Fully Employed But Half Awake

This is not simply a blog entry, oh no.

This is part of today's struggle a delaying tactic if you will.

I am still at work and about to fall asleep at my desk.

mmmmmmm... sleep....

It wasn't that I stayed up to late, I am nothing if not responsible. It's just that I was awoken by the sensation of my face being furiously licked and sadly the culprit was not Jessica Alba or Judge Marilyn Milian but my big eyed dog Jake. I patted Jake on the head and ushered him away. Then I tried to get back to sleep but it was no use, I had been awoken. I checked the clock radio, it was three AM. I groaned audibly and pounded my fist against the mattress. The minor commotion disturbed my wife and half-awake she grumbled "You're supposed to do that in your office."

Awkward.

So now here I am, struggling to stay conscious as the workday ticks by slowly... numbingly... soothingly... so soothingly...

just a few minutes... I'll just close my eyes for a few minutes...

But no! I can't do that. That's the trap, I know that if I close my eyes for what I promise yourself will just be a moment the next thing I know I'll find myself waking up from lying face first on my keyboard, my face slicked with my own drool. I drool a lot when I sleep, I drool like Paris Hilton at a rich douchebag convention. Besides I know the minute I nod off my boss or any number of corporate underlings will come wandering into my cubicle for one reason or another.

So I sit here typing away, pausing only for the occasional blackou-


mustn't... black... out...

...or steal dialogue from Frank Miller comic books.

I'm no stranger to falling asleep at work, it doesn't matter what the job I had I feel asleep there at least once. I once fell asleep while manning a cash register in the middle of an afternoon rush. All I know is that I started to get drowsy at 1:30 and the next thing I knew it was 2:45- I still have no idea what happened during that missing hour and fifteen minutes but oddly enough my cash drawer was perfectly even that day. I rare occurrence for me.

When I worked in an office supply store I would frequently drowse off in an office furniture display while 'straightening it'- I guess it was kind of practice for now eh kids?

and my dreams, brief and disturbing... am at home dreaming of my job or at my job dreaming of home?

And I really do dream of work an awful lot really, maybe that's why I'm so comfortable sleeping here. Maybe its just getting even, maybe its just a sign of old but where I once dreamed I was a character in a particularly Freudian episode of Doctor Who or the X-Files I now dream that I'm on a quest to figure out where the latest productivity meeting is. Where I once dreamed of banging away on Cindy Crawford or Angela Lansbury I now find my dream self trying to bang a toner cartridge into a dirty photocopier- a dirty dirty photocopier. Where I once dreamed I was a long haired Adonis I now dream that I am a long haired Adonis with a clip on tie.

why is it the more tired I get the more offensive and surreal my material gets, like a tiny Nazi riding on a mule wearing a spangled turban...

It is an amazing and cruel thing to be perfectly awake at 3 AM watching infomercials and dead to the world at 3PM when you are supposed to be enhancing shareholder value. I try to give my energy a boost by having sugary snack, there are no shortage of sugary snacks around my workplace. I believe it is an insidious plan by my corporate masters to make us too bloated to leave our cubicles. I can almost see my future self so bloated that he cannot move from his ergonomic chair, kept alive and working via a company that pays us in insulin. Of course we will passing the savings on to our customers.

barely awake now... dreaming of Nutty Buddy bars...

I promise myself that when I get home I'll go straight to bed but that's a lie; dogs need to be walked, then re-walked, my daughter needs to be made to do her homework - reason is rarely effective , the threat of waterboarding has been a rousing success, my wife will most likely yell at me for gently mocking her on the Internet. And really I shouldn't mock her because of all the women I have made love to she is the only one that never shouted "What the HELL are you doing?"

Oh yeah. She's a keeper.

My daughter's homework is a major stumbling block as well, I don't remember my homework being quite so intricate when I was nine years old. Then again I did have to take my classes in the boiler room with the other 'creative' students. Now once my daughter gets focused she does great but getting her to that point seems to take a long exhausting time. Before I know it it's 8:30 and time to take out the garbage and maybe clean the catbox, sure it might make more sense to do those chores in reverse but that's just not how I roll.

Before I can go to bed however I first spend some time with the missus then try to add a write a few pages. It could be anything, my blog, my writing, my ever growing enemies list.

You bastards know who you are.

Then I go to bed but I know I won't make it through the night, something will wake me up at 3 AM even if it is the sound of my own snoring.

waking up now ...I can think again...

Well I managed to stay awake, the brain activity involved in working on this little project is just what I needed.

Of course now that you're read this there is a good chance I've put YOU to sleep.

Forgive Me If I Go Out On A Limb Here...

Now here is an idea for a Helluva Double Feature!

Ah if only my parents had been millionaires that had died young. I would either have been a costumed crime fighter or opened my own movie theater to show movies that I thought were worth seeing - the classics, the obscure and the new and interesting would all have a home there.

And every Saturday night there would be a double feature. Here is one of the ones I think would be great...

PLANET TERROR and THE MACHINE GIRL






Here are two stories of women that turn from victims to agents of destruction, here are two stories set in worlds where the laws and physics, physiology and rational behavior have no power. These are films that titillate and mutilate. They are the the direct decedents of Sam Rami's Xena and Evil Dead series Both oddly enough feature heroines that are maimed and then weaponized. The villains in Planet Terror are zombies and slowly mutating soldiers. The villains in The Machine Girl are ninjas and mobsters prone to wearing drill bras. These are some real crowd pleasers with delirious action and some moments of humor that are as odd as they are charming. These are the perfect movies to watch with some friends, so long as it isn't your local church group. (then again...)

