When Shade pistol-whipped her husband, Amberlee let out a cry and fell to the ground. That pissed him off so he pistol-whipped him again shooting her a look that said, "Don't back down now."...
Saturday, September 11, 2010
(Recommended Review) TWITCH's Todd Brown puts your fears to rest about LET ME IN
...Much has been written by angry fans of the Alfredson film against this one based on early trailers and script reviews from dubious sources. To those who have been following those conversations, no - it is not a shot for shot remake. Yes, many sequences are quite similar but many others are not. The structure of the film is quite different, the internal focus shifted slightly. As for script reviews claiming massive revisions to the source material, disregard those entirely. They simply are not true. The back stories of the children have not been changed in the slightest, with the obvious exception being that they now live in America. Some issues are simply not touched on - which I will not go in to for spoiler reasons - but there is nothing about either character that contradicts existing canon. This is a true, respectful treatment of the original material...
It should be noted that I trust TWITCHfilm's opinions on most things
(Recommended Review) MAD MAD MAD MAD MOVIES Review of 'Santo y Blue Demon Contra Los Monstruos' makes me want to run away from home to become a luchador! (but my wife said I'm not allowed)
More and more these days--as Time's Winged Chariot drags me inexorably closer to the shadowy bourne of that Undiscovered Country, and the vistas of Future Possibility shrink and close around me like the heavy gray walls of an Inquisitor's tomb--I find myself wishing that I'd come into contact with certain things earlier in my life. For instance, I was fully fifteen years old before I first read Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, a book that would have stood me in much better stead before I'd followed the philosophical dead ends of its protagonist Raskolnikov. (I ended up getting my watch back, though, so no lasting harm.) Similarly, I discovered the cinema of Paul Naschy as a slightly past middle-aged adult (if we calculate the middle as half the "threescore years and ten" of verse)--a fortunate discovery, but one, had I made it earlier, would have afforded me that many more years of grinning, face-beaming joy...
(Recommended Reads) An Old Friend by Gracie Motley
So I’m sitting in a coffee shop, nursing my unpronounceable milk and coffee drink. I’m at a table in the corner by the window, where the view is the busy street. Inside the shop, there are people reading newspapers or books, and others staring at laptops. Still others are having quiet conversations. Though the place is busy, the lunch crowd hasn’t descended yet. I’m people-watching, that’s all, thankful it’s my day off.
Suddenly I feel this ripple in the air in front of my little table. There’s a– well, I guess you could say it’s a woman, but there’s something… odd about her, in front of me. She stands there a moment, hands on hips, looking at me scornfully, and then she sits across from me, without even a by-your-leave...
(Recommended Reads) Crack the Sky by The Four Part Land
Life was a strange beast here, for it ebbed and flowed with the tides of the moon. In the morning, all creatures would die, and in the afternoon, find themselves revived as they once were. Even those that had been consumed as prey woke up once more in their homes.
The moon was a cruel mistress, for it did not remove the memories of their deaths. Every day, another death would be added to a long litany of memory, and so creatures became warped and twisted things, their memories consumed by pain. Some sought suicide as a way out, thinking that if they killed themselves, they would be well and truly dead. Alas, that was not to be, and so they grew despondent, dying but never dead...
(Recommended Reads) Big Hearted Fella By John McDonnell
“It’s not goodbye, Sue, not at all.” He took another forkful of the fish and put it in his mouth. “This is delicious fish, by the way. Never had anything like it.”
“Don’t change the subject,” she said. “You’re saying goodbye.”
“No, I hate goodbyes. I hate endings...
(Recommended Article) "I have read your website and it is obviously that your a foggot."
In which David Thorne takes down a troll like an Internet Ninja
From: George Lewis |
Friday, September 10, 2010
(Recommended Reads) "Above Ground" by Maria Protopapadaki-Smith
Keirit spent his sixteenth birthday doing what most boys did when they turned eight. His mother pleaded with him not to leave the Caves, but he was adamant...
