THE DAILY WHAT presents the greatest resume of ALL TIME!

I think I gamed with this guy, I'm almost sure of it...

 

TELEPORT CITY reviews the Hell out of TROLL HUNTER!

Troll Hunter is not a perfect film, but it’s a very entertaining film. It rises above the “point of view” nature of the filming, thanks in part to the fact that much of it is a satire of the style — albeit an extremely dry, straight-faced satire, which is the best way to go about such things. If you have to draw attention to the fact that you’re being satirical via the use of overt winks at the camera, you have failed as a satirist. Apart from that, though, it also succeeds because, for once, the film student “found footage” that comprises the movie looks like it was shot by actual film students — you know, people who are trying to set up and properly frame a shot while holding the camera steady, instead of every single frame looking like it was filmed with the camera strapped to one of those vibrating machines that was supposed to help fat people in the 1970s jiggle off their weight. There’s still more of the “flail the camera wildly as we all run in terror” shots than I’d like, but there are a lot less than usual, so I guess that’s something...

 

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Turn Around Bright Eyes...

I love this song and I love Tori Amos...

 

(Recommended Reads) "A Nightmare of a Dream" by brainhaze

It had started out as just a wish. How was she supposed to know he would overhear it and make it into a nightmarish reality?

“What do you mean you’ve booked it all?” she said worriedly.

“Its booked!” he exclaimed, a smile on his face and an excited look in his eyes.

“But, well I thought. I’m not sure what I thought,” she said trying her hardest to not ruin his happiness.

“I overheard you talking to Ellie on the phone. You said you wanted the big white wedding. A church; a princess dress; a limousine or even a horse and cart. The day of your dreams you said. So, I’ve made it happen, now there’s not many blokes that would do that!” he beamed...

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(Recommended Reads) "I Thought I Knew Him" by Icy Sedgwick

I’m sure I know the guy opposite me on the train. Only problem is, I can't remember how or why.

I pretend to read my book, but I sneak a look over the top of the pages. He has straight hair the colour of wet sand – straight except for the random kink just behind his right ear. He looks to be in his late twenties, but the cluster of spots around his mouth make him look like a gawky teenager. He fiddles with his phone, sliding his finger across the screen with merry abandon...

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5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Forty Two

It was a convention of the world's greatest allergy sufferers- the phlegm de la phlegm.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Forty One

Amazing Ed was on patrol! His resolve was steely! His muscles were honed! His fly was open...

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Forty

Just as the fruit stand vendor was about to leave the young Bob Dylan shouted “Hey Mr. Tangerine man!”

I found this image on ACROBATIC FLEA's blog to be hysterically funny.

 

And be sure to stop by HEROPRESS

 

And also...

 

The Nick Of Time (and other abrasions): Going Out, Going In

The Nick of Time (and other abrasions)

Going Out, Going In

by

Al Bruno III

“Are you going out?” the dark haired girl asked. Her name was Audra and she was wearing baggy sweatpants and an even baggier t-shirt. There were six playing cards in her right hand and she kept them close to the surface of the table. She eyed her opponents with suspicion, “You can't be going out already.”

“You'll know when I'm going out,” her roommate Judy replied. Her hair was long and yellow, her nightie was equal parts frills and solicitation. She had her cards casually fanned out and clasped to her bosom. She nudged the young man in black sitting next to her, “Your turn.”

Isaac drew another card and sighed with resignation.

The Hammond Academy strove to keep the male and female Apprentices apart in an effort to curb the tide of sexually transmitted diseases, binge drinking and assassination attempts that came with every fall semester. Despite this Isaac Yoder snuck into the girl's dormitories every Thursday after dinner, because Thursday night was canasta night.

Judy set down a group of matching cards and cackled victoriously, “You’re not so tough at this game when Lorelei isn’t there to help you. What do you think of them apples Amish boy?”

Isaac didn’t react but Audra became annoyed on his behalf, “He’s not Amish- he’s a Mennonite.”

“Big diff.”

“You only bust his chops because he’s taken a vow of silence,” Audra took another card and grinned, “finally!”

“Going out?”

“Wait and see.”

The three girls that lived in room 413- Audra DiMico, Lorelei Miller and Judy Bauer- were Isaac's only friends, the only students willing to look past the fact that once he completed his lessons he would use them to hunt and kill wielders of magic and creatures of mystery. They didn’t care that he still had years until graduation.

“Speaking of Old Leather lungs...” Judy thinned a few more cards from her hand before she went on, “...where is Lorelei off to this time?”

“You think she tells me anything?” Audra commented, “I’m just her best friend.”

A pair of electric lamps filled the room with pale sickly light, the card players were huddled around a three-legged folding table. The room had only one window and that was square-shaped and barred, it’s frosted glass made a smear of the night sky. Isaac studied his cards, occasionally stealing a glance at Judy. Over the last few months he had become an expert at stealing glances at her. The trick was never to look for too long and never to glance at everything. Sometimes he would taken in the curve of her chin, at other times the color of her hair, sometimes it was they way the skin of her legs would rise up in gooseflesh when she had a winning hand. Alone in his room he would add those glimpses together, assembling them like the pieces of a puzzle until he had an image of her in his mind.