If you haven't seen either of these flicks yet, they're both out on DVD. Give them a try.

Let The Right One In (Låt den rätte komma in) Out On DVD today

OK here is a link to start us out...

http://www.lettherightoneinmovie.com/

And here is the trailer



And lastly here is my previous review

http://albruno3.blogspot.com/2009/01/let-right-one-in-lt-den-rtte-komma-in.html

I have spoken at length about this film and I can't recommend it and buying/renting it enough. If you like any of my strange weird tales I have here and on my web page then you are going to love this film. This film (and the book) tells the kind of story I have been trying to tell most of my life and does so beautifully and subtly.

See it as soon as you can folks.

(I would also recommend a triple feature of this film, DONNIE DARKO and BETTER OFF DEAD if you want to understand the teenage years of Al Bruno III)

Thanks again for listening.

oh and before I forget...

Keep circulating the blog!

Show it to your friends and relatives and for God's sake show it to and English instructor because I have; no idea how to use; a semi colon.

See?

Day of the Deadly Do-Over

Hey folks... I'm just tingering around with the layout of Heartbreak with Monsters. I figured since the thing was so darn long I would try to break it up into parts like the other longer stories are here... sorry no new material to share today...

Friday Wrap Up

1.) Pick Your Nightmares Carefully

Last night I had a dream that I was wandering the streets of downtown Albany, much like I did back in my early twenties. Most the the landmarks of that era of my life are gone now - QE2, Fantaco, Quintessence, Midnight Comics.

Of course dreams make up their own geographies so there I was again, wandering around late at night with my friends Wayne and Adam. It was a pleasant dream and a nostalgic one.

Then the sound began, a hollow piping that seemed to bleed out of nowhere. At first we ignored it, we were too busy making snarky comments and plans for a three AM breakfast at Dennys.

But the sound pursed us, it grew stronger drowning out the sounds of the street and the pulsing music of QE2. I tried to make a wisecrack about the daemon fluting that lulls Azathoth into sleep but the high pitched sound swallowed my voice.

And I ran, leaving my friends behind and bolting across Central Avenue, heading for the park. Lost in the logic of the dream world I sought to lose myself in the dark and shadows there but how can you hide from a sound, a sound that pursues you relentlessly. A sound that seems to bear down upon you like a physical thing?

I awoke with a kind of relief, just like the old cliche it had all been a dream.

But the sound was still there and my heart started racing again. Was this one of those dreaded double wake ups?

No. I was awake and the sound was there with me.

In me. In my skull.

It was a whistling booger.

Funny I know but at least this was a nightmare I could squelch easily, all I needed was one finger.

2.) There's No Business Like Snow Business

I am still trying to make sure all installments of In The Shadow Of His Nemesis are ready to go before I start work on anything else but this week made it hard to get anything done at all.

It was the snow, snow that caused two days of school cancellations and a two hour delay the next. It left my wife and I scrambling to alter our work schedules to accommodate this sudden need for child care. We did pretty well overall I think but it left my writing schedule in a shambles.

But any time I get to spend a few extra hours with my daughter is great so I have no complaints, we talked, made some drawings and played some Wii Golf.

And I beat her at it IN YOUR FACE KIDDO!!!!!

Sorry but I just wanted to let you all know out there that I haven't abandoned my tales of my shady past and of Star Wars fans fighting zombies.

3.) Happy Birthday

This week saw my daughter Rebecca and my brother Josh have their birthdays this week. So I decided to let the whole damn Internet know how much I love them and how great it is they have their whole lives ahead of them.

And don't forget that I might need one of your kidneys soon OK?

4.) The Sweet Sting Of Bromance

Speaking of making unwanted announcements to cyberspace (Do they still call the Internet that?) I thought I would mention that my pal Love Boat (Not his real name.) moved back to New York recently and you know what?

He was my best friend and I never realized. He has been part of my life for 15 years and I never told him that. Then again us men folk rarely mention such things anyway.

Well I am saying it now. Godspeed Love Boat, I will see you online but you will be missed.

5.) Let The Right One In

I just finished reading John Ajvide Lindqvist's novel Let The Right One In. Now I have raved and raved about the film but let me now tell you the novel is a different animal in many ways but it is just as awesome. This book is a keeper folks, it won't wind up at the used bookstore until well after my death. Read it if you get a chance.

I think that is just about everything for now as my old man likes to say catch ya later.

CINEMATIC TITANIC PRESENTS BLOOD OF THE VAMPIRES

This week I have been snowed in, yelled at, set back and the damn dog tried to attack be while me and the missus were trying to enjoy a little 'quality time' (Actually I call it 'quality time', she calls it 'get this drooling idiot off me!')

But regardless of that, I now have cause for joy because the latest Cinematic Titanic is coming out March!

This time that have chosen to shine their comic brilliance upon the horror film Blood of the Vampires.


Here is the teaser trailer for it. I laughed till I cried. (I cried because I can't afford to order the damn thing until next week!)




If you aren't enjoying these DVDs yet do yourself a favor and order them- better these guys get your hard earned cash than Michael Bay.

Now if you want to give your cash to me...