5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Eighty Six

A lifetime later he still kept a photograph of his old love hidden away, he never suspected that his wife knew and understood.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Eighty Six

Jeff found that prison was a lot like high school except with slightly more sodomy.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Eighty Five

The meeting of the Morality Action Group became so heated that an orgy broke out. Later they blamed the television.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Eighty Four

“The difference between a succubus and a poetess is that a succubus won't make you listen to her poems before she eats your soul.”

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Eighty Three

Captain Hero offered to reform Doomsday Girl, she offered to ruin him- both left the encounter tempted but alone.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Eighty Two

Once HP Lovecraft was resurrected from his essential salts he promptly began suing the Hell out of everybody.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Eighty One

Inspired by recent political events Gary shouted “YOU LIE!” at an employee meeting. The District Manager burst into tears and agreed.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Eighty

One by one the Muses were driven out of Olympus by the gods of remakes, fan fiction and sampling.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Seventy Nine

Jason Magwier knew that if you were a shape shifter you went through a lot of shoes.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Seventy Eight

The Olympic Committee had to choose between D&D or Co-Ed Mud Wrestling as new events. No one expected them be combined instead.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Seventy Seven

After years of chanting and ceremonies Madame Tara was contacted by the spirit world. They told her to shut the Hell up.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Seventy Six

There were to things Audra never seemed to have enough of; spell components and clean panties.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Seventy Five

Every night the super team The Local Heroes went on patrol, excerpt for Sundays- that was the pot luck dinner.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Seventy Four

He road off into the sunset, it was all in another days' work for Slim Griffin: Grief Councilor of the Wild Frontier.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Seventy Three

In a war between super heroes and mobsters no matter who lost only the cliches won.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Seventy Two

Fuego and Rusty Johnson captured one of the dreaded Shellfish Gang, but then they lobster.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Seventy One

Special Agent Mario Krump went through each suspects' file until his suspicions were confirmed, they were all idiots.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Seventy

By and by the family lost interest in the dog but he never lost interest in them, and that made it worse.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Sixty Nine

“It was the Devil's picnic and we were the ants.”

[INSANE NEWS] Man smashes car into store to steal sex toy

Man smashes car into store to steal sex toy

From The Chronicle Telegram Chronicle Online

BROWNHELM TWP. — The thief who crashed his car through AdultMart here early Wednesday knew exactly what he wanted: He picked up a $300 sex toy, discarded it for a smaller, less expensive model and then drove off — all of which was captured quite clearly on security video.

Meet Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov

I thank and curse Scott Redmond for making me aware of this

All text is from his blog... there's not much more I could add...

Meet Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov. The man thought to have the longest name in Norway. It is not mentioned in the article, but I believe he's still available. Ladies, snap this fine gentleman up before it's too late. A big fan of television and movies, most notably Lord of the Rings and Star Wars, he kept adding more and more names into the mix to see what was legally allowable. Others may collect artwork, baseball cards, or other rarities. This man collects names. And chins. It's obscured by the beard, but I can tell he's got at least two there.

And so it is that Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov gets the coveted Craw Fu salute for gaining international recognition while having no apparent marketable skills. That's not as easy a task as you might think.

The Hot Chicks Version of 12 ANGRY MEN

You know the only thing that scares me about this kind of thing is that eventually someone is going to create a Fat Sweaty Guys version of BIKINI CARWASH.

(Then again Darcknyt and I could audition for the lead roles in it...)

Price Breaks and Heartaches: part sixteen

The story you are looking for has been relocated and retooled.

PRICE BREAKS AND HEARTACHES can now be found here.

If you can't find one of your favorite chapters don't worry, it'll be back!

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Sixty Eight

Since being dead is a pre-existing medical condition, few zombies have health care of any sort.

50!!!!!!!!!

At long last my blog has had at least one visitor from all 50 states.

Whoever you are out there in Montana and North Dakota thanks for visiting and I hope to see you again.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Sixty Seven

Luchador crimefighter Fuego was on disability for 12 weeks after throwing his back out fighting robots and Aztec mummies.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Sixty Six

“and I was filled with sepulcherous dread at the hint of playthings hidden in my house- the BRATZ in the walls.”

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Sixty Five

Fearful of the spread of socialism many Americans fled to an island where they survived by sharing resources and responsibilities.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Sixty Four

The monster was built from body parts of celebrities that died young. It was horrible to look at but damn well knew how to party.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Sixty Three

The morbidly obese Agent Krump kept shooting fleeing suspects in the legs until Homeland Security bought him a Segway.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Sixty Two

Once it was decided that shaky cam films were passe, shaky movie screens became all the rage.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Sixty One

Captain Hero had no powers aside from his noble heart and better than average people skills- a rare thing in his business.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Sixty

Each night John Sig heard beatings and abuse going on next door; but even after he killed everyone there he still couldn't sleep.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifty Nine

He was a magician by trade so no matter how much stripper glitter transferred to his clothes his wife never suspected a thing.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifty Eight

Captain Hero founded the super team known as the Local Heroes, they fought crime and attended the occasonal mall opening.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifty Seven

Whenever he ran naked in a thunderstorm it was always the same thing, a quick flash and a huge crack.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifty Six

Magwier awoke with a gasp and found the satin lined walls of a coffin pressing in around him. “Not again.” he groaned.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifty Five

There was a fine line between what was erotic and what was weird; Karl spent his life moving the goalposts.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifty Four

Rebooting an entire starship was a dangerous business but the Persea was light years from the nearest software upgrade.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifty Three

Time travelers ruined the joy of rare coin collecting for everyone.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifty Two

Captain Hero found the big city superheroes intimidating with their actual superpowers, gleaming costumes and armies of lawyers.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifty One

'Disposable fingers' The thought woke him up in the middle of the night and kept him awake till dawn.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifty

The unmanned deep space mission was really a plot to get rid of all the really sarcastic robots.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty Nine

As far as Agent Krump was concerned having your gout inflamed by bad takeout food was an injury in the line of duty.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty Eight

At last Captain Hero told Doomsday Girl he loved her, she still thew him down a well but she was blushing when she did it