In those half-dreams he would speak to her in a voice he barely remembered.

Judy smirked, “Is she off on another adventure with her stalker?”

“His name is Magwier,” Audra laid another handful of cards down.

“He’s her crazy stalker,” Judy said, “and she’s crazy for sleeping with him.”

Audra frowned, “He’s not a stalker, he just follows her around everywhere.”

There was a loud knock on the door. The two girls looked up in alarm but Isaac was already heading into the bathroom. With the door closed behind him he pressed his ear to the wood.

“Oh,” he heard Judy through the door, “why hello Dean Beardsley. What brings you here at this hour?”

Isaac was still holding the cards from his last hand; someday he would be forbidden to play games of chance, but he had years until graduation. He pocketed the minor suits and red queen.

“A message came through via the telegraph,” Beardsley’s voice was thick and wet, “we have spoken to you girls about this. The telegraph is for administrator use only.”

“I’m sorry sir,” Audra said, “it won’t happen again.”

“Indeed,” the Dean said. A moment later Isaac heard the door close and Judy gave the all clear.

There was scrap of paper in Audra’s hand, it was a chaos of dots and dashes but it wasn’t Morse code. It was something the girls in room 413 had worked out for themselves.

“Well, what is it?” Judy asked.

“It’s Lorelei and Magwier. They need my help, they’re sending me on a mission,” Audra preened at the word mission.

Judy frowned, “You don’t have to help them.”

“I want to. They need to me go to Route d'Abbaye.”

“Fine then,” Judy put her arm through Isaac’s, “they we go with you.”

The dark haired girl became a flurry of activity, she was changing her clothes oblivious to the boy in her room, “She said you have to stay here.”

“Screw what she says.”

Audra pocketed her Mojo bag and shook her head, “You don’t understand. Someone is killing members of the Lunt family.”

Gooseflesh ran down Judy’s legs, “I’m not a Lunt.”

“Your stepmother is.” Audra called as she was halfway out the door, “Watch after her Isaac.”

He nodded as Audra slammed the door behind her. Judy threw her cards down in disgust. Isaac saw an ace of spades and another red queen. Judy still had her arm around his, she smiled slyly, “Well what are we going to do now?”

Even if he could have spoken Isaac would have known better than to waste words on a moment like this. He kissed her and undressed her with familiar ease. He gave himself over to the sweet weaknesses of the flesh.

Someday he would have to kill Judy Bauer and all of her kind. He had sworn an oath not to suffer a witch to live but not now, not yet, he still had years until graduation.

You will soon be able to purchase a cover version of "Bohemian Rhapsody" by WILLIAM SHATNER

From topless robot

Space Trucking originally by Deep Purple - Deep Purple drummer Ian Paice has performed the drum part. Johnny Winter is on guest guitar.

 

She Blinded Me With Science originally by Thomas Dolby - Bootsy Collins is on as the guest bassist. Patrick Moraz (ex Yes and Moody Blues) is guesting on keyboards/synth.

In a Little While originally by U2 - Manuel Gottsching from Ash Ra Tempel has added guitar.

Empty Glass originally by The Tea Party - Michael Schenker (UFO/Scorpions) has added guest guitar.

Lost in the Stars as done by Frank Sinatra - Jazz legend Ernie Watts is on guest saxophone.

Twilight Zone originally by Golden Earring - Warren Haynes (Gov't Mule/Allman Brothers) is on guest guitar.

Space Cowboy originally by Steve Miller - Country artist Brad Paisley has added guitar and vocals.

Rocket Man originally by Elton John - Guitarist Steve Hillage (ex Gong member and current member of techno rock duo System 7) has added guest guitar

Space Oddity originally by David Bowie - Ritchie Blackmore (ex-Deep Purple) has added guest guitar. Alan Parsons is adding guest keyboards.

Spirit in the Sky originally by Norman Greenbaum - Peter Frampton has played guitar on this track.

Bohemian Rhapsody originally by Queen - John Wetton from Asia has played bass and done a vocal.

Silver Machine originally by Hawkwind - Wayne Kramer from the MC5 is adding guitar and Carmine Appice (Vanilla Fudge/Rod Stewart) is adding a guest drum part.

Major Tom originally by Peter Shilling - Nick Valensi, the guitarist from the Strokes has added guest guitar to this this track. Also Zakk Wylde (ozzy osbourn, black label society) and Mike Inez (Alice In Chains)have contributed to this track.

Learning to Fly originally by Pink Floyd - Edgar Froese from Tangerine Dream has played guitar and keyboards on this track.

Mr. Spaceman originally by The Byrds - Dave Davies from the Kinks has added guest guitar on this track.

Iron Man originally by Black Sabbath - Zakk Wylde (ex Ozzy guitarist) played guitar and did a vocal on this track.

Planet Earth originally by Duran Duran - Steve Howe, guitarist with Yes, played guitar on this track.

Walking on the Moon originally by The Police - Toots of Toots & the Maytals has added a guest vocal.

Mrs. Major Tom - female singer to add a track -To be announced.

 

And in honor of this...