5 Second Fiction One Thousand and One
"When 'The Bedwetter's Society' calls in for tech support with their web page, don't ask them about their IP."
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Two
"Life is not a dress rehearsal," Psychotic Kid said, "it's the training montage before the final battle with oblivion."
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Three
The Grim Reaper stopped by the pharmacy to try and find something to help with his 'not so fleshed' feeling.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Four
As per his final will and testament his ashes were mixed in with a batch of stripper glitter.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Five
Captain Hero shouted, “The formula left him half-man half tree!”
Amazing Ed winced, “The poor sap...”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Six
Everyone knows the legend of how 'the Screaming Commandos' earned their name, but the truth is stranger, and it involves syphilis.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seven
Captain Hero wondered about his old team the River City Rangers, their breakup had been acrimonious and had involved giant robots.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eight
From atop a cathedral the Maven considered the crime-ridden streets below her, or as she liked to call it ' getting her brood on'.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Nine
When he made love to his wife he imagined he was with someone else, she imagined she was with ANYONE else.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Ten
George Washington may have had wooden teeth but he was never one to burn his bridges.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eleven
Not content to just break the color barrier, superheroes Lightning and Thunder also broke the sound barrier and scales respectively.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twelve
"The afterlife should be like a good spouse," Audra said, "loving, forgiving and open minded enough for a little mischief."
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Thirteen
He accidentally brushed his teeth with fruity bubblegum toothpaste, it left him feeling like he had a mouthful of clown semen.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fourteen
Every time they tried to fire her she found a way to come back, it was the HR version of a horror film.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifteen
He didn't like the depressive side of manic-depression but at least when he was manic he caught up on the housework.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Sixteen
Bitter experience made the Lord decree that all angels must go into therapy to keep them from suffering delusions of godhood.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Seventeen
Magwier told her, "I don't want any more possibilities or plans I just want us- her -together-now." But it was already too late.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Eighteen
The Psychotic Kid had promised himself he wouldn't cry but the bastards were using tear gas.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Nineteen
She had only really been in love three times in her life and she had the Restraining Orders to prove it.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twenty
"Life is like being part of an avalanche," Zeth said, "you learn how to settle."
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twenty One
He liked to say "Now that's what I'm talking about!" but no one really knew what the Hell he was talking about most of the time.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twenty Two
The bone-white van sped by, a nightmare in the driver's seat, Audra said, “A headless milkman? Now I have seen everything.”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twenty Three
Not only do the vampires of the Jersey shore have to sleep in their native Earth they must re-apply their spray-on tan at midnight.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twenty Four
Pliers, a bungee cord and a bottle of vodka are all you need to enter into the exciting field of 'extreme dentistry'.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twenty Five
Back in the 70s a lot of superheroes were into wife swapping, it gave a new meaning to the term "swinging from rooftop to rooftop".
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twenty Six
Trying to get famous via the Internet is like waiting to be abducted by horny lingerie models. You better have a plan B.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twenty Seven
The submarine was deep in enemy waters when dysentery struck, leaving the crew with no option but to go to silent running.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twenty Eight
In a world awash with unfortunate names most agreed that Regeana Dentata got a raw deal.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Twenty Nine
Tired of being henpecked, he told his wife exactly what he thought of her. In a letter. That he kept in his safety deposit box.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Thirty
Everyone wants to be the hero of their own story, and in doing so they inevitably make themselves of villain of someone else's."
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Thirty One
Abner Deggent claimed he was sent to break Nazi morale by seducing their women; he said it was a long hard mission.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Thirty Two
Brian was overjoyed to go to Heaven and become an angel, then he discovered he was allergic to feathers.
5 second Fiction One Thousand and Thirty Three
Sometimes Abner Deggent crossed paths with a mysterious character called 'the Scotsman' but then he got kilt.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Thirty Four
She met him via speed dating only to find out later he could only perform speed loving.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Thirty Five
The girls talked about their first times- they involved summer camp, a world cruse and 20 minutes before a bus crash respectively.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Thirty Six
Captain Hero's taxi skidded to a halt and he charged out tackling the jewel thieves. The meter was running- on Justice!
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Thirty Seven
Polidori Lord of the vampires perused the 'Paranormal Romance' section of the bookstore and then promptly killed himself.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Thirty Eight
"There's a madman in River City killing people with electrified shoes," Fuego said, "truly these are times that try mens' soles."
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Thirty Nine
Abner Deggent tried to establish dominance over the swarm of snapping turtles by waving his genitals at them. It didn't end well.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Forty
He had a thing for plus-sized mathematicians, the more full-figured the better.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Forty One
None of the Local Heroes knew why the Shriners hated Psychotic Kid but whenever they attacked there was free candy everywhere.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Forty Two
Karl had considered himself a breast man until that terrible day he found himself trapped in an elevator full of sumo wrestlers.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Forty Three
For him Heaven was spending eternity with the four girlfriends he had loved the most, oddly enough that was their version of Hell.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Forty Four
Anger the League of Time Traveling Dominatrices and you'll get a retro-active spanking which usually makes you a customer for life.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Forty Five
It wasn't the first time something in Captain Hero's utility belt had gone off accidentally but now he was banned from Denny's.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Forty Six
Held prisoner by a tribe of bloodthirsty cannibals Abner Deggent had only two goals; escape and scoring with one of their women.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Forty Seven
The first rule of Mime Club is you don't talk about Mime Club.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Forty Eight
"I have traveled in time! Fought gods and monsters!" Hrothgar the Viking roared, but it didn't help him qualify for a credit card.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Forty Nine
Abner Deggent knew that once the girls had exhausted him the fertility ritual would end and he would die. He stiffened his resolve.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand and Fifty
It isn't easy taking a shower when you're a cyborg but thankfully Rusty Johnson had paid extra for the undercoating.
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