Thursday, September 9, 2010
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred And One Through One Thousand Five Hundred And Fifty
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and One
She spent her entire work week making plans for the weekend, then when Saturday came she slept until 2 PM.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Two
He never imagined he would fall for pirate girl with a missing hand but from the moment they met he was hooked.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Three
The church elders decided phallic-shaped sandwiches were an affront to God. It was full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Four
If anyone ever learned what the crunchy bits in Jim's homemade potato salad were, they would have gone mad.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Five
Seven castaways washed up on that island but the skinny guy kept ruining their attempts to be rescued so the others killed him.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Six
Supervillain Chef Julia Infant threatened to fill the oceans with breakfast pastries until the Earth became a planet of the crêpes.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Seven
Magwier and Lorelei drove off leaving the Bone Eater screaming with frustration. Magwier said "That was a marrow escape."
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Eight
The meeting went on for hours but the atheists of the world still couldn't decide who to thank when it was Friday.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Nine
He led the double life of a lawyer and a pugilist. Ever day he had to decide between boxers or briefs.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Ten
“If you suspect that phone trees are an insidious plot to break the human spirit please press one...”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Eleven
Dave hated how computers had taken over the lumber-jacking industry, he was always forgetting to log out.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Twelve
The thrill of victory and the high pitched squeal of defeat, these are the sounds of the Mens' Nude Dodgeball League.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Thirteen
She was Abner Deggent's kind of woman all right- no self esteem and incredibly low standards.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fourteen
Killer unicorns and a pink-colored death ray? The Society of Evil Princesses was at it again.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifteen
Ironically enough Amazing Ed got tea-bagged at the local amusement park's ball pit.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixteen
There were some that found Commander Infinity's catchphrase “You can count on me!” both confusing and annoying.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Seventeen
Superhero luchador Fuego wanted to take his old tag team partner out to dinner at an expensive restaurant but he was tapped out.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Eighteen
As Captain Hero plummeted into the garbage Dumpster he thought to himself that they just didn't make ledges like they used to.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Nineteen
They told Psychotic Kid that he'd have to be crazy to try and take on the Reddeath. He simply replied, “Well duh.”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Twenty
The corporation went broke so fast that the CEO was left with only twenty cents to his name. Talk about new paradigms.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Twenty One
Thalia cornered the evil wizard in a deli only have him create a monster of selected meats. This was the wurst case scenario.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Twenty Two
While it was an original idea the world just wasn't ready for DELIVERANCE cosplay.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Twenty Three
Even the Great Old Ones moved with the times that was why in his house at R'yleh dead Cthulhu waits twittering.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Twenty Five
The K-Y Jelly made just for STAR WARS fans is more expensive but you will pay for you lack of friction.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Twenty Four
"She's beautiful and she has an extensive thesaurus collection," he said, "and I wanna live with a Synonym Girl."
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Twenty Six
He was a starship officer from and ice planet, he never gained high rank but soon everyone knew the story of Frosty the Yeoman.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Twenty Seven
The protesters felt building the William Shatner Museum so close to a movie theater was insensitive to the victims of STAR TREK V.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Twenty Eight
Then the Maven realized that instead of her own utility belt she was wearing Amazing Ed's Big Bandolier Of Cheese.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Twenty Nine
There had been great hopes for the world's first nation of Drag Queens but it soon turned into a rouge state.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Thirty
The only way to make a starship move faster than the speed of light was to fill it with perverts. The more warped the better.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Thirty One
The aliens tried to conquer the Earth with an army of Nazis. It was Plan Nein From Outer Space.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Thirty Two
The super hero Dismembro could literally pull his body apart piece by piece- it always gave him a leg up on the villains.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Thirty Three
It was bad enough he had shut his hand in the door to his time machine but now he had 800 year old fingers to deal with.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Thirty Four
The course promised to improve her memory with 5 easy lessons but she kept forgetting to show up.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Thirty Five
It turned out the thing Dave was really allergic to was allergy medicine.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Thirty Six
He wanted a lover with a slow hand, which was why getting felt up by zombies was such a thrill.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Thirty Seven
Like most guys he lost his virginity in college but since he went to a clown college it was a really weird experience.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Thirty Eight
Only the most die hard music historians remember the album 'Disco Lullabies' by Donna Slumber.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Thirty Nine
He wanted to be a gigolo but wasn't sure if he could satisfy an older woman, so that first time was something of a dry run.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Forty
Of all the members of Abner Deggent's rogues gallery the ex Nazi Wilhelm Screame had the most distinctive battle cry.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Forty One
