Saturday, November 20, 2010

Roadside Velvet part fifteen

Price Breaks and Heartaches

A journal of retail and failed romance

Chapter Four

Roadside Velvet

part fifteen




This last misadventure left me with many questions that would haunt me for some time such as why didn’t Paul want anyone but Athena handling the money? And why would Conrad want to throw blame on yours truly for the motel incident? When was the scrawny little bastard going to give me my money back? And why hadn’t he put on a shirt? And why was he giving off the odor of ladies’ deodorant?


All I knew then was that our trip to Herkimer was over and we got back in time to Albany for me to join my family for Sunday dinner.



*



There were only about 5 dogs in the house now, my mother bred Shi-Tzu’s for profit but health problems had led her to pair down her inventory. Besides my family now had other things to occupy them; my uncle Stewart had bought a boat that was impressive to look at on the land but deadly to use on open waters. My stepfather, mom and brother had begun helping my aunt and uncle restore it. This was partly done out of family loyalty and partly in anticipation of countless drunken maritime adventures.


Anyway, we were all settled down to a steak dinner; it was my brother, my mom, stepfather, grandmother, great grandmother and I; all at the table same table and with knives within easy reach. I knew it was going to be fun.


My mom suggested, “You know Al you should ask Paul to give you a truck of your own, you could be your own boss.”


“He’d have to learn how to drive a stick first,” my stepfather said.


My brother Phil looked up from eating steak with his hands, “Yea, a stick.”


“You know,” I said. “I’m not sure if could take Paul’s kind of lifestyle for an extended period of time.”


“Why do you keep usin’ so many words?”


“Sweety,” my grandmother piped up. “We don’t care what you do so long as its something normal, not like this writing stuff you’re wasting your money on. You’d be better off selling shoes.”


That got my great grandmother going, “Leave him alone pizda, he can do what he wants. He’s a smart boy!”


She had a way of peppering her language with old world phrases that I found endearing.


My stepfather countered that with, “If he’s so smart then why doesn’t he have his own place? Why does he keep mooching off us.”


“At least he not pishi’rek like your boy or a kurwa like your girl!”


Ok a quick scorecard here, my brother Phil and my sister Greta were products of the union of my mother and stepfather. There was about five years difference between them and myself. Age, blood and temperament always conspired to make me feel estranged from them, even when we were living in the same house. My great grandmother had it in her head that my stepfather didn’t have much love for me and always made sure to get in the way of any disciplining he might do. She felt he was too brutal with me.


Was he? Well he was very free with his hands but as I got older I got pretty free with spite and insults, I never let an opportunity pass to let him know that I knew I was smarter than him. To me he was just a simple manual laborer; he had worked construction, driven trucks, repaired cars, done welding jobs, and run a snow plow but he hadn’t even heard of HP Lovecraft so how could I respect him?


Was I the least favored of the children living under his roof? Probably, but I’ve learned enough over the years to suspect that he was the least favored of his siblings so maybe we had a lot more in common than I thought.


Enough ruminating, let’s get back to the argument in progress.


Bringing up my runaway sister never failed to anger my mother, “Don’t you talk about her that way! Greta only ran away because that George Michael music made her crazy!”


“You know Mom,” I said. “I think maybe Greta running away had more to do with her being told she wouldn’t be allowed to go on dates until she was 18.”


“It was the music,” my Mom insisted. “It says so in the bible.”


“But you only read Revelations…”


“You know what’s wrong with you?” my brother offered. “You suck, nobody good likes you and you can’t get laid ever.”


I almost choked on the food I was eating, “I don’t think this is appropriate dinner conversation.”


“Hey Al,” my stepfather’s voice was full of pity. “Phil has a point, you need to get laid.”


“Dad!”


Mom nodded, “Well if you did maybe you wouldn’t spend so much time in the bathroom.”


Now I was the once shouting, “I was reading Lovecraft!”


“Albert…” my grandmother’s said tenderly. “That is what all the normal kids are doing instead of wasting their time playing Dungeons and Dragons.”


“If you had ever completed ‘the Expedition to Barrier Peaks’ you would think differently.”


Finally my great grandmother added her voice to the chorus, “Sweetheart you need find a girl, just as long as she’s no Protestant dziwka.”


“For your information I am trying to… to… make friends with all kinds of girls,” I explained, “I just haven’t found my stride yet.”


My grandmother patted me on the back, “I know you like girls Al but I also know you’re being too nice. Girls don’t want a guy that’s nice to them.”


“Why do I keep hearing this?”


My brother shrugged, “’Cause is true. You’re buying them flowers and jewelry and books about Doctor Who and shit…”


“That was one time!” I insisted. “And she said she was interested in studying the classics.”


