Price Breaks And Heartaches
A journal of retail and failed romance
Remaindered, Rejected And Irreconcilable
It didn’t take long for me to fall right back into all my old habits- making mix tapes, watching Doctor Who reruns and masturbating.
But not all at the same time. I’m not that screwed up people.
It had been a week since I lowered the boom on Tallulah and I was miserable. I had even called her a few times but her family always told me she wasn’t home. I wondered if she’d already found someone else, if she had goaded me into breaking up with her so she could move on to her new guy without feeling guilty.
I spent a lot of time hating her that week. There wasn’t anyone I could talk to about what I was feeling. If I told any of my friends about the breakup they would waste no time trying to catch her on the rebound. If I tried to talk to any of the men in my family I would be mocked over my whininess. Trust me folks, you haven’t lived until you’ve had a parent call you a pussy.
Yes, I wanted to cry but I wouldn’t let myself. I thought that if I did it would just another sign of how big a failure I was.
Imagine how surprised I was to find Tallulah at the door to my room that day.
“Making mix tapes?” she asked. There was a trace of that old smile on her face.
“I’m feeling kind of inspired right now,” I said.
At this moment I was sure that I had won whatever power struggle that had been going on for the last month or so. Within seconds my brain was telling me that my girl was back and she was back to stay. I was already making plans for us to be buried in adjacent graves when I got to my feet and tried to take her in my arms.
She stepped back and handed me a gaily wrapped package, “I got you a Christmas present a few weeks ago, I thought you might still want it.”
“Oh thanks!” I tore the wrapping open and found myself holding a novelization of the Doctor Who story the Twin Dilemma. Of course I already had a copy but I sure as Hell wasn’t going to tell her that. I only wished I hadn’t returned her gifts and used the money to buy blank cassette tapes.
“Do you want to go out for a bite to eat?” I asked, “Maybe we could just talk...”
“No. No. This isn...” she couldn’t look at me, “This isn’t going to work out.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“I just wanted to say goodbye.”
She nodded, “Goodbye.”
“No.” I fell to my knees. Honest to God I fell to my knees and groveled, “Don’t do this. Don’t.”
She was already heading for the door, “It’s over Al.”
“Why? Why did you do this? Where you playing games with me all along?”
“I wanted to see…” Tallulah said, “I wanted to see what it would take for you to act like a man.”
That left me speechless. I watched her walk away. I listened to the sound of the front door slamming and the roar of her car’s engine as she backed out of the driveway.
When I found my voice again I spoke to an empty room, “I would have loved you forever.”
And just like that our wild ride was over.