Wednesday, December 7, 2011
(Insane News) "Hungry Swedes queue up for Obamas sausage"
"Obamas" - written without an apostrophe in accordance with Swedish grammatical custom - serves falafel, kebab and sausages, prepared and served by Amro and Soumia Hawary, who opened up shop almost three years ago.
“I named it Obamas because I really like the American president Obama,” said owner Amro Hawary to The Local.
“I have followed his career since he was in Chicago, a few years before he was president.”
You can't see Obamas from the main road and there is not a lot of traffic flow to help you find your way. But, thankfully, there is a giant Obama head on a "Falafel, kebab and sausage" sign on the main road, directing the way to the little cart...
(Insane News) "Cowboys round up 'ninja cow"
Plattsmouth's long ninja nightmare came to a close Wednesday afternoon when a cow that had been roaming its streets since mid-September was finally corralled.
Police Chief Steve Rathman said the animal — dubbed the ninja cow because it grazed on lush city lawns at night and then vanished when people approached — was captured about 1 p.m. on the north side of town. Terry Grell of Louisville, Neb., Neil Johnson of Nehawka, Neb., and Gregg Eisenbarth of Plattsmouth caught the cow on horseback.
Grell said the trio tracked the cow in the morning, moved her into an open area with a trailer nearby and then allowed her to calm down before using their ropes for the capture. The cow calmly walked into the trailer for a ride to Grell's place outside of Louisville.
“It's nice that the she was taken care of without harm,” Rathman said. “We did everything in our power to humanely capture (the cow) and I'm very glad it ended as it did...”
(Recommended Hotness) A plus-sized red-headed pole dancer? OH HELL YEAH!!!!
Flicking her bright red hair back, she swings up onto the pole, her thighs gripping the metal while the the audience cheers in applause.
At 252 pounds, LuAyne Barber - stage name Lulu - is not your average pole dancer.
But her ample body, a U.S. size 22, does not hold her back from the lifts, spins, slides, stands and grips that define the dance form's athletic routines....
...She recalls how, when younger, she did not eat well - and though she wasn't teased at school, she soon became 'ashamed' of her body.
The 'poling' classes changed her outlook: 'I was instantly hooked. It was the first time I'd felt sexy in years.'
Writing on her site, Team-Lulu.com, the mother-of-two says she balances training on the 8-foot metal poles with her family life. She even has a practice pole installed in her home.
And while Lulu has gained something of a fanbase and has a YouTube channel dedicated to her increasingly ambitious moves, her husband, plumber Will Brown, 29, remains her number one fan...
...the Polycystic Ovary Syndrome sufferer has turned her hobby into a charity venture, too, with proceeds from Battle of the Pole Dance Studios she organises helping to raise money towards PCOS research.
...
The dancer, who is yet to win a title, runs workshops and writes that she 'is not giving up her dream of becoming pro.'...
For more visit her site TEAM LULU
You go girl!
(Insane News) The Diaper/Dominatrix Defense
...The case was unusual from the start.
In January 2004, Mr. Petraitis, 69, and Sandra Rinella, 47, were accused of hiring Ms. Rinella’s former husband, Kerry Anderson, who was a biker and former convict, to kill the businessman’s wife of almost 40 years.
The defence insist the plot was only a sexual role-playing game that Mr. Petraitis engaged in with his dominatrix mistress, Ms. Rinella, whom he paid.
One clue comes from Mr. Petraitis wearing a diaper during his first meeting with the would-be hit man….
THE COLD INSIDE (a serial novel) Chapter Five part one
THE COLD INSIDE
Chapter Five
part one
By AL BRUNO III
Tuesday November 8, 1994
The Carvale Home for the Elderly and the Infirm was a labyrinth of brightly painted walls and florescent lights. It had won awards for its standard of quality service and been mentioned favorably in newspapers and medical journals. Tristam hated there, he loathed it. He wanted nothing more than to spend the hour before his mother went home locked in the car- locked in the trunk even. Anything was better than being trapped in here. The place made his skin crawl. The people here- ‘the consumers’ as his mother called them- they were so old, so feeble. Tristam could barely stand to look at them. He felt like a character in a zombie movie, surrounded by shambling nightmares on all sides.
Tristam sat in his mother’s office, his math book open, his homework already half done. His mother was off visiting one of the residents, administering her daily dose of therapy. Carol Bloom was an Occupational Therapist; she helped stroke victims relearn things like holding a spoon, tying their shoes and getting dressed. Her job was commonly confused with Physical Therapy which was the same thing but different. She always said that the Occupational Therapists did all the work and the Physical Therapists got all the glory. Tristam had never really understood the difference himself but it was one of Mom’s favorite things to rant about. She could probably complain about it in her sleep.
With a shake Tristam realized that he’d been zoning out, just staring at the algebraic equation before him. Back to work. He thought, Let's get this over with now so we can watch some TV tonight.
Four problems later Tristam realized that he was being watched. One of the residents was staring at him through his mother’s open office door. It was an old man in t-shirt, slippers and sweat pants. He was bent and wrinkly, he looked like a dying tree. Tristam looked back down at his textbook but it was too late. He’d made eye contact.
“You workin?” He took tentative, shuffling footsteps into the office, “Schoolwork?”
The one rule Tristam had learned in dealing with irritable dogs and confused old farts was to show no fear, “Ms. Bloom isn’t here now, if you come back later she can-”
“Had a job when I was your age,” he smiled gumily, “had two.”
“I’d love to talk but this homework isn’t going to do itself so-”
“You look like a strong boy. You gonna join the army?”
“I hadn’t thought about it really.” Tristam searched the doorway for his mother, a nurse, anybody who could save him before the old man actually touched him.
“Maybe the Marines? I was in the Marines,” the old man gave Tristam’s bicep a playful squeeze.
Oh God.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
In some ways I feel the Sifl and Olly version of the Cars 'Just What I Needed' is superior to the original...
Then again I do love puppets...
Is it a screwdriver Sonic Screwdriver or a Sonic Screwdriver screwdriver?
ThinkGeek is now offering a die-cast screwdriver in the shape of the Sonic Screwdriver from Doctor Who. It lights up, makes sounds and is $30. It is brilliant, and I absolutely adore ThinkGeek for creating it and offering it for purchase.
(Insane News Double Feature) Would you rather have a robot girlfriend or a pet wooly mammoth?
Both articles are from BUZZFEED
Lets start with the robot chick shall we?
And now the article and image from TREEHUGGER.COM
Thousands of years ago, Wooly mammoths were pretty much wiped off the face of the Earth from a likely combination of climate change and over-hunting from humans. But now, about 450 generations after our ancestors armed themselves with sharpened sticks to kill mammoths, scientists are now working to revive them -- and they're actually incredibly close to doing it. Japanese and Russian researchers are suggesting that in just five short years the currently extinct Wooly mammoth may roam again thanks to advancements in cloning science, offering a bit of hope for countless other species that have already perished at the hands of humans.
A report from PhysOrg outlines the surprisingly-easy sounding process of bringing an extinct species back to life:
By replacing the nuclei of egg cells from an elephant with those taken from the mammoth's marrow cells, embryos with mammoth DNA can be produced, Kyodo said, citing the researchers. The scientists will then plant the embryos into elephant wombs for delivery, as the two species are close relatives, the report said...
Monday, December 5, 2011
Tales of paranormal romance for people that couldn't get laid in high school!
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| (a novella) Click here to read |
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| (a vignette) Click here to read |
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| Click here to read |