My grandmother tried to make me understand, “You’re not listening. Women can’t get excited for a man that’s all lovey-dovey. You grandfather – God rest his soul- could be a complete jerk sometimes. I remember one time I sent him out to get some milk and he was gone for a week! And when he finally came back I asked him where the Hell he was and he slapped me. That kind of a thing makes a girl crazy with desire.”


“It’s like that Millie girl you’re always crying over-” my stepfather said.


“Lilly,” I corrected. “Her name was Lilly.”


“Whatever, the thing is if you had just nailed her instead of writing her poems you’d probably still have her. Or God willing you’d have moved on to a few others.”


I pushed my plate away, my appetite destroyed, “I don’t think I need to hear any more of this.”


My great grandmother had tears in her eyes, “Listen to them Albert. You don’t have to be a ciota your whole life. It breaks my heart to think you’ll be living in the basement all your life.”


“Mom’s kennel is in the basement.”


“At least the studs in the basement know what they’re supposed to do,” my mother said. “Please, talk to your brother for a while Let him help you learn how to talk to girls. It’s time for you to start acting like a man.”


I buried my face in my hands, “This is like an intervention at Ron Jeremy’s house…”








Click Here To Continue


This chapter is dedicated to the memory of my stepfather and grandmother.

Trust me they would have gotten the jokes.

As far as I'm concerned the trailer for the GREEN HORNET film looks delightfully pulpy

 
I was skeptical at first but it looks good to me.

LOVE AND TREASON ON THE VERGE a complete online novel

LOVE AND TREASON ON THE VERGE

a novel in seven days


The Outpost was a squat stone structure that was ringed on all sides by high thick walls that were honeycombed with stairways, arrow loops and topped with crenellations festooned with ancient barbed wire. There were dozens of Outposts scattered along the Verge, marking the point of demarcation between the nurturing safety of the Protectorate and the madness of the Barrens. Each Outpost was similar in design but always ended up being different in execution.


The vagaries of the land made improvisation a key to survival and the proximity to the Barrens meant that many of these strongholds were never completed at all. This Outpost had taken six seasons and four Dukes to complete. The blood of over a hundred sentinels had stained the ground before the walls were completed and the great metal portcullis closed...


Friday, November 19, 2010

IN THE MIDNIGHT OF HIS HEART Now Available Online!

This book is about ten years old, I even self published it for a while. I hope you enjoy the story.

In The Midnight Of His Heart

a sorta fairytale


To all outward appearances John Sig is just an old man living a quietly in an empty old house. His one pleasure is when he heads down to the local diner and visits with his favorite waitress Angie. When Angie disappears, John sets out to find her. For an ordinary old man that might seem like a foolish idea but John Sig isn’t human, he’s a monster living in the shadow of a nightmare thirty -five years old.



Prologue

Chapter One part one

Chapter One part two

Chapter One part three

Chapter Two part one

Chapter Two part two

Chapter Two part three

Chapter Three part one

Chapter Three part two

Chapter Three part three

Chapter Four part one

Chapter Four part two

Chapter Four part three

Chapter Five part one

Chapter Five part two

Chapter Five part three

Chapter Six part one

Chapter Six part two

Chapter Six part three

First Interlude

Chapter Seven part one

Chapter Seven part two

Chapter Seven part three

Chapter Eight part one

Chapter Eight part two

Chapter Eight part three

Second Interlude

Chapter Nine part one

Chapter Nine part two

Chapter Nine part three

Chapter Ten part one

Chapter Ten part two

Chapter Ten part three

Chapter Eleven part one

Chapter Eleven part two

Chapter Eleven part three

Chapter Twelve part one

Chapter Twelve part two

Chapter Twelve part three

Chapter Thirteen part one

Chapter Thirteen part two

Chapter Thirteen part three

Third Interlude

Chapter Fourteen part one

Chapter Fourteen part two

Chapter Fourteen part three

Chapter Fifteen part one

Chapter Fifteen part two

Chapter Fifteen part three

Fourth Interlude

Chapter Sixteen part one

Chapter Sixteen part two

Chapter Sixteen part three

Chapter Seventeen part one

Chapter Seventeen part two

Chapter Seventeen part three

Chapter Eighteen part one

Chapter Eighteen part two

Chapter Eighteen part three

Fifth Interlude

Chapter Nineteen part one

Chapter Nineteen part two

Chapter Nineteen part three

Final Interlude

Chapter Twenty part one

Chapter Twenty part two

Chapter Twenty part three

Epilogue





CAVALCADE OF PERVERSIONS Introduces Us To WEREWOLF WOMAN

Poor Daniela. She was raped by a brute at age 13 and her family has a history of lycanthropy. Nevermind that she looks just like her great great aunt, furthering her delusions she's a bonafide werewolf. She's been having nightmares where she wolfs out and kills pilgrims, after dancing naked in a ring of fire (a very fine opening scene).

