5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and One Through Five Hundred And Fifty

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and One

The thumbless serial killer and the skull-faced woman had more in common than they thought.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Two

There were songs he liked to make love to and songs he liked to drive to, none were longer than 5 minutes.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Three

"The spark of divinity is not so far removed from the flame of madness and most will never understand the difference."

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Four

The thing Captain Hero and his team dreaded the most about alien zombie invasions was the post-crisis cleanup.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Five

Going from villainess to heroine was not easy but Doomsday Girl loved not having to worry about escape routes and master plans.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Six

"That's the problem with sci-fi," Magwier said, "It tells us otherworldly beings will either be kind or cruel- the truth is worse."

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Seven

Lorelei grinned, "Mother said that heartbreak was the anvil that forged our souls- not the 'Facts of Life' talk I expected."

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Eight

Psychics revealed that the humidifier was haunted but Gary didn't mind, his sinuses had never felt better

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Nine

The flavor packets included with most brands of instant noodles are in fact mummy dust, the reason this is done is unfathomable.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Ten

Discovering that humanity was created as part of a cosmic open mic night did not drive her mad, learning the punchline did.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Eleven

All during puberty his family kept the catbox in the bathroom, that's why the sent of kitty litter still gave him an erection

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Twelve

Rusty Johnson held the truck full of itching powder over his head knowing that things were going to get real ugly real fast.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Thirteen

To punish Brian for his strip club addiction he was sentenced to the 'death of a thousand lap dances'. He was pretty OK with that.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Fourteen

Many time traveling conspiracy theorists died trying to prove President Taft sank the Titanic to hide his birth certificate.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Fifteen

Karl entered politics dreaming of having the only presidential library with an extensive collection of cake farting videos.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Sixteen

Scientists learned to harness the power created by elderly people trying to use their computers and the energy crisis was solved.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Seventeen

Like all highly trained ninjas Psychotic Kid had to make sure never to pick his nose with his 'finger of death'.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Eighteen

Trapped on a ship full of creepy children and alien warlords Amazing Ed vowed to survive and sell the movie rights to his story.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Nineteen

Commander Infinity could crush lumps of coal into diamonds, but he wouldn't because it was tantamount to socialism.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Twenty

In the end the Cheerleaders of the Wasteland decided the new girl's perkiness more than made up for her horrifying mutations.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Twenty One

In 2012 the Mayans revealed the whole calendar thing was just a plot to plague the world with bad movies.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Twenty Two

Like many paranoids with delusions of godhood she had a natural proclivity for blogging and talk radio.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Twenty Three

The Cyclops Brothers Detective Agency always kept an eye out for crime.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Twenty Four

It always pained him that he was so scrawny he was always picked last, at least until the day the cannibals attacked.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Twenty Five

The manager was short-staffed but his wife loved him anyway.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Twenty Six

Captain Eagle of the Space Patrol was captured and brought to the torture planet of Agon-Y.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Twenty Seven

There is a social networking site for Colonoscopy Addicts- it isn't exactly called 'Facebook'.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Twenty Eight

Chuck's secret for staying thin was what he called 'nature's candy' but what everyone else referred to as 'his own boogers'.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Twenty Nine

Lots of employees have sex on the boss's desk but Gary and Melanie should have waited for him to go home first

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Thirty

Schrödinger's Tube allowed you to view videos of things that might have happened.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Thirty One

The challenge of being a serial killer working in tech support was tricking the callers into killing their pets.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Thirty Two

'Deathcloud' the ninja had turned his irritable bowel syndrome into a calling card of sorts.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Thirty Three

And his final words were, “I was wrong... you don't look fat in those jeans.”

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Thirty Four

When the Local Heroes fought the Carnival of Doom the battles were in tents.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Thirty Six

Once he had dreamed women every night, now he only dreamed of donuts, his libido had taken a powder.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Thirty Seven

When fossil fuels ran out NASCAR tried to replace cars with lamas but it wasn't the same and the pits stops were disgusting.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Thirty Eight

Tara's hopes for Barbados were dashed when the she saw the guests for the Fat Guys In Speedos convention begin to arrive.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Thirty Nine

Once again he failed to become an Internet sensation, another tale of heartbreak on the boulevard of broken memes.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Forty

"Faith can change the world," Jason Magwier explained, "that's the terrifying thing about it."

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Forty One

When he learned that she too had a love of auto-erotic asphyxiation he was almost too choked up to speak.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Forty Two

In his dream Sasha Grey was a guest on the Muppet Show. It brought new meaning to the term Gonzo Performance.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Forty Three

Since the only way to advance in the Council of Mystagogues was either via thesis or assassination- it was publish or perish.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Forty Four

Like most vampires he wove a web of schemes and sycophants, surprisingly iPhone had an app to help him keep track of them all.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Forty Five

“Only good looking rich dudes are sex addicts, the rest of us are just fat guys with too much porn.”

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Forty Six

Most workplaces banned the use of time machines to keep employees from extending their 15 minute breaks by years.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Forty Seven

Scarlet Squid was a famous big city superhero, but years of watching anime had left Psychotic Kid with no instinct but to attack.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Forty Eight

Once people with cancer sued cigarette companies it was only logical that long time virgins would sue the makers of Star Trek.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Forty Nine

Once Geppetto bought a laptop and router Pinocchio could finally go wireless.

5 Second Fiction Five Hundred and Fifty

Brian had a gym membership and a World of Warcraft account but used both a little too infrequently.