Saturday, August 22, 2009

HOW TO TALK TO GIRLS AT PARTIES by Neil Gaiman

If you haven't experienced this story yet give it a try, I find it fascinating, impossible and true to life all at once.



or if you prefer it the audio version is here.

Friday, August 21, 2009

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Ninety Five

The HR department hired a dominatrix, the male employees suddenly became very excited about cutbacks, no matter how much they hurt.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Ninety Four

There was no debate needed, they all knew 'Weaponized Vagina' was the worst name ever for a Christain rock band.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Ninety Three

The brutal interrogations continued until morning but no one ever admitted to stealing the boss's lucky pen.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Ninety Two

Clem was so naïve that when she asked him if he wanted to taste her muffin he told her he was on a diet.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Video Blog Two: A Reading From The Binder Of Shame

video


Are these getting worse or better? Let me know!

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Ninety One

Everyone in the company crowded into the IT department for the annual 'Running of the Nerds'

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Ninety

Their love was like poetry but his was an imperfect rhyme.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighty Nine

Even on his deathbed he was still trying to talk her into a threesome.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighty Eight

Many thought that once prostitution was legalized the streets would be safer, then the Pimp Wars began.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighty Seven

Birthday Party Clown and Anger Management are two words that should never have to go together.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighty Six

Once they were alone in the honeymoon suite it was time to reveal the lingerie, it was the first time she had seen him in it.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighty Five

Psychotic Kid was terrible at detective work, thankfully he knew how to use GOOGLE.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighty Four

He spent his youth trying to escape from his father's legacy, then the rest of his life trying to hide behind it.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighty Three

“Just don't” she said. And to her eternal disappointment he didn't.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighty Two

He didn't know she was a Born Again Vegan, she didn't know he was a Narcoleptic Transvestite. That's dating via Twitter for you.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighty One

The morale of employees can always be judged by how they treat the company restroom. Tread carefully.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighty

Time travellers learned the dinosours were accidentally wiped out by time travellers trying to learn what wiped out the dinosaurs.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy Nine

The list of things Bob wouldn't put up his nose was upsettingly brief.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy Eight

Lorelei didn't plan to have a knife fight in a petting zoo but then again she was only going to turn16 once...

In which Shakira gives me impure thoughts...

Ok now this may not seem like an on topic post but I'm into horror and this is a song about a werewolf...

right?



She sure is limber isn't she?

And that one black outfit looks like Barbarella had a garage sale...






I bet this post gets more hits than any of my other stuff...

Welcome all new visitors!

Now pull up your pants and read a story damnit!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I am stunned and smitten by THE SECRET KNOTS

The always wonderful LOVECRAFT IS MISSING has steered me to THE SECRET KNOTS by Juan Santapau. This web comic is just awe-inspiring, some of the stories are thought-provoking, some are heart-breaking and sometimes damn well deserves to take a place beside the work of Thomas Ligotti and Neil Gaiman.

Each page is memorable and sometimes haunting.

Here is today's strip;



And here is another great one...



And finally this is a storyline called UNSPEAKABLE




You have GOT to start reading this webcomic.



INK: One damn interesting looking movie....

MIDNIGHT SHOWING has a write up for the indy film INK




I'd rather see something like this than a remake any day!

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy Seven

Magwier had just come to accept that every once in a while he was going to find himself bound and hanging from something.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy Six

Lepers prefer to have parades on windy days, that way the confetti is free!

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy Five

Suspended animation stranded the cheerleaders in a far future wasteland, but they still had spirit yes they did.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy Four

If getting sparkly vampires in headlocks while their girlfriends watched was wrong the Fuego didn't want to be right.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy Three

An error required the entire class of 1986 to retake their senior year, it was just like old times but with more medication.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy Two

At last Captain Hero told Doomsday Girl he loved her, she still thew him down a well but she was blushing when she did it.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy Two

He tried to hide from the police in a bowling alley, he would have gotten away if he hadn't stopped to rent shoes.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy One

There was an avalanche at the ballpark, thankfully everyone got dugout.

In The Shadow Of His Nemesis chapter twenty five

BY AL BRUNO III




Friday November 15th 1996




Shirtless in spite of the cold morning they stood on Laurel House’s front lawn. The stared at each other, fencing foils at their sides. At an unspoken signal they saluted and stepped forward; Zeth was muscular but beginning to soften with middle age, his skin was so dark it was almost purple He had his graying dreadlocks pulled back and tied with a ribbon. They sized each other up and tensed. Jack smiled, his hair hanging lose and wild. Zeth thrust with his foil.

