The Nick Of Time (and other abrasions): Oh! Darling

The Nick Of Time (and other abrasions)

Oh! Darling

by

Al Bruno III

They were such a mismatched pair. First there was Jason Magwier- diminutive and scheming, his close cropped hair was dark brown, his gaze was as unblinking as it was mournful. Then there was Zeth- cool-eyed, muscular with his graying dreadlocks tied back with a bit of ribbon, his clothes were loose fitting enough to hide his two shoulder holsters and the blade he kept hidden up his sleeve. When he moved it was with an almost feline grace but his ebony skin was marked with old scars.

The men had many adversaries and a great number of them snidely dismissed Zeth as Magwier’s bodyguard. Both men would bristle at such accusations. After all hadn’t they both been saving each other’s lives for over a decade? Hadn’t they explored countless forgotten realms, fought against otherworldly unstoppable menaces and been banned from almost every poetry slam on the West coast?

All this was true and more, but it didn’t change the fact that at this moment, on the dark and winding street known as Route d'Abbaye, that Zeth was the only thing keeping Magwier from being throttled by his girlfriend.

“The Lunts?” Lorelei shouted. She wore cutoff shorts and garishly striped leggings, her hair was dyed burgundy but the roots were starting to show, “You brought me out here to protect the Lunts?”

Zeth was standing in front of the girl, the silver-plated maul he had slung over his right shoulder looked ridiculous.

“Erm...” Magwier said sheepishly, “...in a manner of speaking, yes.”

“Goddess Damnit!” She dove at her lover, he dodged to safety, “The fucking Lunts?”

“Yes,” Magwier said, “but if you’ll hear me out-”

Lorelei was jumping up and down with rage, “Give me that hammer Zeth! Just for five minutes.”

Zeth shook his head, “No.”

“Give me that hammer or I swear I’ll turn you into a newt.”

“A newt... right.”

“A big black newt but it’ll be a newt!”

The windows of the brownstone houses of Route d'Abbaye were either barred or smashed open, some had lights burning in them but most were dark. A car passed by the trio but didn’t slow until it reached the building at the corner. It was a brothel, with pink curtains and a heavy brass door. It was the only building on Route d’Abbaye with a fire escape and Zeth watched it closely worrying that their argument might attract snipers or spies.

The unhappy couple circled each other. “Now, now,” Magwier said. “I told you Dr. Flesh is on a paid killing spree. I just didn’t have the time to specify his targets.”

Zeth rolled his eyes.

“You always do this!” Lorelei spoke through clenched teeth, “You give us little nibbles but never enough to let us see the full story.”

Magwier paused and stared off philosophically, “Maybe there is no big story. Maybe life is just a series of vignettes we can only try to make sense of.”

That only made Lorelei madder, she tried to kick him with her clunky boots but he was too fast, “I am not going to risk my neck for that clan of inbred, monkey-worshipping pigfuckers!”

Zeth snickered at that. He didn’t like Jason Magwier’s latest lover all that much but he had to admit the girl had a way with words.

“Please-” Magwier said, “I think you’re judging the situation too harshly.”

“The Lunts are a pack of criminals, corrupt sorcerers and Constables.”

“They’re not all like that. One of them is a Notary Public.”

“They killed my father, tried to assassinate my mother and have been gunning for me since I was twelve. And of course how could we forget the very bottom of the Lunt family gene pool- Jack Diamond? I guess this means that we’re going to try and save the man that beat me eight ways to Sunday and tried to rape one of my best friends?”

Magwier shrugged, “In a manner of speaking.”

“We should have killed him by now. I should have killed him.”

This was a familiar argument. Lorelei wanted Jack Diamond dead and wasn’t afraid to do the job herself. She wasn’t even twenty yet but she’d taken more lives than she cared to think about. She liked to think most had deserved it. “They’re evil,” she said, “and utterly ruthless.”

Magwier stopped so suddenly that Lorelei crashed into him, “Exactly. So who would dare try and kill them all? What if it’s someone worse? What if they succeed?”

It seemed like all of the street had gone quiet. Lorelei opened and closed her mouth several times before sighing with resignation, “What’s the plan?”

“Well,” Magwier said, “we’ve got the hammer.”

Now it was Zeth’s turn to sigh heavily, “So you did plan that whole thing.”

“Only in the sense that I saw it coming,” Magwier started walking, knowing they would follow, “next we recover the Xenon Splinter then we deal with Dr. Flesh.”

Lorelei asked, “And how are we going to do that?”

A carriage passed them by, the horses that drew it had seen better days. Jason Magwier flashed a cryptic smile, “Well, that’s a whole other vignette isn’t it?”

Then he crossed the street. His friend and his lover had to hurry after him. Lorelei caught up to him first. “Oh! Darling,” she said.

“Yes, my sweet?” Magwier turned, his arms already opening for a forgiving embrace.

And Lorelei laid him out flat with a single punch.

And Zeth was content to let her do so. After all, he wasn’t Magwier’s bodyguard.