Cornered and bewildered by the harsh light he stops momentarily to assess his predicament. Wriggling in the mildewed corner where two columns of neatly stacked concrete blocks meet in the wall that configures my cell is a German cockroach. His slender conical shape is stymied by the lack of crevices in which to advance...
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and One
Like most techs he performed his regular duties with a combination of skill, caffeine and quiet desperation.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Two
An online booking error resulted in Eric and his pals spending Spring Break in Amish country.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Three
Lenny knew that in a country where competitive eating was treated like an actual sport anything was possible.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Four
Morbidly obese Special Agent Mario Krump found it difficult to blend in at the Phish concert.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Five
Some superheroes could punch through time, Professor Mystical could pelt metaphysical concepts with loogies.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Six
She wouldn't shave her legs and he wouldn't shave his beard; the rasping noise of their lovemaking upset the cat.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Seven
It was an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini that she shoplifted with relative ease.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Eight
"What is a poem?" Zeth said, "A poem is a prayer in the darkness that cries out 'Remember Me' again and again."
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Nine
The Cheerleaders of the Wasteland escaped the mud by making a rope from their clothes. It was the greatest 5 Second Fiction ever.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Ten
Somehow his journey down the road of vengeance led him to the off-ramp of horrific groin injuries.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Eleven
It was the worst hangover of Lorelei's life but she had been warned that tequila and Theosophy did not mix.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Twelve
The enraged ghosts of Elvis, Bobby Darrin and Frank Sinatra went on a rampage destroying one karaoke bar after another.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Thirteen
Nature Boy the Lord of the Jungle truly began his big city adventure when he found the mini bar in his hotel room.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Fourteen
When superheroes need backup they contacted the woman known as the Consultant- sidekick for hire.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Fifteen
Special Agent Mario Krump loved the smell of tear gas in the morning, because he was a mean son of a bitch.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Sixteen
The details of how he had survived the multi car pile up were spotty, much like his underwear when it was over.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Seventeen
Jason Magwier didn't know how the Cessna had found its way to the spirit world. He mused “An actual plane on the astral plane?”
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Eighteen
In all the stores it was beginning to look a lot like Christmas, unfortunately it was Arbor Day.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Nineteen
Was someone stealing Audra's underwear because they were a pervert or was a pervert trying to make her stop wearing underwear?
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Twenty
The studies offered irrefutable evidence that not only were people getting dumber, their stupidity was becoming weaponized.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Twenty One
All the heroes of River City showed up for Doomsday Girl's funeral, some of the villains too but no one felt much like fighting.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Twenty Two
All the heroes of River City showed up for Doomsday Girl's funeral, some of the villains too but no one felt much like fighting.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Twenty Three
Each twin felt what the other experienced. Prom night was a disaster.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Twenty Four
He was a Retail Messiah, slashing the price of Indulgences and passing the savings on to your soul.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Twenty Five
Keeping a diary was boring so she began writing fan fiction about herself, from these humble beginnings a major religion was born.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Twenty Six
The aliens replaced all the world's leaders with idiot look-a-likes; things actually improved.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Twenty Seven
That night he dreamed of kissing an old girlfriend, coincidentally his wife dreamed she was plucking fuzzy peaches from a tree.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Twenty Eight
“I have no patience with computers,” Isobel said, “you stare too long into an operating system and it stares into you.”
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Twenty Nine
It was the fifteenth annual time travelers convention, tomorrow was the sixteenth annual time travelers convention.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Thirty
They tried to cure is impotence with a computerized implant but the firmware failed.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Thirty One
He worked as a cliff diver, bear wrestler and stunt driver; anything to avoid working in a call center.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Thirty Two
They caught pneumonia making love in the rain but they would tell you it wasn't phlegm they were coughing up. It was desire.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Thirty Three
With Captain Hero gone there was nothing to stop Psychotic Kid from doing things his way, so the rest of the team hid his costume.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Thirty Four
Very few ax murderers can succeed as corporate supervisors but those that do have teams with the highest productivity levels.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Thirty Five
Gary didn't see the point of getting the dishwasher fixed as long as they had a dog.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Thirty Six
The 80 year old coprophiliac's fetish for telemarketers caused them to create a Do Not Call list of their own.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Thirty Seven
CGI allows elements of two films to be blended but should the cast of Wizard of Oz met the plot of Cannibal Holocaust?
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Thirty Eight
All the bathroom walls in town advised Greg to call Sue for a good time and he had to admit she was a Hell of a canasta player.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Thirty Nine
The best part of there being no afterlife was the chance to get in the last word.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Forty
The worst part about there being an afterlife was the long lines for everything.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Forty One
The best part of there being an afterlife was the chance to finally get in those long delayed apologies.
Second Fiction Six Hundred and Forty Two
The worst part of there being no afterlife was the lives wasted in anticipation.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Forty Three
It wasn't until an army of giant robots attacked the junior prom that Kevin began to suspect his father was a super hero.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Forty Four
To keep her husband she had her chin tucked and her nose trimmed but then she really wasn't the woman he'd fallen in love with.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Forty Five
It was just like Audra to bring witchcraft to a gunfight.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Forty Six
Teen heartthrobs and porn stars share equally obsessive fan bases and roughly equal shelf lives.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Forty Seven
It wasn't until his fourth adventure that the Ironcommando discovered that severe allergies and armored battlesuits didn't mix.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Forty Eight
Julie was the kind of beautiful, sexually agressive woman all men dreamed of meeting but where then terrified of if they did.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Forty Nine
This year's reality show hit followed programming executives as they scrambled to create this year's reality show hit.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Fifty
Everyone expected Amazing Ed to fight Fuego over leadership of the team, no one expected him to grease himself so throughly.
