Funeral homes aren't associated with the appropriate, mood-setting venue for a late-night sexual rendezvous.
But that's what a Bluff City man allegedly claims he was embarking upon Tuesday with two women at Tetrick Funeral Home — that is, until the alarm sounded and police arrived to find him inside, bloodied and wearing only his underwear...
click here to read the rest of the article at TIMESNEWS.NET
It kind of annoys me they aren't adapting the stories straight out. I'd love to see a movie version of TOWER OF THE ELEPHANT but this still looks like it could be fun.
IN THIS TWILIGHT
Fully Vested
Chapter Six
By AL BRUNO III
One year in
It was a particularly busy day with very little pause time between calls. Mike didn’t mind much, it just meant the day went by all the quicker. By now he did most of his job unconsciously, asking the questions and filling in the blanks while he thought about other things in the back of his mind.
“Sir. Sir. Why would I have your account number?” The voice to the right side of the cubicle was practically shouting, Mike glanced over to see Raymond getting into an argument with another customer. It seemed like it was impossible for him to speak without getting spittle somewhere, “You need to find it. I can’t help you otherwise. No. No. No. Goodbye.”
Man I miss Cosmos. Mike thought. She had moved on to the receiving department, her desk had stayed empty for about a week. Then Raymond showed up, shaking with anger and smelling like he hadn’t bathed in a week.
Jimmy muted his current call and whispered, “Ray man will you please-”
“Raymond. My name is Raymond.”
“OK Raymond, will you please keep your voice down? We all have to work together.”
Raymond snarled at him, showing off his broken tooth, “Are you gonna tell on me again?”
Jimmy glared back, “If I have to.”
The hygiene issue had been the breaking point for Jimmy. It seemed like Raymond never bathed, and it was obvious that he wore the same clothes day after day. He tried to cover up the rank odor by dousing himself in cheap aftershave but all it did was make his odor even more stomach-twisting. Jimmy had finally complained to the call center manager. That had gotten Raymond bathing but his breath still left a lot to be desired.
Mike had to give Jimmy credit; he hadn’t had the nerve to do anything that might piss Raymond off. The man treated every shift like an eight hour temper tantrum. He shouted at callers, he was surly and unhelpful, sometimes he hung up on people just for the hell of it. He made the days nerve wracking.
“Thank you for calling Trinity Advance Corporation, I am James your Sales and Billing Technologist. How may I be of service to you today?
“Thank you for calling Trinity Advance Corporation, I am Michael your Sales and Billing Technologist. How may I be of service to you today?”
“Trinity Advance. Account number.”
The Trinity Advance Corporation gave its employees free scratch pads and pens. Raymond had a pile of both at his desk and was forever scribbling between and during his calls. His doodles were strange, sharp angles and loose curves clashed and occasionally a word or a name would find its way into the mess. In just a few weeks he had gone through dozens of notepads. As soon as one was filled he threw it into the trash and started on another.
During a pause in the calls Mike said, “Jimmy you talked me into it. I will go to the Christmas party this year.”
“Oh excellent.”
Raymond snorted derisively, “Feeding time at the zoo. They laugh at you every year with your cheap suits and stupid conversations. The open bar just makes it funnier.”
Jimmy shook his head, “Don’t get all bitter on the company just because you got yourself in demoted.”
“This company doesn’t give a crap about us dumbass,” a call came through on Raymond’s line but he simply disconnected it, “We’re just a necessary expense, for now.”
Mike shrugged, “They treat me fine here.”
“Like I said feeding time at the zoo,” Raymond snorted, “free blankets for the Reservation. I know what goes on upstairs. I know what this company is really about.”
Jimmy asked, “If you hate it here, why not just quit?”
“I’m almost fully vested, they can’t fire me. They wouldn’t dare,” a strange haunted look crept into Raymond’s eyes, “they have to take me back.”
The calls started coming in again, “Thank you for calling Trinity Advance Corporation, I am Michael your Sales and Billing Technologist. How may I be of service to you today?
“Thank you for calling Trinity Advance Corporation, I am James your Sales and Billing Technologist. How may I be of service to you today?”
“What do you want?”
The fact that gay marriage becoming legal made National Organization for Marriage leader Brian Brown cry!
...With a frightening metal face, it tells you to "RUN, RUN RUN" and will scream at you like Tom Waits yelling through a McDonald's drive through speaker after getting hot grease on his balls. ..
Price Breaks And Heartaches
A journal of retail and failed romance
Chapter Seven
Al And Tallulah’s Wild Ride
part two
“Now Al,” Paper Shredder store manager Mr. Palmer walked up behind me, “you know that reading books instead of working is the same thing as stealing.”
“Oh I’m sorry sir.” I fumbled the volume back onto the shelves.
“What is it you’re looking at anyway?” He pulled the volume back off the shelf, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting?”
“It’s… a research… for a story about a serial killer baby...”
He rolled his eyes, “I don’t know what kind of person would read a story written by you but I can only feel pity for the twisted blackened remnants of their souls.”
Somehow the fourth wall didn’t collapse and kill us both so I said, “Well I guess I should just get back to work then.”
“I think so.”
I started to leave and turned back, “You have a family don’t you?”
“Yup two kids and another on the way,” he smiled proudly.
“So I guess being a manager is a good deal right?”
Mr. Palmer laughed, “No. I barely make ends meet.”
“Then…” I had to scratch my head, “…Then why are you doing it?”
“Because I can’t find a job anywhere else,” he explained, “managers are salaried but the only way we can meet deadlines is to work at least 60 hours a week. I barely have any quality time at all with my family.”
“Oh.”
“And the only thing the district manager loves to make more than surprise inspections is making managers eat crap sandwiches.”
With every word Mr. Palmer spoke the whites of his eyes showed more and more. I had wanted to ask him about the benefits package and chances for promotion but I was afraid those eyes of his might roll back in his head.
I tried to stay calm, “I guess I should plan for a career somewhere else.”
“Oh you can get a foot in the door here but just be ready to kiss school and your social life goodbye. Every day you’ll die inside just a little bit more until the only way you’ll be able to feel joy is by masturbating in the privacy of your camped office.”
“I am so glad you opened up to me like this.” I backed away, “But I should probably go and unpack some more boxes of romance novels.”
“Sure, sure.” He waved me away, “And has that handbook of nude photography I ordered come in yet?”
“I think… I think it got lost in the mail...”
*
So management wasn’t for me, honestly it was almost a relief, but I still had to wonder what other choices I had. Did I dare go crawling back to Paul DeSanti and try and get a picture truck of my own? I had heard he was branching out into bootleg videos and considering this was the late 80’s that put him pretty far head of the curve.
I thought about talking to one of my friends but I knew that each of them were at the same stage of their lives. Like children we were all taking our first fumbling, uncertain footsteps into the world of adulthood- some of us would soon break into a run to greet those challenges but most of us were poised to go crashing face first into the glass coffee table of maturity.
So what was I going to do? How was I going to take care of the girl of my dreams and the baby that might be?
There was a solution of course, one as obvious as it was scary.
I could join the Army.
