Sunday, April 18, 2010

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and One Through One Thousand One Hundred and Fifty

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and One


"Time transforms from teenagers desperately trying to get laid into adults desperately trying to keep teenagers from having sex."


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Two


As a young man Louie didn't have the patience for hobbies. Once erectile dysfunction set in he filled a room with ships in bottles.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Three


Amazing Ed vowed to keep frighting crime until he got a little respect, or at least until they made an action figure based on him.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Four


When you joined the Holy Order you either got a Doctorate or became the priest of a small town. It was publish or parish.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Five


Binge drinking, fights and impromptu wet t-shirt contests- it was the weirdest call center she had ever worked in.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Six


Prince Reynart lived in an enchanted castle where all the furniture had come to life. It was impossible to masturbate in private.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Seven


Gary was constantly crossing the line between a successful first date and taking a hostage.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Eight


Professor Apocalypse wore his battle armor to meetings of the Earthwide Crime League so he could nap and no one would notice.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Nine


Abner Deggent was surprised to find a tarantula on the pillow beside him. Most of his one night stands just left a thank you note.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Ten


Magwier grinned, "Nothing pisses off the dark spirits more than using a tarot deck to build a house of cards atop a Ouija board."


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Eleven


The Cannibal Congressman looked up from his eyeball stew and said, "Waiter! There's a stye in my soup."


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twelve


They drummed him out of the army because he kept getting venereal diseases, it brought a new meaning to 'Dishonorable Discharge.'


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirteen


It wasn't until later that the Greater Regional Organization of Super Stars realized their unfortunate acronym.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Fourteen


Lorelei said, "Just because I call him my lover that doesn't mean I'm in love with him. What's so hard to understand about that?"


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Fifteen


He watched the crimson haired nurse drawing his blood and thought to himself this was always the way it went for him with redheads.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Sixteen


It wasn't until Gary tried to become the world's tallest midget wrestler that he truly began to understand the nature of prejudice.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Seventeen


She spent about an hour a day listening to her iPod, and about a two hours trying to untangle the wires for her earbuds.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Eighteen


The worst part about becoming one with the cosmos is the paperwork.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Nineteen


She declared "The party don't start till I walk in." but that's how it is when you're a birthday clown.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty


Hrothgar was conceived in the fires of passion and forged in the heat of battle- is it any wonder that he hated cold toilet seats?


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty One


Silver Siren's battle with a misogynistic villain at an atomic test site started the "Nuking Women In Refrigerators" controversy.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Two


As far as Karl was concerned if God hadn't wanted us to make out with your cousins he wouldn't have made it so damn easy to do.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Three


There was urine all over the baby grand, someone had been tinkling the ivories.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Four


Say what you will but Domatrixes always have the most interesting garage sales.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Five


Most great loves last far longer than the relationships they create.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Six


His only superpower was that he could make soft rock hits of the 70's play through your head. He was hated and feared by all.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Seven


One anti-government militia group is composed entirely of drag queens, insurgency has never looked so fabulous.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Eight


"I knew a woman that wrote stories about Death and Time," Magwier said, "but she just liked to play God."


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Nine


Yeats tried his hand at childrens' songs but nobody wants to sing about Peter Cottontail slouching towards Bethlehem.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty


Agents of the government ordered Amazing Ed to register. He didn't understand why, he wasn't even engaged.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty One


Her bosses didn't like her using the internet at work for her personal business, especially since she put on erotic webcam shows.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Two


Dancing sluts, performing geeks and the deformed can no longer be found in sideshows, now they have programs on basic cable.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Three


These days superheroes don't wear masks to protect their loved ones, they do it to protect their health insurance.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Four


No one wanted a bible in Choose Your Own Adventure format.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Five


When the corporate discussed 'encouraging a sales culture' everyone knew what they really meant was 'act like a bunch of pricks'.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Six


That night Captain Hero and the Maven learned the Crime Countess' dark secret- she was really from Weehawken, New Jersey.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Seven


Visits to Grandma's just weren't the same after she gave up canning preserves for cooking meth.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Eight


The entire football team tested negative for steroids, the mascot on the other hand was all shrunken testicles and rage.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Nine


Karl told everyone he was having sex on the beach, no one knew he was letting sea anemones crawl along the underside of his penis.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Forty


The tornado was coming, there was nowhere for Lorelei to run. She was either going to die or end up with a fancy new pair of shoes.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Forty One


Whenever he got a rejection slip he made love to his wife to ease the pain. By the time he sold his novel he had eleven kids.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Forty Two


As she sat in the bathroom stall typing away on her Blackberry she wonder if she was the only one to Twitter on the shitter.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Forty Three


She didn't like the idea of being in the same place as all her ex-boyfriends but it was the only cemetery in town.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Forty Four


Supervillainess 'The Hairdresser' liked to wear short short skirts. What a tease.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Forty Five


They didn't have to put Rover down after all. This is the way the dog ends, not with a bang but with distemper.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Forty Six


When Thalia agreed to with Rusty Johnson to the tractor pulls she had assumed they would be in the audience. She assumed wrong.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Forty Seven


It was a story of a young girl with a messiah complex- they called it 'Little Miss Martyr'.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Forty Eight


"Everyone talks about the Necromonicon's many blasphemies. No one ever mentions Abul AlHazred's recipe for Tuna Wiggle."


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Forty Nine


It was his love of fast motorcycles and fast food that earned him the nickname 'Cheesy Rider'.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Fifty


Once again Abner Deggent felt the call to the open sea and to adventure- plus that waitress from Spokane might be pregnant...

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