5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifty One
Morbidly obese Special Agent Mario Krump hated hostage situations, they made the undersides of his man-boobs sweaty.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifty Two
“Directives from corporate are like intestinal parasites, one is bad but when they come in groups everything gets backed up."
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifty Three
Abner Deggent liked to call himself a mercenary but anyone that hired him soon realized he was a soldier of misfortune.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifty Four
Illness prevented him for being at Clown College for finals week, luckily he passed the make up exam.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifty Five
She quit being an exotic dancer to work in tech support, she went back to stripping to save her sense of self-esteem.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifty Six
She said, “I can't understand why we're friends.”
“We're more than friends.” He replied.
“I can't understand that either.” she said
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifty Seven
At first she thought Dave was the wind beneath her wings- then she realized it was just hot air.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifty Eight
The magical Erato was upset by the appetites of the sewer ghouls, the sewer ghouls were upset by the way her robes never got dirty.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Fifty Nine
While to call center encountered many difficulties due to the zombie apocalypse, the phone stats had never been better.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty
Redneck cyborg Rusty Johnson never revealed his body was made from monster truck parts but he also never gave any spoiler alerts.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty One
It was bad enough that Captain Hero's beloved Doomsday Girl had returned to crime- but then she unfriended him on Facebook...
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty Two
The Maven hunted the serial killer known as Hannibal Lecture- he talked to his victims about Amway until they died of boredom.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty Three
He bragged he was a crack stunt driver but secretly worried that popping nose pimples while speeding didn't really count.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty Four
The first official STAR WARS themed daycare cut expenses for snacks and activities by freezing the children in carbonite until 5PM.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty Five
It was noted that long before the pastor started burning Korans he had burned away sections of the Bible that didn't suit him.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty Six
He didn't realize his wife snored, so he just kept having those recurring nightmares of being a groundskeeper with a faulty mower.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty Seven
Bill Board wanted to be religious but his faith was weak- he was always looking for a signs.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty Eight
The memo told everyone it was “clock out at five” but they left off the “L”. Human Resources had a field day.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Sixty Nine
Given the choice between dating a redhead or reading the Necromonicon he was unable decide which would ruin his sanity faster.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Seventy
Given the choice between dating a redhead or reading the Necromonicon he was unable decide which would ruin his sanity faster.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Seventy One
Noise from startled baby goats alerted the police. The fugitive cried “I'd have gotten away if it wasn't for those meddling kids!”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Seventy Two
Psychotic Kid would never have allowed his enemy to set the terms of the duel if he had known it would be a rap battle.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Seventy Three
Hrothgar spent the entire holiday fighting ghost vikings- it was a very spectral Christmas.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Seventy Four
The super hero known as The Zinger could create insults at super speed.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Seventy Five
He hadn't wanted another case of Athlete's Foot but that was all the Cannibal Supply Warehouse had in stock.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Seventy Six
The roman emperor had a dozen slave girls with large asses, when they rose up and killed him his last words were, “Et tu bootay?”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Seventy Seven
If voters elect the President they'd most like to have a beer with they should expect to find themselves in a world of Schlitz.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Seventy Eight
Ellen put the call on hold and said, “Anyone that says war is Hell has never worked in tech support.”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Seventy Nine
Fuego's bitterest rival was Braka Besatta but he supposed he might be bitter too if he were the only Luchador in Sweden.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Eighty
Jeremy Deadslayer knew how to kill regular zombies and fast zombies but he didn't know beans about farting zombies.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Eighty One
The makers of the male enhancement drug bribed the members of the court with their product creating a hung jury.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Eighty Two
The teenage leper felt a lot of his time in the bathroom flaking off.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Eighty Three
Part of the strippers union's plans for greater social acceptance involved them helping design womens' Halloween costumes.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Eighty Four
“Oh I found the Yellow Sign,” Jason Magwier said, “but it clashed with the room.”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Eighty Five
He was only a member of the priesthood for a few days before he quit. Call it friars remorse.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Eighty Six
He went to the nude barbecue hoping to feast his eyes on a feminine smorgasbord but all he got as a load of burnt sausages.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Eighty Seven
Prostitutes facing equipment difficulties frequently contact Trick Support.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Eighty Eight
When making love his piercings scraped against hers as they grew older and removed them their relationship lost its spark.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Eighty Nine
Everyone in marketing was fired because someone should have realized that 'Sugar Frosted Cornholes' was no name for a cereal.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Ninety
A dozen prostitutes showed up at the congressman's office and he realized he should have proofread that add for 'poll takers'.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Ninety One
Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world- but that's the Rapture for you.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Ninety Two
They pulled him from the doughnut machine but he had a glazed look in his eyes.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Ninety Three
When he was a young man he considered himself a 'Love Machine' as he got older he started having problems with his nuts.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Ninety Four
High on LSD the actor wandered the village green waving homemade weapons, he listed it on his resume as Shakes spear in the park.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Ninety Five
Studying the sanity-blasting tome known as the Necromonicon prepared him for the job of being Sarah Palin's official proofreader.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Ninety Six
“And if you press the button on 'IT Department Barbie' she takes a call and pulls some of her hair out!”
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Ninety Seven
He was making love to a girl from Helskinki but didn't finish.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Ninety Eight
Everyone knows you shouldn't bring a knife to a gunfight but there is a similar rule about bringing hamsters to cockfights.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Five Hundred and Ninety Nine
Jack won the goldfish swallowing contest but the goldfish won the 'kill a guy by blocking his sphincter' contest.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Six Hundred
He wasn't the first attendee of the All Gay Rodeo to go home with some new chaps.
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