Saturday, August 7, 2010

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred And Fifty One Through One Thousand And Three Hundred

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Fifty One


Rick wasn't afraid of the collapse of civilization; he'd been looking for an excuse to drink his own urine for years.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Fifty Two


He was the only knight of the round table that liked to play pranks while in his armor. He was a full metal jacknape.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Fifty Three


It wasn't until he got loads of sand in his costume that Psychotic Kid truly understood what it was to have gritty adventures.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Fifty Four


When the Mathmagician used algebraic equations to create a rabbit she wasn't just pulling the numbers out of her hat.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Fifty Five


Karl was heartbroken to learn that a Syllogism was not a money shot involving a clown.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Fifty Six


"This must be what the Rapture is like," Audra smiled, "except there are no Christians floating up to Heaven going 'Nya Nya!'"


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Fifty Seven


They banned Karl from the pool after he got his penis caught in the filter, he sued them for not having a bigger intake valve.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Fifty Eight


Chunky McBride stayed away from strangers with candy but after he encountered a stranger with pastries he was never seen again.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Fifty Nine


They loaded the work of HP Lovecraft into artificial intelligence. Instead of new stories all they got was 'The LOLcats of Cthulhu'


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Sixty


A freak accident with a can of spray-on tan and a beer bong was only the prelude to the ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT DOUCHEBAG.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Sixty One


And one beating later Psychotic Kid learned not to make wisecracks about a cyborg having 'junk in his trunk'.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Sixty Two


Amazing Ed liked to brag about his 'alien costume' but buying a cape in Mexico didn't count.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Sixty Three


All we are is dust in the wind but the Lunt family were more like lint in the dryer.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Sixty Four


The incredible Bratman gained his powers after being bitten by a radioactive toddler.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Sixty Five


The Maven grabbed a barbecue, the Crime Countess grabbed a hibachi, they started hitting each other. It was grill on grill action.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Sixty Six


The Maven grabbed a barbecue, the Crime Countess grabbed a hibachi, they started hitting each other. It was grill on grill action.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Sixty Seven


When living in a kingdom of magic and enchantment inadvertent bestiality was almost inevitable.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Sixty Seven


When living in a kingdom of magic and enchantment inadvertent bestiality was almost inevitable.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Sixty Eight


It was the most racist ghost they had ever encountered. "Just what we need," Magwier said, "a wight supremacist."


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Sixty Nine


He kept several answering machines in his house and let them fight it out whenever he got a call.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Seventy


The argument during dinner left her feeling all torn up inside, the double helping of super hot chicken wings didn't help either.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Seventy One


Her body was an erotic amusement park but he wasn't at least this tall to enter.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Seventy Two


Her body was an erotic amusement park but he wasn't at least this tall to enter.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Seventy Three


For years his parents argued that their son hadn't died during a breath-holding contest, he was just holding on to his record time.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Seventy Four


If she told him once she told him a thousand times he had a brain tumor that effected his memory.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Seventy Five


"Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, fool me three times and someone's getting shot."


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Seventy Six


Karl enjoyed the porno remake of THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW right up until the appearance of Aunt Pee.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Seventy Seven


He vowed that as soon as he got off the elevator he was going to take things to the next level.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Seventy Eight


Despite his successes it pained Captain Hero that he had never developed a catchphrase.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Seventy Nine


"I have no problems with necromancy itself" Lorelei said, "but most actual necromancers are just trying to shock their parents."


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Eighty


The Scotsmen all their sheep had been stolen by the English. One said, "They may take our lambs but they'll not take our FREEDOM!"


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Eighty One


They were the Allied army's secret birdcall brigade- the Chirpy Dozen!


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Eighty Two


Quinn awoke in a puddle of his own urine, grabbed hold of the jumper cables and knocked himself back out. This went on all day.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Eighty Three


She invited her boyfriend over so she could cook him dinner and refuse him sex. She loved macaroni and pleas.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Eighty Four


His daughter was going through puberty. His wife was going through menopause. He was going into witness relocation.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Eighty Five


An unfortunate typo left the world thinking that Abner Deggent was scouring the African jungle for white loins.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Eighty Six


Captain Hero had no patience for fad superheroes- did anyone even remember the Battling Breakdancer or the Nehru Knight?


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Eighty Seven


The extreme milking contest was canceled when the bungee cord holding the cow broke.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Eighty Eight


The golden idol was hidden within a trap-laden tomb, so Abner Deggent let the archaeologists go first into each chamber.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Eighty Nine


It was easy to program the DOUCHEBOT 5000's speech circuits, every question was answered with the reply of "Yeah with your Mom!"


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Ninety


Guns blazing the Shellfish Gang took refuge in a bowling alley where they quickly found themselves pinned down.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Ninety One


At Choe-Je's Home for Wayward Ninjas a small donation can keep a bloodthirsty assassin in katanas and smoke bombs for weeks.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Ninety Two


She had once dated a TS Elliot fan but whenever they made love it ended not with a bang but a whimper.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Ninety Three


While the strip club secretly run by vampires has become a cliche, a day care secretly run by zombies was a surprise to everyone.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Ninety Four


A customer told her she lacked the proper empathy, she told him he could take his dead father to some other funeral home then.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Ninety Five


"You might think an invisible monster truck is a bad idea, but how else you gonna run down invisible monsters?"


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Ninety Six


In his dreams Karl made love to a woman who was soft and warm in his arms; when he awoke his pillow was unspeakably squishy.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Ninety Seven


She pulled aside the cushions of her new couch to find a mummified body. She whispered, "That's the last time I use Craigslist."


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Ninety Eight


Fuego worked as a substitute teacher and kept order in the classroom with quiet authority and the occasional sleeper hold.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Ninety Nine


Once the company found a doctor that prescribed medical marijuana for a case of the Mondays no one was ever late for work again.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand Three Hundred


Want to use the urinal while wearing Apple's new iPants? There's a flap for that- just don't try to flash.


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