Saturday, August 27, 2011

And just in case any of my fellow American Doctor Who Fans have forgotten...

(Recommended Hotness) Fay Daniels' shares her cuteness with the world.

(Recommended Hotness) London Andrews doesn't need Jedi mind powers!

Friday, August 26, 2011

and now... KITTENS FIGHTING WITH LIGHTSABERS!!!

The was found on TOPLESS ROBOT

 

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Thursday, August 25, 2011

THE LOCAL HEROES: Apocalypse Jones And The Race Against Time - Chapter One

Apocalypse Jones
And The Race Against Time
by
Al Bruno III

Chapter One
The Planet Of The 70’s


It had been December thirty first 11:59:59 PM for months.

That first, last New Years Eve the moon had gone red and any living person caught in its crimson light was transformed into a thing that was not quite a jackal and not quite human. Cemeteries shuddered and gave up their dead, shambling nightmares spilled out of every morgue and funeral home.

What began in River City spread across the world until every clock had stopped at one second from midnight and there had never been another sunrise. There were no stars either, there was only a darkness marked by the few hours the bloated, red moon crawled across the sky. That moon had become unchanging, it no longer had any phases and anyone caught out in its light would be changed into one of the jackal-things.

The only safe way to travel was in those hours that the moon had dropped below the horizon but the traveler still had to deal with a nearly impenetrable darkness as well as monsters both living and dead.

Policewoman Annabelle Jones steered her motorcycle carefully through the streets of Megalopolis. She was tall and black with regal features and a halo of kinky dark hair.

The motorcycle slalomed around the burnt out vehicles, sometimes riding along the glass strewn sidewalk, other times in the road. Up ahead a toppled power wire was sparking and snapping. Seeing that surprised Annabelle and she slowed to a stop. Why was there still electricity here? Were there refugees nearby?

Perhaps so but Annabelle didn’t allow herself to hope, not after she’d been on her own for so long.

Still though, she had to wonder where they might be.

A small group of shambling forms startled her from her thoughts. She hit the brakes and went into a controlled skid.

There were zombies up ahead of her and by the look of it they were freshly turned.

“So much for refugees.” Annabelle grumbled. She wore two belts of ammunition bandolier style. She kept a high-powered revolver holstered on each hip, they had been her only companions since the jackal-things had taken her family. She drew them and took aim, “Well girls, looks like its still just the three of us. What say we have a little fun?”

The first revolver crashed and one of the zombies crumpled. She fired the second and sent another one spinning backwards. A sound escaped her, it might have been laughter, it might have been a sob but what did it matter when there was no one left to hear?

She could have just gone around the slow moving things but she wanted to destroy something, she wanted to smell cordite. It made her remember those early days at the police academy. She had been proud to be accepted and determined to show her instructors that a black woman was more than a match for any other recruit.

Proving that hadn’t been easy, the instructors had made sure of it but she had endured and won their respect. They had found her marksmanship skills especially amazing. Fast on the draw and sure-eyed she could shoot the gun out of a man’s hand at fifty paces.

After graduation she made a name for herself as she patrolled the rough streets she had grown up on. Criminals called her ‘the sexy cop that wouldn’t stop’. They had given her a nickname too but it was a nickname nobody dared use to her face.

Even the superheroes of River City had shown her deference and respect. ShadoMask had been there when the mayor had awarded her the medal of valor. A week later she had been made an honorary member of Guardian Force.

Not that any of it mattered now. There no longer was a River City police department or a Guardian Force.

Once the zombies had been returned to death Annabelle dropped the spent cartridges from her revolvers and started reloading.

But she never got the chance to finish.

Something came at her from her right, moving fast and growling.

There was no time for Annabelle to react and the jackal-thing took her and her motorcycle down. There was a hiss as the header pipe scalded her skin through her jeans. One empty revolver clattered from her grip, the other she held on to.

The jackal-thing straddled her, it’s yellow eyes feverish with madness and hunger. It slashed at her with its claws. Annabelle blocked the blow with her revolver. The creature’s nails sparked against the metal. She curled her empty hand into a fist and hit it alongside the head. It’s eyes rolled back and it toppled off of her.

Annabelle fought to catch her breath. She could hear growls moving towards her. More of the creatures were nearby. She fumbled to reload her remaining gun but she was still pinned under the motorcycle.

Would these last bullets be for those things or for her?

Before she could decide a man dropped out of the sky beside her. He was wearing what looked like a homemade deep sea diving suit but there were sleek wings attached to the back that looked like they had miniature jet engines attached to them.