Jack swiped the blow aside and retreated from a second attack.

Zeth's breath hissed out from between his clenched teeth as his opponent became more aggressive. He parried a trio of blows. Their foils rasped and clinked as they dueled beneath purple sunrise. Jack tried to strike low but Zeth evaded the glinting metal with a leap and followed with a counter-thrust.

Looking down at the red-tipped foil poking his chest Jack laughed "Oh. Very good.”

“Again?”

“Hell yes.” They stepped back and saluted.

They returned to their starting positions, "Engarde!"

Jack drove Zeth back a dozen steps with as many blows. The attacks blocked more by blind instinct than skill. "Two can play at that." Zeth grunted and launched a wild attack of his own, realizing only too late that he'd fallen into a trap. Jack's foil tapped his forehead, "We're one for one."

"Keeping score are we?”

Again they returned to their starting positions. “By the way, are you having fun?"

Zeth smiled, "Yes, I am. You know when you invited me I almost turned you down."

"Why?”

“Lots of reasons.” Their blades clashed once more, this time each man was cautious and cagey, their blades glancing.

"Is he coming today?"

"God willing." Zeth replied his eyes darkening, "This place is a bit to… sedate for my tastes.”

“I thought as much.” Jack thrust and blocked, "I think that’s why I was surprised to find a man like you on our doorstep.”

“Magwier asked me to keep an eye on Galen.”

“Do you always do what Jason Magwier says?”

Zeth's guard dropped at that, letting Jack land another blow. "Oh, I’m sorry. That wasn't fair, we'll start over."

"I believe in what he’s doing. The Cause is more than what the name implies. We can save the world.”

“I think that the world can take care of itself.” Jack said, “It always has.”

Zeth smiled, “An optimist.”

“What about Isobel and her brother?” Jack asked.

“What about them?” Zeth said.

Sig stepped out the front door. He was wearing a light jacket, jeans, boots and a flannel shirt. He had a knapsack over one shoulder and a cane in the other.

“Heading into town?” Jack asked.

Sig nodded, “Angie needs more pills. Do either of you want anything?”

“Nope.”

Zeth said, “A few newspapers and a TIME magazine.”

“Of course.” Sig turned to go.

“I have to ask you something.” Zeth said.

Sig stopped but didn’t turn, “Yes?”

“Aren’t you afraid to go into town? You haven’t been forgotten you know.”

“Let them come.” Sig’s laugh was almost a growl.

Both men watched him disappear into the tree line; then they returned to their stances.

“Engarde!” Jack said.

They danced back and forth, steel flashing, their faces livid with exertion. “Those trips of his are dangerous.” Zeth said.

“He knows what he’s doing.” Jack delivered a savage riposte, “Besides Angie needs that medication.”

Zeth’s foil caught his opponent in the stomach, “All that means to me is that you’ve got two liabilities.”

They stepped back and saluted, the duel continued.



Tuesday, August 18, 2009

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy

"We may be twisted subhuman dwellers from beneath the Earth," Degmoor said, "But at least WE have health care."

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixty Nine

They tortured the morbidly obese Agent Krump by tying him to an excercise bike and letting it run. He felt the burn.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixty Eight

Only impure thoughts could save them now.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixty Seven

They made love and she cried out- not from pleasure but from the sight of the spider slowly lowering itself down towards the bed.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixty Six

Since moving to America the vampire count had fallen on hard times but beware the Trailer Park of Dracula

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixty Five

Supervillian Professor Ipecac is considered to have the most disgusting superpower ever.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixty Four

PsychicPleasurebots fulfill an enduser's secret desires, many endusers don't truly know their secret desires until its too late.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixty Three

Of all her stalkers Lucy thought the one that wanted to bathe in her blood had the nicest handwriting.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixty Two

Like Robinson Caruso it was primitive as can be, like most bachelor pads really.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixty One

A blow to the head caused Joe's mind to shift of all his pin numbers one memory to the left, he never used his ATM card again.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixty

Derrick didn't know about his evil doppleganger until they both showed up to take the SATs

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Fifty Nine

Hip hop inspired by the works of Ayn Rand was an original idea but Galtsta Rap was a short lived fad.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

THE FOURTH KIND: Milla Jovovich vs Aliens or Owls or Something...

The trailer for nerd candy Milla Jovovich's upcoming film.



Once again thanks to Twitchfilm.net for showing me something I hadn't heard of but am now desperate to see.