“LOOK,” I said, cutting across yet another plea, “You’re dead. You need to accept that.”
“But -”
“No. Stop pretending to be alive. It’s stupid. It’s creepy. Now GO. THE. HELL. AWAY.”
She crossed her arms and stared at me.
“Never.”
I rolled my eyes. Women! Can’t live with ‘em, can’t escape even by killing ‘em...
Marianne huddles in the corner. Only her hands and nose are visible beneath the heap of moth-eaten blankets in which she swathes herself. The December chill seeps through the old fabric, sinking into her bones. A stub remains of her last candle, and she holds her hands either side of the flickering flame, anxious for warmth...
I'm a drifter, a squatter. I have no life of my own. I hear it happens sometimes; a soul gets displaced, and is able to wander about between realities to see every possible life he or she could have had. If it sounds glamorous, I can tell you that it's most certainly not. You never feel... comfortable, in a life. Or maybe it's just me, because I found love and searched through so many lives to find my happy ending. I'm still searching...
East London - A drunk motorist was arrested near Queenstown in the Eastern Cape after allegedly being found to be 32 times over the alcohol limit, the department of transport said on Thursday... Five boys and a woman, who were also in the vehicle with 15 sheep allegedly stolen from nearby farms, were also arrested.
Today we have for you a brief but very cool little video from the talented folks over at 39 Degrees North, a motion graphics studio from Beijing. The short is a video Christmas card adaptation of the Neil Gaiman poem, Nicholas Was…, and it mixes his dark words with equally dark yet truly beautiful animations...
39 Degrees North: Christmas Card 2010 from 39 Degrees North on Vimeo.
On the 12th day of Christmas her true love gave her twelve drummers drumming. Now it was just getting weird.
You better watch out, you better not cry you better not pout I'm telling you why, because we'll put you on Prozac.
On the 11th day of Christmas her true love gave her eleven pipers piping. It gave the four calling birds feelings of inadequacy.
The angel showed Karl what the world would be if he had never existed The only difference was Justin Beiber worked at Burger King.
On the 10th day of Christmas her true love gave her ten lords a leaping. A must for any DOCTOR WHO fan.
Little Joey wondered why every day couldn't be Christmas. “Because,” Dad said, “I'd be broke.
On the 9th day of Christmas her true love gave her nine ladies dancing. Not the kind of thing you want in a studio apartment.
Santa brought granddad some natural male enhancement drugs and Viagra to help him through the long hard winter.
On the 8th day of Christmas her true love gave her eight maids a milking. Not really, he just gave her a DVD of German porn.
They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games. So he sued their discriminating asses.
On the 7th day of Christmas her true love gave her seven swans a swimming. Now things were moving into Hoarders territory.
Strange magic brought a centurion to the modern age and gifted him with ice powers. Soon all would learn to fear Frosty the Roman.
On the 6th day of Christmas her true love gave her six geese a laying. Again with the birds!
On December eve after falling asleep in a brothel, Abner Deggent was visited by the ghosts of Syphilis past, present and future.
On the 5th day of Christmas her true love gave her five gold rings. He'd found all kinds of bargains at Mr. T's garage sale.
Taking a hint from Bruce Wayne, Jolly St. Nick created Santa Incorporated so he could spend more time romancing sexy cat burglars.
On the 4th day of Christmas her true love gave her four calling birds. But then the neighbors complained about the noise.
The Muse opened her gift from Captain Hero. “Underwear?” she asked. “Take the hint,” he replied. She blushed and crossed her legs
On the 3rd day of Christmas her true love gave her three French hens. They were delicious.
Captain Mendelbaum and his Kosher Commandos drew their laser guns, it was time to show these aliens a real festival of lights.
On the 2nd day of Christmas her true love gave her two turtle doves, making it clear who was behind the recent pet store robberies.
Christmas... Kwanzaa... Hanukkah... the Winter Solstice- just to be fair Larry drank through all of them.
On the 1st day of Christmas her true love gave her a partridge in a pear tree. The sicko had stapled it to one of the branches!
“I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus- and you really don't want to know what Uncle Roy was doing with that elf.”
"Howdy"
"Salutations."
"Sorry I'm late."
"It wasn't unexpected. Shall we initiate our offensive? The malefactors have already appeared on the scene."
"What?"
"Our targets are in the shopping enclosure."
"Again, what?"
"The shopping enclosure."
"The mall?"
"Yes."
"Ok. USA. Mall. Teamed up with a stiff board to kill crazy bastards. Got it."
"Marvelous. Now, can we begin?"
"Sure. Just one thing."
"What?"
"What was your name again?"...
The cry still rung in his ears.
Alone in the half light, he stared down at the tiny form between his boots. Its mouth was frozen in mid hiss, its almond shaped eyes were cold and accusing. Raindrops matted its sleek, black fur; its front paws were stretched out, the muscles locked in mid rake. Somewhere, a few blocks away, a band began to play the pounding of drums and blare of trumpets counter-pointing the incessant rhythm of the rainstorm.
He thought again of the sound that had brought him here – so terrified, so human.
Flicking wet hair from his face, he knelt. Bad enough the poor thing had to die here among garbage; he would make certain that it was not disposed of as garbage. He tried to take the tiny corpse in his hands but the kitten crumbled into nothing at a touch...
Merry Christmas To All And To All A Good Fight
Some superheroes patrolled the River city by leaping from rooftop to snowy rooftop, others flew and some just sat by a police scanner and waited; Captain Hero kept River City safe from behind the wheel of his specially modified taxicab. The red and white taxi made its way through the snowy streets, its headlights glinting off the Christmas decorations that marked every lamppost and window front...