The jackal-things were baying and barking. There were yellow eyes coming at them from the darkness, coming from everywhere.

The man in the rocket suit lifted her up, holding her in his arms like she was some damsel in distress. The wing engines roared to life and they shot into the air at a crazy angle.

Annabelle shouted with surprise and held on tight to her rescuer. She was close enough now to make out his features through the clear glass faceplate of his helmet. He was black with hair that was going gray and a thin smile. “I’m Sidney Tibbs,” he said, “and you are?”

“I’m...” Annabelle choked, her stomach heaving, “...airsick.”


THE WOMAN outraged the audiences at the Sundance Film Festival. Here is the trailer.

Thanks to ZOMBIES ARE MAGIC for this.

 

 

I am a little torn with this one. Will I see it? Probably but there are some horror films I am a little afraid to see- a SERBIAN FILM for instance, THE BUNNY GAME for another. I wonder how far this film will go. MAYTRS was pretty much the limit of my tolerance.

 

We need more Lovecraftian horror these days...

(Insane News) London woman's breast implant popped during game of paintball

Story found via FARK.com

A LONDON woman is recovering after her breast implant was ruptured during a game of paintball - the first time such an injury is believed to have occurred in Britain. The woman's bizarre injury, suffered last weekend, caused UK Paintball - which operates more than 50 facilities throughout the UK - to insist that women with breast enhancements now wear extra chest protection, the Croydon Guardian reported...  

 

click here to read the rest

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

THE MASK COLLECTOR (a serial novel) chapter two

IN THIS TWILIGHT

The Mask Collector

Chapter Two


Sunday June 1st 2003


Instinctively Darren grasped at his chest when he awoke.


Disoriented and shaking he fumbled for the lamp on his nightstand, knocking the clock radio from its perch. It blared to life, filling the darkness with rasping static and shreds of classic rock. Darren cursed under his breath, trying to make himself be calm but the nightmare was still rattling around in his head. The half-remembered half -imagined vision of himself with chest pains that would soon blossom into a full blown cardiac arrest. Except this time he wasn't safe in the old apartment with Marnie somewhere nearby to save him. This time he was alone out in the middle of nowhere and he couldn't even draw breath to scream because it felt like his chest was in a vise.


Darren found the lamp; pale yellow light flooded the room. He sat on the edge and moved his line of sight up from the toppled clock along the wall of unpacked boxes to settle on the phone. The need to call Marnie was almost impossible to ignore, just to talk to her for a moment. His fingers twitched in anticipation of dialing her number.


No. Oh No. He reached down and made sure the alarm settings hadn't been changed in the fall. No looking back.


Darren switched off the lamp and lay back down, drawing the blankets up around his chin. He tried to think of something pleasant to lull himself to sleep. His thoughts drifted to the Japanese nursing student he always spied reading at the Starbucks near his work. One of these days he was going to chat her up.


Maybe even on Monday. Why not? I'm a free man now.


Darren closed his eyes, and heard voices.


Or maybe it was just one voice.


He sat up in bed, his pulse starting to race all over again. The Hell... What is that?


The voices were muffled and indistinct, full of grunting syllables and monotone half chants, every few moments the voices would be drowned out by a flurry of scuffling. Darren got out of bed and pressed his ear to the bedroom wall, the voice or voices became more distinct yet he still couldn't make out what was being said.


This is the wall I share with Chad in 1668. He thought, What is he doing at two in the morning?


Sounds like a party. Or maybe he's talking to himself.


Work was tomorrow, Darren couldn't afford to be up all night. He pulled the bed away from the wall and slept on it facing in the other direction. He promised himself that tomorrow he would speak to Sir Chad of English Nobility about keeping it down.


Chad Lunt... What kind of a name is that anyway? Sounds like a character in a bad action movie.



Click Here To Continue

BUZZEED'S 'Top 20 Ridiculous Explanations For The East Coast Earthquake' makes me want to weep.

thanks to BUZZFEED for this... I think

 

 

Apparently Gays can cause earthquakes. Does Professor X know about this?

 

 

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL??

 

Gay Rights are HUMAN RIGHTS people. 

 

Don’t like gay marriage? Don’t get one. 

Don’t like abortions? Don’t get one. 

Don’t like drugs? Don’t do them. 

Don’t like sex? Don’t have it. 

Don’t like your rights taken away?

Don’t take away anybody elses.

Hey guys, did the Earth move for you too?

 

(Reuters) - A magnitude 5.9 earthquake struck the East Coast from Virginia to at least Boston on Tuesday, the U.S. Geological Survey said.

