Saturday, March 27, 2010

5 Second Fiction One Thousand And Fifty One Through One Thousand And One Hundred

5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifty One


All she wanted was a man with crazy eyes, a dirty mouth and grab-able ears.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifty Two


Abner Deggent overheard the girls at the brothel talk about how he kept going and going. He didn't know they meant his bragging.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifty Three


She awoke to find a vengeful long haired Japanese ghost sucking her nipples- talk about nursing a Grudge.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifty Four


One his parents named him Christian Diablo he was pretty much guaranteed to become a supervillain.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifty Five


The met via Facebook, flirted via email and broke up via Twitter.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifty Six


Abner Deggent crashed in the door with guns blazing but due to a mis-remembered address little Terry's birthday party was ruined.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifty Seven


While in the future many time travelers are stunned to learn the Vatican made Charlie Sheen the patron saint of bachelor parties.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifty Eight


When you have a sexual fetish for breakfast cereals it isn't easy to sow your oats.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifty Nine


Audra smiled, "Mom said that the first time casting a spell is like the first time doing anything else. You get stains everywhere."


5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixty


Slim believed most gunfighters were suffering from trauma related to their potty training. When said this aloud he got shot.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixty One


He said to his wife, "I can explain everything." Even though the midget prostitute was still hanging from the ceiling fan.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixty Two


"Commander Infinity prefers to fight crime from 50 feet in the air," Amazing Ed said, "aloof doesn't even begin to describe him."



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixty Three


The son of Dr. Moreau brought Abner Deggent to the House of Pain- he started screaming as soon as he saw the color scheme



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixty Four


Karl had a fetish for red hair and he had an ass fetish; sometimes we worried he might develop a fetish for hairy red asses.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixty Five


For her part of the joy of FACEBOOK was making sure all her exes were still miserable.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixty Six


One was a meter maid, the other a well dressed sissy- they were FINE and DANDY Detectives At Large!



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixty Seven


Abner Deggent shot a man in Reno because the guy startled him.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixty Eight


She was wild in bed but that's night terrors for you.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixty Nine


Amazing Ed tried to concoct an escape device out of ordinary household items but only managed to create a macaroni sculpture.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventy


No one thought he could do it but Psychotic Kid managed to single- handedly capture the madman stealing gas station restroom keys.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventy One


It was his resentment and loathing of young people that led him to become a Guidance Counselor.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventy Two


For what must have been the thousandth time she told Randy to stop repeating himself.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventy Three


No one saw the harm in Jim's imaginary girlfriend until she had a phantom pregnancy.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventy Four


Lorelei hadn't encountered a problem yet that couldn't be solved by a slingshot and a Molotov cocktail.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventy Five


The Detonating Man had only one adventure but it left the citizens of River City were cleaning their windows for weeks.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventy Six


Some vampires are in terrible pain because they're glucose intolerant.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventy Seven


For his theater class final he performed a Shakespearean soliloquy in the nude but no one was impressed with his iambic pentameter.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventy Eight


Someday musical instruments will be sentient but will only be sold in pairs because no one wants to be the owner of a lonely harp.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventy Nine


All Abner Deggent knew was these guys weren't American and that was a good enough reason to come out shooting.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighty


The incident with the bar code machine had been a freak accident but it still left him on the run with a price on his head.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighty One


Abner Deggent hid aboard the truck in a box of knives, the ride was rougher than expected and the nearby crate of iodine was leaky.



Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighty Two


She didn't know the webcam was on when she wet herself, it was a harsh lesson in streaming video.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighty Three


Fuego had left Mexico and the Brotherhood of Luchadores due to long standing questions about his birth certificate.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighty Four


For a moment Captain Hero gloried in the sensation of flight, then he wondered where the Hell that catapult came from.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighty Five


Like all fans of a long running Sci-Fi franchise he loved everything about it save for the writing, directing and production team.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighty Six


The time travelers almost met Catherine The Great, but they couldn't agree over who would get the back half of the horse costume.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighty Seven


"She prefers to proofread and make love by candlelight- if you've ever seen her poetry or her boyfriend you'll understand why."



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighty Eight


Technically he wasn't breaking the law but security kept a close eye on the man wearing the dildo bandolier.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighty Nine


The tech support line for time travelers had long hold times but they always knew what your question was before they answered.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ninety


Rescuing people from burning buildings was easy for Captain Hero, their pets not so much thanks to his allergies



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ninety One


Save the native girl or escape with the treasure? Abner Deggent didn't hesitate, there were plenty of other girls on the island.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ninety Two


Amazing Ed realized the scientist's "Power Pills" were just Estrogen tablets when his breasts began to feel more tender than usual.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ninety Three


It wasn't so much a broad consensus as a consensus of broads.




5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ninety Four


"The Constables brag about the low murder rate, they don't mention the disappearances. If you mention them you might disappear."



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ninety Five


It was bad enough Megaton Minotaur broke Fuego's leg but did he have to say "Oh snap!" afterward?



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ninety Six


Meetings were just another way to stare off into space on company time.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ninety Seven


The choice was take impotence causing heart pills or die. In his final moments he somehow managed to clear his browser cache.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ninety Eight


Their quest took them deep under the Earth. Walking close together, they choked on the foul air. No one knew where they had parked.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ninety Nine


"I've never been with a man." she said.

"Well that makes two of us." he answered.



5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred


Her husband was very territorial when it came to the bathroom, either that or he had terrible aim.


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