5 Second Fiction Two Hundred And One Through Three Hundred

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and One

No superhero was sure if Doomsday Girl was wearing a risqué new costume or publicly flossing her labia.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Two

Bad enough he had been turned into a pillar of salt- worse yet someone had written on him 'I FOUGHT THE LORD AND THE LORD WON'

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Three

Every craft of the galactic fleet had a doomsday button that would instantly kill any officer crazy enough to use it.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Four

He lived in a world of shit but there was no denying his lawn had never looked better.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Five

It was the kind of order no police officer wanted to hear- “Arrest that dragon.”

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Six

And on that day Otto and Bob formed Task Force Palindrome. Wow. They even had a racecar.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seven

Production on 'Mummies on Motorcycles' was shut down after the 3rd cast fatality.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eight

Audra knew that Studying Quantum Theologics was just a double major in blasphemy.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Nine

Given the choice between monsters and witty people Zeth preferred monsters, they were less dangerous.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Ten

“Who was that masked man?” Beverly wondered as she pulled she bedsheets up over her sweaty, sated flesh.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eleven

They say the secret is to never let them see you sweat, so spontaneous nosebleeds are out of the question.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Twelve

They met on the field of honor but the cows had been through there. It was the messiest duel ever.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Thirteen

Windshield shattered, chassis torn to bits, he had been in such a hurry but not any more. Now he would wait alone.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Fourteen

He volunteered for a vasectomy and a lobotomy, it was the best choice for this economy.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Fifteen

The disease left her flesh peeling away in little strips. They were delicious.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixteen

One of Dracula's ancestors worked in adult films- he too was called 'Vlad the Impaler'

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventeen

“You must understand that the only difference between a reality show and religion is that in the end we all get voted off.”

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighteen

Unlike most dads Brian didn't care how many sleepovers his daughters had, after all that was how he had met his third wife.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Nineteen

Mario Krump's childhood heroes were slowly dying off, he was determined not to join them no matter what the cost.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Twenty

In the end she left him because he was a slob. She took the kids but left him the ants.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Twenty One

There is a rift between our reality and the Porniverse. Ironically that rift does not go both ways.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Twenty Two

It turned out Satan had only been a cosmic temp- when the real guy showed up all Hell- literally- broke loose.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Twenty Three

He caught his breath as he ran his hands over her bared breasts- those weren't pasties, those weren't pasties at all.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Twenty Four

Captain Hero might have respected Amazing Ed more if his costume had been more than khakis, sandals and a cape.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Twenty Five

The Cannibal Congressman's defense became his re-election slogan- “Lobbyists: The Other White Meat”

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Twenty Six

He was the most inept lover she had ever had, somehow that intrigued her. Soon she fell in love, rugburns and all.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Twenty Seven

It was the 4th mummy that had shambled from its museum directly to New Orleans, perhaps drawn there by ragtime music.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Twenty Eight

It was the one thing no paranormal investigator wanted to hear; "angry gay leprechauns"

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Twenty Nine

The fan forum for the TV show about a TV fan forum caused the Internet to collapse into a singularity of complaints and porn.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Thirty

Once paper currency was replaced by erotic lithographs people started saving again.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Thirty One

They cried havoc and let slip the dogs of war, followed quickly by the cats of hurtful language and budgies of ennui.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Thirty Two

He had lost his soul to drugs and depravity but no one in Kartoon Kingdom even knew Magic Mallard had a problem.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Thirty Three

Sobering up all he recalled was kissing a woman with a mustache. Then a pair of underpants was found in the manatee tank.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Thirty Four

There are a million stories in the city, none currently involve shuffleboard.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Thirty Five

Peaches the Pony was her wish come true! If only she hadn't made her wish at that cursed well.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Thirty Six

She was so busy chasing her dreams that she trampled over his reality.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Thirty Seven

Whoever thought it didn't hurt to just ask had never gone to Mr. Nelson for a raise after he'd had a bad golf game

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Thirty Eight

Everyone knew Captain Hero was conflicted about Doomsday Girl- men in spandex have no secrets.

5 Second Fiction One Hundred and Thirty Nine

The year they held GenCon at the Playboy mansion a lot of gamers failed their save vs. hyperventilation.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Forty

Several soulless cyborgs were sent to the past from the future, most became gym teachers.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Forty One

It seems like the iPhone app for Zeno's paradoxes will never get here.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Forty Two

Of all the positions in 'THE NERDS KARMA SUTRA' the Behind Meld is still illegal in some states.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Forty Three

Of all the positions in 'THE NERDS KARMA SUTRA' the Floating Jedi position is the most rewarding.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Forty Four

If there was one thing all super heroes understood it was that in a crisis the guy no one ever heard of dies first.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Forty Five

The villain in the first PETA-Approved horror film was called Pleatherface.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Forty Seven

War after war of succession was fought over the Kingdom, no one wanted to be in charge of the damn place.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Forty Six

Hrothgar was a barbarian spy with a license to cleave.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Forty Eight

Mass confusion erupted when the International League of Hypnotists blundered into the National Staring contest.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Forty Nine

The car ride took a million years subjective time and there was only one Van Morrison CD to listen to.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Fifty

Doomsday Girl's master plan involved a dirigible and some bungee cords. It failed.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred And Fifty One Through Three Hundred