The earthquake was centered in Mineral, Virginia, which is 92 miles southwest of Washington, D.C., the U.S. Geological Survey said...

click here to read the rest

 

I am in Greesboro- it surprised the Hell out of me.

 

Hope everyone is ok.

(Insane News) "Bull semen forces closure of interstate ramp"

story found via FARK.com

NASHVILLE, Tenn. – Canisters of bull semen caused quite a scare on the on-ramp to Interstate 65 South Tuesday morning.

The canisters fell off a Greyhound bus just after 5 a.m. as the bus traveled around the curve of the ramp just south of downtown Nashville.

Fire and emergency crews were called to the scene amid reports of a foul odor.

When they discovered four unmarked canisters with steam and an unpleasant odor coming from them, they shut down the on-ramp and called HAZMAT crews...

 

 

click here to read the rest

 

Moffat on the rumors about Doctor Who series 7

Thanks to LIFE, DOCTOR WHO & COMBOM

Moffat: ...we are airing in 2012. The only thing that’s happening is that we’re moving a bit later... There’s lots of reasons for that that will become clear quite soon... It is certainly not a reduced episode count. Do you think the BBC would really let that happen? With an average audience of 10 million?... Doctor Who’s international profile is huge. It’s never been more successful. You’re not going to reduce a show like this. The opposite is going to happen, in fact...

Not going to reduce? Does that mean we are getting more episides per season? Or more specials or Colin Baker in a speedo? I can't wait.

Important question!

Is an edible desert-dwelling wiccan the same thing as a sandwich?

Topless Robot presents '7 Stupid Ways The Doctor (Almost) Died'

Doctor Who's time-traveling Doctor is sometimes a mythic figure and sometimes a fool, but there's one thing he always is -- and that's damned hard to kill. Not only he is brilliant, someone who will get their way out of the damnedest situations and send evil scurrying, but even in times when evil and /or fate catches up with him, and he suffers some kind of mortal would, he has the power to regenerate into a new being with perfect health. Now, the latter reason is why the Doctor's enemies have found it so hard to kill him and make him stay dead, but the former reason -- that cunning and resourcefulness -- is why when he is presented as nearly dying in some ways that are say... stupid, then it's glaringly noticeable and makes you want to throw your jelly babies at the screen. Here's seven of those extremely stupid ways The Doctor has almost died...

 

click here to read the rest at TOPLESS ROBOT

Trust me on this. Click the link and just keep scrolling.

CHUCK NORRIS ATE MY BABY recommends the short film 'Scrutinize'

Batman meets Groo the Wanderer! A team up that never happened.

Check out today's ADVENTURES OF SUPERHERO GIRL

 

Those damn ninjas ruin everything!

 

Read more at THE ADVENTURES OF SUPERHERO GIRL

Have you been following DC Fifty TOO?

From the website

As you've probably heard, DC Comics is less than two weeks away from relaunching their entire line of superhero comics, fifty-two all new titles starting (or starting over) at the first issue. Most of their characters are getting new looks, some are getting streamlined or updated histories, and some older and more obscure characters are getting a turn in the spotlight.

Once DC started releasing the cover images of what the New DC Universe would look like, it got me wondering what the New DC Universe would look like ... if it were out of DC's hands....

The trailer for 'George Harrison: Living in the Material World'

I really want to check this doccumentary out. George Harrison was always my favorite Beatle.

 

Thanks to GEEKS OF DOOM FOR THIS.

 

 

Monday, August 22, 2011

(Insane News) The following story is 1/3 Xfiles 1/3 Family Guy and 1/3 Fetish Porn

 

Hysteria over the "grease devil" urban legend is causing riots in Sri Lanka

 

Over the course of August, Sri Lanka's countryside has been whipped into a mass hysteria by an urban legend known as "the grease devil." Rumors of these supernatural prowlers have rural townspeople attacking suspected grease devils, and people are dying as a result.

The panic over these nocturnal creatures has gotten so bad that the military and police have been fighting grease-devil-chasing lynch mobs, and a police officer died yesterday in one such melee. Additionally, grease devil violence and accusations have racial and cultural components, as Sri Lanka's had many past hardships driven by ethnic conflict...

 

click here to read the rest

The trailer for the tv series AMERICAN HORROR STORY makes me wonder if they're facing the ghost of Benny Hill

 thanks to i09 for this

 

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Halloween costume pajamas? Masks at bedtime should be for bondage freaks only!

The trailer for 'Rise Of The Planet Of The Guidos' is fake isn't it?