Lying on his bunk, Brian ran his fingers across the ceiling of his bedroom. Blue paint dripped from his hands, down his forearms, and onto his bare chest. The paint mingled with red and green stains on his skin...
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Fifty One
Rex struggled to recall the name of the girl he had almost gotten the third base with but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Fifty Two
Amazing Ed explained to the kids that superheroes hid their identities to protect their loved ones, just like strippers.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Fifty Three
Costumes with sculpted rubber and latex muscles might be all the rage but Captain Hero still did sit ups every morning.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Fifty Four
Thane was not afraid of combat because death meant nothing to him and he was not afraid of magic because he had no imagination.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Fifty Five
Very few have mastered the art of making erotic potholders, even fewer will admit to it in polite company.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Fifty Six
All good things must come to an end which is why Billy's accordion recital seemed to go on forever.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Fifty Seven
It wasn't until Karl placed a personal ad looking for a girl with a 'nice rack' that he learned how many dominatrixes were in town.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Fifty Eight
The ninjas had him cornered in an onion field and Fuego just knew it was all going to end in tears.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Fifty Nine
There was no comfort for him, not even in sleep because the darkness behind his eyelids seemed too much like death.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Sixty
Erato quickly learned that, goddess or not, fighting super villains, in her toga was a recipe for disaster... and nudity.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Sixty One
Stan found he got more respect around the office if he began every conversation with the term “Foolish mortal!”
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Sixty Two
Karl prided himself on his perfect recall and pornographic memory and that isn't a misprint.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Sixty Three
For every successful adventurer like Indiana Jones there is a tragedy like the case of Dysentery Smith.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Sixty Four
Jeff's journey brought him to a town where conflicts were still solved the 1980's way – with contests of skill and breakdancing.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Sixty Five
Brazloe tried to intimidate his enemies into leaving by tasering himself, once he lost control of his bowels they did.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Sixty Six
Cyborg hero Rusty Johnson caught the alien sausage factory as it began to collapse on the school bus, suddenly he got an itch.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Sixty Seven
One after the other the grateful school children hugged cyborg hero Rusty Johnson, later he realized one had stolen his wallet.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Sixty Eight
By the time he worked up the nerve to share his feelings with her, she was already sharing her feelings with someone else.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Sixty Nine
The serial killer worked in a discount store and only killed people born under the sign of the fish- he was always slashing Pisces.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Seventy
His affair with the girl from Macy's began as entertainment but quickly moved in to domestics.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Seventy One
Torn between science and religion Stan worried that he worsened global warming every time he touched himself.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Seventy Two
Many writers sell their souls to the Devil but in doing so they become editors.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Seventy Three
The advertisement read 'Erotic Fireplace' and it was obviously a typo- despite that a new fetish was born.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Seventy Four
100 years in the future a flu virus began traveling and mutating via the medium of bad movies; the MANOS strain killed thousands.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Seventy Five
Reading movie and comic book blogs gave him a nightmare about Mario Bava directing a film about Aquaman called 'KRILL BABY KRILL'
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Seventy Six
The only thing more dangerous than a vampire with a foot fetish is a zombie on a moped.”
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Seventy Seven
In the future technology will be indistinguishable from magic, but no one ever needs to reboot a magic wand.
Second Fiction Six Hundred and Seventy Eight
How many hours of decadence are left until the Mayan Apocalypse?
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Seventy Nine
As a young man your orgasms are explosive and your bowel movements are relatively dry, as you grow older this slowly reverses.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Eighty
Like most supervillains he was color blind and obsessive compulsive.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Eighty One
Corporate decided to reduce staff without severance packages by 'accidentally' releasing wild bears into selected office buildings.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Eighty Two
The peace talks broke down when no one could settle on what style of barbecue sauce would be used at the cookout.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Eighty Three
The superhero team decided that buying a private jet was better than trying to get a viking and a cyborg through airport security.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Eighty Four
Hospitalizations are like wars; a sudden outbreak of chaos and fear followed by a period of slow economic recovery.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Eighty Five
Audra DiMico collected conspiracy theories the way other girls collected plastic unicorns.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Eighty Six
They were Clown Scare Investigators but had to change their stationary because the name CSI was already taken.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Eighty Seven
"The difference between a go-go dancer and a stripper is measured by the depth of her thong and the emptiness of your wallet."
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Eighty Eight
Scientists are working on an equation to correlate the relationship between children's' bedtimes and when they actually go to sleep.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Eighty Nine
Most of Zeth's anecdotes ended with the words- "Then I shot him." but no had the nerve to complain about it.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Ninety
The Local Heroes tracked down the Invisible Zeppelin by listening for the sound of birds whacking into the side of it.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Ninety One
Captain Hero returned home to find crime rampant, property values down and the toilet in his secret base hopelessly plugged.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Ninety Two
"The only thing worse than being blogged about is not being blogged about."
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Ninety Three
With a time machine you can truly enjoy a month of Sundays but one Tuesday a week is still more than enough.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Ninety Four
The only thing that made stake outs bearable for Special Agent Mario Krump was his Ez Bake Oven with car port adapter.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Ninety Five
Abner held up the vampire's chamberpot and said, "It's a dead man's potty!"
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Ninety Six
Magwier claimed that the secret for remaining incognito was never to order Chinese take out from the same place twice.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Ninety Seven
Most ATMs have significant cash memory.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Ninety Eight
No one wanted anything to do with the Tooth Fairy's sadistic cousin the Finger Leprechaun.
5 Second Fiction Six Hundred and Ninety Nine
Their lovemaking was ruined when the smooth jazz station playing on the radio suddenly changed formats to all polkas all the time.
5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred
She had memorized the names of all the divine messengers perfectly, you could say she was angel retentive.
