Saturday, March 5, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
“Two episodes. Two mini-episodes. Very, very small episodes – maybe eight minutes in total, so that’s around four minutes each. It’s not a spoof. It’s in the style of the ones that we’ve done for Children In Need, so it’s taken seriously as a proper bit of Doctor Who – funny, but not a sketch. A little miniature story. One’s called ‘Space’ and one’s called ‘Time’, so they’re Space & Time. And there’s a moment with two Amy Ponds in it. If you’re a red-blooded male surely that’s enough! You’ve got Amy Pond flirting with herself...."
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
The Dogbrella is a $30 umbrella for dogs from Hamacher Skeletormaker. It's clear so your dog can see through it and not accidentally stab a cat in the eyes with the umbrella points (even though they want to!). I assume galoshes are sold separately. My dogs hate the rain so it's actually not that bad of an idea...
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Old MacDonald hurt his groin- E -I -E -I -OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
As far as she was concerned politicians talking about Family Values was roughly akin to Eskimos singing about Sweet Home Alabama.
The joy of finding a girlfriend that was into auto-erotic asphyxiation left Karl all choked up.
The geometry teacher always interfered with his students' personal lives forgetting that fools rush in where angles fear to tread.
Abner Deggent frequently remarked that the only person more manly than him was his ex-wife. Then she found out.
Amazing Ed wasn't the first superhero to notice that the more you were the more teams you ended up joining.
A newspaper typo swapped the last letter of Captain Hero's name with a 'P' causing no end of embarrassment and dating problems. about 2 hours ago via web
IN THIS TWILIGHT
By AL BRUNO III
After her Saturday afternoon shift at Burger Clown was over Thelma made her way to the Eagle Ridge Mall and waited. She told her Dad she was going to see a movie and spend a few bucks at the arcade. She wished she could have told him what she was really up to but she didn’t even know where to begin explaining what was going on, she wasn’t sure of she dared.
Sipping a soda, Thelma sat in the food court and watched the ebb and flow of people. There were a few adults but it was mostly wall to wall kids, she saw a few familiar faces but no one said ‘hi’ to her these days unless she said ‘hi’ first. A lot of her classmates were milling about the front entrance, smoking and cursing. Thelma wondered idly what any one of them might be doing if they were in her place.
Since the events of last night Thelma had made three calls to Samantha’s house. She tried twice more today, first in the morning and then again when she was on her lunch break. As always Samantha’s mother was utterly oblivious to her daughter’s whereabouts.
Samantha’s all right. Thelma thought, She probably drank herself sick.
And suddenly there he was. Chad moved through the crowd of teenagers near the front entrance; he was wearing the same clothes he had worn the night she met him. She watched him flash a smile and bum a cigarette from a jock in a varsity jacket. His girls, his ‘harem’, moved around him, each pausing to touch him as they passed; fingertips stroked the back of his neck, an open palm slid across the small of his back and a single fingernail slipped through his uncombed hair. He barely seemed to notice, he was too busy talking.
The girls were dressed to impress, short skirts and skimpy tops, but all of the clothes had a faded, used look to them. Thelma watched the six of them fend off a flurry of unwanted advances from some college-aged boys. Then they went to the Chinese take out kiosk and came back to the food court with a pair of trays heavy with fried rice, eggrolls and soda. Thelma let them get settled at a table before she approached.
The redhead noticed her first, “Hey! Hi Thelma. Come sit down.”
Thelma sat down, “Look Laurie…”
“Bonita. I’m Bonita.”
“Bonita, I think you know my friend Samantha? Samantha Reid. I was supposed to meet her here.”
Bonita grinned toothily, “Oh her. Chad took a liking to her right away, he liked the way her mind worked.”
“But where is she now?” Thelma asked, “I don’t think she came home.”
One of the other girls, the frizzy blond, said, “She didn’t run at the sight of the Squonks. You really hurt their feelings. They cried.”
Thelma shook her head, “Squonks?” Did they mean the monsters she had seen? Squonks sounded like something from a Saturday morning cartoon!
“Oh don’t be a bitch Annie,” Bonita said, “she got taken by surprise that’s all. What did you think the first time you saw them?”
