Monday, January 25, 2010

I No Longer Fear Hell for I Have Been To the Senior Prom part three

Price Breaks and Heartaches
a journal of retail and failed romance
I No Longer Fear Hell for I Have Been To the Senior Prom
part three

(When we last left this almost true story I had just discovered that my last minute date to the Senior Prom dancing the last dance of the night with someone else...)

"Uh," That's pretty much all I could say. "Uh."

My life has always had moments like this, moments where I have suddenly found myself on the receiving end of what could only be described as emotional slapstick. She was dancing with someone else, with someone that had made beating me up a part of their workout routine.

How the Hell was I supposed to get to third base or better now?

It was so damn unfair, everyone else at the prom had their booze, motel rooms and birth control devices waiting for them. All I had waiting for me was my grainy videotape of
Young Lady Chatterly.

This was, without a doubt, the worst night of my 18 years on the planet and the kicker was it had cost me two hundred bucks. I could only take solace in the fact that my blue balls matched my cummerbund.

"Why aren't you dancing?"
It was Lilly. I remember I said to her "Uh?"

"Why aren't you dancing?"

"I guess my date decided she'd rather dance with someone she can beat at Scrabble."

She frowned, "Poor Al."

"Hey! Why aren't you dancing?"

"Orville is helping stabilize Adrian until the paramedics arrive."


"He fell down a flight of stairs with three Champagne bottles in his tux. There was blood everywhere! Well, you know how Orville wants to be an EMT so of course he had to help."

"Oh." See? Even then I had a way with words.

“Orville is very interested in his fellow man.”

“Yeah about that...”

"So," she asked. "Do you want to dance?"

While I don't talk about it much I do believe in God but my God is not the psychotic, anal-retentive hall monitor beloved by fundamentalists of every stripe. My God doesn't live in a burning bush or a pillar of fire, my God lives in serendipity and ironic coincidence. And for once the bastard came through for me. I got that girl on the dance floor as fast as I could.

I'm not going to get all 'purple prose' on you and tell you how that one dance for half a song has been burned into my synapses. How the touch of her, the glint in her eyes, and the smell of her perfume set a standard that I still measure all other girls and dances against...

Crap I just went and did it anyway didn't I?

The dance ended, the Prom ended and I was glad for that one sweet memory.

With the Prom over I knew that graduation was coming up fast and I was sure that I would never see most of these people again but I was very wrong, most of them would enter and leave my life again and again over the next decade. Some of them would break my heart, some of them I would learn to hate, some of them would still be my friends now.

And as for that annoying girl Joanna? I married her.

This is the story of how I finally realized that my perfect girl was right under my nose all along.

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