Saturday, March 27, 2010

5 Second Fiction Fifty One Through One Hundred

5 Second Fiction Fifty One

Andrea had never intended to become a serial killer but Sunday afternoons in Utica were just so damn boring...

5 Second Fiction Fifty Two

The only thing that saved mankind from the blasphemous spawn of the stars was their mind bendingly poor sense of direction.

5 Second Fiction Fifty Three

Karl stayed away from hookers that promised to "love him long time", it was too intimidating.

5 Second Fiction Fifty Four

George found being able to transform into a burly Viking advantageous in a fight but disastrous during a job interview.

5 Second Fiction Fifty Five

Lorelei stood at the fountain, staring down through the water to the piles of bones. Of all the places to drop your keys...

5 Second Fiction Fifty Six

For Gary going crazy felt just like falling in love and he didn't want to be medicated for either.

5 Second Fiction Fifty Seven

Captain Hero felt that the only thing worse than a mad scientist was passive aggressive one.

5 Second Fiction Fifty Eight

Mario Krump wondered to himself if he would ever blunder upon a group of attractive cultists engaging in orgiastic rites.

5 Second Fiction Fifty Nine

Magwier was not clairvoyant, he just remembered things that might happen. It made him terrible at chess but good at poker.

5 Second Fiction Sixty

"There is this guy I met. He the most clueless, helpless person I ever met." Audra looked down at her shoes, "I miss him."

5 Second Fiction Sixty One

Bloodthirsty dachshunds surrounded Captain Hero and his sidekick. He shouted "Only submissive urination can save us now!"

5 Second Fiction Sixty Two

Lorelei was in an existential funk, so naturally she dyed her hair a shade of burgundy.

5 Second Fiction Sixty Three

He hated being a jester but loved the curly shoes.

5 Second Fiction Sixty Four

"Great power," Captain Hero said, "is great responsibility." Psychotic Kid replied, "We can be completely irresponsible!"

5 Second Fiction Sixty Five

Agent Krump compiled the statistics; the number of serial killers working in the tech support field was staggering.

5 Second Fiction Sixty Six

A tragic error during the parade left the authorities searching through the remains of floats and band instruments.

5 Second Fiction Sixty Seven

His name was Bazooka Jim and he was the least subtle hitman ever. He was also wanted for copyright infringement

5 Second Fiction Sixty Eight

Her kisses were cold and wet, like a bus station toilet seat in wintertime.

5 Second Fiction Sixty Nine

Special Agent Krump never read Edgar Allen Poe so when the trained orangutan attacked he had no frame of reference.

5 Second Fiction Seventy

"The world could be unmade by Angels or Devils," Magwier explained, "But at least the Devils won't say 'I told you so'"

5 Second Fiction Seventy One

Crime fighting luchador Fuego knew no fear because his secret identity was a substitute teacher.

5 Second Fiction Seventy Two

He roared,” I am the chosen of Kressor, the blade that cleaves worlds!" Mario Krump frowned, "That's not what your blog says."

5 Second Fiction Seventy Three

...but it was all just a dream. He wasn't an accountant- he was the Pendaroth gold eyed messiah of the Verge. How he wept.

5 Second Fiction Seventy Four

The damn vampires are everywhere!" Lorelei said, "It's like an orgy of bad posture and crushed velvet."

5 Second Fiction Seventy Five

There were too many superheroes and too few supervillains. Most evil madmen kept to themselves now, or worked in marketing.

5 Second Fiction Seventy Six

Zeth slipped and fell to the pavement. He thought to himself that if the mobsters didn't kill him these new shoes would.

5 Second Fiction Seventy Seven

"My faith gives me strength." Fuego explained to Captain Hero, "The sweet baby Jesus, he has a headlock on my soul."

5 Second Fiction Seventy Eight

It wasn't that he had an eating disorder, it was just that the sight of half-digested food fascinated him.

5 Second Fiction Seventy Nine

By the time he was close enough for her to see he was covered with tics it was already too late.

5 Second Fiction Eighty

Renovations on the old house were going smoothly; walls knocked out, flooring pulled up. That night the shadmocks escaped...

5 Second Fiction Eighty One

Joe vowed to get a new agent when he landed a role in a groin punching fetish video. If only he had read the script first...

5 Second Fiction Eighty Two

And once again Captain Hero had to explain to his sidekick it was their duty to capture villains not strip search them.

5 Second Fiction Eighty Three

There was no stopping Fuego but then he heard the phrase every superhero dreaded, "Ninjas with bulldozers."

5 Second Fiction Eighty Four

He said goodbye but she didn't listen, that had been the problem all along.

5 Second Fiction Eighty Five

He had two options- he could shoot his way out or hide in a time-share seminar. Zeth was glad he brought extra ammo.

5 Second Fiction Eighty Six

Magwier didn't want to dignify his execution with a final statement but he hated not getting in the last word.

5 Second Fiction Eighty Seven

Over the course of her freshman year Audra made enemies among students, faculty and, surprisingly enough, the Chinese mafia.

5 Second Fiction Eighty Eight

Lord Evernight dropped onto his prey, leaving them wide-eyed. These were the moments he wished would last forever.

5 Second Fiction Eighty Nine

The Denny's manager had a real problem with the way Brett cleaned the ladies room. Mostly because he didn't work there.

5 Second Fiction Ninety

They had the makings of a great super hero team but sadly all the good names were already under copyright.

5 Second Fiction Ninety One

He learned that not only was pro wrestling real but it was also how the nations of the world secretly resolved disputes.

5 Second Fiction Ninety Two

The question that haunted Agent Krump was why would gunfights erupt between gangs of Cryptozoologists and Furries?

5 Second Fiction Ninety Three

Possessed of an apocalyptic vision he built an ark in record time. When it started to snow his screams scared the animals.

5 Second Fiction Ninety Four

She left him overcome with passion. He left her wondering if she'd made a mistake.

5 Second Fiction Ninety Five

Of all his wife's birthmarks it was the one that resembled Elvis that disturbed Cliff the most. It seemed to stare at him.

5 Second Fiction Ninety Six

At first he hadn't been sure about wearing a cape but after his first spandex malfunction Captain Hero was glad of it

5 Second Fiction Ninety Seven

Psychotic Kid defended patriotism in a ninja costume made from an actual flag. If you mentioned the irony you got punched.

5 Second Fiction Ninety Eight

For Matrim revenge was easy, knowing when to stop wasn't a skill he ever bothered to learn.

5 Second Fiction Ninety Nine

He knew dozens of ways to take down an enemy; unfortunately none of them involved those little Styrofoam packing noodles.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred

The hot date ended when maggot-ridden zombies surrounded the car. They could see parasites by the dashboard light.

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