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Fifty One

At 7 PM a giant meteor stuck the Earth, some only noticed when their cable TV went dead.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Fifty Two

The Reverend Ferdman was the first one to open a church sanctioned casino; they called it 'Holy Rollers'

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Fifty Three

Oh sure the army tried recruiting ninjas but no one ever noticed them during role call.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Fifty Four

The aliens landed in a warship that looked just like Spongebob Squarepants. The rest was easy.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Fifty Five

As he climaxed he whispered his one true love's name, everyone else in the library thought he was just talking to himself.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Fifty Six

None of the other guys in the Mob suspected Vito the Icepick's love of romantic comedies.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Fifty Seven

Captain Hero tried his luck with a darker, edgier costume and nearly got run over crossing the street at night.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Fifty Eight

Horothgar thought the mage had told him to beware of harpies when he reached Spring Break '99. He was so very wrong.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Fifty Nine

Hip hop inspired by the works of Ayn Rand was an original idea but Galt-sta Rap was a short lived fad.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixty

Derrick didn't know about his evil doppleganger until they both showed up to take the SATs

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixty One

A blow to the head caused Joe's mind to shift of all his pin numbers one memory to the left, he never used his ATM card again.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixty Two

Like Robinson Caruso it was primitive as can be, like most bachelor pads really.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixty Three

Of all her stalkers Lucy thought the one that wanted to bathe in her blood had the nicest handwriting.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixty Four

Psychic Pleasurebots fulfill an enduser's secret desires, many endusers don't truly know their secret desires until its too late.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixty Five

Supervillain Professor Ipecac is considered to have the most disgusting superpower ever.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixty Six

Since moving to America the vampire count had fallen on hard times but beware the Trailer Park of Dracula

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixty Seven

They made love and she cried out- not from pleasure but from the sight of the spider slowly lowering itself down towards the bed.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixty Eight

Only impure thoughts could save them now.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Sixty Nine

They tortured the morbidly obese Agent Krump by tying him to an exercise bike and letting it run. He felt the burn.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy

"We may be twisted subhuman dwellers from beneath the Earth," Degmoor said, "but at least WE have health care."

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy One

There was an avalanche at the ballpark, thankfully everyone got dugout.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy Two

At last Captain Hero told Doomsday Girl he loved her, she still thew him down a well but she was blushing when she did it.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy Three

An error required the entire class of 1986 to retake their senior year, it was just like old times but with more medication.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy Four

If getting sparkly vampires in headlocks while their girlfriends watched was wrong the Fuego didn't want to be right.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy Five

Suspended animation stranded the cheerleaders in a far future wasteland, but they still had spirit yes they did.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy Six

Lepers prefer to have parades on windy days, that way the confetti is free!

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy Seven

Magwier had just come to accept that every once in a while he was going to find himself bound and hanging from something.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy Eight

Lorelei didn't plan to have a knife fight in a petting zoo but then again she was only going to turn 16 once...

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Seventy Nine

The list of things Bob wouldn't put up his nose was upsettingly brief.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighty

Time travelers learned the dinosaurs were accidentally wiped out by time travelers trying to learn what wiped out the dinosaurs.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighty One

The morale of employees can always be judged by how they treat the company restroom. Tread carefully.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighty Two

He didn't know she was a Born Again Vegan, she didn't know he was a Narcoleptic Transvestite. That's dating via Twitter for you.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighty Three

“Just don't” she said. And to her eternal disappointment he didn't.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighty Four

He spent his youth trying to escape from his father's legacy, then the rest of his life trying to hide behind it.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighty Five

Psychotic Kid was terrible at detective work, thankfully he knew how to use GOOGLE.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighty Six

Once they were alone in the honeymoon suite it was time to reveal the lingerie, it was the first time she had seen him in it.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighty Seven

Birthday Party Clown and Anger Management are two words that should never have to go together.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighty Eight

Many thought that once prostitution was legalized the streets would be safer, then the Pimp Wars began.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Eighty Nine

Even on his deathbed he was still trying to talk her into a threesome.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Ninety

Their love was like poetry but his was an imperfect rhyme.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Ninety One

Everyone in the company crowded into the IT department for the annual 'Running of the Nerds'

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Ninety Two

Clem was so naïve that when she asked him if he wanted to taste her muffin he told her he was on a diet.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Ninety Three

The brutal interrogations continued until morning but no one ever admitted to stealing the boss's lucky pen.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Ninety Four

There was no debate needed, they all knew 'Weaponized Vagina' was the worst name ever for a Christian rock band.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Ninety Five

The HR department hired a dominatrix, the male employees suddenly became very excited about cutbacks, no matter how much they hurt.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Ninety Six

They say that hard times build character, well Amazing Ed was one Hell of a character.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Ninety Seven

This wasn't the first time Captain Hero cursed the asylum for the criminally insane's work-release program.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Ninety Eight

Everyone always assumed the katana in the boss's office was decorational, that was before the HR massacre of 2007.

5 Second Fiction Two Hundred and Ninety Nine

Sometimes at of night Yang would wake up and think a ninja orgy could be going on somewhere in his house and he would never know.

5 Second Fiction Three Hundred

He fell into an automated sandwich making machine and died a hero.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand Two Hundred and Four

He tried to hide from the police in a bowling alley, he would have gotten away if he hadn't stopped to rent shoes.