It turned out the members of the Black Robed Regiment dressed that way to hide their frilly lingerie.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Forty Two
At first she was excited that her milkshake brought all the boys to the yard, then she discovered they were all lactose intolerant.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Forty Three
In his later years Lord Greystoke left the jungle to start a vineyard. That was how he came to be known as Tarzan the Grape Man.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Forty Four
He read the memos from the central office religiously but never took them as gospel because it was one damned thing after another.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Forty Five
It wasn't until her fifth marriage in six years that she realized she was addicted to wedding cakes.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Forty Six
“Old super heroes never die,” Amoeba Man said, “they just keep getting revived in increasingly improbable ways.”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Forty Seven
“It there's one thing I've learned it's never to trust a funeral parlor with a free buffet.”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Forty Eight
The nude rapper liked to end his shows by yelling “Piece out!”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Forty Nine
It was the dream of perverts everywhere, a vibrating Snuggie.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifty
He found blogging more efficient that submitting to magazines, because now he could be ignored by millions almost instantly.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Seventy Six
The roman emperor had a dozen slave girls with large asses, when they rose up and killed him his last words were, “Et tu bootay?”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Seventy Five
He hadn't wanted another case of Athlete's Foot but that was all the Cannibal Supply Warehouse had in stock.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Seventy Four
The super hero known as The Zinger could create insults at super speed.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Seventy Three
Hrothgar spent the entire holiday fighting ghost vikings- it was a very spectral Christmas.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Seventy Two
Psychotic Kid would never have allowed his enemy to set the terms of the duel if he had known it would be a rap battle.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Seventy One
Noise from startled baby goats alerted the police. The fugitive cried “I'd have gotten away if it wasn't for those meddling kids!”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Seventy
Given the choice between dating a redhead or reading the Necromonicon he was unable decide which would ruin his sanity faster.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty Nine
Given the choice between dating a redhead or reading the Necromonicon he was unable decide which would ruin his sanity faster.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty Eight
The memo told everyone it was “clock out at five” but they left off the “L”. Human Resources had a field day.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty Seven
Bill Board wanted to be religious but his faith was week- he was always looking for a signs.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty Six
He didn't realize his wife snored, so he just kept having those recurring nightmares of being a groundskeeper with a faulty mower.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty Five
It was noted that long before the pastor started burning Korans he had burned away sections of the Bible that didn't suit him.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty Four
The first official STAR WARS themed daycare cut expenses for snacks and activities by freezing the children in carbonite until 5PM.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty Three
He bragged he was a crack stunt driver but secretly worried that popping nose pimples while speeding didn't really count.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty Two
The Maven hunted the serial killer known as Hannibal Lecture- he talked to his victims about Amway until they died of boredom.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty One
It was bad enough that Captain Hero's beloved Doomsday Girl had returned to crime- but then she unfriended him on Facebook...
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty
Redneck cyborg Rusty Johnson never revealed his body was made from monster truck parts but he also never gave any spoiler alerts.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifty Nine
While to call center encountered many difficulties due to the zombie apocalypse, the phone stats had never been better.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifty Eight
The magical Erato was upset by the appetites of the sewer ghouls, the sewer ghouls were upset by the way her robes never got dirty.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifty Seven
At first she thought Dave was the wind beneath her wings- then she realized it was just hot air.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifty Six
She said, “I can't understand why we're friends.”
“We're more than friends.” He replied.
“I can't understand that either.” she said
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifty Five
She quit being an exotic dancer to work in tech support, she went back to stripping to save her sense of self-esteem.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifty Four
Illness prevented him for being at Clown College for finals week, luckily he passed the make up exam.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifty Three
Abner Deggent liked to call himself a mercenary but anyone that hired him soon realized he was a soldier of misfortune.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifty Two
“Directives from corporate are like intestinal parasites, one is bad but when they come in groups everything gets backed up."
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifty One
Morbidly obese Special Agent Mario Krump hated hostage situations, they made the undersides of his man-boobs sweaty.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifty
He found blogging more efficient that submitting to magazines, because now he could be ignored by millions almost instantly.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Forty Nine
It was the dream of perverts everywhere, a vibrating Snuggie.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
(Recommended Reads) "Bearing Gifts" by Marisa Birns
I'm as ready as I'll ever be, Molly thought as she looked in the hall mirror and brushed back a strand of hair from her forehead. Although she had to beg, Charlie agreed to share a drink with her and was coming over..
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