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Al And Tallulah’s Wild Ride part eight

Price Breaks And Heartaches

A journal of retail and failed romance

Chapter Seven

Al And Tallulah’s Wild Ride

part eight






But my life wasn’t all dirty talk and buffing floors. My first year of college was winding down. I was doing well enough with finals, strong in History and English, weak in Math and the Sciences. I had a lot of friends and I had even become something of a campus character. Sadly being a campus character in a 2 year college is roughly equivalent to having an Internet following, it makes you feel good inside but it still doesn't give you anything to brag about at your high school reunion.


Not that I don't appreciate you dear reader and you wouldn’t catch me dead at a high school reunion.


When I wasn't attending classes I was in the common room joking around with my literary magazine pals, when I wasn't there I was at work or better yet with Tallulah. I hardly saw my family anymore, which meant we got along so much better.


I was happy and content for the first time in my life and even though I could hardly believe it sometimes I rarely thought of Lilly. I didn't imagine her getting undressed anymore, with the soft whisper of cloth over skin, the gentle curves of her body, the sound of the police as they dragged me off for peeping through her window...


Sorry. Where was I?


*



“The man the legend!” Will sat down beside me in the common room.


“Hey dude.” I looked up from my paperback copy of The Nightrunners, a book that contained scenes that would still haunt me twenty years later.


“I'm taking Priscilla out this weekend.”


“Oh that is awesome.” I high fived him. He had been trying to romance that girl for then entire semester and like me had had managed to walk that fine line between sweetness and stalking until he was rewarded.


“I'm going to take her out to sing karaoke.”


“Oh.” I said, knowing 'karaoke' is Japanese for 'tone deaf', “You sure about that?”


“You bet.” He was all smiles, “The way I figure it the minute she hears my rendition of Burnin' Love she's gonna be all over me.”


“Now when you say all over...”


Will was too busy staring off into space anticipating, “We're totally gonna do it Al. So long as my parents aren't home. I can see it now, the soft curves of her body, the light from my lava lamp tracing shadows across her skin-”


“Woah there!” I said, “Save it for the ladies pal.”


*



We talked long into the afternoon, I still can't believe some students used that room for studying.


Most Fridays my family went to Fonda Speedway to watch the modified sportsman stock cars race and to eat the cholesterol soaked food they served at the concession stand. Since I had the house to myself I invited Tallulah over and we watched a movie or two. We would snuggle down on the couch our arms around each other and pop a rented film in the VCR.


Now for those of you readers born after they canceled Happy Days let me explain before Video on Demand, Pay Per View, iPods and DVDs they had these things called Video Cassettes that were about the size of a hardcover novel that held two reels of magnetic tape that contained a video image. You would load these cassettes into a device called a VCR that would play them.


Oh wait. None of you kids know what a book is either do you.


Never mind...


*



Tallulah said, “This is terrible.”


“Yeah.” I agreed, “What do you want to do now?”


We were watching a film called Blood Hook the story of a fisherman driven mad by the sound of cicadas. It was structured like many slasher flicks of the time but the killer used a special fishing rod and a giant lure with cruel looking hooks on it.


It sounds better then it was.


Then again that was pretty much my plan. The worse the movie the sooner we could end up having sex on my parents' couch. Even now I wonder if I was really all that clever or if she was in on the plan, after all how many girlfriends would willingly let their boyfriend rent Make Then Die Slowly or Night of the Blood Farmers?


“Oh I don't know...” She said with a roll of her eyes but I was already unbuttoning her shirt.


We went from hand holding to caressing, shifting aside each other's clothing with practice, she had been wearing her hair in pigtails but soon let it hang loose, pooling around her. I wished I had the money to take her to a cabin in the woods somewhere with a fireplace, a brass bed and the wind howling in the distance.


But we had to let the flicker from the profoundly crappy film playing on the TV be our firelight, the rickety couch be our bed and the confused growls of my mother's favorite Shih Tzu be our wind. Together we lost track of time, lost track of each of the world, only knowing the feel of flesh against flesh. This was no cheesy romance novel or adolescent fantasy but God damn I’m writing it just like one.


When it was over we were both breathless, we held each other close listening to the hiss of static on the television and the sound of the VCR rewinding. As I have said before, despite all my tales of high slapstick and low tragedy I have been blessed many perfect moments in my life- this was one of them.


When we could speak again Tallulah whispered in my ear, “I think you broke the arm of the couch.”


“I think I had an out of body experience.”



Click Here To Continue

Not only is Hell other people, it is also a theme park in Thailand