5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred And One Through Nine Hundred And Fifty

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and One

There was no doubt in Karl's mind he would have escaped the police raid if the peep show booth hadn't gotten gummed shut.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Two

Amoeba-Man split into two Amoeba-Men; once the robbers were caught they argued over who should the get credit.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Three

"Unlike you, I learned that a hero's tale is just the seed of a tragedy."

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Four

Lester the Leper lost his job at the frozen yogurt stand for leaving lumps in the Smoothies.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Five

"It was me that nailed horseshoes to that lawman," he confessed, "I shod the sheriff."

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Six

Magwier considered the plate of food he held, “Why is it evil masterminds always have the best buffets?”

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Seven

She sat in the bathroom and tried to imagine the noise from the stall beside her was just a wildly malfunctioning coffeemaker.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Eight

The super-powerful, super-obese superhero named Thunder had one weakness, and to no one's surprise it was diabetes.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Nine

Some commented that he better not quit his day job but as a blogger he did his best work while he was at his day job.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Ten

Two figures of pure evil rose up from the pentagram. A voice said, “I am Farnak the Soul-Render!... and this is my trainee.”

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Eleven

The Grackle and Pinkeye were two very different kinds of super-villains but both had powers that were unnervingly moist.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Twelve

Corpses had been left on front lawns every morning, Special Agent Krump wasn't shocked to discover the killer's name was Dewy.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Thirteen

Until carpal tunnel prematurely ended her career she was the best Fluffer in the business, making money hand over fist.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Fourteen

Zeth said, “There are two things you'll never beat me at- Russian roulette and poetry slams, I'm well rehearsed for both.”

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Fifteen

Once he got a job repossessing time machines the days just seemed to fly by.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Sixteen

By 2025 Social Networking had become so all-encompassing that global conflicts were settled via MAFIA WARS.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Seventeen

“Are you kidding?” Agent Krump said, “The bureau's best hostage negotiator can't get his wife to let him go to a bachelor party?”

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Eighteen

Amazing Ed usually cracked jokes while fighting crime but lately he'd had a bad case of quipper's block.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Twenty

Special Agent Mario Krump betrayed his nation and his ideals but by God he was a size 7 again!

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Twenty One

Hers was a lifetime of bad decisions, she had always considered consistency her strong suit.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Twenty Two

Cyborg Rusty Johnson told the rest of the team he would be in his room buffing. Thalia completely misunderstood.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Twenty Three

As a rational man Greg understood that there was always a chance of being raped to death by an albino baboon. But at the Wal Mart?

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Twenty Four

Over the years she taught him meaning ecstasy but she damn well never got him to remember how to spell it.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Twenty Five

Getting a reputation didn't worry Audra, especially not while she was having one night stands using her roommate's name.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Twenty Six

"Not so violent after all are you Doomsday Girl?" Captain Hero said, "Smoke bombs, rubber bullets, I bet this katana isn't- OW!"

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Twenty Seven

Stan needed eye-drops, ear-drops and nose-drops, Stan also liked to pick the labels off things. Disaster was inevitable.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Twenty Eight

Amazing Ed bragged the government had laced his bones with calcium. No one ever explained all the things wrong with that statement.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Twenty Nine

“It never fails. You start out studying metaphysics and you end up running through the sewers with pieces of skull on your shoes.”

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Thirty

Time travelers always win the lottery.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Thirty One

Lorelei stared in disappointment at the ancient idol, “This is the blasphemous 'Pain Of The Goat? It wouldn't even piss off PETA!”

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Thirty Two

Soon everyone knew the stomach turning legend of Bleedy McSquirt- two-fisted crime-fighting hemophiliac.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Thirty Three

Captain Hero caught hold of the landing gear of the rapidly ascending helicopter and then realized he had no idea what to do next.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Thirty Four

The aliens were so misshapen, slimy and fleshy that only aficionados of hi-def porn could comfortably communicate with them.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Thirty Five

Madness had left her constantly tormented by angry voices, it made her perfect for call center work.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Thirty Six

"I must rescue the Earl of Salisbury, I know what's at stake."

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Thirty Seven

Mr. Nice Guy fought crime in River City with reason, charity and kindness; he had every bone in his body broken at least once.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Thirty Eight

Karl asked "Why do you keep staring at me?" She said, "Because you're the ugliest man I've ever seen." "Oh," Karl said.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Thirty Nine

“What do you want?” Magwier asked. “Two things,” Lorelei replied, “Frozen custard and oral sex and not in that order.”

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Forty

When Little Vito marked you for death he used a puffy unicorn sticker. It was more humiliating that way.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Forty One

In this age of voluntary online nudity a peeping tom seems almost quaint.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Forty Two

Don told the kids a bedtime story, the story was about how their mother was bleeding him dry with alimony payments.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Forty Three

The Blue Bolt like to break wind while he broke the sound barrier, he kept the streets free of crime, and pedestrians, and pets.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Forty Four

"The saints of gunpowder and the firing pin either didn't know the difference between a worshiper and a target. Or didn't care."

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Forty Five

Bob had been celibate for six years... but not on purpose.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Forty Six

Johnny Priapism had a reputation as one of the meanest porn stars in the world but as he got older he became a real softy.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Forty Seven

She gave up greasy foods for grains; it was out of the frying pan and into the fiber.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Forty Eight

In the end it was all dismissed as a terrible accident but some said Scarlet Sentinel shouldn't have been texting while flying.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Forty Nine

The hospital tried to use bungee catheters but it was a bit of a stretch.

5 Second Fiction Nine Hundred and Fifty

The dean of the school would go missing for days so Audra liked to break into his house, that was how she found the secret passage.