5 Second Fiction Four Hundred And One Through Four Hundred and Fifty

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and One

In a world where people Twittered while eating and driving, trapeze artists suddenly seemed passe.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Two

It was the first multiple monster brain transplant, then Professor Lindquist realized they had a brain left over.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Three

Erato disabled the bank robbers with blasts of mystical energy and the occasional kick to the groin.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Four

Lorelei stared at the yellowed photograph. “Jason...” she said with dawning horror. “You had a PERM?”

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Five

Reading through the memo filled him with the same kind of dread he felt watching a pregnant woman rollerblade.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Six

Karl worked up the nerve to go to a nudist colony- sadly it was during Enormous Goiter Acceptance Week.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Seven

Psychotic Kid learned that dramatically crashing through windows and bulletproof glass did not mix.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Eight

The difference between telemarketers and serial killers is that not everyone thinks serial killers deserve the death penalty.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Nine

The minute his date's Mom said he was the nicest boy she had ever brought home he knew he was done for.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Ten

Every kindergärtner makes a flower pot from a soup can, glue and uncooked pasta. Not every student gets it stuck to his hair.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Eleven

Once Karl was at the brothel he made love to Hope and Faith- they had no Mercy.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Twelve

Bad enough Captain Hero had been captured by Nefario worse yet he was saved by the smug and invulnerable Commander Infinity.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Thirteen

It was to be a mystical duel of the deadliest, most arcane kind, of all the time for Lorelei to get a zit on her nose

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Fourteen

The dog had gas, the cat had hairballs and the parrot was molting- the hamster ran from home the first chance he got.

5 Second Fiction four Hundred and Fifteen

Finally at his wits end the Lord God made Richard Dawkins the messiah and let the chips fall where they may.

5 Second Fiction four Hundred and Sixteen

Rusty Johnson was able to save Captain Hero's poodle from the brink of death by making it bionic. It was too late for the goldfish.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Seventeen

Time travelers frequently stopped in the early 21st century to place bets on the fights that broke out at town hall meetings.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Eighteen

The rift between our world and the Pornoverse widened, slowly... sensually... yeah... just the way you like it.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Nineteen

It was a fantastic morning, the sun shone, the birds sang- then she went to work and ruined it.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Twenty

She always thought of herself as resilient, a veritable stress sponge. But now she just felt wrung out.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Twenty One

Zeth thought that was the last of the shapeless demons but he had another Thing coming.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Twenty Two

Her beasts heaving the dyslexic erotica writer gently stroked her lover's pens.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Twenty Three

There may be no atheists in foxholes but there are a surprising number of D&D players on base.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Twenty Four

The woman that worked at the bank found being an informant easy, after all she was already a teller.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Twenty Five

The only difference between goth chicks and hippie chicks is in the way they redecorate your place after they move in.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Twenty Six

Management pulled all but three employees off the floor so they could have a meeting about the improving customer service.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Twenty Seven

It doesn't matter what the subject of that day's group therapy for monsters will be, it will always end with the vampires crying.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Twenty Eight

Psychotic Kid always wanted an animal sidekick but Snappy the Box Turtle of Justice was more trouble than he was worth.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Twenty Nine

“I thought you were joking!” she cried.

He stood there naked save for flippers and KY jelly trying to think of something to say.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Thirty

George was a mechanic and every time a customer tried to imitate the sound their car was making he died a little more inside.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Thirty One

The only place more dreaded than the Garden of Torture and the Pit of Terror was the Foyer of 1,000 Screams.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Thirty Two

Corporates' new 'Problem Ownership' policy made it easy for everyone to blame the new guy in IT for everything.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Thirty Three

And 9 months later she gave birth to a bouncing baby boy, that's what they got for having sex on a trampoline.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Thirty Four

“I've lived with ghosts and I've lived with cats,” Magwier explained, “and I don't like either watching me on the toilet.”

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Thirty Five

Each time he hit the snooze alarm he was sent to a new and bizarre parallel world but in each of them he was still late for work.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Thirty Six

Captain Hero worked hard at rehabilitating Doomsday Girl, sometimes until it chafed.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Thirty Seven

In the cruelest of ironies Hell's only radio station only plays nothing but 'Stairway to Heaven' 24 hours a day.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Thirty Eight

Today would be the last chance for her to throw her arms around him and confess her love, sadly he had chosen to be cremated.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Thirty Nine

The laziest zombies learned to follow retirees as they drove to the Golden Corral or the farmer's market.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Forty

Agent Krump captured a serial killer with a fetish for elaborate deathtraps by watching the hardware stores with the best prices.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Forty One

Captain Hero explained to Novablaze he didn't have anything against fire based powers but the team just didn't have the insurance.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Forty Two

It wasn't easy for Agent Krump to justify spending $4000 at a strip club on his expense account but that was the challenge of it.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Forty Three

Leo's wife didn't understand him, mostly because he refused to speak anything but Klingon these days.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Forty Four

Brad's parents didn't realize they had put their son on the bus for ballet camp instead of Boy Scouts. It was the best summer ever.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Forty Five

There are a thousand ways to say you're leaving for good this time, but each sounds like something breaking.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Forty Six

In the future everyone will have a blog they update in real time, no one will ever have free time to read any of it.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Forty Seven

No one thought of Jason as technically-minded but he really was on the cutting edge of upskirt technology.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Forty Eight

They raised the prices on the snack machine as downsizings neared, it was binge and purge on a corporate scale.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Forty Nine

Hrothgar the Viking never thought of himself as much of a superhero, the supervillains he stabbed felt likewise.

5 Second Fiction Four Hundred and Fifty

Orphaned, raised by a family of Bonobos and then orphaned again, Nature Boy had issues with boundaries, hygiene and abandonment.