Daniela's wealthy daddy is concerned, moves her out to his Italian country home, and enlists the help of a doctor to figure out what the hell can cure Daniela from her mind. The doctor spends most of his time musing upon the obvious, such as, Daniela has sexual phobias because of her rape. Oh, really, doc? Why ever would you suspect that? And, Daniela is obsessed with antiques and old documents because she spends most of her time in the attic. Okay. Sure. Whatever you say. ..

click here to read the rest

(Recommended Reads) 'I Owe My Soul To The Company Store' by Anthony Venutolo

I'd say that my parents screwed me up pretty good. They weren't normal. In fact, I'd say they were pretty fucking crazy.

My dad Rusty was the fourth bill in a traveling wild west show that had all the authenticity of your basic dime store six shooter.

And Ma? She was his apprentice and, truth be told, none too bright either. What else would explain how she'd let a two year-old brave the old man's "legendary" knife toss? He'd tell audiences he learned his trade from a Sioux on the South Dakota plains when in fact Uncle Snippy taught pop everything he knew in the back alley of a Baltimore liquor store. His mentor in the Art of Stupidity...

click here to read the rest

ADVENTURES IN NERDLINESS Reminds Us That Rosalba Neri Is Hotter Than The Surface Of The Sun!

Smoking hot, and ridiculously awesome. In many ways Rosalba Neri is the queen of Eurosleaze. She did horror films, spy adventures, spaghetti westerns, erotic, and WIP films. Born in Forlì, Emilia-Romagna, Italy, Neri won a beauty pageant and attended acting school. She was offered a place in The Actor's Studio, but declined. The IMDb lists her as being in 99 films between 1955 and 1985. She appeared in five films with Jess Franco, including The Castle of Fu Manchu, Island of Despair (aka 99 Women), and Deadly Sanctuary...

 

 

 

click here to visit Adventures In Nerdliness

i09 Shows The Trailer For "Beyond The Black Rainbow"

CHRISTMASTIME Can Be Rewritten - Spoilers for the Doctor Who Christmas Special And Season Six

And some hot sweaty spoilers from i09

 

Amy and Rory are on their honeymoon during the episode, and run into trouble when the pleasure cruise spaceship they're travelling on finds itself under attack from "something very nasty". The spaceship is orbiting an alien planet, which is where the Doctor is for a considerate part of the story. This therefore causes Amy and Rory to be separated from the Time Lord for the majority of the episode.

The latest issue of the magazine also includes some season six spoilers. In the first two-parter, there's "speculation" that River Song is responsible for killing John F. Kennedy. In episode three, written by Neil Gaiman, the Doctor lands on a "junkyard planet" where he meets Idris (Suranne Jones) who's been preparing for her own death. Idris doesn't actually die as she expects, but by the time she meets the Doctor she's gone mad and winds up biting the Time Lord — and Idris turns out to be someone the Doctor has met before. Episode four will be written by Mark Gatiss.

And in episodes five and six, by Matthew Graham, the Doctor will face "a dilemma the like of which he's never seen before." And apparently the Doctor has some flashbacks to his visit to Skaro in "Genesis of the Daleks" in the second half of Graham's story.

Episode seven, by Steven Moffat, will be the first half of a two-parter, to be concluded in the fall.

Click here to vist i09 for more Geeky Goodness!

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Seventy Three

The trio hired a replacement and tried to carry on but no one was interested in 'Snap, Crackle and Scott'

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Seventy Two

Each of the compositions she turned in to her teacher was only slightly different from the last, they were variations on a theme.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Seventy One

Sometimes the players found a dragon or ogre lost in thought, the Dungeon Master loved to have them encounter pondering monsters.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Seventy

Farmer Ray spent years training his sheep and when he brought them to the rap battle he really laid down some fresh bleats.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Sixty Nine

Rusty Johnson said “Don't touch my junk.” And since he was a cyborg he damn well meant it.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Sixty Eight

PETA denounced the way he taught parrots to perform Shakespeare but he knew you couldn't make a Hamlet without breaking a few eggs.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Sixty Seven

She was just itching to start her very own flea circus.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Sixty Six

His wife worked in a dildo factory and it really bothered him when she brought her work home with her.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Sixty Five

He combined his skills at comedy with his love of bi-planes, but sadly he was dismissed as just another prop comic.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Sixty Four

On December 24th water levels rose until only a thin strip of land remained. It was beginning to look a lot like isthmus.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Seven Hundred and Sixty Three

Once the war between cannibals and time travelers there was considerable feedback.