebook
Enter the dark world of survival horror. The Dead walk among us. This role-playing game allows you to play in a world infested by the walking dead. The main rulebook includes rules for character creation, combat and everything else you need to play in a world of survival horror. Also detailed are the multiple campaign settings so you can customize the type of "deadworld" you wish to explore. 232 pages.Hardcover.Cover Art by Christopher Shy.
Click here for ordering information
ZOMBIE MASTER SCREEN
A must-have reference for All Flesh Must Be Eaten, the Zombie Master's Screen is filled with charts and tables. From fear to weapons to outcomes, every reference that a prepared Zombie Master needs is packed onto a four-panel screen. The flip side of the screen scares and delights the players with full-color zombie images. The Screen is packed with a 48-page booklet, including a ready-to-run adventure introducing the Cast Member to the horrors of a zombie plague, and pregenerated characters with complete bios, statistics and resource information. Cover Art by Christopher Shy and George Vasilakos.
Click here for ordering information

ENTER THE ZOMBIE
Written by Richard DakanThe first supplement to All Flesh Must Be Eaten opens whole new vistas for a walking dead campaign. This tome brings together the thrills of Hong Kong action films and the excitement of flesh-craving horror. The match of these two genres may not have seemed obvious at first, but the pleasures that arise from it are undeniable. After all, zombies and Hong Kong style action make a perfect fit. What better match is there for a relentless series of lightning kicks and a hurricane of bullets than a target that can’t die? The pulse-pounding danger just never stops. Besides, what martial arts master worth his salt doesn't ache for the ability to use his own intestines as a deadly whip? For the undead, no problem!Softcover.Cover Art by Christopher Shy.
Click here for ordering information

TERRA PRIMATE
Written by Al Bruno III, CJ Carella, David F. Chapman, Patrick SweenyBased on the original concept by George Vasilakos and Ross IsaacsEdited by M. Alexander Jurkat, David F. ChapmanCover art by Jeff ReitzInterior Art by Storn Cook, Thomas Denmark, Talon Dunning, DW Gross, Jon Hodgson, Chris Keefe, Jason Millet, Matt Morrow, James Powers, Gregory Price, George Vasilakos From the creators of All Flesh Must Be Eaten, similar in style but this time . . . with apes! Terra Primate has no specific setting. The only constant is the concept of intelligent apes. Planet of the Apes is a movie about intelligent apes, but then again so is Congo. As long as the characters are interacting with intelligent apes -- or are intelligent apes themselves! -- the game could be set in the pulp era of adventure, on a post-apocalyptic Earth, on a faraway alien planet, or downtown on Main Street. The main rulebook includes rules for character creation, combat and everything else you need to play in a world where man is the missing link! Also detailed are the multiple campaign settings so you can customize the type of "Apeworld" you wish to explore.