“That’s not the issue.”
The college boys made another run by the girls, trying to chat them up. One of them even gave Thelma a wink but she ignored him and pressed on, “So where is she? Is she back at the house?”
“I think she went home,” Bonita spoke over the boy offering to buy her alcohol. “We said she could sleep over, even set out a sleeping bag for her but she wasn’t there in the morning.”
Thelma said, “I just want to know what happened to her.”
“Last I saw she was hanging out with Chad.”
Annie added, “And the Squonks.”
“She called me. She sounded wasted. Did you guys give her drugs?” Thelma asked.
Bonita explained, “Oh yes. But it’s all organic, all natural and home grown. He calls it Eagoryl.”
“You should totally try it.” One of the other girls chimed in, “Chad still thinks you’d be perfect.”
“I’m not interested in fucking or getting high with Chad. I just want to know…”
Bonita shook her head, “That’s not what Chad’s about. It’s like he can’t or he won’t, like he’s a priest. At least that’s what I think it is. But he gives us so much more than that, he takes care of us, he makes us his Oracles.”
“Eagoryl is just for girls,” Annie said. “Only we can use it. When boys try to… well you’ve seen the Squonks.”
Squonks? Eagoryl? Oracles? This was lunacy, made all the more insane by the fact the conversation was taking place in the food court of the local mall. Thelma said again, “I just want to know where my friend is.”
“You’ll see her once more,” Chad said as he sat down beside her. The college boys cleared out, spooked by his presence. “Right girls?”
Bonita nodded, “In four days you’ll see her. I promise.”
“And then seven days later…” Annie said, “You’ll have tears on your sleeve.”
The frizzy blond continued, “And then a week after that you’re going to be in the hospital.”
Chad shrugged, “Sorry.”
“Was that a threat?” Thelma felt her adrenaline surge but she couldn’t move from her seat. Chad was so close, what would she do if he touched her? “Are you threatening me?”
“No,” Chad said. “I would never. We’re gentle.”
“Yes,” Bonita said. “We’re all gentle.”
Thelma found her legs and stood up.
“Don’t be angry,” Chad’s green eyes were pleading. “Come back to my house, I’ll help you understand.”
Thelma backed away until she was able to duck into the record store. She tried to act casual, nosing through the tapes and records all the while watching the food court and waiting for Chad and his ‘Oracles’ to leave. Were they all crazy? Or were they some kind of a cult like the ones that had decided God wanted them to drink poisoned Kool-Aid? Thelma felt she had to tell someone- her parents, the newspapers, the police, someone.
But if she did that what would it mean to Samantha? How gentle could she expect Chad and his weird friends to be if the Sheriff came knocking on their door? They had promised her she would see Samantha in four days time. Could she trust them to keep that promise?
Do I have a choice? No, I don’t. She thought, I have to wait and make sure she’s OK. Then I’ll tell everyone about what’s going on in that house.
When she looked back at the food court she saw that they had left. Were they heading back home or were they off to see another movie? She decided to wait a little longer. Thelma glanced down at the record bin. She was in the ‘G’ section. She flipped idly through it and found herself staring at a sepia toned album cover depicting a row of figures that ranged from devils to dandies. It was a Genesis album but it wasn’t one she’d ever heard of. All she knew of the group was the stuff they played on the radio like Abacab. She had never cared enough for their music to buy one of their albums.
This album was called A Trick of the Tail, and she scanned idly through the song listings looking for something she might have heard. At track three she stopped dead, a tiny cry escaped from her lips.
Track three was called Squonk.
The sheer amount of cool Doctor Who stuff out there these days just increases my chance of being able to be buried in a Sixth Doctor style jacket.
The BBC has announced that Doctor Who fans are finally getting an online multiplayer game entitledDoctor Who: Worlds in Time, which is being developed by Three Rings. The game will be Flash-based and available for free. BBC and Three Rings are aiming for a launch later this year.
According to the BBC, the game will be designed to encourage cooperative interaction between players, in small and large groups. Challenges and missions will be customized for the size of the groups playing...