5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Fifty One
“Now I will teach you the meaning of the word fear.” he said as slowly paged through the dictionary.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Fifty Two
Many in Space Patrol feared the aliens that burst from your chest but Captain Eagle had seen the ones that burst from your urethra.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Fifty Three
CGI dinosaurs and robots battled on the screen until finally someone shouted “What is the fucking plot of this thing?”
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Fifty Four
Brad's parents sent him to a private school in hopes of keeping him virtuous, they didn't know about his schoolgirl outfit fetish.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Fifty Five
After the first bear attack Jim thought he was just unlucky, by the third he realized he must be delicious.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Fifty Six
He wasn't the first mad scientist to invent a shrinking ray, he was to create one that specifically targeted NFL players' junk.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Fifty Seven
“I am glad Doomsday Girl and Captain Hero are in love,” Fuego said, “But these pet names they call each other must be stopped.”
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Fifty Eight
They found him on the roadside reeking of industrial bug spray and douche. He described his day as a 'misadventure'.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Fifty Nine
He came home to furniture covered with dog hair, which was odd because he owned a goldfish.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Sixty
Like all great adventures Matt and Brian's cross country trip began with a need for adventure and a desire to escape creditors.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Sixty One
For the first few hours of the road trip they listened to a book on CD, only to realize it had been on shuffle play.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Sixty Two
They took turns, one would drive while the other updated Facebook; every few hours they switched.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Sixty Three
For their cross country trip they set a leisurely place, stopping out of the way places, then they gave up and bought a map.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Sixty Four
They might have been able to pay for car repairs if they hadn’t come across that strip club with a buffet and an ATM machine.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Sixty Five
Stranded in a strange town they earned cash to pay for car repairs with manual labor and the occasional bit of street theater.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Sixty Six
Once Matt and Brian got thrown out of three Waffle Houses in three days they made it part of their daily itinerary.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Sixty Seven
It was in North Carolina that they found themselves embroiled in a feud between beekeepers and fainting goat enthusiasts.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Sixty Eight
They say whatever happened in Vegas stayed in Vegas, Brian and Matt hoped that applied to warrants for public indecency.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Sixty Nine
The stink of feet and flatulence moved through the car like a living thing. The pine scented air freshener only made it angry.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Seventy
They reached Los Angeles, almost immediately their car was stolen as they blundered about blinded by the smoke from wildfires.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Seventy One
She lived fastidiously, she loved cautiously and died regretfully.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Seventy Two
"Why did you play me that way?" the ghost of Hamlet wailed as the actor cringed in horror.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Seventy Three
He was a private eye and lived on a diet of booze, coffee and smokes; doctors said that was why he died of massive organ failure.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Seventy Four
The cast of the 'MEGABOOBS' reunited for a 20th anniversary production but sales and, other things, were pretty low.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Seventy Five
He's the one they call Dr. Peelgood He's the one that makes yer sunburn all right...
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Seventy Six
Every year she promised him a birthday lapdance but they were both running out of birthdays and laps.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Seventy Seven
Mark was told split beaver pictures would increase traffic to his blog but he declined because he was no outdoorsman.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Seventy Eight
"Ice cream is like sex, sometimes you want it hard, some times you want it soft but if you go too fast it's a real headache."
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Seventy Nine
IThe Reddeath preferred to kill all witnesses, not because he had to but just to keep in practice.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Eighty
It spoke volumes that no one in marketing realized naming a new kids drink 'Donkey Punch' was a bad idea.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Eighty One
The evil ninjas threw Fuego head first into a jukebox, a song started to play and ironically enough everybody was kung fu fighting.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Eighty Two
Some said Ted was a sick for what he did to that Shetland pony, other folks just thought he was just feeling a little horse.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Eighty Three
Of all the Mad Gods that tore at the edges of reality and madness, Buttercup got the least respect.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Eighty Four
“Haunting is passe' so the world's ghosts while away eternity by having orgies. You're probably sitting in the middle of one now.”
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Eighty Five
He had refused the extended warranty and now there was no way for Chaz to make his pleasuredroid stop pointing and laughing.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Eighty Six
The line for Judgment Day will be arranged like the lines at Disneyland but most won't know which ride they’re on until its too late.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Eighty Seven
Technological advances and societal setbacks kept perfect pace until humanity was reduced to Neanderthals with BlackBerrys.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Eighty Eight
While the oncologists were used to dealing with aggressive cancers they were not used to dealing with passive-aggressive ones.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Eighty Nine
Most superheroes stay in on Halloween night if not they ended up getting into fights with drunk strangers or going home with candy.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Ninety
“If there is one thing people universally hate its dreams,” Magwier said, “other peoples' dreams that is.”
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Ninety One
It is a rare wargaming tournament that divides its players into shirts and skins, maybe that's just as well.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Ninety Two
Psychotic Kid justified his actions by insisting that he was “Defending freedom.”, the owners of the petting zoo still sued.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Ninety Three
“Witchcraft,” Audra observed, “is like sex. Fully workable alone but much more effective in groups.”
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Ninety Four
He had the looks of an Adonis, the mind of an Einstein and sadly the voice of a Muppet.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Ninety Five
A girl started working in the IT department but none of the guys there ever got past her firewall.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Ninety Six
Doomsday Girl wouldn't have beaten the Obnoxiator quite so hard if he hadn't kept trying to put dollar bills in her costume.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Ninety Six
Karl spent weeks trying to find a porn film that synched up with DARK SIDE OF THE MOON.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Ninety Seven
First the political commentators started weeping on air, then the weathermen started speaking on tongues.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Ninety Eight
Bob found that with the proper combination of vitamins and bran he was unable to leave the bathroom for hours.
5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Ninety Nine
It went without saying that Charles Goatse was open to all possibilites.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred
Doomsday Girl and Captain Hero laughed till they cried remembering all the good times they had shared. Then she died in his arms.
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